Pregnant and single. How do I fix things?

punchyyourbuns · 2025-05-03T18:15:19+00:00

OP, I want to let you know that I was in a similar position as you a while ago. My ex fiancé wanted kids but then when I got pregnant he didn’t and was adamant about an abortion. Our relationship had so many ups and downs it was just not a good situation. Fast forward three years and I have a beautiful baby boy! He is the light of my life!! He is gorgeous and silly and he runs up and gives me random hugs and kisses all throughout the day. I don’t know your religious background but children are a blessing from the Lord. At the time, I didn’t know what I’d do without my ex now I praise God that I’m away from him and I get to share every day with a sweet little boy. I have a very supportive family and a wonderful church community backing me. I may be a single mama but I’m in no way raising this boy on my own and I have more love in my life than ever before. Feel free to reach out for encouragement. Big hugs!!

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2025-05-03T19:17:43+00:00

I am very sorry you are going through this. I do not mean to sound harsh in any way, but we need to be realistic here.

He does not want you or the baby. And even if he did, a man who threatens you and cheats on you while you're pregnant is NOT a safe man. You don't want an unsafe man as your partner, and especially as the father of your child. (ETA: I do not mean that the father can't be involved in the child's life - well, depending on what exactly he threatened... I mean that right now you should not pursue his involvement. Leave him alone and focus on yourself. If he wants to be a father and get involved in the child's life, he'll let you know, and you can reevaluate then. Right now you both need distance and room to breath.)

You fix things by taking care of yourself.

You know you have a choice here. Think about it. Know that either way, you'll have to live with your choice for the rest of your life.

Realistically, your choices are to keep the baby and raise them as a single mom; give the baby up to adoption; get an abortion.

Abortion seems off the table for you. I respect that. But realize that once you choose to have a child, the child comes first, always. I do not know if adoption would be the best choice for your child, but it IS an option.

If you want to raise the child, you need a plan. You need a stable income, a place to live, and reliable childcare so you can work.

What kind of social/family support do you have? If you are far away from your support network, can you move nearer? What happens to your job during pregnancy, do you have maternity leave, how will you support yourself and the baby while you're not working? How much is pregnancy and birth care going to cost and how are you going to pay for that? What happens after the baby is born, who will take care of them, how will you financially support yourself and the baby? Do you have a place to live?

I realize it's daunting. I'm really sorry for that, but it's what you sign up for if you want to raise the baby. Look up any kind of government support you can receive for yourself and your child. Look for help from social workers, churches, schools, pro-life organizations, women's rights organizations. Consider going for child support from the father (to anyone ready to complain about women screwing up men blahblahblah, this man got her pregnant knowing perfectly well what he was doing, and child support is the child's right) though it might be a legal battle - some organizations offer support for this too.

Yes, this is going to screw up all the plans you had for your life. But it doesn't mean it will RUIN your life. At the very least, you got out of a relationship with a really shitty man. It's going to be very hard but hopefully you don't have to do this completely alone. Consider your options and make the choice you can live with for the rest of your life, whatever it may be. Remember that if you have a child, they always come first, but you are a close second - you deserve to take care of yourself and do your best to be happy. Best of luck.

SenseiLex · 2025-05-03T16:25:36+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.

If I were in this position, I think I would take his actions as proof of how he truly feels about me and as fuel to rid myself of any feelings I still have for him.

He isn’t someone who seems interested in having a healthy relationship with you and may be a nightmare to co-parent with.

In terms of keeping the child, this is something you need to truly think about. It’s not an easy decision and it will affect you for the rest of your life either way. If you decide to keep it, do so on the basis that you understand this relationship is over. Not as a means to keep him tethered to you.

I would also consider your financial situation, any support you may have for child rearing, etc. If you are able to do this alone (without him but with support, and a solid financial foundation), this could be a blessing.

It’s a touchy subject and it’s really difficult to give advice on what you should do without knowing more about your lifestyle, job, family support, etc. but I hope I could help in some way.

I just want to add, you deserve so much better than him, please remember that.

