Are women actually turned off by Men who have feeling for them?

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MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-12-16T21:42:28+00:00

I imagine some women out there do this, but I haven't really come across a woman who had feelings for a guy and then lost them as soon as he expressed interest. If she didn't like you to begin with I could see her pulling away if you told her you have feelings for her, but that's being "turned off" when it comes to a friendship, not a romantic relationship.

HappyCat79 · 2024-12-16T22:02:54+00:00

It depends on the circumstances. If I have just started dating someone and he starts expressing love within the first week or two then yeah, I lose interest because that’s a red flag. If someone is giving me tons and tons of attention and affection early on and it seems disproportionate to the appropriate level of attention and affection you should give to a person you don’t know that well then I will get turned off by that because it’s a red flag.

If I have been seeing someone, if we are exclusive, and they express feelings/attachment for me after an appropriate amount of time and I also have similar feelings/attachments developing then it’s awesome and I love it!

It can take a long time to really fall totally and deeply in love with someone.

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I have loved him for a year now, but I had been protective of my heart because of all the abuse I suffered at the hands of my ex. I didn’t even realize it until the protective wall cracked and the emotion and love I feel for him became overwhelming. I feel so much gratitude for him. I’m in awe of how deep my feelings toward him go, and the thought of losing him terrifies me. I’m not worried about him ever leaving me, I’m more thinking like losing him to death. That scares me so much.

Any-Remove-4032 · 2024-12-16T22:38:26+00:00

Well, when I asked my now-wife if she wanted to marry me, she said yes.

So at least one woman didnt get turned off 🤷‍♂️

And I see other people announcing marriages too, so it seems like the answer is a no? Maybe? Depends on the individual?

HTML_Novice · 2024-12-16T21:46:14+00:00

When a man develops feelings and attachment to a girl it can make him act dependent, needy, and weak.

So yes, unless you curb these behaviors and maintain independence she can definitely lose attraction

KoleSekor · 2024-12-16T22:56:43+00:00

Courtship is less fun and exciting for women when men spill out everything they're feeling and remove all the mystery and uncertainty of the situation.

Besides the initial interaction (men must always approach), women want to pursue. They enjoy the process of chasing and "winning" a guy over.

Like a cat and a string, the cat gets bored when you make the string easy to catch.

Wise_Jellyfish_2333 · 2024-12-16T21:43:14+00:00

Pretty much, when I don’t care for a woman and I barely give them attention they reach out more and put forth effort but when I do like a woman and let it be known, the vibe always changes. Next time you like someone, act like you don’t

Hotsexygirl9 · 2024-12-16T22:17:24+00:00

This is a real question?! Lol, mutual obsession/interest will turn me on the most. Once i notice that they dont have mutual feelings for me then im out.

just_another_fuckboi · 2024-12-16T22:28:52+00:00

Men hate physical sluts, women hate emotional sluts

SituacijaJeSledeca · 2024-12-16T22:34:46+00:00

Depends on what kind of face you have.

InterestingDiamond35 · 2024-12-16T22:39:33+00:00

Only if he’s unattractive

Lovers691 · 2024-12-16T22:41:00+00:00

If the woman is a bad person sure but aside from that women want the men they love/are attracted to, to love them

EetinAintCheetin · 2024-12-16T22:57:39+00:00

There is a a lot of truth in that statement, but there are also a lot of caveats. Here is one big piece of the puzzle that men always miss because they are brainwashed by feminized and outdated dating advice.

What men almost always miss is that: people never want what they can get and only want what they can’t get.

So while your statement isn’t true in all cases, it is usually in a very specific case where it does become true. Think about the “romantic” experience of the average, clueless chump. He usually is crushing on some girl for months and even years. Sometimes it may be someone he just met or matched with on app who is kind of out of his league. So he starts daydreaming about her and how they can be bf and gf, and what their kids will look like.

Before you know it, he has built a one sided emotional attachment based on an idealized image of a woman, amplified by horny chemicals. So it usually ends up that the guy is wanting more out of a situation than the woman is. And once one person wants something more than the other person does, they lose their power and become the pursuer. And chasing others almost always results in them rejecting you.

