My (28F) boyfriend (28M) isnt masculine enough for me. Give him time or break up?

CountTheBees · 2024-05-15T22:36:36+00:00

The real question is, are you feminine enough for the masculine guy you want? If not, you're breaking up for a guy you can't even get.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-05-15T22:48:40+00:00

I have a strong personality. I'm independent, opinionated, and absolutely willing to bring citations to a debate. I was always afraid I'd steamroll any man I met. When I met my husband, our literal first disagreement was about how we always did what he wanted and he always got his way. Over the years, that's improved, but no one's perfect. I'd still prefer this to feeling like the leader all the time, even at my most frustrated.

Picture the bad months. Would you rather be running yourself ragged making all the decisions, earning all the money, scheduling all the outings? Or would you prefer to be ticked off because you're staying in a hotel he agreed not to stay in with his nieces down the hall, because they'll ding-dong-ditch you all night? Which is worse? All attributes come with their upsides and downsides. No human is going to get it right all the time, so don't just picture the positives, like independence and always getting to choose what's on the radio. As others are mentioning, he will not change. He also shouldn't have to, if he's happy as he is and the issue is just incompatibility.

Inner_Expression_593 · 2024-05-15T22:21:32+00:00

He is 28, doubtful he is going to get more masculine at this point. 4 months isn’t that long to be together. If you feel like this now I doubt it will get better.

riplan0 · 2024-05-16T00:02:37+00:00

Four months of dating but how long were yall friends before? In my experience, a man has work ethic and masculinity or he doesn’t, it usually takes no more than a week (and honestly, that’s pushing it in my opinion) of knowing a guy to figure out which he is. I would advise you to break up with him and start the search again, whilst also focusing on being as feminine as possible for yourself. You seem to see femininity as being related to independence, but that doesn’t have to be the case; focusing on your appearance being feminine is a good first step, then the way you talk and act. Good luck!!

StunningSort3082 · 2024-05-15T22:42:54+00:00

Can you elaborate? Does he not make enough, work too little and/or not have the type of job you’d like?

Do you want him to take initiative on himself or on the relationship?

You’ll also need to explain caring about his appearance, because I don’t see that has a feminine trait. I know plenty of masculine men that care significantly about their appearance and health.

thesillymachine · 2024-05-16T01:06:22+00:00

I have to wonder if you have realistic expectations.

I agree with what you're saying, but I also think we need more information on what specifically makes him feminine. What is a good work ethic in your eyes? Not everyone is going to want to bite at every promotional opportunity they get and not everyone is going to want to hop companies seeking to get the higher buck for their time and effort. Neither of those things mean they lack a work ethic or ambition.

2024-05-15T23:18:29+00:00

It sounds like you’re looking at all the things he isn’t. Have you tried looking for ways he IS masculine. Perhaps changing your perspective might help you decide.

2024-05-15T22:31:15+00:00

Unless he takes more initiative and shows more drive himself independently, so if it comes from you prompting him, it won't be/feel more masculine than it is now - as you've had to instigate it

rosesonthefloor · 2024-05-16T04:58:18+00:00

Was he always like this (and you knew that getting into the relationship), or was this something you found out after starting to date?

And have you talked to him about this to get a sense of where his head is at? Have you discussed long term career goals, and his thoughts on how he’d like to get there? Where does he see himself in 5 years? Those are all things that might help you figure out whether or not you align.

But realistically, if you don’t feel like you can trust his judgement enough to let him handle the things on his paper and pull your focus back on yours, you may simply be incompatible.

I do sympathize - I dated a guy after being friends for a while, and being friends vs dating him was very different. Sometimes you can be great friends and care a lot about someone, but just not be each other’s best fit in a relationship. And that’s okay - it doesn’t make either of you bad people. Just not a fit.

I will say though that having your own job, place, etc. doesn’t automatically make you masculine. You still have the power to make your man feel wanted, needed, loved, and special regardless - because it’s about how you make him feel, and that’s not necessarily tied to you actually needing him to provide for financially.

An independent woman can still make space in her life for a man, and can still be vulnerable and feminine and receptive while also having her shit handled.

Basedtradwife · 2024-05-16T06:16:47+00:00

You might be the one who is too masculine. Step into your feminine energy. You need to let a good man lead and put trust in him. Women often emasculate their partners and we don't even know it. Look inwards! I had to learn this.

