Been married 14 years and together for 20. 2 kids. Not sure where it all went wrong but it skidded sideways pretty fast on me here.

Almost 2 years ago, we decided to move from our starter home into a larger home. While we waited for it to be built, we lived in an apartment where my wife met her new best friend…who happens to be single. A bunch of stuff happened all at the same time there. Her energy went up. Her personality exploded. Her libido blew up in a great way. Our sex life was generally ok to a little rough at times previously. She had some issues there but I never pushed it. It went from once per month to multiple times a week. She also started putting more energy out away from our relationship and more into her friendships. She also started losing weight and dressing differently a little more risqué. Also got new piercings and a tattoo (and this was not like her at all, historically).

At the same time, I got incredibly sick and almost died from it. Lasted multiple months. Wasn’t in a great place. All this other stuff started happening with her too and her friend just broke up with her boyfriend and he admitted that he wanted to smash my wife. Nothing happened there but I started projecting negative emotions to all these changes. She focused less on the family and more on these other things.

Multiple times over the past two years, this would bubble to the surface and result in a fight. I would project negative things on her. Shame on me for that. It hurt her. But the lack of focus hurt me as well. I think I came to be resentful in how little energy she pushed to me and how much she pushed into every other aspect of her life. Unfortunately, she felt my negative feelings and it blew up a couple of weekends ago when, out of frustration after a long day and no food plus kids screaming in the back, I snapped at her and hurt her feelings. Well, think that was it. She’s closed off. She’s not responding. We’ve talked. I asked her if she’s wanting to leave but I get no answer. We’ve had our first honest conversation about everything in probably forever. I love this woman with all of my being but I’ve got insecurity demons that hurt her. I’m getting counseling. I’m trying to deal with this and grow into a better husband and father. I’m taking ownership.

Unfortunately, I can see google results on the computer. She’s been browsing rental properties. She’s been researching divorce, alimony, and child support. I haven’t said a word to her about seeing this though. I have no context and don’t want to hurt her again. I want to do couples therapy but she’s not interested. I think she’s just done with me. I know what’s likely to come. I know every financial goal we’ve strived for is about to completely blow up. We’re going to lose our house. Our poor kids are going to lose any semblance of a normal life. I just feel…like an absolute failure and it hurts so much. I grew up in a broken home and I didn’t want it for my kids but here we are…