This is usually a result of men either not having a lot of options so they tend to latch on to the first woman who shows them some attention or because they are simply inexperienced and too needy and not confident enough in themselves to slow down. They want to jump into something serious too soon and that pushes women away. Women WANT to CHASE men. But men never give them the opportunity to because they are so needy and want to make things more serious than the woman is prepared for.

Of course, it doesn’t help that our culture teaches us that women always want committed and exclusive long term, deep relationships, which is a total lie. Maybe they do want those things, but they want to earn them over time, not have them given to them on a silver platter. There is a scientific study that found that men who have ambiguous feelings towards a woman are more attractive to her.

And that makes sense. A man with more ambiguous feelings, who likes her but isn’t prepared to offer more, is someone they can’t get. The guy who gets easily attached and develops feelings for her before she’s had the chance to is who she can get. Therefore, he is not nearly as appealing to her, at least in the begging stages of dating.

Of course, this isn’t applicable for the entire dating process, but it is applicable in the early stages of dating. As two people begging to get to know each other and start feeling fond of each other, developing feelings becomes normal. But it takes time and it cannot be rushed. If you try to rush it, it becomes a total turn off.

That’s why the concepts of planting hard to get, bring unavailable, being involved in other drama in your life (other women, some important purpose, career, etc) are something that a lot of dating and relationship coaches espouse. These things make a man more attractive. The nice guy is always available and he always makes the woman the center of his life. The so called bad boy doesn’t. He is often unavailable, not keen on committing, and happy to just enjoy sex and have a good time. He is actually much tougher to land than the sappy chap, who has feelings for her.

It may be cruel, but it’s reality and we must live in it.

berichorbeburied · 2024-12-16T22:27:02+00:00

Lowkey

I don’t understand it

But if a woman knows you really want her

It’s a turn off

If she knows that you are trying hard for her

It’s a turn off

If she knows you cut off your options for her and focused solely on her

It’s a turn off

I can’t understand it tbh

So I’m not going to go deeper into analyzing

Most of my success has come from just ignoring said woman

Than that said woman constantly comes up to me. And takes her time opening up. Then decides somehow that she’s fallen for me. Then slowly escalates on her own time. Then she gives me an opportunity to have sex with her

If I interrupt that process and try to rush it or initiate too much. It always ends bad for me

Ofc I used to be bluepill

So take what I’m saying about my past experiences with a grain of salt

As I’ve never really cold approached or went straight sexual from the beginning

EulenWatcher · 2024-12-16T21:32:56+00:00

Generally, no as long as she's into you as well. A lot of women will start minimizing time spent together if they know that you have some unrequested feelings for them. It's not that they're "turned off" by it - they've never been "turned on" to start with.

People with insecure attachment style, men and women, might lose interest when/if their feelings are reciprocated. If they enjoy the thrill/chase and uncertainty more than relationships themselves or if they're way too anxious about keeping a stable relationship, they might back off in this scenario as well.

It's also possible for a person to lose attraction/interest to you after getting to know you a bit more. My friend has done a lot of it - she's all ears to a guy and lets him talk and talk about himself, but the moment there's something off, she just drops him. It always leaves the guys completely bewildered.

Tobor_Xes240 · 2024-12-16T21:57:03+00:00

As an elder Millennial, the longest-lasting hetero relationships in my demographic are the ones where it’s obvious that the guy is the more attractive (financially, physically, etc.) of the two. He doesn’t pedestal her, and she recognizes that he is her best-case scenario.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-12-16T22:48:23+00:00

Women are turned off when a man has greater investment in her than she has in him, at any point.

If a man shows or expresses feelings for a woman and she does not feel the same way or stronger it will be a turn off for her. If they are involved it will often put the relationship at risk.

If she feels the same way or stronger she will be thrilled when he expresses this. If a man is head over heels in love and wants to spend every second with her then this is great for her if she feels the same.

This is tricky to navigate as a man. It can be risky to show your investment in a woman at different stages in a relationship. Too little can be ok, at least for a while. Too much is often deadly. For this reason, and others, being a bit reserved about this is usually the way to go. There are some good reasons why men are reluctant to share their feelings in a romantic context and this is one of them.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2024-12-16T21:40:42+00:00

Women often are not honest about what they want so men looking for LTRs regularly “turn off” women who just want casual relationships. Otherwise, no women prefer emotionally available men who express their feelings.