EstablishmentFunny42 · 2024-05-16T09:49:02+00:00

Move on if you have to ask this question, you are just not that attracted to him.

Twilight_Rose99 · 2024-05-16T12:37:32+00:00

You, as a woman, have no idea how to evaluate masculinity. Zero. What’s more important is how he makes YOU FEEL. When you’re with him do you feel protected? Lead? Guided? Provided for? Valued? Are you allowing yourself to feel those things? If not, then that’s the work you have to do. Lean back and allow him to do those things for you instead of forcing him to (topping from the bottom).

TheBunk_TB · 2024-05-16T12:59:31+00:00

Weird question: Do you want a man?

fulltimeheretic · 2024-05-15T23:47:09+00:00

Follow Jake Woodard on instagram. He does a good job at first helping you identify if your lack of femininity is the core issue and how to invite your man to be more masculine.

Cosima_Fan_Tutte · 2024-05-16T01:18:52+00:00

This excellent theory post about relationship dynamics and dominance levels might be helpful to you: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/s/gxAAy2WKDc

ZainaJenkins · 2024-05-16T05:36:04+00:00

You can NEVER change a man.

Chuudo · 2024-05-16T06:03:43+00:00

Do you truly want him or do you want him to fit into your ideology?

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-05-16T09:21:25+00:00

Living alone, paying all your bills and being independent do not make you masculine. Reading your comments, I think the problem is that you run away from softness (your own and others). How long was your longest relationship? This one is definitely salvageable, but you need to go into a deep dive into redpillwomen to figure out exactly what you want + how it can materialize. Meanwhile please do not utter a word of this to your boyfriend.

pinacoladathrowup · 2024-05-16T01:40:33+00:00

He's not going to change, he's a full grown adult. Men with no work ethic make me 🤮! They're not who you want to raise children with.

He'll put in just as little effort into a family and life with you as he does with his career. A man who cares little for working is a bum. You're not a bum, so don't take care of a bum.

You have all the time in the world to be with someone who you actually like! Don't waste years on a guy who is 28 and still acting like a boy.

AutoModerator · 2024-05-15T22:12:22+00:00

Title: My (28F) boyfriend (28M) isnt masculine enough for me. Give him time or break up?

Author Vivid-Show-6112

Full text: Hi everyone.Long time lurker, first time posting (will try to answer the required questions as best as i can!). So as the title says, i really wish my boyfriend was more masculine and by this i mean i wish he had a better work ethic, took initiative more, and cared less about his appearance. I know i have the tendency to be masculine as i live alone, pay all my bills, and have always been super independent (i had no other choice). Ive tried to mitigate this by trying not to take the lead as much but im not sure if we are just incompatible. We were friends before dating, and have been dating for four months now. I really want a hard working masculine man and i dont know if i should get to know my boyfriend better or see if he has this quality or just move on as i know im not getting any younger. I love and care about him deeply and he treats me nicely but im really just not sure. Does anyone have experience with this?

Sorry if this is too long.

TL:DR not sure if my boyfriend not being masculine enough warrants a breakup

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ArdentBandicoot · 2024-05-16T05:03:28+00:00

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ResidentEnergy5263 · 2024-05-17T06:30:06+00:00

You're not going to change another person so I think the real question is are you happy with him? Can you imagine a life with this person? Also re: his work ethic, can't tell from your post if he has a job or doesn't earn much or what. I would consider some time apart and dating others if you're not happy. I think 4 months is enough time to know if you see a future together. Just my 2 cents. Good luck with your decision.

Acrobatic-Web-2684 · 2025-03-24T16:45:44+00:00

Girl- you keep working and doing your thang, you know your worth and deserve a masculine man who will be good for you, as of now keep doing you move on from him eventually you’ll find someone compatible who is either hella masculine or a bit of both anyways your choice, pick yourself, you got this you’re an independent hard working woman that you deserve to be taken care of by a man who has time for you and work, you can work during the relationship as well but allow your feminine side to come out once you find that masculine energy 💌

Title	My (28F) boyfriend (28M) isnt masculine enough for me. Give him time or break up?
Author	Vivid-Show-6112
Upvotes	15
Comments	60
Date	May 15, 2024 10:12 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1csxbz3/my_28f_boyfriend_28m_isnt_masculine_enough_for_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-28f-boyfriend-28m-isnt-masculine-enough-for-me.1518593 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518593

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