Can anyone tell me where they get into this concept that fathers don't want children's custody?

InsanityStreaks · 2024-11-07T04:24:19+00:00

Both hatred and stupidity.

Custody battles are expensive in the form of thousands at the bare minimum. To the idiots they think Father's that don't (can't) fight for custody they're deadbeats that don't want their kids.

Add onto that the high likelihood of parental alienation, withholding parental rights (more legal costs), financial abuse (claiming no support when really they're demanding more than courts ordered) and eventually some guys have no choice but to throw in the towel.

My old man had to spend around 80k and had a few friends of his stop him killing himself multiple times due to what my mother put him through, at the end the best he ever got was fortnightly weekend visits until I moved in with him at 15.

Ash5150 · 2024-11-07T04:47:46+00:00

Feminist propaganda.

The fact is that most fathers do want custody, but the court favors women 85% of the time... The thinking of the courts is that children need their mother's. The father's...not so much.

Feminists fight in court against equal custody. They fight for the mother to keep custody only.

Secure_Ad_1254 · 2024-11-07T06:14:22+00:00

btw for anyone who wants to say that its true, i have a father that fought hard for custody so in the kindest way shut the fuck up

UglyDude1987 · 2024-11-07T09:00:01+00:00

Here's my personal experience.

Before even getting to the court, at every step of the way preceding court, mediators including court mandated mediators attempted to shame me, questioned my motives, and emotionally manipulate me into agreeing to lop sided custody terms. Questions and statements from court mandated and assigned mediators as well as others include "Why are you insisting on half custody? Is it because of the money", "Do you think it is appropriate to separate a young child from their mother?", "Have you read about the psychological impact of separating a child from his mother?", "I was on the board that rejected assumption of half custody for fathers", "Courts favor the mother during the tender years", "court favors mothers".

I asked what would court likely rule, and can we just go for that. Nope, they refused to divulge that information, court mandated mediator explicitly responded stated "I'm not telling you that".

Your attorney don't actually advise you want they think will be the likely outcome at the outset or how you should proceed. They only ask you what you want to do and do it. Only after spending $10s of thousands of dollars on mediation they may start to say they think x or y will be the outcome if you go to trial.

I spent $40,000 in back and forth mediation prior to even getting to court. Which was insisted by all parties involved. Actually going to court was quick and fairer and less expensive. She had engaged a known quack child psychologist with reprimands from the board and she was demanding I pay for it. He apparently comments on your sex life and includes that in his analysis. Fortunately the judge declined to move forward with that court case because she didn't have good reason for it other than she moved with her boyfriend and wanted to change my son's school district

I am highly super educated, multiple degrees, earn 6 figures and have savings stacked up to continue the fight. For fathers that don't I can easily see them becoming overwhelmed by all this.

Pretend-Assumption-9 · 2024-11-07T09:13:21+00:00

They know the truth but yet say things like this because it works for them.

They get money + revenge on the husband. For them revenge is more important than their kid's upbringing.

RoryTate · 2024-11-07T17:21:56+00:00

Read up on the "Tender Years Doctrine", which is a principle of English common law from the early 1800's that still affects legal decisions around custody to this day. Even in countries where this doctrine has supposedly been "abolished", the presumption is still never a true 50-50 split of custody. For example, courts will take easily abused concepts such as "avoiding conflict between the two parents" into account when denying Fathers equal access to their children.

The reality of divorce is most often a nightmare for Dads and their children. Every single presumption and legal standard is stacked against men. It's no wonder that legal and financial problems related to divorce are associated with such a lethal risk factor for suicide among men.

RabidusUnus · 2024-11-07T17:50:30+00:00

To be fair, there are guys out there that just walk away and never look back. Those are the guys that get the spotlight.

The guys that exhaust all of their resources to try and be a part of their kids lives and are forced out, are treated like and seen as the above.

The guys that get so screwed over that they can’t afford to feed themselves or keep a roof over their head, are also viewed and treated the same.