The men who have horror stories about being dumped after expressing their feelings were just delulu and dating a whore who was using them. Such whores are in a minority but they tend to attract men who also have stupid beliefs about the other gender

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Tylikcat · 2024-12-16T21:49:13+00:00

As others have said, only when we're not on the same page. And especially if a) we're not even dating or b) we've negotiated other boundaries and they aren't even acknowledging that. I have, in fact, had a guy screaming at me because of what I did to him, because we had explicitly stated no strings sex, and then when he decided he was in love and wanted to date me I wasn't onboard. (The guy I'm thinking of grew up over the next year, and we're friends now.)

If you aren't involved, polite, low key inquiries are fine, but announcing you're in love and expecting her to fix everything will rarely be well received. If you have some kind of specific agreement in place, renegotiating is fine - but she might not want to go there, and laying down ultimatums is unlikely to end well. Breaking things off because they want casual and you don't makes sense from either side, of course. And moving too fast is also frequently poorly received. (If you just had sex for the first time, and you have decided that now you're in love... give it a bit before you make any great pronouncements.)

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-12-16T22:02:33+00:00

Depends on the woman. I believe they have some sexuality term for it now, for when a person is turned off by attachment. It also depends on if that's what she's looking for at the time: if I had a FWB I wanted to keep a FWB, I'd feel a bit weird if he caught feelings and I didn't, yeah. But if I had feelings, I would hope he had them too.

HazelnutLattte · 2024-12-16T22:11:57+00:00

No I wish I could find a man that has feelings for me and the love will be mutual :( I’m starting to give up on finding love

ATasteofTx214 · 2024-12-16T22:21:34+00:00

Sometimes women are emotionally avoidant/ relationship phobic; we just mask it by dating/blaming unavailable guys. These r the women that appear turned off by men's feelings

bruhholyshiet · 2024-12-16T22:30:13+00:00

I think some women, just like some men, have a somewhat childish and immature enjoyment of the "cool, uninterested" pretty man/woman.

KikiYuyu · 2024-12-16T22:44:02+00:00

It really depends on how it happens or how he expresses it. Example, if a guy told me he loved me and we knew each other for like a week, that would put me off. Not because love is a turn off, but because the speed in which he got to that level sends off alarm bells.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-12-16T23:02:16+00:00

I can only speak for myself. When I was lukewarm about a guy it was a turn off if he was way too eager way too soon (but then again, I was 13-15 when I was going through this so I'm not the best judge). When I'm crazy about a guy him being crazy about me is like a drug, no better feeling than that.

6teeee9 · 2024-12-16T22:01:25+00:00

?? no??? what do u mean by feelings

DankuTwo · 2024-12-16T22:04:42+00:00

Honestly, yes. As a man you can begin to show interest only after she has shown, and acted upon, SUBSTANTIAL interest in you.

missmireya · 2024-12-16T21:40:57+00:00

Are we talking about a man that I'm involved with romantically? Or just some random dude I was polite with through work, got to know him and months later he's pouring his heart out to me?

The first question- No, not turned off. That would be the ultimate goal for me- Reciprocated feelings.

The second sentence- Both terrified and turned off. I would have to avoid him like the plague.

xH-Ox · 2024-12-16T22:42:39+00:00

What are all these answers? Some of you ppl are delulu. Never found a person that turned their back as soon as the partner showed that they were interested. If you talk about a commitment like having kids or getting married, then I'd say walking away is legit if you two diverge with regards to that interest.

But dating, trying to get to know someone, realising that actually you're attracted to them as a person...then they show interest too and you walk away? That's like staying in line for the ice cream you really want, buying it, paying, and when walking out, smashing it on the floor instead of eating it.

If sth like this happened to you OP, pls walk away and don't lose time with someone who doesn't appreciate you actually wanting to spend more time and do things together.

Title	Are women actually turned off by Men who have feeling for them?
Author	Ok-Garage-7012
Upvotes	7
Comments	38
Date	December 16, 2024 8:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1hfswm9/are_women_actually_turned_off_by_men_who_have/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-women-actually-turned-off-by-men-who-have.1538701 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538701

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