YoyoPeaches · 2025-05-03T20:51:51+00:00

Buckle up, You’re going to be a single mother.

Trick-Consequence-18 · 2025-05-03T16:48:54+00:00

Sure, you definitely haven’t been on your best behavior but his is sooo much worse and likely activating you.

Not proposing but wanting to get you pregnant (disrespectful). OF disrespectful. His former sweetheart disrespectful. Making you lie. Threatening you…

This is a man who will only make your life harder.

If you get him back, he will torture you emotionally in perpetuity. Why would you want more of this?

I don’t know how far along you are but you have a window of time now to set you and baby up.

Cut emotional ties with his. Do your journaling and emotional growth work. If you don’t have a job, do you have time to finish any kind of training to build income opportunities? Can you stay with your mom and save money. Now is your chance to HUSTLE and store up.

This may not be very redpill.

But since you are against abortion (I understand)… My hope for you is that you can get through the first 6-12 months post partum and not be shattered. I want you to have enough emotional/family/friend support, some income generating skills, have good physical and emotional health. So that when you are ready, you may revisit your romantic life (if that’s what you want) from a place of relative strength rather than fear and desperation.

Not all men deserve to be fathers. But some men rise to the occasion even when it wasn’t their kid.

rrrattt · 2025-05-04T06:17:46+00:00

Girl I wish I had a way to let you read this post as an outsider. I am not going to give you advice on keeping or not keeping the baby, that is completely up to you. And I understand why you would want to stay with the father.

But please try reading this back, pretending your friend or sister wrote it. This guy's sounds like so much trouble and not at all worth marrying to me. If you feel like you need to lean into your femininity more, lovely and that could be very healing for you...but for this man? Is he truly the high value man you want to marry, is he truly who you want to help raise your child?

I don't know the full situation and I'm sorry if that was too blunt but when I read stuff like this I always imagine it's one of my friends asking for advice and I want better for you. He sounds low value and not ready for this kind of commitment. A lot of guys will tell a girl he wants to get married and start a family. But based on what you have written he doesn't actually sound ready to step up to that.

I don't know the details but threatening you?? Not okay. And if he truly wanted to build a life with you, he would have proposed before focusing on, to put it bluntly, trying to knock you up...sounds like he's maybe more into the idea of having a baby mama who raises the kid while he visits on weekends. You're working so much, do you live together? Can he support you and a child anyways? How old are you guys?

On a lighter note you should have seen my face when you talked about finding the onlyfans subscriptions. Don't let him convince you to get an amputation. There's really something for everyone lol. But seriously...is this the guy you want to build a life with?

yoyo2334785 · 2025-05-03T19:01:26+00:00

You both sound insane

sansinh · 2025-05-03T23:39:20+00:00

He's a fucking moron and I'm sorry but you're not getting the relationship you want with him because he's not interested.

Please understand that he's playing games and using you.

He doesn't care about having a family, he just wants to be called a father without doing the work that implies.

alittlebitburningman · 2025-05-03T16:57:51+00:00

I want to chime in to encourage you to come up with a plan for what will happen once baby comes. You said you’ve been working 6 days a week between two jobs — I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that you are in the US and that those jobs do not provide any kind of maternity leave beyond what the government requires which will be 6 weeks. I think when we are pregnant with our first, 6 weeks sounds reasonable and we picture ourselves going back to work no problem — that is so not the case.

Please know that 6 weeks is not going to be enough bonding time with your baby, and that it will be literally impossible for you to work 6 days a week with a newborn as a single parent, so your income will be significantly reduced. Is your mom able to support you financially through this post partum period? Alternatively, will your mom be able to assume responsibility of child rearing if you do have to continue to work?

Regardless of what happens with this man — and he sounds like a total loser — first order of business is figuring out how you can best provide for that child with or without his help, because you may not get anything from him.

HalfwaydonewithEarth · 2025-05-03T17:08:08+00:00

Just one day at a time.

fineapple__ · 2025-05-03T16:29:33+00:00

I am not one to usually encourage ANYONE to get an abortion. However. You need to think long and hard about whether or not you want to raise a baby all by yourself because this man does not sound interested in you or having a happy family together.