The guys that get so fed up with it all that take their own lives just to escape the pain aren’t taken into account.

At the end of the day, every guy that “leaves his family “ is believed to “deserve the bed he is now sleeping in” because women can “do no wrong”

It’s a messed up system, and an even more messed up social structure….but that’s pretty much the base of it all.

LoopyPro · 2024-11-07T08:39:34+00:00

After divorce, many fathers have their kids held hostage by the mother, who is backed by a heavily biased family court. To not financially cripple themselves, they are often advised not to fight for custody. Them trying to protect themselves by refusing to play this rigged game is often mistaken for deliberate abandonment.

llmethuselah · 2024-11-07T08:10:55+00:00

I did fight hard for my kids and won full custody of those that were still minors at the end of the process. I spent 350k directly on the courts and lawyers and their mother spent 120k that I had earned. The process took more than 3 years and was utterly brutalizing to both me and the children. At one point for six months I simultaneously had court orders from one court saying I was not allowed in the same suburb as one of my children or her school even if I did not know where she was, and orders from another court stating i had total responsibility for her and she was to live with me and I was to get her to school!

The alienation continued anyway after the final orders. I haven't seen two of my adult children for 5 years anyway, 2 have drifted back and I see them occasionally.

Men who earn less that 500k per year should just give up.

Of course then everybody can pretend they don't want their children.

Temporary-State-3833 · 2024-11-07T11:50:14+00:00

I’ve seen lawyers scaring dads into believing that if they fight this anymore they might lose the visitation rights aswell to their child

princess2036 · 2024-11-07T15:09:28+00:00

Woman lying.

MembershipWooden6160 · 2024-11-08T01:36:31+00:00

OP, each case is a case of its own, but yes, there's a new trend in 21st century where not only fathers but both parents don't want to take care of their children and kids are raised by their TV, ipad, cellphone, kindergarten, school, anyone but parents. In fact, more and more couples literally state this in front of court, or they display their disinterest of being responsible over the kids, at least not during their free time.

People may not accept it, but trends also show growing number of couples where both parents simply want the kids to stay with the other parent, especially during weekends and holidays when they plan to have their own free time. Nobody can blame them, it's literally abused by so many women by sending the kids to their dad while they have a good time with their new boyfriends during days when they don't have any work obligations.

Before you argue how women are thus "better" parents, let me be very blunt: It's stupid to argue that a working parent can have a quality time by accepting the kid during Monday-Friday schedule, especially if a kid is still in school. It's so retarded to have such setup as a common "shared" custody and it's even dumber and exploitative to abuse the "optional" parent by offloading much of the work while still not being rewarded in any manner, other than somewhat lower child support payments... because CS payments are literally determined by the proportion of days in a year a child spends with one or the other parent and the parent who has more days nominally spent with the kid is the "primary" custodian, even in such shared parenting... even if the parent literally sends the kids to someone else.

But that's not all. A parent who has the kids over the workdays will literally see their kids shortly before school and shortly before going to sleep, at best. That's also why their kids spend much of their time by looking into some screen, it's easy way to opt out of parenting, although it piles up tons of problems later on, primarily related to a child's attention span, general socialization and school achievement. But if you notice how the child custody and child support work, you'll understand why parents increasingly refuse to have their kids over the weekends. And that's not all.

In fact, society has "socialized" men in such manner over the previous generation where they witnessed so many single mothers raising their children, with many of these men who opt out being children of single mothers themselves. While it's not ALL parents, you have increasing number of parents who will rather opt out if their finances allow them (because less days spent with the kids means more child support paid and not everyone can afford that). There are tons of reasons why men are more common to do it today, one of which is because they are more likely to end up being that "weekend parent" at best and they just don't want to be the nanny for their ex while she goes to spend quality time with her boyfriend. They've likely witnessed it first hand during their own youth or they had someone in their family or neighborhood who behaved like that and they don't want to be someone's tool. It's literally beneficial for men today to be emotionally detached from family, to keep in mind that once they part ways with the mother they'll likely have their relationship with kids strained, or to simply put it - men are socialized in such manner where they know and accept how the things go in our society and they will have it much better if they simply move on and be that "boyfriend" themselves, the one who spends quality weekend with their GF, rather than the sucker who's raising the kids, being the optional dad and sucking at any chance of finding someone new, without hindering their prospects of new serious relationships too much.

