Dating as a fat girl

HappySpinningSeal · 2024-09-15T21:54:16+00:00

OP, this post is locked per rule 2. OP's may not neglect to mention obviously relevant information. Please edit your post to specify you're discouraged after not seeing results in 8 days. People are assuming you attempted nun mode for months, as nun mode is intended to give major results only after months.

Edit: Now unlocked.

Astroviridae · 2024-09-15T20:06:51+00:00

You weren't advised to be in nun mode because of your weight.

I just want to be picked.

See, this is why we suggested nun mode. Do not skip nun mode. You have low self esteem and you need to work on becoming a woman worthy of a good man. Do not skip nun mode. You've been at it for what, 2 weeks, and you're already giving up. In the last few months you went from trans to trad Christian to practicing Muslim wanting an arranged marriage to leaving Islam to nun mode to leaving nun mode.

Do not skip nun mode.

Get a therapist and a personal trainer. Try to actually stick to your goals before dating. It's so much better for you to put in the hard work now to actually change, even if it "costs" you another year, than to bring your current state into a relationship that will inevitably crash and burn.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-09-15T21:28:41+00:00

Fat doesn't mean ugly. You can keep trying to lose the weight while developing a sense of style and learning to do your hair and makeup in a flattering way. Lots of fat people marry and live happily ever after. If you're resigned to being fat, so be it. The issue I see is that you're self-pitying.

pieorstrudel5 · 2024-09-15T20:22:22+00:00

Listen, I was a former fat girl. Weighed 250lbs after college and lost 100bs over three years. If you aren't losing weight it's because you aren't in a calorie deficit. End of story. Often women floor their calories and begin a cycle of eating very little until they go out for margaritas with the girls and throw caution to the wind.

Goal weight in lbs × 12 = sustainable calorie deficit.

150 x 12= 1800 a day. (My personal goal weight is about 170 because I am tall and a natural hour glass and it just looks good on me.)

Eat 1g of protein per lb of goal weight (so for me I shoot between 120-150). 30 g of fiber. 10-12k steps a day. Weight lift 4 times a week. I throw in a random hike, yoga, or Zumba class in there to keep life fun. FitBod App for weight lifting Find a cheap gym. Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube College nutritionist on insta for quick easy meals. The Protein Snack Queen on insta for fun high protein meals. Jordan Syatt on insta/youtube for no nonsense motivation

And stop giving up! Stop making excuses. You either want to be thinner or you don't. It's okay if you don't want to be, but it kind of sounds like you do.

Add one thing at a time, master it, and then add the next thing. This can takes years. Not weeks or months. Stop trying to rush to the finish line.

Hire a trainer, see what options you have with your health insurance (mine pays for 6 hours a year with a dietician) sometimes there are gyms that you can get a discount as well. Make room in your budget for better quality groceries.

Just do it.

Icy_Adhesiveness349 · 2024-09-15T19:23:43+00:00

So you would rather change who you like than work on yourself?

Just exercise and cut calories and you will lose the weight.

White guys are the main men who like slim girls

UnflinchingSugartits · 2024-09-15T19:48:52+00:00

Have you thought about maybe taking a break and stepping away from dating for a little while? I don't believe you are what you're saying you are, I'm not saying that like your feelings aren't valid I'm saying it because I think you're tearing yourself down on purpose because you feel like you deserve to suffer and be miserable because you truly believe those things about yourself.

It just seems like you've convinced yourself about these negative things about yourself and you feel like you deserve to be punished because of it so you're punishing yourself.

You and I and all the other eyes reading this post know, that by doing that you're just attracting more negative energy and and self-sabotaging yourself pretty much.

I like this subreddit a lot it's one of my favorites and I believe a lot of the stuff about red pill women.

But I don't think dating right now and looking for a boyfriend is your answer. I think you've kind of lost yourself in that process and you've let yourself slip through the cracks so to speak.

I'm not saying that in a physical appearance type of way I'm saying it in a mental mindset way. Look the world is tough and life is hard and it's a battle every day for everybody to have a strong mindset and to keep on going and to know at the end of the day who we are.

And I feel like that's the part that has been deteriorating a little bit with you so how are you supposed to get your life on track forget about losing weight just being healthy and taking care of yourself just for yourself as a person how are you supposed to do that for somebody else also like what I mean is how are you supposed to be doing that to attract the mate when you don't even feel like you're worth doing that for yourself?

Anyway I wish you well and I hope you feel better and I hope that things work out for you take care

Deliaallmylife · 2024-09-16T14:05:18+00:00

How long have you stuck with any identity or stated goal?

Bluntly, you aren't relationship material right now. It's not because you are fat. It is because you can't stick to anything. At this point, it looks like something that needs to be explored within therapy. You have been through too many identities and groups in too short a time. There is something inside of you that is causing you to seek out ideologies but not stick with them.

The best case would be a severe case of ADHD but there are certainly other possibilities on the table and I'm not a psychiatrist. It is very very clear though that you need to get your mental health in order first and possibly foremost. When things are hard you don't know how to deal so you bail and move on to the next thing.

This makes for a bad partner. It would make you a bad partner to an unattractive fat man who might be your match and it would make you a bad partner for an attractive chad even if you lost the weight and glowed up.

You are inconsistent, you run when things are hard. A good man will see this and you will lose him. A desperate man will put in the time anyway but you will run when the first negative event shows up. You have to get this aspect of your mental health square away or it won't matter how attractive you are, you won't be able to find and sustain a healthy relationship.

Get off Reddit. Stop diving headfirst into ideologies. Go to therapy. Do the work even when it's hard. Life isn't easy and a man doesn't make it easier.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-09-15T21:19:33+00:00

What do you mean tried being in nun mode? I thought you posted your nun mode plan a week ago?

