Says he needs to see what God says about us. Should I move on?

FastLifePineapple · 2025-01-22T17:51:51+00:00

This was my last moderation comment post to you three months ago. You've deleted that post after being warned about post deletions.

/u/MathematicianMean273 if you delete another community post to hide your trails, moderation will consider that as posting and commenting without good faith or you're a hard case that will need exclusive in person professional help and will be given an indefinite RPW vacation.

Your next community post should be a field report progress on your nun mode goals:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1farcga/nun_mode/

RPW typically recommend periods of:

active posting to learn

and time to reflect and integrate

The community values self-improvement and long-term goal setting to maximize your personal happiness. We're going to allow you to take a 2 week vacation to rest and digest the content and information you're taking in.

Do not delete any of your post as that will result in a ban as per community rule.

Consider following my advice I gave you last time as it mirrors the same advice many of our star, endorsed, and general community members have previously advised you on.

Within the last month, you've had over 5 posts on RPW:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fta0u8/has_anyone_here_gotten_someone_to_wait_for/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fqu3jh/thinking_about_becoming_christian_is_this_the/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1flepnj/for_those_of_you_ladies_who_wear_makeup/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fhjz0a/dating_as_a_fat_girl/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1ffgepe/book_club_the_proper_care_and_feeding_of_husbands/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1femq8i/book_club_the_proper_care_and_feeding_of_husbands/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fd1zir/a_woman_cannot_date_backwards/

https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1farcga/nun_mode/

Consistent-Citron513 · 2025-01-22T06:36:06+00:00

If he says it's okay for you to look other people, he's not that interested. Nothing about that implies that he's willing to wait for marriage for you. You can also certainly do better than a guy who's more than twice your size.

As for the weight, I won't tell you to lose weight, but as someone who has also struggled with weight issues and at one point was more than 250 lbs (I think 285 was the highest), I can tell you that many people have to try more than twice. Don't give up. Calorie counting is one effective tool, but it often takes more than that. What has your exercise routine been like? What kinds of things do you often eat? How much water do you drink compared to other things like soda, juice, etc? Have you been checked for any issues that affect weight gain like hormone imbalance or hypothyroidism? You don't necessarily have to answer, just things to consider.

When I was at my heaviest (I have no medical conditions that would affect weight), the first things I did were increase my water intake and implement the Mediterranean diet. I also added chia seeds to the water as a source of fiber & to help me feel full. I had to force myself to get used to the texture. I limited any other drinks to no more than 1 cup a day. I've never been a fan of sodas and I don't consume any alcohol, but lemonade & milk are my weaknesses. I would say my job at the time was moderately physically active. Just by doing this without going to the gym, I lost 15-20 lbs. Once I started working out routinely, the effects increased. I'm not one of those people who enjoys working out by any means, but it's necessary. Pinterest has a ton of good exercise and meal advice. I did do some calorie counting at the start, but I eventually fell off due to forgetfulness. I was still able to maintain the weight loss though because I was still exercising and by that point, I was able to gauge how much of what I ate was appropriate intake for me.

Lastly, there are still guys, even good ones who don't mind or actually prefer bigger women. We should of course maintain healthy weights for our personal sake, but I hate the idea thinness is "must" for dating/marriage value across the board.

acorn735764 · 2025-01-22T06:35:57+00:00

If a man is telling you that you can talk to other people, then listen to his words. You deserve someone who wouldn’t even want that.

theyouthexception · 2025-01-22T06:12:42+00:00

Do you really want to be with someone just because you don’t think you can do better? Would you want your husband to only be with you because he doesn’t think he could do better?

Ok_Outside149 · 2025-01-22T13:26:21+00:00

Girl, in the 4 months you’ve been posting on here you could have lost 50lbs and made progress on the other issues you’ve posted about.

Are you being treated for your mental illness? You need to focus on that and not men. LOCK IN

spruceofalltrades · 2025-01-22T12:23:11+00:00

So can you also hear God? Do you have the HolySpirit too? Or just him? Bc it sounds like God told you what to do first

Underground-anzac-99 · 2025-01-22T07:34:48+00:00

If you have to point out that he does not support gay or trans ppl it already sounds like yr incompatible. If it wasn’t that big of a deal you would have focussed on other things only , like that he is fine w you moving on

PenelopeSchoonmaker · 2025-01-22T14:33:50+00:00

He’s telling you he wants to discern alone, while you talk to other men. It honestly sounds like either an excuse to break things off, or like he doesn’t believe you are part of that discernment process.

