Collaborative Divorce failure

ageoffri · 2024-07-18T21:28:00+00:00

The only time I've seen and/or been told by various lawyers that collaborative divorce works is if you can sit across the kitchen table and agree on everything.

I finally convinced my ex to do mediation/arbitration. I went too many hours on the mediation. Luckily for me my ex pissed off the mediator whose role turned to arbitration. She pushed the limits of the recommendations from the court appointed psychologist, heavily leaned towards my financial settlement, and added language around evidence that my ex had changed appointments with doctors and not notified me.

Though most people will tell you not to use arbitration and they are right. I took the risk because my ex would agree to use the same lawyer who was the mediator in the Colorado mandatory mediation for divorce. I knew she was in my court and that my ex pissed her off at the mediation.

Peoniesandpopsicles · 2024-07-18T19:59:52+00:00

The problem is the divorce industry is a dinosaur and is still operating under the assumption that Mom is the caregiver and Dad is the financial resource provider. Every other area of society is very focused on equality these days, expect Family Law of course.

DivorceCharacter512 · 2024-07-18T18:43:14+00:00

You uh - couldn't collaborate to stay married. What made you think it would be easier jointly managing a divorce?

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-07-18T17:26:41+00:00

after 24 years of marriage i got 7 years of support. they tried for 10 but that wasnt gonna happen

i had to be a little flexible though because she was leaving my business out of it. it was nothing she contributed too and was me and my dad’s venture. she knew better. i would have burned it down

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-07-18T16:05:29+00:00

best advice I ever received from my attorney: you can go the route of mediation, it's cheaper, but odds are you will eventually need an attorney anyway. skip the fantasy that any of this is amicably or "collaborative". it's a business transaction, and you don't know the law, and even within the law, lawyers know what the common exceptions are and what the judges tolerate - you do not, and a mediator does not. pay the money.

jimsmythee · 2024-07-18T15:43:11+00:00

Mediation and collaborative divorce failed big time for me. Not unless I was ready to sign away every last dime - past, present and future - to her. And give up my kids.

My exwife's goal was to leave me destitute, working 3 jobs, sending every last dime to her and the kids. And seeing the kids 3 times a year.

She wasn't going to budge one inch. I tried to work with her. But if you totaled up everything she was telling me was entitled to? It was more than my gross earnings. Her reply? "You can work a second job!" Whereas she was "too sick to work, not even part time."

So what did I do? I said "screw it." I took the one-sided mediation agreement (that I refused to sign) and tossed it in the trash. I took the collaborative divorce requests and tossed that in the trash. I said, "See you at trial!" My lawyer agreed with me.

We went to trial and it was heavily in my favor on everything. Took her 2 days to stop screaming.

This_Train340i · 2024-07-18T14:34:12+00:00

It's definitely a waste of time. You can do all the same negotiating while a divorce is pending and moving forward toward a final hearing, meaning you are guaranteed an end date without dragging the process out. There is no upside to a collaborative divorce. If the parties are allegedly that amenable to an uncontested divorce, start writing the settlement agreement immediately, otherwise start preparing to tell your side of the story to the judge and get ready for trial.

FUMoney · 2024-07-18T14:17:58+00:00

Good job. You saw the con job in real time. Now, fight for a fair deal. Accept nothing less.

Then-Alps8928 · 2024-07-18T14:05:54+00:00

Where are you located? I could use a good famtily lawyer

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-07-18T11:29:23+00:00

The only time that works is when the man is just giving her everything, or she's knee deep in some new dick.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-07-18T10:05:56+00:00

Collab works for HNWI where completely amicable. Other than that, just paying two sets of lawyers instead of one.

Title	Collaborative Divorce failure
Author	wingblade53
Upvotes	22
Comments	27
Date	July 18, 2024 8:19 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e668us/collaborative_divorce_failure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/collaborative-divorce-failure.1524662 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524662

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