Why?

team_starfox3 · 2024-12-16T09:09:02+00:00

Something i came across recently

Men sacrifice happiness for family Women sacrifice family for happiness

There's a reason why something like 80% divorce is started by women.

Reflog1791 · 2024-12-16T07:21:53+00:00

Don’t forget if she was there she would kill the fun.

Camping_Dad_RC · 2024-12-15T13:19:23+00:00

I don’t know your situation, but I can pretty confidently predict she is insecure, probably as a result from unresolved childhood trauma. Likely traits of some personality disorder, maybe would even be diagnosed by a skilled clinician.

I was betrayed too, and I can relate to the bewilderment. There won’t ever be an explanation that is satisfactory. The explanation is most likely that she’s childish. She sought validation as an unhealthy coping mechanism for her aforementioned insecurities. Perhaps it was even more a foregone conclusion due to other behavior patterns attributable to a personality disorder, but that’s not likely something you will ever know. The story isn’t unique. She engages in self-destructive, selfish, and reckless behavior. She’s caught, or gets caught up in her delusions. Shame descends upon her, and she goes into fight or flight. The circle of self-destruction continues and consumes everyone in proximity to her.

Healthy, well adjusted people don’t behave this way. Sure, they may still divorce, but they don’t cheat - inflicting trauma on their spouse and children, they don’t run away from the family to avoid facing the destruction of their behavior. They don’t escape into another relationship to avoid dealing with the heavy emotional toll. They don’t galavant around in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship like nothing happened.

She’s not right upstairs my man. That’s probably as much as you’ll ever be able to understand. I know how you feel. I get the confusion, the frustration, the absurdity, and that compulsion to make some sense of this. It’s just insult to injury that you probably won’t ever get that kind of closure. I know how upsetting that probably sounds, how invalidating and isolating it can be sometimes. I still feel that way sometimes.

Time. As cliché as it is, time brings acceptance and acceptance is probably the closest most of us get to understanding.

It’s unfair, no doubt. It’s pathetic, and unconscionable. I validate all of your feelings brother. They are absolutely reasonable questions and rational responses to this dumpster fire you are facing.

Vent away. You have to get that shit out. Feel the feelings. Grieve.

You’re already a good dad, and I’m sure you have gotten plenty of “focus on the kids” suggestions. You already know that, and I acknowledge how the good times can evoke these intrusive thoughts of confusion and disgust. You aren’t alone in that either, not that solidarity is any consolation.

Only thing I would say, is give some thought to how you can stop her betrayal, and resulting selfish behavior from robbing you of the enjoyment days like today bring. It’s not a race, and you aren’t doing anything wrong for feeling the way you do. Just that these good days with the kids won’t last forever, and you don’t deserve to have any more of your life stolen. She sucks man, no question. You didn’t deserve this. The kids deserved better. She’s obviously not going to be participating in the solution. She left you holding the bag on that one. It’s unfair. Injustice is just one of the many burdens you got stuck with as she abdicates her responsibilities. Finding a way to begin down the path where you stop holding the metric ton of shit she left on your doorstep is what you deserve. It’s a long road, and you don’t have any obligation to walk that path until you’re ready. I’m not at the end of the trail myself. Ultimately she doesn’t deserve the opportunity to steal anymore from you though, and the cruel reality of life is that only you can heal the trauma she caused to prevent additional theft.

Posteus · 2024-12-15T05:08:42+00:00

Dad, you are doing great! Keep on being the best dad you can. You’re an inspiration. Those kids need you more than ever during this time. You cannot control her behavior, you can only control yours. It seems to me that you are making the most out of this situation. No other man will be those kids dad! You are their dad! No one can replace you. I’m rooting for you man. Stay strong.

albertabest1 · 2024-12-15T02:39:11+00:00

She only cares about herself and her own happiness. Everything else comes second. Sad, but that's the truth. Ignore it and have a great time with your kids.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-12-14T23:33:35+00:00

Your ex wife no longer loves you romantically, that is why. She loves someone else romantically and wants to be with them.

Your family isn't broken. Your kids have an awesome mom and dad and are going to do just fine. And once you let go of your ex and move on to other women you will do just fine too.

Don't make your kids or your romantic partner the center of your world. That is a recipe for disaster. This is your journey and your life to live, focus on you. Learn to validate yourself rather than relying on others to complete you.

When you start dating again you are going to run into women who are really into you but you are not really attracted to them. These women will repulse you when they text you, do things for you, and try to hang out with you. This is when you will have that lightbulb moment and understand what your ex-wife feels about you.

Short-Obligation-704 · 2024-12-14T23:23:52+00:00

In my experience, it was because my ex is a covert narcissist and therefore a horrible mom. She’s glad to have the time away from her kids because she doesn’t actually give af about them.

0neMinute · 2024-12-14T23:01:19+00:00

Bored

Title	Why?
Author	Accomplished_Draw254
Upvotes	31
Comments	21
Date	December 14, 2024 10:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hees4w/why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why.1538508 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538508

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