What were your breaking points?

DazzlingEcho6475 · 2024-12-28T21:32:06+00:00

We had gone through a cycle of cheating on her end, reconciliation, emotional hell, cheating back to reconciliation, for about 10 years.

I asked myself the question before her final AP "does she make me the luckiest man on earth?"

Ouch, that perception hit hard.

Filed after finding out about the last one

Ssla1 · 2024-12-27T08:07:29+00:00

I live in CA and everything was my fault, I was the worst dad, nothing was ever enough I brought us to multiple therapists and even a 12 step program. She didn’t want to put in any work or look at herself at all just point the finger. As the months went on every month that went by was a financial liability to me. So I filed for divorce before we hit four years of marriage. We are now 5 months into a very expensive process and we finally have a court date in 2 months. We had sex less than 10 times while we were married and I’m sure she’ll walk away with six figures, plus I have to pay my attorney and maybe hers as well.

alifeofpeace · 2024-12-25T19:16:52+00:00

I got tired of the drinking in excess and the bullshit. I got tired of being used for what I could bring to the table. I got tired of being disrespected. I was ready to be respected.

EarAccomplished1300 · 2024-12-25T14:34:57+00:00

My breaking point was when I realized there was no reality. What I said, my intentions, meaning, and thoughts were all assigned to me. I started writing things down to make sure I knew what was real.

I realized I couldn't be the father my son needed if I was so confused.

Confident-Insurance6 · 2024-12-25T14:07:51+00:00

For 16 years it has been more downs than ups, the obsessive connection to her family, and what they tell her. The hatefulness towards my family, towards coworkers and/or anyone I knew. Jealousy, insecurity, too lazy to do anything around the house, the stubbornness which often caused her to lose her job and relationship with others. At the end I realized she’s a very troubled person with a lot of issues and the unwillingness to seek help

Zealousideal-Let1344 · 2024-12-25T07:27:23+00:00

I couldn't tell you that there was a single breaking point. It was a long slide. The first issue was a lack of sex or any kind of physical closeness for over a decade. Then our son graduated from University and got a job and moved out of the house so it was just the two of us. And then I was approaching retirement and realized that I was going to have to spend the rest of my life with somebody that was basically a roommate. That's when I initiated divorce proceedings

EconomistVisible2767 · 2024-12-25T01:21:29+00:00

There was Her Cost.

Then there was Her Cost + The Cost of a Divorce.

Then there was the price I was willing to pay.

Then there was a "Oh, and the car is banged up."

Know the cost of divorce, that's all I can say. It was worth it for me. But there are a wide range of outcomes.

Masiaka · 2024-12-24T22:35:02+00:00

My breaking point was some months after being blackmailed into an relationship. I was dealing with the worst anxiety I've ever dealth with. I disassociated at tiames because she would go out and just not come home. We had 2 girls and I desperately did not want to break our home. She followed zero boundaries. She took my kids to see her boyfriend without asking me, it was clear she had no respect for me any longer and I just couldn't see it. I kept praying that she would see how much she was hurting me and stop, but abusers don't work like that I guess.

Anyway, I found a receipt from a vacation they took and he had bought her some crazy expensive jewelry. I had a moment of clarity on why it seemed so hard to pick between the husband of 10 years and the new guy.

I called her and she had the gall to put me on speaker in front of the boyfriend, so I told her she could either come home and work it out with me or just move out, because I just couldn't take it anymore. I was dumb enough to think that after 10 years and 2 kids that she'd not throw our relationship away for some dude she just met. I trusted her to stand by her commitments.

I was wrong. I was very, very wrong.

NC_Geezus · 2024-12-24T16:31:30+00:00

I found out about the cheating and was devastated. I had a hard time accepting it and didn’t force any real accountability and we just quit talking about it and faded back into “life”. Flash forward 8 years (or so) and I found out she was cheating again - this was my breaking point. I realized that this is who is, it’s who she’s always been and always will be. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, so I lawyered up and started the process. Wish I would have done it 10 years ago (for what that’s worth).

Vollen595 · 2024-12-24T15:26:16+00:00

I had that ‘something is off’ feeling going on for a few years. One child, now 16.

My breaking point was more than forced. It turned out our teen daughter knew about mom cheating. For almost two years. Not only that, but when mom figured out her 13 year old daughter has solid morals and knows how wrong mom was acting, her mom started to extort her to stay quiet. She threatened often to simply kidnap her, move to another state with her trash family and enroll her in a school and establish an address so there would be little I could do to fight back. My trashy ex would even show her own teen daughter pics of guys she was attempting hookups with, saying things to her like ‘do you think I could hook up with this guy?’ or ‘what do you think about him?’ all while telling her to keep her mouth shut or she would show up one day at her school with all of her shit packed and move her 1000 miles away before I knew what hit me.

