How do I better myself?

polarshred · 2024-07-18T03:26:36+00:00

Been there. I spent 3 months sleep on the floor and crying like a b*tch. The one thing that really got me out of it was nofap. Try it.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2024-07-17T19:29:43+00:00

I just started dating as an exercise. Then I met someone amazing. I don't know where it is heading, but I'm not getting married again!

Heavy-Bench-5378 · 2024-07-16T18:46:08+00:00

Not having my kids with me has nearly destroyed me, I share your sorrow. I was with my wife for 16 years, she was fun, caring, passionate in her 20's. Now in her early 40's she's not the same, slowly but surely she peeled off most all of my friends/social circle, relatives, even not allowing my elderly parents to see my two younger kids for 2 years. She also became violent. She was finally arrested for DV, then she filed for a DV against me, which I am fighting actively since it is based on false accusations.

What has helped me keep my sanity is my parents' support, extended family and brothers, and my 17 year old. I love my wife but love shouldn't physically hurt. There's a lot of emotional scars I'm still mending via therapy. One of my best friends defected to her side as his wife is close to mine (we introduced our wives to each other years ago). Loneliness is very detrimental, you can address is by leaning on family, making new friends, therapy. I'm still in the trenches but I am seeing light at the end of the tunnel and hope to soon have my younger kids and house back.

lostpassword100000 · 2024-07-15T01:14:51+00:00

I volunteered to coach youth sports while going thru my divorce. Best decision I ever made as I met my future wife that way two years later.

ADivorcedGuy · 2024-07-15T01:04:09+00:00

Two months is not a lot of time to be separated. So, take your time and don't rush into anything major at this point.

You sound like an active guy, that is a good thing. How about if you find a group to hike or bike with? Or some other hobby or sport that will take your full attention. The idea is to get your mind engaged so you are not stuck in your own thoughts and torturing yourself.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-07-14T15:41:07+00:00

It'll just take time. There isn't a 'get well quick' scheme out there. Well, maybe a new GF, as most 'success' stories are from that, but it has some definite risks and for the standard divorce situation, would not recommend so soon.

What you do is things to make you a better person; these won't make you feel better per se, but when time has done it's work, you'll be happy you spent the last 6 months or whatever getting yourself into a position to be happy again, rather than having spent 6 months doom scrolling your phone in bed, and now you have to start by fixing yourself first.

So, work out, eat right, work hard on career, save money, do some reading. Eventually, the pain will numb, and then later still you won't care, and then you'll be in good shape, have career in a good spot, money saved up, and are healthy, and can go enjoy life 2.0 the best you can.

It it could take a year, or two. Don't worry, and it's not linear. You'll still sink back down this level every now and then, but if you drew a line through how depressed you are each day, you'll see the average is steadily improving month after month/

These_Row6066 · 2024-07-13T19:52:32+00:00

It's such a cliché but get yourself out there. Gym.... Pickleball.... Even if it's just once per week.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-07-13T19:37:46+00:00

I lived on to do lists in the beginning. There’s a lot to get done and I liked crossing each thing off the list. Cardio is important too, it burns all your stress away. I went out drinking and I wouldn’t recommend it, people noticed the pain in my eyes when out. Treat yourself to a new wardrobe and eventually get back out there. It gets better and easier with each day

edr5619 · 2024-07-13T19:34:59+00:00

I’m dealing with this now. The second the kids leave I am a depressed mess. I scroll Reddit and watch tv.

Sometimes I find it helps to start small. Five minute walk around my townhouse complex for a couple days then move up to ten minutes. It isn’t much, but it’s not nothing.

I have no money for gyms/clubs otherwise I would go do some BJJ or something. Not there yet.

soontobesolo · 2024-07-13T18:28:21+00:00

Get your ass to the gym. Find a social gym like crossfit. You have the energy.

Title	How do I better myself?
Author	tempussecundus
Upvotes	8
Comments	17
Date	July 13, 2024 6:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e2gzmb/how_do_i_better_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-better-myself.1524192 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524192

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