I apologize if that’s harsh, I’m trying to balance a fine line of honesty and kindness.

ThankMeForMyCervixx · 2025-05-04T05:29:13+00:00

The love you have with your baby will surpass anything you’ll ever want from him. I have the most incredible daughter who is 19 now but it feels like yesterday that I was in your shoes. My daughter turned out wonderful, my life turned out just fine. Let him go. Focus on being a wonderful mom and showing your daughter how to be treated or your son how to treat women. One day at a time.

ArkNemesis00 · 2025-05-05T22:43:22+00:00

I think your mom is giving some decent advice here. Listen to her and continue staying with your family and planning your next steps as you have been doing - that was a good decision on your part.

My parents got pregnant young and my mom lived with my grandmother until my parents got married and started living together. My sibling was well into the toddler years at that point. It wasn't easy and it's not exactly traditional, but it was a solid situation to raise a little kid in and the bond my grandmother had with my sibling was unlike any other.

I know it can feel awful in such high intensity situations as these. You can feel desperate to try something because just taking action can feel good when life is crazy. Sometimes the best thing to have the future we want is just to lie low and wait for the storm to pass.

kristiemat_ · 2025-05-15T21:18:29+00:00

This motivated me to keep taking my birth control even though it makes me gain weight

Deliaallmylife · 2025-05-03T19:26:18+00:00

I do not wish to give you false hope. Even sugarcoated, this man is behaving atrociously.

BUT

We forget that pregnancy, especially the first, is an emotional time for both mom (obviously) AND dad. My husband and I were together for 10 years when we had our first. We planned it. He was the one that decided "it's time". We were older and financially stable. And still, about a week after I found out, we were in the middle of a crazy fight where I was yelling that I would just get an abortion (which I did not mean). Honestly, I've blocked the rest of it out but it was...heated.

He was overwhelmed at the idea of additional responsibility that I guess became real when the line turned pink. I was ... well you know how crazy early pregnancy can make you.

And I'm telling you this to illustrate that in the best of situations, finding out you're pregnant can be overwhelming and emotional. In your case, you have upped the heat on an already boiling relationship. I would suggest that at this point, you do what your mom says and take a step away from him. He is going to be a father and he will have to live with whatever version of fatherhood he chooses for himself. Giving him space will allow him to think about how he wants to proceed and it will also take a huge stress out of your life.

You haven't made things easier by being a crazy pregnant lady. Lying about an abortion and then coming clean doesn't make you look like sane relationship material. I know you know that and I know that pregnancy makes us nuts but the reality is that when you talk to him, you are making an already bad situation worse.

Don't contact him, leave his family alone and focus on yourself. You are broken up which is hard to deal with. Relationships are habits that can be very difficult to break. You need time an space away from him to break the habit. Once you are used to life without him, you can make better judgments about what the future looks like with regards to him and his involvement in your life.

Being pregnant and then becoming a mom is hard enough on relationships. I personally would not try to rekindle a relationship until after the kiddo is a year old. If he reaches back out then you can be cordial and work first on coparenting. If you can both work together to be your best selves for the kid, then it might make sense to see if that can translate (in the future) into a relationship.

I feel neutral about whether it is salvageable or not long term. I very strongly believe that if you keep talking to him now with all the baggage of the old relationship, the pregnancy "announcement" and the baby, then it's going to fail.

General Pregnancy Advice - work your butt off now and store away as much money as you can so you can take time towards the end of the pregnancy or when the baby comes. Clear broth helped me immensely when I couldn't eat food in the first trimester. The baby subs for people giving birth the same time as you can be really great. The baby subs can also be really annoying. It depends on the politics of the people running them. It is nice to have a group of women who are all going through similar things at the same time. If you have family and friends that will give you a shower, take whatever help they are willing to give. FB Marketplace has a lot of used baby stuff for cheap if you have to handle it yourself. Babies need way fewer things than we are told (yay Capitalism!). If you are in the US and have insurance, it will buy you your breast pump. Read the books now because you won't have time to do it after baby comes. Buy yourself the things you will need slowly over the pregnancy, now one is buying you nipple ointment for your baby shower.