When my husband and I started dating, he was very intentional and told me he wanted to discern marriage together - going to Mass, praying together, etc. This guy wants to cut you out of that process while he decides if you’re good enough for him.

throwawaytalks25 · 2025-01-22T17:16:49+00:00

Believe people when they tell you how much or how little they value you. He has invited you to look for other people. He has not committed to you.

"I'm not perfect and probably can't do better" is NEVER a good reason to choose someone; it will only end in disaster and hurt.

You should NOT lose weight for someone else. But you should seek whatever level of treatment is required to address why you cannot prioritize your health. That sounds easy, but it is a tremendous amount of work. The payoff is valuing and loving yourself, and that is priceless.

tac0kat · 2025-01-22T15:52:27+00:00

He’s going to be dead in 10-15 years max. Move on.

Ok_Lychee1258 · 2025-01-23T19:12:54+00:00

No man who is serious about you is going to tell you to explore your options. That's the only thing here that bothers me. Everything else is just you trying to look for an excuse to justify why this is not working and your insecurities about yourself that cloud your mind about why you should stay. Keep healing and working on yourself.

AutoModerator · 2025-01-22T05:57:26+00:00

Title: Says he needs to see what God says about us. Should I move on?

Author MathematicianMean273

Full text: He (32m) said that he has rushed into a relationship with his ex who he had got an engagement with but broke off last year. He says he wants to listen to God and do service at church to discern if we’re right together. He says I can go ahead and look for other people though. Should I (27f) move on, or should I wait?

While he isn’t perfect (is over 400 lbs, is a Trump supporter, and doesn’t support gay and trans people) we have a lot in common and most importantly: he’s willing to wait for marriage for me. I’m 250 lbs myself and high body count with a severe mental illness so I know I’m not perfect and probably can’t do better.

But should I wait for him? And please don’t tell me to lose weight, I’ve tried that twice already and I gained it all back, and now when I try to calorie count I just overeat. I’ve tried going into nun mode and it didn’t work out so please try to tell me things I can do or things that will work.

Thanks.

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BumpinBellys · 2025-01-22T10:52:39+00:00

I'm a pretty conservative reformed baptist so my take is a little different than others on here. In my beliefs God is above all, a man is the head of a household and the spiritual guide in a family, and the woman is the nurturer of the children and their guiding hand in life. This man sounds like a dream to me. This man sounds like someone I would recommend to my best friend to date. He wants to talk to God to make sure this is the right thing to do, which is exactly what God expects of him. He's offering you a chance to see others because if you are a truly Godly woman and you feel called by God to be with him you will wait for him. I'm not sure that is your situation though if you are already humiliating him online by stating his weight and other imperfections you see.

I think this man sounds awesome, but I don't think you recognize that in him or you wouldn't have posted this. I think you should let him find someone who sees his value and does not post something online that would hurt his feelings if he discovered it.

Now about the weight thing. I was 270 when I got a gastric bypass and though the first few months of recovery were a little rough it was way worth it. But I don't think you need a gastric bypass. I think you need a nice abrahamic church (I saw you are progressive Muslim) to help guide you, especially if you are interested in men that believe in the the God of Abraham.

ColeIsBae · 2025-01-22T14:07:34+00:00

I’m the first person to tell women to “run” and have been dinged for it by the mods lol, but idk, this one doesn’t have as many red flags for me personally. Wanting to pray about the relationship is encouraging IMHO. If I were in your shoes, I would let him pray about it, while I go about reading Laura Doyle and employing her tips. Give that a shot for a month or two and see where that gets you, IMHO.

Title	Says he needs to see what God says about us. Should I move on?
Author	MathematicianMean273
Upvotes	0
Comments	39
Date	January 22, 2025 5:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1i74h6w/says_he_needs_to_see_what_god_says_about_us/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/says-he-needs-to-see-what-god-says-about-us-should.1541835 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541835

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