Iamtroller · 2024-09-15T20:26:23+00:00

Lose weight girl, not just nun mode-no processed foods, walk at least 30 minutes everyday, workout afterwards + add more as you’re comfortable, and focus on developing your own skills the man will come but don’t expect to change what people prefer just because you have a crush on them. You can do it 100% coming from someone who was 5’2 right at 195lb earlier this year I’m now just under 130lb a few months later it absolutely sucks + hurts but it’s worth it. Red pill doesn’t extend simply to the beliefs or perspectives it includes lifestyle too.

Justwatchinitallgoby · 2024-09-15T19:03:45+00:00

Change the guys you want?

Like make them be attracted to you/want to date you?

Sure, be the kind of person they want to be around and spend time with.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-09-15T18:59:59+00:00

but couldn’t lose the weight.

I would revisit this, with a trainer, a nutritionist and possibly semiglutide

As long as he’s white

You are cutting out a large mkt segment for bigger girls, or so I’m told. But the heart wants what the heart wants. Hispanic men may be more forgiving in the bigness dept.

the-way-of-life · 2024-09-15T21:30:11+00:00

Instead of saying “I tried and I can’t lose weight” do something else instead - learn what didn’t work for you and study from that.

Other people are losing weight, it’s a fact - people are doing in every day all the time.

Fat people, in every age, every race, every height and every color. People are doing it repeatedly.

So it’s possible in the world, and it’s possible for others since others are doing it, hence it’s possible for you too.

If others did it - you can do it too.

Now the questions is HOW.

How did others lose weight, what did they do differently?

And because you tried and failed - it means you did the wrong thing.

Because it is possible - that’s a fact. So if you didn’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you can’t, it means you did the wrong thing.

You used the wrong method, you ate the wrong thing, you had the wrong mindset - whatever is that - it didn’t work.

So all you need to do is learn from that and find a way that works for you.

There are programs, coaches, courses, and books that can help you.

And of course you can keep doing it yourself

So instead of saying you can’t, and instead of lowering your standards, just find a way to do it. Because it is possible and you’re not different than anyone else who has done it.

Read it twice if you need, This can change your life.

Burner28102022 · 2024-09-16T09:13:00+00:00

So for me my issue wasn’t weight but education and career. Changing these things would have taken years and I didn’t want to wait that long before I found a man. I think knowing what I brought to the table helped me keep my dating expectations realistic. I wrote a list of what core qualities were most important to me. Things I wouldn’t compromise on. And I was cut throat and didn’t let the list get too long.

Apart from someone who was visibly taller than me, I didn’t care how they looked or what their career was. It came down to personality. So someone who was generous, someone who I ‘clicked’ with, wasn’t arrogant, nice, that sort of thing. I always had a thing for guys who wore glasses but realistically if the guy had an amazing personality I wasn’t going to overlook him so I didn’t add it to the list. My DH ticked all the boxes but didn’t wear glasses. All good I thought. I can’t be too picky. However, once we had been dating a while, he turned up for a date with glasses on. He had been wearing contacts the whole time and I hadn’t known. So really I had gotten everything I had wanted.

The list really helped with sorting through men. I also didn’t criticise myself or put myself down to dates. There is a concept in ‘The Rules’ where it says if you criticise yourself in front of someone you’re dating you are essentially criticising their taste in women and so not to do it if you do.

Not sure if that helps but best of luck :)

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-09-16T19:46:11+00:00

You tried for EIGHT days.

What kind of results did yoh expect to see in eight days? It took you years to gain that weight.

It's not that you "can't". You are not exempt from the laws of physics. You just don't want to.

You lack self awareness and self discipline. This kind of unaware, helpless victim mentality could maybe (maybe) be excusable in a 15 yo. You are 27. Grow up.

vegancigarette · 2024-09-15T19:41:54+00:00

Have you tried going for an overweight man, or someone who isn’t conventionally handsome? Being attractive and fit isn’t something that just happens, those men put effort into their appearance and are looking for a woman who also takes care of herself in that way. Our culture loves to tell every woman she deserves a handsome prince, but what a woman should really seek is her equal (in looks/intelligence/fitness). There’s plenty of bigger white guys out there!

teachtao · 2024-09-15T21:50:46+00:00

I think that accepting the attitude of you can't lose weight is a cop-out. The most effective way to drop body fat is a slow carb or low carb diet, with a weekly cheat day. I know the world of weight loss is full of bs nonsense, but I can promise you that those routines will drop the weight. The big lie that is fed to people is that calories are all the same, they are not. Slow-carb with a cheat day, will drop the weight.

That said, why settle for someone who doesn't want you? Not all men want a size zero. I know plenty that do not have any interest in skinny women, myself included. Curves are a requirement for a lot of men. Confidence in your body is a requirement for all of them.

Edit to add: It seems like you are counting calories, that doesn't work and is a huge lie. That's why it's not working. Balance your macro's out and the weight will fall off without even trying.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-15T18:49:33+00:00

Title: Dating as a fat girl

Author MathematicianMean273

Full text: The post on “Guys telling me I’m too good for them” inspired me to write my own post, as a guy last year told me that when he broke up with me. I haven’t dated since, (though I had a fling.)

I tried being in nun mode but couldn’t lose the weight. Now I’m just gonna come out of nun mode since there’s no point wasting precious time even if I am fat and ugly. Even though I know I’m too fat and ugly for the guys I want, is it possible to change the guys I want?

I honestly don’t care at this point. (As long as he’s white) I just want to be picked.

Any other tips for dating are appreciated.

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Title	Dating as a fat girl
Author	MathematicianMean273
Upvotes	0
Comments	53
Date	September 15, 2024 6:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fhjz0a/dating_as_a_fat_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-as-a-fat-girl.1530323 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530323

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