Grey Divorce

21YearsofHell · 2023-08-23T01:28:28+00:00

58 also, kids 19/21/23/29. I’m not grey, that’s what ToG is for!

I was 55 when we separated, I filed after 2 years, we had an agreement not yet signed, but she reneged on it last week… so we’ll be back in Court.

Please don’t commiserate with me. You can rebuild your life, better than it ever was. My new partner is 41, divorced, no kids, doesn’t want any either, smart, kind, professional, owns her own business, office building, house, condo, car. And she actually communicates and discusses things rather than screaming and shouting….

I’m not saying any of this to show off, but to inspire you. I’m 3 years out from separation, in the best shape of my life, the best relationship of my life, and having the best sex of my life.

And I’m going on an off-road motorbike trip with the guys in November. And more importantly my kids chose to spend ten days with me the last two weeks. They know that their mother was the problem. So her randomly leaving drunk at 1am three years ago was the best thing that ever happened to me. And “no, you can’t come back, unless you get therapy and go to rehab” was the best thing I ever said.

All this after a separation where my definitely not soon enough stbxw told me “you’ll never find anyone like me”. Well, luckily for me, she was right.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15ylv1m/separation_101_a_beginners_guide/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

2BOutdoors · 2023-08-23T00:25:48+00:00

I can relate. 58 y/o Male, married 24 years. One grown child together, one from my previous marriage, whom my STBXW rejected from day one. No financial issues, both professionals. She admitted to one affair about 15 years ago with a co-worker (I found out via texts on her phone) and I’m about 99% sure there was another affair 5 years ago, again found out via flirtatious texts. She never truly apologized for the first affair, said things like “I made a mistake” or “I’m sorry you found out that way”. No regret in her voice. I doubt if the affair actually ended and she traveled a lot for work so I’ll never know. Next to no intimacy, didn’t share a bedroom for the past 11 years. Sex maybe three times a year, only while on vacation. Zero communication, no common friends. Still sad to see it end simply in principle. I moved out 6 months ago to save my mental health. Divorce will be final soon. Just beginning to feel I have a second shot at life. Relationship with my kids is better than it’s been in many years.

PAGPRS · 2023-08-22T23:33:01+00:00

I’m about two years behind you. 55 yrs old. Youngest child is junior in high school. I’m waiting it out till she graduates. But there is nothing left between my wife and I. We do nothing together.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2023-08-23T00:47:59+00:00

Married 35 years. Wife informed me about a year ago. Will be finalized soon.

GalamineGary · 2023-08-23T13:01:48+00:00

Me 52M ex 48F, two boys 26,27. I spoke with a lawyer. I wasn’t really happy. She was detached. He told me to get a hobby that takes me out of town every couple of months and never come back to his office because I’m going to get killed in court. She filed a month later to be with her soulmate. I got killed in court.

fishingforthought · 2023-08-23T16:21:36+00:00

Don’t forget about me, divorced at 66 and moving on down the road. Life is much sweeter.

BosPatriot71 · 2023-08-23T11:30:15+00:00

Youngest in college. Married 26 years. I initiated the divorce, thanks, in part, to her BPD, alcoholism, and refusal to get the help she desperately needs. I was also an enabler and codependent but have worked through that.

Divorce will be final in 60 days. Very amicable but financially costly for me.

I’m terrified but mostly excited for a new chapter. Trip to the Caribbean booked!

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-08-23T14:41:16+00:00

Together 29 years married 24 if you count the past year of separation

I still want to work it out but we are two months into our collaborative process and probably will reach settlement within 30-60 days and file with courts

My job has crashed worse than ever but she’s been the higher earner for a decade and she will get hit hard financially.

Son graduated college in May and living at home w her. So the family is together except for me

Daughter won’t really talk to me or spend time

upvotersfortruth · 2023-08-23T15:00:48+00:00

I’ve done a few grey divorces. They’re different. “Happy” to see the responses here, I had no idea our community had this resource.

I’d love to know why you stuck it out and if you think it was worth it.

Also, in the couple I’ve done - the adult kids were like “it’s about time”.

northdakotact · 2023-08-23T17:58:19+00:00

57, been divorced for 6 years. I hope you are not high income and she is/was a sahm.

Seemedlikefun · 2023-08-23T19:13:23+00:00

59, married 36 years one adult child. I forced individual counseling and then marriage counseling several years ago. Wife lied and obsfucated her way through and refused to do the homework that would expose her infidelity. I pulled the plug on the therapy then, and began to implement the rest of my long range exit plan. This plan includes the recently passed legislation in my state abolishing permanent alimony. A few more milestones and financial decisions, then I'll file. I told her years ago: we will see a marriage counselor to heal our marriage, or see a legal counselor to dissolve it. After the waste of time and money, I've said nothing else. She'll feel blindsided, but we've been roommates for a long time.

Thin_Radish_3439 · 2023-08-23T17:12:12+00:00

I was a 40 something for the first one after 22 years together and now 52 with 8 years together 4 married. Are we having fun yet?

koolaidkid12345 · 2023-08-24T00:05:39+00:00

late 50s.. same situation.. STBXW is a bitch but says its all my fault.. was trying to give her everything to avoid alimony.. house, cars, etc.. just me take my stuff and no alimony.. she is like nope you're paying me alimony. So the only thing that holds me up is money really. I dont have enough to move out and/or afford a lawyer.. and concern over my job and how much alimony I Am going to owe. I make around 200K, she could make about 180K but she hasnt worked much.. part time most of our marriage but out of work for medical reasons. So I am dragging hoping she'll get a job again. I think I can impute.. but that may result in "shes got medical issues AND she was working part time the last 20 years.. so that's the best you're going to get".

iamnotyoutoday · 2023-08-23T20:42:45+00:00

kids 17yrs m/6yrs m

only stayed to take care of the "accident" (6yrs old). finally found my balls to file.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-08-23T18:52:49+00:00

Always had infrequent sex, no real intimacy, trust issues (on both sides) and awful communication.

our bedroom was already heading for dead by the time we got married-we'd been together 5 years and lived together for 3 by that point.

of course it got worse after kids

i didn't count on being sidelined in her life overall-i became nothing but a co-parent to her

she was against date nights or weekend getaways (my parents were begging to watch the kids and had proved reliable/safe with my brother's kids for years already)

i thought we had emotional intimacy but in hindsight we didn't-at least not by the time we were actually married. it continued to die and i didn't recognize the issues or want to force solutions until after our 2nd kid (who i'd questioned whether we should have-she conveniently has forgotten the several discussions i had about being uncertain that our marriage could survive another kid given how i was feeling about our togetherness)

i still think it's solvable. but she's career and friend focused and sees me as nothing but the worst version of myself from our worst times

Dismal_Elevator_110 · 2023-08-23T22:35:05+00:00

Seperated after 30 years it's s long story right know I'm just concern if I do file for D that I'll have spousel support her cheating but crack and I don't want to have to pay her a dime to give to that AP scumm . Did you have pay her .

Title	Grey Divorce
Author	These_Row6066
Upvotes	27
Comments	63
Date	August 22, 2023 11:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15yls10/grey_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/grey-divorce.1229476 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229476

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