STBXW...I hate her.

UnknownUsername113 · 2024-12-31T21:38:46+00:00

Dude… I feel your pain. My soon to be ex wife pulled the same shit. Our sex life wasn’t great at the end because both of us were dealing with career, financial, and children stress. She asked to bring another man into the bedroom and I went ballistic. I feel like men who are okay with that need to grow some balls. It has nothing to do with being secure and everything to do with being a pushover.

All the advice I have is to let that shit go. It’s hard to do, and I still struggle after being apart for almost two years. I want nothing to do with her but I’m forced to deal with it for the kids.

For the sake of your kid, let it go. The sooner you realize she was never in love with you, the sooner you can move on and recognize it as just another time wasting setback. Set some fucking goals. If you’re working toward something, give it all the drive you have and you’ll realize how little you need her in your life.

When you can view her as just another random woman that you want nothing to do with you can get rid of all the emotional shit that messes with your decision making ability. She’s a business transaction at this point. Cut your losses and come back stronger so you can show her what she fucked up.

One of the main points my wife gave me for wanting a divorce was that she felt like she was holding everything together financially. We moved to a new area for a huge promotion in her career. I work in construction and left all my contacts and help behind me to start over. It’s a struggle to build that.

Two weeks after she asked for a divorce, I hit it hard on starting my business.

I now bring in about 35% more than she does and 55% more than I was making. She shacked up with another guy 4 months later so she can’t legally collect alimony. We have a 50% custody split so she doesn’t get child support.

I laugh when she complains about money now. She almost financially ruined us and now I’m paying for everything we had on my own. That’s a pretty good feeling to know you don’t need someone. You need to get yourself there.

Anyway… that got winded. You got this shit. Fuck her and don’t waste your anger on her. Every minute you spend being angry with her is a minute you’ve let her steal from you.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-12-30T20:46:13+00:00

Do you have a question or are you just venting?

Your marriage is over, the quicker you come to grips with that the better. Start thinking about how you're going to get primary custody or - at least 50/50 custody. Start vetting divorce lawyers - most provide a free consultation.

Go online to your county's family court website. Plug in yours and your STBXW financial info - this will give you a rough estimate of child support and alimony.

I will bet your ex knows all the ins/outs of divorce already. She knows how much money she's entitled to, watch child support will be and how to make you pay alimony.

REMEMBER divorce is a negotiation. 90% are settled outside of court. Start your plan. Do NOT LEAVE THE house.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-12-30T18:29:40+00:00

Wife playing the poly card. Dealt with that. She is not poly, she wants to fuck other men and have you to pay the bills. Cuckoldry is what it is, not polyamory.

People who play this card are toxic. Cut them out of your life as much as possible. No communication with your ex other than logistics for your child.

Gym is mandatory (should be for all men regardless of heartbreak). Do not skip. At your age get on TRT. This is the outlet for your anger.

No alcohol, drugs or women until you have healed and grown. All 3 of these will set you back. If you do not grow the same you will show up on future relationships and they will implode just like this one.

redwzrd · 2024-12-30T18:29:31+00:00

dam similar with my wife. she got caught talking to a guy online from another country. she made it clear she has too meet this person. they have plans to meet he is flying to the states for a fling. even if its what she dreamed of then what.... she threw away everything we built and had for this fantasy..

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2024-12-30T17:37:13+00:00

Do not go down the Whiskey hole. Sure, a shot or two to steady the nerves, but no more. Then switch to tea or coffee or hot cocoa or a milkshake or whatever you find more relaxing. The best place for anger/betrayal is the gym, take it out on the iron. It'll be a win, win, win as you improve your health, improve your mental state, and positively burn off the anger energy.

Document, document, document. Once Physical Trainer or her Supervisor or the Dude that dealt nickel bags in her HS blows over and he either rejects her or she realizes he's not SuperChad the Barbarian - she will be back to guilt trip and gaslight you into taking her back and then besmirching your rep. So get your screenshots, security footage, charge card bills, etc. in a row and prep your story - keep it simple and let the evidence tell the tale for you.

Faceater25 · 2024-12-30T14:46:09+00:00

The best advice is to Forgive her.

This is for you.

When you have your intrusive thoughts just reply with the phrases:

“i am a free man.” “I have moved on.”

Reprogram your mind and this will reprogram your heart.

I am sorry you are going through this. It tears apart the heart and makes you question everything. I know from experience.

Good luck. Big hugs and stay strong.

Commercial_Music_931 · 2024-12-30T14:32:07+00:00

Once she realizes her dream is just a dream and will never actualize she's going to blow a fking gasket and you'll have so many crazy accusations and slander being thrown your way.

Document everything you can in texts. Recordings and video if legal in your region. They're pretty good at making you believe things will be amicable until you get to court and have to convince a judge you actually aren't a horrifically abusive man who tried to make her fk other dudes to feed your own fetish.

It will still be an uphill battle regardless but you can atleast make sure they use some bad dragon lube before they fk you instead of them going in dry.

Stay sane. Stay sober. And be there for your kids anyway you can be. Keep your mind busy and looking towards the future. Wishing you the best sir

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-12-30T08:02:00+00:00

The trash is taking itself out

BatGuano52 · 2024-12-30T06:44:24+00:00

Start therapy, now.

Get your kid into therapy, now.

You are in the right frame of mind but this shit eats at you and you need to process it.

Also, document the hell out of interactions with her. If she is actually stalking a guy who wants nothing to do with her, she likely has other mental issues going on and you need to be prepared to protect yourself and your kid.

She could get really weird on you in a hurry.

Title	STBXW...I hate her.
Author	Minimum_Surprise_611
Upvotes	36
Comments	19
Date	December 30, 2024 3:34 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hpe0ir/stbxwi_hate_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbxwi-hate-her.1539858 https://theredarchive.com/post/1539858

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