On the a-sociality of many men today

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-01-26T16:19:40+00:00

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One_Job9692 · 2025-01-26T10:59:03+00:00

You make a fair point—being constantly paranoid and treating every social interaction as a potential scam or loss isn’t a great way to live. If you assume bad intentions in everyone, you’re going to push people away and make it harder to form genuine connections. Yeah, the world has bad actors, but shutting yourself off from everyone out of fear just guarantees loneliness.

That said this ignores why so many guys feel this way. Modern social dynamics whether in dating, friendships, or work have made a lot of men feel like opening up is a risk. Many have been burned, manipulated, or made to feel disposable, so they put up walls as a defence mechanism. It’s not always paranoia; sometimes it’s pattern recognition.

So yeah, being hyper-defensive isn’t healthy, but just saying “lighten up and enjoy the moment” isn’t super helpful either. If we want men to be more open, we have to acknowledge why they’re guarded in the first place. This goes beyond mindset and is more about the new world we are all now navigating.

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-01-26T11:42:48+00:00

I have an interesting theorem about this. Based on my observations living in different places antisocial behavior seems to be strongly correlated to population density per square mile. Past a certain density you can behave terribly to the vast majority of people and still maintain a healthy circle of friends. Most people you will never see again

These attitudes may be an inevitable outcome of urbanization and population growth combined with human nature, the same way technology inherently increases wealth concentration in a free market as the winners expand their reach over the losers

Fair-Bus-4017 · 2025-01-26T11:33:08+00:00

This is way too vague. What context are we talking about? Are you talking about approaching strangers to try to get their number?

RoseyButterflies · 2025-01-26T12:39:46+00:00

If you are straight away assuming the worst of anyone that comes along, it's going to be very hard to have any good interactions.

Not to mention the people who notice you have this mindset may just give up trying to befriend you or date you.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-01-26T15:06:53+00:00

Why does every interaction have to be about gaining or losing something?

Because this is how people threat men, if you don't ask this question "what this person is going to extract from me?" you end up losing things without knowing.

Why not enjoy the moment, enjoy the conversation with each other.

Because enjoyment is never free, there's no "enjoying the moment" someone had to behind the scenes make the moment enjoyable.

And if the other person turns out to be unrepentedly manipulative and cunning, nobody forces anyone in public to interact with them again.

You still end up losing something before identifying this person as manipulative.

Here's the thing you don't seem to understand, there's no risk social or whatnot for treating men like shit or for leading them on. Only yourself can prevent being taken advantage of.

Imagine if stealing a smartphone was not against the law, everyone would take precautions with theirs.

GGMcThroway · 2025-01-26T15:44:22+00:00

Men don't go out of their way to interact with strangers unless they intend to get something about it. Men know this about other men. Women no longer have to play dumb and pretend they don't know this about men. Why pretend that this isn't the case when everyone knows this and no one has any incentive to act otherwise?

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-01-26T12:51:12+00:00

The social contract is essentially no more. Thus, it’s fuck or get fucked.

RahLyt · 2025-01-26T15:22:56+00:00

I think you can do both. I can enjoy the moment and not trusting you at the same time.

Most people are not good people.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-01-26T10:55:00+00:00

You might need to be a little more specific with what you're talking about,

James_M_Croft · 2025-01-26T11:45:27+00:00

Sorry to say but the reason men wanna avoid socializing and needs to be able to "gain something" to interact is the same.

Socializing when any "protected person" is around (woman, LGBT, "learning disability" person, child, crippled, etc) is a boring chore at best and unbearable sweatshop job at worst, in the urban environment in modern day America.

It is a series of fake interactions, with fake/deluded people, to keep certain people in line and certain people deluded, and if you don't play by its rules, you are severely punished. It is like you are in a nobles court and needing to keep up the act all the time. You are constantly walking on eggshells as long as these people are present. None likes to keep an act all the time. Particularly men. So their only choice is avoidance. And to those who have no close (male) friends or family... well... it means avoiding socializing at all times.

Women, children, etc only like it because they are the ones society are trying to delude at the cost of men.

We don't wanna work for free. So fuck off with the "socialize for socializing sake". We not working for your entertainment. You need to sweeten the deal with SOMETHING or we will not play your tiresome game.

ku-rosh · 2025-01-26T11:00:49+00:00

Many guys are honestly pretty chill with a friendly interaction but girls reject even that from them.

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attendquoi · 2025-01-26T15:38:57+00:00

Well for starters, I generally like to be left alone in public. When you're bothering people without considering whether they even want to speak to you, you don't get to complain about the responses.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-26T16:00:56+00:00

Very good post. I wrote something similar a few weeks ago.

One of my favorite psychotherapists, Dr David Burns created what he calls the Interpersonal Downward Arrow technique for uncovering interpersonal issues. The theory behind it is that we create our interpersonal reality by creating a movie script in our heads. Just like any screenplay, there are people who play a certain role and those roles have very predictable behaviors. The Villain will act a certain way and the Hero will react to them a certain way, etc.

In the arena of human relationships, many men play a specific role and they also see women as playing a specific role. Men might see themselves as disadvantaged, inferior, worthless, criticized, looked down upon, rejected, disposable, unworthy of respect. They may see women’s role as rejecting, demanding, uninterested, superior, hard to please, a source of status, a source of pain, higher status, a trophy, etc.

In addition to the roles, one creates unspoken rules to play by, related to these roles. Some of these rules for men might be: I have to prove myself to women, I have to always impress them, I must never show weakness or vulnerability, I must protect myself, I better avoid them to avoid pain and humiliation, since I am not in a position of power I must always play the submissive role, etc.

So if you expect women to always be rejecting, judgmental, hard to please, a source of pain and unpleasantness, how do you think a guy will come across when he interacts with women? He will likely be defensive, scared, afraid to be honest, he will try to fake confidence, or self isolate, he might try too hard to impress which only makes look like a douchebag, etc. And when women sense that behavior in a man, they will respond in a negative manner themselves. Thus creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-01-26T16:16:48+00:00

Why is your title gendered but your post not?

SituacijaJeSledeca · 2025-01-26T11:41:40+00:00

I think women are just hard wired to talk to good looking and/or tall men without any rapport, because they immediately see good genetic material so there is an assumption of positive interaction. Every other type of dude needs to have a rapport before engaging, which is way more difficult to build if you start from zero and why metric shit ton of guys get brutally rejected. Like how dare you average pleb try to talk to all so might woman, RANDOMLY?!

DebateTraining2 · 2025-01-26T12:34:52+00:00

If you live in a dangerous country or zip code, you should and will act like that. Otherwise, you won't. The advuce in this post is never applicable.

Any-Photo9699 · 2025-01-26T11:33:09+00:00

Why not?

Siukslinis_acc · 2025-01-26T12:06:33+00:00

It's a people thing. In our age of optimisation, hustle we are bombarded by the mindset of constantly having to gain something. It is frowned to do a thing just because you enjoy it - you need to gain something from it else you have wasted time. This mindset has also infiltrated the social connections.

Especially when we no longer depend on social connections to do things and can just hire people to do the things.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2025-01-26T12:44:50+00:00

its gamification

it is just a way to influence behavior and exploits that need to win

Title	On the a-sociality of many men today
Author	piotrek13031
Upvotes	7
Comments	69
Date	January 26, 2025 10:48 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1iabisl/on_the_asociality_of_many_men_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/on-the-a-sociality-of-many-men-today.1542194 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542194

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