But keep in mind that parent-child relationship is a two-way street. Maybe you don't see it like that because you always think of underage kids, but it's also very common for the kids to have strained or no relationship with their parents at all in our day and age. In fact, it's primarily adult children who decide to cut any contact with their elderly parents, not vice-versa. About 65% of fathers and about 25% of mothers have no contact with their adult child. It's also very easy to explain why strained relationship (or not having any relationship) with a father is more common - about HALF of all kids reach 18 years of age without living with their father under the same roof, while the proportion for mothers is closer to 10%.

Grand-Juggernaut6937 · 2024-11-07T19:35:45+00:00

Movies and books probably

rabel111 · 2024-11-08T02:54:37+00:00

This is a gender stereotype, that demonstrates the paradoxical approach of our legal system to gendered laws.

Women's Lib appropriately and heroically worked for the liberation of women from strict gender roles. To a large extent, and with the support of many men and women, this has been achieved. Women are now the majority of unioversity trained professionals, have careers, and can do most anything any man can do.

However, feminism is not women's liberation. It is a more odious marxist ideology, that has hijacked the women's lib movement. The core methodologies of feminism require women to be perceived as victims and men as perpetrators. This methodology is only functional if men remain subject to strict gender roles, supporting and protecting women, placing their own welbeing last, after the welbeing of the community and the family.

The family courts, and the legal system generally, enforce this strict gender role for men, insisting that continue to support their families. This role requires men to work, and work almost invariably outside the home, while women stay at home to care for the children. The nuclear family model.

BUT, while the courts apply this strict gender role to men, they do not apply the strict gender role to women. So the nuclear family model is a myth. Men who earn less or are even unemployed, are still stereotyped as providers whop have no time, or should have no time to care for children, while women, whether they are at home caring for the children or not, are stereotyped as relying on the support of men to provide for their children.

2020bowman · 2024-11-07T08:02:42+00:00

I could be wrong but I think it came from an idea that father's had to work and mothers had to stay at home with children. This is clearly not the case today.

HelpfulViolinist3562 · 2024-11-07T09:40:23+00:00

I love my wife to death, but honestly I really hope she gets the notion of having children either out of her head or her biological clock runs out, not that she won't love the kid or try her best but I don't think she's responsible enough to have a child and she sure as hell isn't emotionally mature enough. It's not her fault necessarily, she's got trauma and health problems (that she doesn't hesitate to blow out of proportion) I just don't think it's fair to the child. I'm not faultless either but I'm at least aware of that. She's also the kind of person that freaks out easily and automatically assumes the worst case scenario.

Eyez_ofa_goddess · 2025-05-02T18:54:32+00:00

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dispelling-the-myth-of-ge_b_1617115

Bitter-Blueberry-928 · 2025-11-10T20:13:40+00:00

All this is, and I mean all of the memes and the bullshit that you see is meant to weaken masculinity at every single step.

I’ve written about this. I’m going through my own hell, which involves these types of situations and I’ve wrote a small bit, which I will include below.

Essentially, when the woman takes the father out of the home, she takes the paternity of those children away. Here’s what I mean, if those children are not under the influence of their birth father. If their birth father is marginalized and hounded by federal and state authorities and threatened with jail if he does not give the very person who created the destructive situation (in most cases.) cash and prizes for her bullshit behavior. It’s no wonder a lot of men suicide, become “deadbeat“ dads or choose to remain in prison. Many times these are the men who actually feel that there’s a principal involved here and they will not accept what society is accepting as normal.

Like the valiant fighter who is faced with a overwhelming force, in the end an enemy who he knows is going to rape his wife and children, he murder-suicides, the entire family, so that they will not suffer so that their souls will not be harmed anymore.