Fast forward and my daughter snapped. She has saved a lot of evidence of what mom was doing, including the most recent being less that a week prior. My daughter sat us both down and calmly and deliberately threw her own mom straight under the moving freight train. My ex’s immediate reaction was to first claim her phone was hacked and then flip out on her daughter calling her ‘a lying manipulative b*tch’ straight to her face. My daughter didn’t even flinch. My daughter had been silently living in a personal hell her own mom created. She simply wanted to go to school, get good grades and enjoy being with her friends.

On a 2:1 vote, mom was out the door. I filed for divorce immediately and once the kidnapping threats hit the court room, both dad and daughter were granted a restraining order. We kept the house, ex is gone and owes child support (of which she hasn’t paid a dime because she thinks it’s unfair. Staggering).

I have never looked back. Neither has my daughter. She hates her mom. However the court granted mom visitation as long as she met certain stipulations and requirements for the safety of her child. As you may have guessed, she never did a damn thing as required. My ex’s life is currently in a tailspin, everything for her is unraveling, 3 different states, essentially homeless yet still abusing drugs and alcohol. And thousands of $s behind in CS in a state that has zero problem throwing her in jail for it. The only reason she’s not in jail is I haven’t filed with the state about missing CS. Why? At some point in the very near future, it becomes a felony and it’s game over for her bullshit. Karma truly is a bitch.

Never for a second have a looked back or regretted how I cut her out of my life instantly with no excuses. I have a daughter to raise, to make sure she’s not like her mom. Not to pretend, it’s all been an emotional nightmare for everyone. My ex only cares about one person, herself. It’s honestly disgusting. She will go a month without even attempting contact with her child and when she does, a typical text is ‘I haven’t heard from you in a while’ then heart emojis and other cut and paste 3 lines of crap she sent a month earlier. It’s pathetic. My daughter just ignores her. I found my kid a great counselor because.. well, see above. The compassionate side of me thought it was unhealthy for a daughter to ghost her mom. Turns out I was wrong. Two counselors have both told me, let her do her thing. She’s setting limits. Then made it very clear she never needs to be alone with her mom and both offered to appear in court on my kids behalf if so needed. That shook me a bit. Then one counselor approached me, said I need to get help myself because of the size of this mess. After the holidays, I just can’t right now.

That’s my final straw. Unfortunately it’s not a one time and done situation but I’m taking care of business the best I can. Without my ex. She ceased to exist in my world the second I found out she involved my daughter in her shitty lifestyle. Karma can deal with her now.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-12-24T14:48:50+00:00

Here's my story:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ff9g2k/fuck_you_im_still_standing/

We are moving forward with the divorce.

100% the right thing to do.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-12-24T11:35:42+00:00

Why would any man get married in America knowing the American legal system? It's absolutely insane. No love or pussy is worth the destruction men potentially face

No_Surround_495 · 2024-12-24T11:33:56+00:00

I wish I had one. My marriage has been awful forever. My wife had an emotional affair and she told me she wants a divorce. I’m still in the house living our daily lives in front of my daughter like everything is ok. She went on an app and met someone and went out even “just as fiends”. Yet I’m still in denial and want to make this work. Not sure why.

Gattsama · 2024-12-24T10:29:06+00:00

If your marriage is unstable and you are able to at least leave CA. After ten years you are truly fucked in CA.

superman_410 · 2024-12-24T08:14:27+00:00

I got cheated on and i filed for divorce immediately, yes it was worth it, lawyer up

Lefaid · 2024-12-24T15:23:41+00:00

I had 2 breaking points. The first was after laying my heart out to the marriage counselor, she declared that I need to stop lying to him about what was going on.

The second was after a 1 on 1 conversation where she declared she had no interest in continuing the relationship, she found nothing attractive about me and there was nothing I could do to even have a friendship with her.

She was staying with me because she was stuck with me for a variety of reasons. But I wasn't dependent on her at all, so I began pursuing a divorce.

Title	What were your breaking points?
Author	No-Effective5387
Upvotes	5
Comments	18
Date	December 23, 2024 6:00 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hktfva/what_were_your_breaking_points/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-were-your-breaking-points.1539372 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539372

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