Have you ever been stopped by lack of social skills ?

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-06-20T10:22:16+00:00

Social skills are fundamental for every aspect of life, and not having them will inhibit you at every level, locking you into a cycle of failure - “money and status” can not compensate for a lack of them, as you need these to acquire money and status in the first place.

In answer to your question; yes - I don’t lack “social skills” per say, but have suffered with social anxiety my entire life, which has been ruined as a result; I am extremely self-aware/conscious, so know what I’m supposed to say/how I’m supposed to present myself, but am inhibiting by an insurmountable mental barrier that prevents me from doing so. To function, I have to act and play a role, which is mentally exhausting.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-06-20T10:21:49+00:00

that you were fully aware that woman is totally ok with how you look like, your job but you've had a problem in keeping conversation

You have it backwards. Women don't have like... DBZ scouters that tell them everything they need to know about you when they first meet you, they have already decided they will date you, at which point, gosh darnit, the ONLY obstacle is your social skills, so you're rejected!

It's your social skills that gives you the ability to communicate all those other things to women.

Social skills is how you tell women what your job is, in a way that isn't bragging. It's how you tell them that you're a fun person, by telling them about the fun things you do and making it fun to listen to. It's how you advertise yourself and tell people what incentives there are to spend time with you.

Without social skills, a lot of other genuinely good traits end up going to waste simply because you have no way to communicate to women that you have those traits in the first place.

f_lachowski · 2024-06-20T11:57:49+00:00

No, because I never got past the looks or status threshold in the first place. It's true that by having better social skills I could've been higher status, but then you can apply that logic to any trait useful for developing status.

Aafan_Barbarro · 2024-06-20T11:03:07+00:00

Even if I wanted to approach a woman with romantic/sexual intent, I would have no idea what to say or talk about. So that could count as being blocked by lack of social skills. Most likely it wouldn't be enough, but it would be a start.

meisterkraus · 2024-06-20T11:06:46+00:00

Not in the way you described. I can have trouble deciding between two states a person is in and always go with the one that is more "negative" to me. So like in conversation if there is low effort I will assume she doesn't want to talk not that she is nervous. Or If they are flirting or just being nice, I go with nice.

wtknight · 2024-06-20T11:07:42+00:00

When I was young, women would be interested in me quite frequently but lose interest when I was completely shy around them. It happened quite a bit. I got around it by meeting women online and chatting with them online first so I didn't have to be social face-to-face at first. Then, when I did meet them face-to-face, I felt a lot more comfortable socializing with them because I then had discussion topics to talk about with them.

KayRay1994 · 2024-06-20T12:26:13+00:00

Many, many times - but it gets better with time. When I started getting women’s attention a couple of years ago, I was very socially awkward around them to the point where it would be a detriment, but with constant and active practice it gets better.

imo it isn’t about turning into a social butterfly or anything like that, i’m still introverted, but it is important to know how to talk to people, and how to, at the very least try to read the room - and you also need to know how to steer conversations in the right direction and maintain a consistent mood for the room.

Ultramega39 · 2024-06-20T18:32:57+00:00

Yes yes yes. This is my biggest concern.

It's weird being an attractive autistic person. Because nobody ever assumes that you struggle socially

And it's hard to tell what people actually think of me without directly asking them, but I avoid asking things that might come off as weird or lead to embarrassment.

Like for example I avoid asking people if they want to be friends. I also rarely ever express admiration for other people (especially if it's a woman), because I fear that it would come of as weird.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-06-20T23:00:06+00:00

When I was very young shyness hindered me. I'm over that to some degree, but I'm still not entirely gregarious unless I've got a couple of coffees in me after not having drank it for a while (my cocaine I guess).

A lot of times when people talk about "social skills" here, they are referring to extroverts, sometimes extreme extroverts, who have the social energy to go out a lot, and assuming that this is what the average man should be like.

In reality both men's and women's social skills tend to be in the tank, barring the occasional social butterfly.

obviousredflag · 2024-06-21T09:42:07+00:00

Literally every autist ever.

Unusual_Implement_87 · 2024-06-20T14:57:51+00:00

Before I had my surgery, I would try extremely hard to get dates and find a girlfriend. I would spend thousands of dollars on things like okcupid to pay for access to new users and would message them first before they would realize how many options they had. I spent thousands more on joining random social hobbies, always would try to meet new people.