We live in such a soft culture most people can’t even imagine these things.

I cover quite a bit for thought below and welcome comments. Let’s start a dialogue about what exactly the stated purposes vs actual results are and whether we as the public are being gas lit, in a very nasty experiment.

—-

From this father’s perspective and perhaps many others who resist coercive control (hence why many dads refuse to pay- these Dads resist unauthorized meddling authority) , if the child does not reside under his house, his rules and influence, this is NOT his child. So from his perspective you destroyed the child and father by turning the State and Federal government against him. He owes you nothing and no amount of causing additional grief and BS is going to convince him otherwise. Use some sense.

In this case many men take their own life as prolonged suffering makes no sense and it’s the only way to deliver consequences to the mother, her seeing the children without a father, which would have been the same consequence anyway. Either way the father is the scapegoat, very few less than 15% will ever seen by wider society as “good dads”. It’s a loose loose situation so why play?

There is nothing more destructive and idiotic than what you have done (divorcing the Dad that loves his kids - sole provider ‘killing it’, started his own business). Many men suicide over this.

You’ve entered severe trauma into your family via alienation of father and child, impoverished your family possibly for generations to come via this action.

I’m sorry, many of these parrots on Reddit aren’t going to tell you that you have been manipulated. Now you know.

The very best thing you can do is begin back channel communication to do 50/50 and end child support, let him catch up and the two of you regroup OUT of the ADVERSARIAL System, privately.

The “child support”, divorce, CPS racket has done more to create dependency, it destroys fathers and families very successfully which was the entire intent.

Ladies if you want a prosperous future for yourself and your children work things out in a REASONABLE manner, otherwise do not complain AFTER you have entered into such a devil’s bargain.

If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you see things?

Be reasonable, think critically and do not fall into your biology so easily, your judges, courts and police DO NOT work for you, they work for the very ones involved in human trafficking via the foster care system.

Nancy Schaeffer exposed this, she died for exposing it. Video below: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4nkgezojsgo&pp=ygUTTmFuY3kgc2NoYWVmZmVyIGNwcw%3D%3D

You have been socially engineered to act against your long term interest, this is often what you see the men pointing out, they cannot protect you and keep you safe from yourselves as you also feel you cannot trust their leadership and lack of strength BUT THINK!! Who runs the Lawfirm’s , congress, senate and police? Isn’t it mostly men? So what is the motive? Think critically , I say this with reverence for our mothers, from whom we all entered into this place (without a choice in the matter).

So instead of looking at what’s wrong with your children’s father, together with family and friends encourage to hero in him. Go against the grain. Unity is always stronger than alienation. People can be reasoned with, when they are calm, cool and collected. All you can do is try.

My spouse (soon to be ex I understand) has a great story about her Uncle when he came back from war. He was a mess. At one point he went out and got himself a mistress. Well the family found out and guess what they did? They visited on one of those weekdays when he had the mistress at the beach bungalow, the men dragged him out beat the $hit out of him (and he’s 6ft 6 just back from Afghanistan war) the some. Dragged the mistress out and sent her packing. They saved the marriage because they loved them, and their kids. If only we had that kind of tough love today.

Rallings · 2024-11-07T13:39:24+00:00

They come from fathers who don't want custody or to see their kids, and from fathers who don't pay child support. It isn't a new trend.

There are two main places these ideas come from. There are plenty of father's who have little interest in their kids lives, or who leave their families especially after messy break ups or divorces, and there are plenty of men who get a woman pregnant and either leave, never get told about the pregnancy, or have no way of knowing they fathered a child. Like from a one night stand or random fling where they don't know each other. The other side of things are the courts. Historically the courts tend to be biased towards giving mothers custody. A mother can feed the lie that a father isn't interested in being a part a child's life when they would, but if they have no rights they can be kept out of their child's life against their will.

