I keep attracting women with mental health issues

2024-07-26T02:14:39+00:00

I am going through a divorce as we speak. My wife has quiet borderline personality disorder, untreated bi-polar, ADHD and a history of substance abuse. My life was walking on eggshells everyday. Something I’m working on which may help you if that I’m divorcing my savior complex. I have a history of choosing woman who I feel I can “help make their life better.” This has been a road to dissatisfaction and disappointment.

jimsmythee · 2024-07-23T00:34:39+00:00

Back when I was dating, until I met Wife Version 2.0.

It seemed that 4 out of every 5 women I dated had addiction issues. Between the Drunks, the Pot Heads, The pill poppers, and the princesses. Good gawd!

The princesses and their addiction to spending. Buying crap they don't even want. Stuff that will just end up in the landfill 3 weeks from now.

mr21vp · 2024-07-22T14:42:15+00:00

I've been around the block enough and assume, by default, any new lady I meet has mental health issues. It would take about 2 years to prove me wrong and so far none have made it longer than a few months. Even if you find a "normal" one there's no guarantee issues won't develop over time as her hormones change.

StreetcarRocket · 2024-07-22T13:49:37+00:00

I highly recommend getting into a men's accountability group. Guys don't spend enough time sharing their struggles with one another. If you have PTSD from a co-dependent relationship where you were carrying her through life, you really need a health partner. That requires being upfront with the person you date and telling them exactly what you are looking for. Be assertive and ask questions about mental health. That is totally fair after going through what you went through. If someone has a problem with it, they probably have a mental health issue which we all have to some degree or another. But if that issue is Borderline Personality Disorder run away as fast as you possibly can if it is untreated.

GrimStreaker15 · 2024-07-22T00:55:42+00:00

Sooooo....... You are attracting "women."

naliron · 2024-07-21T22:47:09+00:00

Dating pool skews to have people with mental health issues over-represented.

Next issue, is people with personality disorders are more likely to approach/engage in risky behaviour.

nevershalleye · 2024-07-21T18:05:56+00:00

Hi- I’m a chick lurker on this sub. I lurk because I feel as though men really get screwed in divorces these days. (Came to this conclusion after watching a dear friend be absolutely devastated by his bat shit crazy ex.) I’ve been trying to figure out what I can do to help others through this shit show.

ANYWAY- if someone were to ask me about my mental health I would say that I suffer from depression, anxiety and I have Complex PTSD. I work hard to manage these conditions but they are mine to manage and I’ve learned over the years to do it reasonably well. These things don’t define me though. I also make ~half a million a year, travel all the time camping, have amazing friends and generally have what a few people have told me is a really enviable existence. So my question to you is whether you are just dismissing these women based on this and not taking who they are into account. If you asked them and they were honest with you, it doesn’t mean that those conditions define who they are.

Also, not all mental health disorders show up the way that BPD does. My needs of my partner are to prop me up when I feel like shit about myself because I have my bat shit crazy mother running loose in my brain and to understand when I am paralyzed by anxiety about something. It’s rare. And I’m there with him when his bat shit crazy ex is tormenting him because she doesn’t work and has nothing better to do.

I’d actually be more suspicious if a woman claimed she has nothing going on mental health wise, honestly.

Just my 2 cents.

sunkskunkstunk · 2024-07-21T12:46:08+00:00

Maybe you are being told you’re not ready yet. As a fellow friend of Bill, I think you need to spend some time listening to all the corny cliches and taking it to heart. You should not be desperate for human interaction if you’re doing it right. “Lay low for a bit” and don’t push it. It kinda sounds like you want a relationship, and only on your terms.

But all these mental health buzz words take a toll after a while. Narcissistic, PTSD, etc are all real things, but get overused and become meaningless to say after a while. Someone shouldn’t have to tell you they are those things if you take the time to get to know them and not rush a relationship. And then end it if it’s a problem.

You can only change yourself, so keep working on doing that. Everything else will happen as it should, and not on your timeline.

NewDay0110 · 2024-07-21T06:04:53+00:00

Masturbation and a good book before bed for the rest of my life? I'm honestly thinking that may be my best bet.

Sounds like a good plan. Most women on the dating market have issues. If they don't they are probably taken by someone and in a stable relationship.

2024-07-21T05:57:31+00:00

The jerk in me wants to say "b*tches be crazy"

But that's wrong. Right?

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2024-07-21T04:07:59+00:00

Mentally unstable people normally attract the same.

Victims normally hold some responsibility in the abuse they receive

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2024-07-21T03:52:57+00:00

I hope that’s helpful stay strong !

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2024-07-21T03:40:45+00:00

I’m in a similar boat it’s two things but it’s mostly you .. you’re subconsciously attracting those women it’s what you know it’s what your brain is searching for even if it’s harmful your brain was taught this “ truth” ( even though it’s negative and really not the truth) so it seeks things to verify that “truth “ - “women are so chaotic and unstable “ so your brain finds those women . Because of this you also give off certain vibes , energy and those women can smell it a mile away because it’s what they’re subconsciously seeking .. best bet therapy, reroute you’re brain heal that trauma understand how to look for healthy women and relationship patterns AND how to spot those identifiers early on they’re surprisingly easy once you know what to look for . It’s tough don’t give up it’s not you or your fault hug that kid inside you and tell him it’s ok . Read read and read more therapy and GYM

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2024-07-21T03:29:06+00:00

First off, good for you for having boundaries and standing by them. I can't speak to why you are attracting a certain type, if that is indeed the case, but I think it's a pretty common understanding/belief that after a certain age "the good ones" have been all snatched up (men and women).

I also want to say that something I learned from my divorce is that the only "right" you have in a relationship is the right to walk away. No one is entitled to another person's attentions.

Celibacy is honestly underrated. I've been separated from my wife since October of '21 (divorced more recently) and I've not really put any time or attention in to trying to have sexual partners. I've done a lot of reading in that time and I'm honestly pretty content with that. Recently there has been a young lady where I volunteer (I mean like 15 years younger than me) who is quite cute and flirtatious who has been giving me a lot of attention and expressed unequivocally that she's not looking for anything serious and I'm like... okay, I'm down with this, but I'm not going to mislead anyone about my baggage and I'm not going to tolerate any clingyness or games and I'm feeling pretty empowered by my sense of detachment and self sufficiency.

Anyways, I hope there's something helpful for you in there. And I hope you stay committed to those boundaries.

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-07-21T03:19:17+00:00

Childhood has A LOT to do with this

Title	I keep attracting women with mental health issues
Author	justsomedude1111
Upvotes	32
Comments	33
Date	July 21, 2024 2:58 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e8cm07/i_keep_attracting_women_with_mental_health_issues/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-keep-attracting-women-with-mental-health-issues.1524850 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524850

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