Getting it off my chest

ShaunyP_OKC · 2025-07-08T20:25:29+00:00

I'm sorry man. It's like you failed as a man on a basic biological level. I experienced something similar to you, albeit a bit different. My advice is to tell women to fuck off for a bit, stop taking them seriously as a priority, and figure out who you are and what you want your life to be and crush anyone who stands in your way of getting it.

It fucking sucks and there's no other way to put it. You're allowed to hurt and feel hurt and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-07-08T15:18:02+00:00

Don’t reach out to your ex, I recently did that to find she’s happily moved on. It put me in a darker place and just needed to crash to pick myself up again. Focus on the future and your goals. Easier said than done but it does help if you keep forcing yourself.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-07-07T12:47:21+00:00

1-how could u be sure the miscarriage one was yours anyway? She may have started cheating even before.
2. Failed Step dad ? Lucky you, you just dodged a Giant bullet:

You can raise the kids for years and still have no legal rights to them. If she leaves, you’re out—no right at all , visitation, nothing .Just a thanks for the $$/time spent on her/him !!
You get responsibilities without real authority. You’re expected to provide and parent, but one argument and you might hear the kid shout as usual “Get lost, You’re not my dad.”
The biological dad could be in the picture in this triangle of love, expect drama, competition, confusion for the kid
Her kid come first, always. Your needs come second (if at all). If you push back, it becomes, “You don’t love my kid blablabla.”
2nd marriages have a higher divorce rate, especially with stepkids involved. She & you have ’done it before, and the neural path is easier to walk again.

ExpiredPleaseUpdate · 2025-07-07T12:45:40+00:00

Loneliness is eating you.

The event in the past is just a symbol of all the solutions you have tried.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-07-07T11:43:56+00:00

Very valid feelings to have, brother. I think the big win is that you acknowledge those feelings instead of suppressing them.

I guarantee she is thinking about that miscarriage. My mom and a still born baby boy and she visits the grave every year and to this day, some 40+ years later, still gets emotional talking about it.

Your ex may not say anything to you but I'm willing to bet she's absolutely thinking about it.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-07-07T02:53:26+00:00

When I was in Japan, I went to a temple dedicated to “mizuko” (literally “water child”) where Japanese (mostly women) go to remember children lost to abortion or miscarriage. It’s somewhat controversial because they sell you a statue and want a donation for the ceremony, but whatever, my ex never was up for addressing our/her miscarriage, either, so I took it upon myself to try to find closure. EDIT: and yes, it does feel better to know there is a memorial there somewhere and that this life lost is not completely forgotten and vanished

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-07-07T02:25:37+00:00

This post and the replies evoke strong de ja vu in me; like I read it in a dream or saw the exact same thing before, maybe you're not so alone. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and your thoughts are understandable. I wouldn't internalize her actions, take blame, or be hard on yourself. My grandma had multiple miscarriages, and she didn't abandon my grandpa or run off with another man. That's bullshit, and people who divorce for affairs are scum, who cares what she thinks or remembers because obviously it's not much. I don't think the solution to your feelings lies with another ex; it is in accepting what happened, discarding blame / shame from the past which you don't deserve, taking responsibility for your life going forward, and believing in yourself

jaglio69 · 2025-07-07T02:20:49+00:00

Wow. This is really tough man. I know you may not believe this now but everything is working out for your highest good. Out of this miserable experience only good will come. You are safe. Loneliness sucks, rejection sucks, I’ve had way more than my share. But I’ve had moments when I was alone where I had such love for myself, it brought me to tears. You are your own caretaker. Just keep focusing on taking care of yourself. Forgive everyone. Be at peace with your loss. It was in God‘s hands. God has different meanings for different people. Above all it’s a universal design that’s happening with or without you. It’s going to go on whether you participate or not. And if you’re not, you’re creating your own reality which is false. The truth is we’re not in control of anything. Go with the flow. My old lady kicked me out of the house three months ago after 10 years, I raised her daughter from two years old to 13 years old - I was so exquisitely in love with her but I took my own advice that I’m giving you now and I’m in such a better fucking place. Don’t drink or take substances to numb the pain, it only prolongs The process. People lay in their death bed at an old age with the same sadnesses from 40 years prior. Embrace it all and soak up life. Start employing an inner voice that tells you what to do and how to take care of yourself. An authority that knows better who is not emotionally invested in any of this. One day you will be sitting in exquisite happiness and you will know that you went through all of it to get to that moment and that it was all meant to be. But don’t focus on that future moment. Focus on today because today is all we have and it’s all that’s guaranteed. Nothing is worth your peace. Anything that costs your peace let it go. Write a journal when you feel like it get those feelings out on paper. Embark on all kinds of different self improvements. Be grateful and practice gratitude. Wish both of your ex’s well! Operate from a place of loving kindness in all your affairs. Hey man I know this is a tall order. But anything is better than what you’re feeling now. Peace and love peace and love