With all of my effort I would get maybe between 0 to 3 dates a year. Sometimes the dates would go well and we would talk for hours and they would even sometimes pay for my meal. during these dates in the back of my mind I would always think "Holy shit it's finally happening I'm going to have a girlfriend" but every single time I would be rejected for a second date. And these were women I wasn't even attracted to, I had absolutely 0 standards.

Then after my surgery (I had a BSSO and Rhinoplasty) I was able to easily get dates and sex from tinder and irl. I've had a woman I never spoke a word to grab me and pull me into her room for sex at a hostel I was staying at. I quickly realized that women do in fact approach men first and almost every time they are the ones that make the first move, not the man. Basically I learned if you have to put in any effort with a woman it likely wont' happen.

For the red pillers who think I just got old and women only started showing interest in me because they are looking for providers at that age, that is a valid criticism but I am still able to get women in their early 20s, so I don't think I'm just being used as a provider.

Saying social skills matter is like a religious person saying prayer matters. It's something not easily measurable and even if you had objectively good social skills the people who push social skills will always just accuse you of having poor social skills when you share your experience of struggling with women. And I also think the halo effect plays a role, good looking people will always be perceived as having better social skills than ugly people.

Also I know legitimate autistic men who are in relationships, and even if social skills mattered more than looks or status or other attributes it's very rare to meet people who I would say actually have poor social skills, real life isn't as autistic as reddit makes it seem.

Creation_Soul · 2024-06-20T11:16:18+00:00

yes, they have.

I have told this story before, but when I was in college, the first two years i had really bad luck with relationships. I realised that i was kinda awkward and actually began somewhat working on how I talk to people. Don't imagine i change to become "the life of the party", but I did get better in the last 2 years of my college and had quite good success with women.

For me it was never about my job (didn't have one)or money (i was as broke as the other students); also my looks didn't really change that much during those college years.

I don't know how much more successful I could have been, but the third relationship I had was with the woman who i now my wife, so I would call it all a success.

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harmonica2 · 2024-06-20T09:56:48+00:00

I feel like you might have missed your chance with this woman possibly. I mean if she invited you to her flat your foot is already in the door quite considerably it seems.

thedarkracer · 2024-06-20T10:01:43+00:00

your job but you've had a problem in keeping conversation, you didn't have an idea what to say, you've said something totally awkward, you've felt that your intellectual level is not matching ?

I thought social skill is more like initiating a convo lol. Like I haven't ever tried to date or fuck any woman I have come across but there have been situations when I was overwhelmed by women around me bcz I grew up in a boys hostel. I couldn't carry the conversation at that time as it was hard to assess what women actually like as I am a nerd and my interests are in a minority or were in a minority now that everyone is an anime fan, comic book fan and a gamer nowadays but still in my circle I have never seen a woman or like rarely.

Which-Inspector1409 · 2024-06-20T11:49:55+00:00

I have been stopped by my inability to dance. I get hints a lot but i just dont want to embarrass myself.

HornyGirlsPMme · 2024-06-25T15:40:25+00:00

Yes, I have given up now as I have been met with rejection at worst and disinterest at best in all my interactions with women. I do have it to acquire money and status as someone pointed out but I'm not chad enough for dating

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-06-29T14:11:15+00:00

Sure? I was a young boy once, who had limited knowledge of social skills with women.

But with enough practice and experience I improved. Like all men my age.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-06-20T11:14:54+00:00

Not really, women aren't interested and open to interact with me for social skills to be tested.

GhettoJamesBond · 2024-06-20T10:20:50+00:00

Yeah man it happens. You did fuck up but we all have. You said you met her online, so I'm assuming you two don't have any mutual friends or anything. If that's the case why would you want to run away? At least try and get shot down. If you end up looking stupid it doesn't matter much because no one is around to see it.

Title	Have you ever been stopped by lack of social skills ?
Author	CraftyCooler
Upvotes	1
Comments	51
Date	June 20, 2024 9:49 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dk7qtu/have_you_ever_been_stopped_by_lack_of_social/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-ever-been-stopped-by-lack-of-social.1522118 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522118

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