I've been with my wife for nearly 20 years. We have several children together. She's a good woman, an amazing mother, kind, caring, and beautiful, but over the years we've drifted apart.

Our whole lives revolve around the kids. Being a mother is her world, her identity. I think we've both known something’s been off for a long time, but we kept having children because that’s when we’d reconnect for a while. It gave us purpose and closeness again, but it never lasted.

I love and respect her deeply, but I don’t see a future with her beyond raising our children. I’m torn, because I’m the sole provider and separating would turn everyone’s world upside down. She comes from a broken home and still carries the pain of her dad leaving. She’s always said I’d leave her too, so it feels like that fear has shaped our whole relationship.

I’ve spent my adult life putting my family first and myself last. Somewhere along the way, I lost my own sense of self, and I think that’s a big part of why I feel so disconnected now.

I’m trying to figure out if it’s possible to rebuild what’s gone, to fall back in love, not just stay for the kids.

Has anyone ever managed to come back from this point? What actually worked, and what didn’t?