Jimmy garlic

Ashamed_Mountain_400 · 2025-07-07T01:49:01+00:00

Hey man, I just wanted to say I’m really sorry you’re carrying this weight alone tonight. What you’re feeling makes sense — that date, that loss, it stays with you because it mattered. It sounds like a part of you wonders if she remembers, if it meant something to her too, and whether that story is just gone now that she’s moved on and has a new child.

I can’t say what’s in her heart, but I can see what’s in yours — you’re grieving a child that never got to be, and the version of life you thought you’d have. That pain is real and you don’t need to measure or justify it to anyone. It’s enough that it’s yours.

You said this day usually doesn’t hit you as hard — maybe the silence of being alone tonight just makes the echoes louder. Missing your recent ex and her son makes sense too. You connected with a child again, and part of you probably aches for the chance to love and protect someone the way you couldn’t back then. That’s not weakness — that’s proof of how big your heart is.

Before you reach out, though, maybe just ask yourself — do you really want them, or do you just want to not feel this alone tonight? Sometimes reaching out fills a hole for a moment but makes it deeper later. Maybe tonight it’s enough to sit with the grief, name it for what it is — love that had nowhere to go — and let it be okay that it still hurts.

You’re not broken. You’re human. And you’re not alone tonight — not really.

Sending you some peace tonight, stranger.

- Alice

Enigma_Colchonero · 2025-07-07T01:48:07+00:00

One thing I'm jealous of is women's nature and ability to hop on a new dick and start a new life and erase their past like it never existed.

Yes it's a survival mechanism they gained from thousands of years losing their men to war etc and having to immediately get with another one to survive.

Charming_really_ · 2025-07-07T01:45:19+00:00

Sending hugs.

CaptJaxParo · 2025-07-07T01:40:24+00:00

She's just manipulating and weaponizing painful things against you. The truth is she should have come to therapy after the miscarriage. Instead she is shaming you and blaming you. She is the victim of the miscarriage and therefore she can do no wrong with all her following actions. Everything you have done has pushed her into the arms of another man and nothing is her fault.

I sincerely hope you see the stupidity of all this and know that you are not to blame for her lack of accountability and her failure to take care of herself as well following the miscarriage.

Given that she has this mentality the relationship was doomed eventually and her next one is as well

ChocolateLocal8051 · 2025-07-07T01:37:53+00:00

Im sorry brother. I know its painful for you right now. I wish I could say something to take it away, but I cant. The only thing I can say is that im in the middle of a similar situation, but mine just started. So I understand how traumatizing it is. You cant expect the feelings to go away completely, but you can still feel them and learn how to make each day a little better. I wish you peace brother, and I prayed for you.

KevinBaconn_1337 · 2025-07-07T01:28:33+00:00

If the miscarriage impacted her for all those other years, it'll still impact her now. She may feel different because she has distractions and other responsibilities... But it's still real.

You need to go for a walk dude, as soon as possible. Like a 2 hour walk. Be with your thoughts but move. Tell yourself some affirmations.

Your life can become anything if you put yourself to it.

I know how the emotions come and go though, I just posted my own message (also signed off as my Ted Talk lol)...

The trauma of the lost life is real, whatever she feels ... It won't change what happened to you. Take care of yourself today, celebrate the memory of that life lost, they meant something to you.

Just don't sit still with your thoughts my guy

Title	Getting it off my chest
Author	ManKind__
Upvotes	19
Comments	20
Date	July 7, 2025 1:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lthjmq/getting_it_off_my_chest/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/getting-it-off-my-chest.1556499 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556499

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