Pre-trial recommendations from the judge

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-10-14T05:27:48+00:00

Alimony can be a significant risk to you given your situation and the fact that life time alimony is still happening in CT. This proposal sounds like it is something that you could live with in order to avoid that risk.

During the marriage you made a ton of money but have not been able to accumulate much wealth. If you are like many of us that was due to your wife’s spending habits. Once divorced you will have much mare control over your finances and realize just how much it costs to support such a woman. You may find that even though you are taking a hit with the alimony that you will have much more discretionary income after the divorce.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-10-13T20:12:31+00:00

Take it and run. Yes, it's not fair. Yes, your stbxw has been a useless bump on a log for a quarter century.

The only pushback I might suggest is regarding your adult son's student loan. That's not covered within the law, at least in the jurisdiction I practice in. He took the loan, he's a grown man, he pays it back. It's not even very much.

As u/Results_Coach_MM pointed out, the court looks at things from both parties' viewpoints. It doesn't matter how much she whiled away her best years doing nothing of significance while you built your career. It is what it is, and the court is trying to split this baby right down the middle.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2024-10-13T14:54:36+00:00

I would say negotiate with her. Maybe offer $700 week for first year to get her back into employment and then $350 a week based on the lifestyle you lived during the marriage and her new income. If she refuses to work get an evaluation to impute her earning potential. In CT the pretrial judge spends very little time analyzing and takes the information from the FA even if it’s wrong. 98% of cases get negotiated in CT after pretrial without going to trial. My pretrial in Ct the judge used her FA information even though she misstated and recommended 9 years alimony etc. we went to mediation which failed and I asked for a trial which I should have done day 1. Ended up with a negotiated settlement with no trial or mediator 1 week before trial. No alimony but did give most equity in home. 10 years younger than you. Bigger income differential and my ex was purposely reducing her income by working PT.

Few_Strawberry_99 · 2024-10-13T01:13:42+00:00

i think you’re getting screwed, have you tried offering her a one-time payment to have her waive alimony?

Eric_C_Productions · 2024-10-11T23:16:21+00:00

Sounds better than having to pay alimony for life. I was married 20 years and after 10 years, you pay alimony for life until your ex spouse dies or gets remarried (which I'm sure most women will not do). I had to leave my ex-wife on my life insurance and it went from her being the benefactor to being split three ways between her and my two kids. My ex-wife TOOK all the contents of the house and the judge ordered us to sell the house and split the profit evenly. I don't make anything close to what you make and you have more debt than me, but the judge and my lawyer prorated the alimony by figuring what my ex-wife is capable of working (based on minimum wage ---at least $20 an hour in CA) and working for 40 hours a week. She didn't work at all while we were married (but she was doing work on the side with money under the table). They minus that with what you make and pro-rate it to come up with a number.

I spent 2 years going through this divorce. I incurred $25k in legal debt while she dragged it out as long as she could. She hasn't even signed the divorce decree! My lawyer wanted to take her to trial (That would have cost me another $10k) but I chose to reach an agreement paying double in spousal support from what I probably would have paid if I had taken her to court. See? You have to pay $700/week, I only have to pay $500 a month. But still $500 a month still sucks. My ex forced me to drain my 401K while we were married. So, I fought to recoup some of it. Didn't happen so I have to start from scratch.

There are always going to be risks when you go to trial. Ask yourself, what are you prepared to pay?

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-10-11T22:19:48+00:00

That sounds like a really good deal to me unless I'm missing something that's like 15% of your income for ten years

frankgeib07 · 2024-10-11T22:18:32+00:00

I've certainly heard of a lot worse situations I consider that proposal a win in my eyes

Results_Coach_MM · 2024-10-11T21:57:28+00:00

You feel like you're getting screwed because you're looking at it from your own perspective.

If you reverse the situation and look at it from a different perspective, 27F married for 30 years to look after 2 children. Can't get a job because no consistent experience for the last 20 years, and have to rebuild life at the age of 57.

Who would hire a woman of 57 with no recent work experience? Who will still need to take care of the adult children?

Where as you my man is the top 5% making over $200k per year, you're going to be desirable to many younger women half your age.

So sounds like a win to you from this pre-trial. I would take it, and work out how to rebuild everything you lost plus more and move on.

Particular_Car7127 · 2024-10-11T21:39:22+00:00

How come the 25k for your son's college loans aren't paid off with the proceeds of the sale of the house? And for that matter, why are you responsible for his car lease if he is an adult?

Have you and your lawyer considered a buyout in lieu of alimony. Still $36400 a year in alimony is less than 20% of your income. The Judge is giving her the first 50k of the sale of the house, so you can keep your 401k intact. The deal actually sounds very fair to me. There is no way she by herself, is going to live well on that alimony alone, certainly in CT. My actual question is: this deal doesn't sound like the standard of living in the marriage for her is going to be maintained with you keeping 80% of your salary.

Title	Pre-trial recommendations from the judge
Author	These_Row6066
Upvotes	11
Comments	26
Date	October 11, 2024 8:56 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1g1jwdl/pretrial_recommendations_from_the_judge/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/pre-trial-recommendations-from-the-judge.1532927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532927

Comments