Good luck

Marissa_Smiles · 2025-05-03T20:10:17+00:00

I have 3 littles so I definitely understand how hormones can get the best of you. That aside, I feel this relationship was already not going well before the pregnancy. He seems very unstable, and you need a man to be your captain. It’s doesn’t appear to be him. Also it’s possible he is being out the worse in you. Hormones aside, you were not making the best decisions. Curious how far a long you are. And why you were working so much.

AutoModerator · 2025-05-03T16:10:15+00:00

Title: Pregnant and single. How do I fix things?

Author Organic_Grape_3488

Full text: Please sugarcoat your responses. I am pregnant and suffering as it is. Thank you.

Alright ladies, I dated a man for 3.5 years. We would argue. For the last year, I was working 6 days/week (2 jobs). I was very overwhelmed. We would fight often and rarely saw each other. Sometimes we were good and sometimes we were bad. Now, he kept telling me he wanted to get me pregnant and start a family. We had been taking risks for years with no luck which I thought was preventing him from proposing because he really wanted kids.

Anyhow, last month I went into his phone and found he was paying for only fans of girls who were amputees. I was severely disturbed. I broke up with him. We were trying to work it out, but I went off and shamed him for it and said I couldn't respect him with these actions. He decided I would never move passed this and ended it. I found out I was pregnant that day.

We said we were going to try and make it work, but we got in an argument the next weekend. He said he would wait to try a new restaurant with me and went his friend instead and I was really mad... it hurt my feelings because he said he would wait, I was hungry, and hormonal which made me react badly.

Fast forward 2 days I go in his phone... His college sweetheart reached out to him. I did not realize this at the time. I thought she was a random girl from Bumble. I called her and asked her why she was talking to a guy with a pregnant gf. She texted him after I went to work... he was angry. Called me furious. Made me lie to her. I had to tell her that I lied about the pregnancy or he refused to let me take my dog with me... she texted me this dumb text about me meeting the right person a few hours later. I was hurt because I'm pregnant with his 1st child and he's chasing someone else and she doesn't even know. I told her the truth and now he claims I'm a demon.

He was acting unhinged so I faked an abortion... but then I really wanted him to know the truth... because delusional me thought he would change his mind. He always said he wanted to marry me. He said he wanted to have a baby with me. He got angry when he found out the truth. Threatened me. I begged him to just leave me alone. He agreed as long as I stay away from his family or home.

My mom says no contact for 90 days might make him miss me or reconsider. All I want to do is call him. Everyday I have these vivid dreams where we makeup or are a happy family. Is there any way to de-escalate the situation? I know I need to be a soft landing place. Work on my femininity... I'm truly trying. How do I get him to give our relationship another chance? I don't want to be a single mom

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Simple_Performer_977 · 2025-05-07T13:19:09+00:00

I don’t know how old are you, but if you are young, you should consider an abortion and move on.

This man doesn’t really value you, doesn’t love you, and you will ruin your whole life if you insist on him.

You deserve better.

Artistic_Tower8614 · 2025-05-03T18:56:59+00:00

This is like watching a pig happily moving towards the guillotine for slaughter. "My mom says no contact for 90 days might make him miss me or reconsider." this sort of emotional abuse does not bode well for the child. If you didn't follow God's commandments regarding fornication and pre-marital sex, I'm not sure why your cognitive dissonance flares up at the thought of abortion. Sounds like ego with regard to forcing a child into growing up in such a chaotic situation. Abort, heal, and find a good partner to have children with.

Title	Pregnant and single. How do I fix things?
Author	Organic_Grape_3488
Upvotes	4
Comments	57
Date	May 3, 2025 4:10 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1kdwizp/pregnant_and_single_how_do_i_fix_things/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/pregnant-and-single-how-do-i-fix-things.1551324 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551324

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