Did the amount of kids contribute to divorce?

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-02-21T00:36:25+00:00

It is not the kids that cause the problems, it is the character of your wife.

Any-Dare-7261 · 2025-02-20T16:27:29+00:00

We had 3 kids, which she demanded. I worked and did the chores etc 90% of the time anyways since she was too good to help out around the house. When i was exhausted and she wanted “excitement because I’m bored all week;” I would go for a walk or recharge. She started banging some ugly dude that makes 3 times what I make and now the kids just stay at her parents while they spend time together. So a deadbeat, entitled, using the kids as gold bricks, single mother.

I don’t know if it was the kids. I’m going to sound arrogant but I am a decent looking man and its like she wanted kids with me and then wanted money and playtime with someone that would pay for it. The only reason she is fighting me for custody is for child support money, since she lost alimony, spousal support etc.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-02-20T00:33:15+00:00

Third child absolutely wrecked us individually and consequently our marriage too.

No-Marsupial1823 · 2025-02-19T20:21:28+00:00

Kids definitely played a part in my divorce

CRobinsFly · 2025-02-19T20:09:48+00:00

From what you've described, a second child will nuke your marriage. 2-3 more years tops. I'd put money on it... sorry.

For your own sake, don't have more kids, it just restarts the CS clock and increases it.

Exotic-Belt-6847 · 2025-02-19T16:10:09+00:00

I think it really comes down to the both of you and your characters. Kids are difficult and work no doubt, but they are an absolute blessing. In my case, my wife built up resentment, mad that I was always working while she had to be home with the kids, she was always tired, never in the mood and got addicted to being on her phone constantly. Its not so much the kids as it is just her character. When the kids would be excited to see me it would make her jealous…. clearly an emotional disorder at play but I didnt know that in out first years together. For a woman who was constantly tired, never in the mood and wanted to have a social life…. she ended up cheating on me with a perfect stranger, staying up all hours of the night. Suddenly she had a sex drive, wasnt tired and we separated…. but now she is a single mother 50% of the time which is not giving her much of a social life. When I worked I was still home every single night, would cook, clean and take care of everything and she could come and go as she pleased. This all goes back to the character…. doesnt make much sense to do all that but women are very emotionally driven and kids definitely bring out those emotions. It really depends on who you know you are as a person and who you think she is at her core. It drives some women to the brink of insanity.

Fun-Conference1361 · 2025-02-19T13:51:40+00:00

Not in the least. Marriage was rough from the jump and kids (2) added a lot of joy to the house. Now what I didn’t expect was how much her attention shifted. Didn’t want to go on dates in the city cuz too far from them and babysitter. Spending $ like it was going out of style on clothes and activities.

pandatitanium · 2025-02-19T12:09:16+00:00

Overall, the answer is yes. It also depends on the kid. My second from day 1 put a ton of strain on both of us individually and together, and still does to this day.

The kids make your family but they can be a threat to your relationship if you both aren’t aware of that and proactive. Real talk.

Gattsama · 2025-02-19T10:31:20+00:00

I'm my case, no kids. We were never healthy and debated kids over 17 years. There were a few times we were both yes, but overall, I knew it was a bad idea. In the end, divorced a d so thankful no children.

If your heart is not in it and your gut is saying no, don't do it. I have never regretted listening to my heart, I have mostly regretted it when I did not..

Cross_22 · 2025-02-19T08:20:47+00:00

Having a second child (and the way she dealt with it) has caused a ton of resentment on my part and was the beginning of a major rift. Basically she became depressed after I said "one is enough".

Eventually I felt so bad for her that I relented to try for a second one, thinking that if I make huge sacrifices she in turn will do the same for me. Instead it turned into more of a "screw you, got mine". I love my kids, but I have no doubt the relationship would have been a 1000% better without a second one.

its-n0t-me-its-y0u · 2025-02-19T07:01:01+00:00

Tough to say without having explored both timelines.

On the one hand, a second child extends the difficult young years which can prolong the disconnection period, which increases likelihood of divorce, especially if you’re already disconnected by one kid.

On the other hand, if divorce is inevitable I think two children is better than one. Being an only child of divorced parents sounds incredibly lonely to me. Better to have a sibling going back and forth with you between the houses throughout your childhood, the only true constant in your life. Just need to make sure the older one doesn’t blame the younger one for the divorce.

My recommendation is go for therapy right now. Align on the idea that therapy is not to have a referee to decide the winner or who is worse, but to find someone to help eachother understand eachother better, identify and remove blockers, and show up for eachother, and improve as spouses. Both of you need to commit to not being defensive, but receptive, to get the most out of it.

Once you have improved your marriage, make sure you have a resource for watching two babies once or twice a month for continuing therapy, then make another baby. With two young children it’s hard to find time for eachother, and the rare dates you go on should be for fun. Let the therapy sessions be a constant reminder to connect and be there for eachother. You’d be surprised how much time can pass without a heart to heart when you have little ones. Lengthy periods of disconnect are very bad.

When the younger child turns 4 it should get easier and you could let up on the therapy depending on how things are going, or reduce frequency.

It sounds expensive or difficult to schedule… but if it helps your marriage be happier and keeps you together forever that’s the best investment you’ve ever made for yourselves and your child/children. And it doesn’t even have to be expensive. There are online therapists, and probably some cheap and/or free services if you look hard enough.

Final advice… that first appointment is the hardest hurdle to overcome. It’s the easiest to drag your feet on for years. Especially since it requires research. When things are peaceful, you one or both of you think it’s unnecessary or not so crucial that it goes to the bottom of your priority list. And when things are bad, it’s hard for both parties to get past their anger and even agree to do something like this.

So just book the appointment. Don’t even ask her. Find the person, book the time, and think hard on the right way to let her know you’ve made the appointment. I’d recommend a love letter.

FUMoney · 2025-02-19T06:44:11+00:00

More kids = more likely to divorce, in your situation. Offspring are marital poison.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2025-02-19T05:21:58+00:00

Valid concerns. The more kids you have you would also have less time for each other - depending if you have support of raising kids from either of your families.

More kids more expenses. Having more kids to save a marriage is a bad idea. If your gut is telling you no, trust it, I didn’t.

Perhaps go to marriage counseling a place where you two can talk openly with a 3rd person navigating.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-02-19T05:05:24+00:00

One child is a lot more demanding than 2 or 3. Eventually they form their own little tribe and entertain each other. But if you're already thinking about divorce - having that marriage-saving kid is a bad idea.

Title	Did the amount of kids contribute to divorce?
Author	Mental_Necessary_009
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	February 18, 2025 7:06 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iskon0/did_the_amount_of_kids_contribute_to_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/did-the-amount-of-kids-contribute-to-divorce.1544314 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544314

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