Women also can't leave like a man can. If a man gets a girl pregnant freaks out and leaves, or on a fling where he doesn't know the woman and couldn't know if she was pregnant the woman in these situations can't leave. She's pregnant and having the child so she has to be present at least when the child is born.

And then when ot comes to child support who really wants to pay that. Some people will owe child support and fall behind for one reason or another. Not because they don't want to support their child, but because they can't pay for one reason or another. There are times when a father doesn't like how a mother is spending child support like they worry she is spending the money on herself and not taking care of their child as intended, then instead of going to court to work it out they don't pay.

None of this is to say men in general aren't interested in being a part of their kids lives or that they're more likely to not be involved than a mother. It's just some of the places these ideas can come from.

Capable-Mushroom99 · 2024-11-07T05:43:57+00:00

20 million kids with absent fathers, compared to 2.5 million kids with absent mothers. 10% of children with no father listed on their birth certificate. This suggests it’s not a “conspiracy theory”.

randonumero · 2024-11-07T13:17:10+00:00

I think it was the historical trend in developed countries. Imagine in the 1920s in the US. You're a man who loses his job and maybe you don't like your wife. So you leave NY to find work in Chicago. You then never return. That story while I wouldn't say was common, wasn't uncommon throughout much of modern history. The big problem came when the government stepped in to provide support for the woman and kids.

It's also fair to mention that when relationships traditionally broke up the man was able to move on and that was often easier to do without kids in tow. The majority of men with kids living with them who remarried were widowers looking for a new mom for the kids.

I'll also highlight that throughout much of US history women didn't work. The notion of small children being afraid of their fathers is a well documented fact because some kids barely spent time with their dads until they reached a certain age. So divorcing with small children for some men meant they didn't really have much of an established relationship with their kids and keeping the kid would have required needing a caregiver.

FWIW I think in modern times it's bull. It's easier than ever to find reliable childcare even though it's expensive. More men than ever also have strong bonds with their kids starting from infancy. So it's not some grand conspiracy so much as it's older politicians who don't really have a pulse or concern for modern day society. If you ever want to have some laughs watch members of congress question people (especially tech executives and medical professionals). I saw one hearing where a republican member who looked to be in his 70s asked the kinds of questions that I expected to eventually have him accuse a doctor of witchcraft.

I also want to throw out that we don't tend to elect or appoint people from split households, actual broken homes...Even most members who tell their I was one of you stories are often found to be full of shit. So we get politicians who don't care about family laws because they're never on the receiving end of bad policy. I once read a blurb by a family law judge who said he was harsh on men because he used himself as a standard for fatherhood. He grew up middle class and so did his children. It also came out that his wife didn't work and his children had a nanny.

Angryasfk · 2024-11-07T04:26:15+00:00

Data that shows men don’t show up for the hearings much less fight for custody. Duh

irisheddy · 2024-11-07T11:51:49+00:00

Isn't that just based on history where women are seen as the carer by men so they were given the child? Which has persisted to today's society?

I'm not sure it's in any way a new thing, I'd say it's a very old view.

funnybillypro · 2024-11-07T13:14:46+00:00

I've actually never heard that father's don't want custody. Only with specific people, but not about Men. My parents are divorced and I never heard those whispers.

Someone — typically fathers — not paying child support, yes I've heard that plenty. But again, more about specific people trying to get out of paying. (Often because they were broke or because they were sticking it to the ex-wife.) You didn't hear about those who do pay the child support cuz, well, like Chris Rock jokes, "What do you want, a cookie?!"

Do you have links to a few examples that makes it a trend? Is this maybe something that's just some random chicks on TikTok saying? (I don't really value what random tiktoks by unknown people say. There's an incentive structure there to be wild for views and I'm not sure that many even mean what they're saying.)

Title	Can anyone tell me where they get into this concept that fathers don't want children's custody?
Author	Joker_01884
Upvotes	110
Comments	61
Date	November 7, 2024 4:09 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1glhzkm/can_anyone_tell_me_where_they_get_into_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/can-anyone-tell-me-where-they-get-into-this.1534893 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534893

Comments