The bluepill says that men who can't date only have themselves to blame and need to improve. And yes, I do think there is correlation between male romantic/sexual loneliness and bad social skills, lazyness, depression, mental issues, but I also think that there IS a "chicken or egg" question regarding that.

Imagine a shop that is doing some huge discounts at black firday, and there is a large eager crowd gathering outside, and they storm in like crazy once the shop opens. Personally, my urge is to step away. And that feeling, that urge applies to life at large. For example, society is a pyramid scheme that is fundamentally hierarchical to the core, I understand this, and it makes me have a strong distaste for the idea of climbing the ladder for the sake of it.

And the thing is, as a man I feel similarly about dating as well. It feels like every single attractive woman I ever knew was either in a relationship, or there were 5 other guys around them who obviously ALSO liked her. It's like there is simply not enough room for the collective sum of male desire. Like it's logistically impssible to stuff all of it into mutual desire. Now the question is, how irrational that feeling is, how changeable our circumstances, and can men really change all this just by themselves. Even if it's possible, it's difficult. Do men have the strength for it? Realistically, I just don't think there is an answer to these questions.

Take bullying and kids being hierarchical in school. Perfectly normal stuff that we struggle to do anything about. Now, imagine if someone sugggested that the solution for that is that every single kid should be cooler and better. We would have a world full of cool popular kids and nobody would be bullied. How awesome! But let's be real, it's a pretty silly tought process, I think most of you would see that.

What if something like this applies to heterosexual dating for men? Women like awesomenss in men. Women like growth and new experiences and cool stuff like that. And we do live in a fundamentally hierarchical world where kids learn that from a young age. Why are we so certain that doesn't seep into relationships and sex? Would be nice if it didn't, but are we sure? How do we reconcile all this? Is it really enough to just keep telling men forever to do better?

Are men struggling because they are more likely to have weird shit in their heads, or are men more likely to have weird shit in their heads becaue they are struggling? That's the question.

If every single man did better, women would be more comfortable and less wary in life. That's for sure. They would have no unpleasnat experinces with weirdoes, they would be surrounded by men who dress stylishly and smell nice, and they wouldn't run into men whining on the internet anynore. But would they be attracted to more men, and would individual men have much less pressure to prove themselves? Do women even WANT to be attracted to more than 1% of the guys they come across in real life? Is there really infinife room for people to just all be cooler? And if there is, what if that's just difficult as fuck on a macro level?

For me, the mere possibility that there is some actual impossibility to all this, that men simply cannot work this out on their own, even if you would put it as "men are too weak", it saddens me greatly and it's something I think and care a lot about. I can't just shake it off and join the line of guys who women and whiteknights refer to as "normal regular humans who experince reasonable genitalia contact". Some things are more important than getting your dick wet, and I will never turn my back to men's pain.