Should I focus on myself i.e. get better looking, before I chase women? Or both at once?

invisibletraveler2 · 2025-07-08T17:04:31+00:00

People think you can only get better by talking to women. You should be talking to everyone. Strike up conversations with little old ladies. Tell guys at the gas station they have nice trucks. Get the confidence to talk to anyone. Afterall if you are afraid of grandma, how do you think you will be able to approach the girl in the short dress?

Seiiiiiii · 2025-07-08T16:52:20+00:00

Confidence doesn’t come from within, that’s a bunch of bullshit. Confidence only comes from real life experience where you have seen pretty much everything and have the memories for proof that you can handle whatever life throws at you.

Approach a ton of women and that will be the best thing you we’ll ever do. Make sure you have some feedback loop also to not repeat the same mistakes too much.

DEADRlCK · 2025-07-08T16:54:39+00:00

Up your EQ and practice connecting with human beings on a genuine level. You won’t get far or achieve anything fulfilling without it

Strange_Internet_202 · 2025-07-08T19:04:15+00:00

I think whether your single or in a relationship you should be working on yourself. To answer the question, you should do both. If you think you have to work on yourself before chasing women you’re giving yourself an excuse. Yes you should have your shit together when going after women but you can do both. Obviously if you’re a wreck and you don’t have anything going for you then you might want to get your shit together as a man first to have that confidence to go after women. If you doubt your own worth women can see through it. Test yourself constantly as a man, hone your dark side so to speak. A woman’s very nature is to test her man or possible suitors.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-07-08T16:56:06+00:00

Both at once. You probably have time for both at once if you're single with no kids.

obersharky · 2025-07-08T17:27:30+00:00

Both at the same time!

barlowaplesand · 2025-07-08T17:29:32+00:00

i tihnk results come from better looks, but that doesn't mean you need to be like a monk and never approach whilst you improve your looks. Approach anyway! You might just get lucky! It's not as if ugly guys NEVER get laid with hot girls (just that their chances are way way less than their much better looking friends)

Exotic_Pop_765 · 2025-07-08T17:34:57+00:00

By all means do both in parallel. If you just learn how to get with women without improving yourself you will never find the motivation to improve your self. And if you wait for your self to be improved in order to feel good enough not only will you never feel good enough ypu will feel worse and worse and worse...

epimpstyle · 2025-07-08T18:52:50+00:00

I always hear confidence comes from within.

In general terms, yes, but it is not enough to feel good inside because confidence of talking with women comes with competence. If you know what to say to a woman, how to continue after the opener, how to handle an awkward silence moment during conversation, how to escalate, how to create a new topic for talking... there is no reason to feel anxious talking with them. So we have two things that, combined, mean confidence.

how to talk, or what to say.

If you are a social person, you won't have this problem.

If you are not a social person, then it is a problem because you need to learn a few things and it's hard to make a summary from a whole chapter that deals with this problem. However, in short, it's about needing to create a context to talk about to make things easier.

I will give you an example: if you are in a bar and there is eye contact with a woman, lift your drink up as if saying 'cheers,' and then stand up and go to her. Here is a trick because when you stand up and take a step toward her, make sure she looks at you the moment you spill some drops from your drink (this is the moment you need to create because it gives you a context to start a conversation): "Hey, did you see what happened? I spilled my precious drink... this is a sign / you intimidated me / you have psychic powers / what does this mean? I'm not even drunk because this is lemonade and you have such an effect.... " As you see, from this simple trick, you can easily create a few topics to talk about.

To continnue, you make an assumption about her because this way you create a subject to talk about so whether she smiles or not... 'You know what? When I look at you, I swear you look exactly like a math teacher because you (smile / are serious) like my math teacher from school... did I guess right?" If she says she is not a math teacher but a cashier: "You are a cashier? Oh that's awesome! I have a friend who told me about his ex that she is also a cashier and he said..... [insert a funny/interesting story]

Now you have a version of how to start a conversation and how to continue but I bet you won't approach any woman because anxiety is too strong, and to deal with it, other tricks are needed.

bafun13 · 2025-07-08T18:14:54+00:00

Why are you exaggerating the term "interested"

You are taking things way too seriously

LimbBisquet · 2025-07-08T19:26:21+00:00

You should never chase women. When you chase women, they are always forced to reject you.

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2025-07-09T03:02:27+00:00

focus in yourself in the sense of improve your social skills LOL, that will translate to women.

UrbanUnrivaled · 2025-07-08T17:48:11+00:00

Both at once. If you wait, you’ll go down that “I’m working on myself right now” nonsense vortex and never be finished because there is no finish line for that.

CrvCrx27 · 2025-07-08T18:31:09+00:00

Well… hate to break it to you, but “seduction,” the art of communicating with the opposite sex… IS self care.

You should be doing both. You should be doing it all. Every day.

Take that with a grain of salt, but you really should be working to better yourself each day, and having productive, positive, fun conversations with women is part of that.

There is enough time in the day. Cut out the bullshit.

StopElectingWealthy · 2025-07-08T18:39:22+00:00

You can do both. Both are things you need to work at, being comfortable in public around women and building a better, healthy body. Expect your confidence and sex appeal to go up along the way as long as you maintain the right mindset socially and discipline physically.

JackSquirts · 2025-07-08T18:48:53+00:00

Your confidence is the key factor in any interaction with women. I see no reason to improve yourself in both ways at once - get comfortable talking to and seducing women while you're on your fitness/looks maxing journey. As they converge and you get better with women and better looking, your results will improve exponentially.

Title	Should I focus on myself i.e. get better looking, before I chase women? Or both at once?
Author	Skibidiiahenak
Upvotes	27
Comments	33
Date	July 8, 2025 4:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lutkek/should_i_focus_on_myself_ie_get_better_looking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-focus-on-myself-ie-get-better-looking.1556645 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556645

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