Do some people create a negative self-image in their minds based on other people's view of them?

Fan_Service_3703 · 2025-11-29T17:06:16+00:00

It's literally human nature to want to be liked by others. Rejection (romantic or otherwise) is going to sting for most of us. And there's no way repeated rejection doesn't take a toll on mental health.

McNutty0 · 2025-11-29T17:06:22+00:00

Yes of course they do, evolutionarily if most people think low of you your chances of survival and reproduction reduce drastically. Hell you might even be killed by your fellow men for being too genetically weak or unlikable or uncooperative or whatever. It’s unnatural to expect people to not care how the vast majority of people perceive them especially the opposite gender and the fact that you’re oblivious to this means you’re in a privileged position.

lesliecarbone · 2025-11-29T17:11:42+00:00

I think everyone is sensitive to a degree to others' opinions, especially significant others'. People who lack a healthy sense of self are more likely to become dysfunctional in the face of negative feedback. It's like ballast on a boat. Any boat is going to be rocked by waves, but one with suitable ballast will right itself easily while one without will capsize.

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-11-29T17:00:28+00:00

We are social creatures it's normal to crave validation and fear rejection.

But there's a limit. A person who feels sucdal after rejection has some other issues going on.

DoctorWinchester87 · 2025-11-29T16:59:28+00:00

I think a lot of what is wrong with the current dating landscape is the importance placed on the dopamine rush of validation that comes from securing a partner, rather than the actual security and comfort that having a partner brings. Social media and dating apps have curated an entire generation of dopamine addicts no different to gamblers who don't know when to walk away from the slot machine.

To that affect, I do think people will try to be whatever they need to be to make the validation part of dating become easier. I think it's why looksmaxxing went from a meme to an actual social phenomenon. People are addicted to feeling desired. And when that addiction goes unfed, people shrivel up and conclude that their lack of desire is some personal fault that no one can overcome. Sometimes it is, often it isn't.

avocadolanche3000 · 2025-11-29T17:43:24+00:00

Of course people create a negative self image when confronted with negative responses. A consistent sense of self is healthy and important, but you’d have to be delusional to completely divorce it from others’ perception of you.

eluusive · 2025-11-29T21:21:32+00:00

I don't really care how people view me, but I care how people treat me. That tells me how they value me. This depends on how they view you. This is your key to other opportunities in life.

Sure, I have some hypothetical "intrinsic worth" but does it matter? There are many great things about me, but the only thing that people have really cared about is the fact that I could solve their problems.

I have put up with endless abuse for being intelligent, for having a learning disorder, being short, not having a perfect hairline. People don't give you the opportunity to show them other parts of yourself if there's too many things up front that they judge.

It's not surprising to me that men develop suicidality, and a negative self image, when character doesn't matter unless you're also tall, handsome, and charismatic.

Our culture is basically cooked, and I don't blame any man for wanting to die. Maybe if enough men actually removed themselves from existence, people would actually start caring. People might actually see that what they were contributing was actually crucial.

When it's hard to get ahead because of how massively rigged our financial system is, and you cannot start a family because of the way the social norms of dating have become, what is a man supposed to do exactly? Get a motorcycle and a dog, and be happy working until he dies so he can be a "net contributor?"

The wealthy have rigged the game, and women are busy throwing themselves at the same 10% of men -- and then they'll still divorce and cheat on them anyways. This is very clear to anyone with two eyes and two ears.

You have to make an attempt if you're going to be alive -- what's the point otherwise? But, many men have so many things stacked against them that no matter how hard they try, they will not be able to be an accepted and valuable member of a community. Why wouldn't you develop a negative self image?

And, people tell them to speak up and let people know that they're feeling suicidal. But, the truth of the matter is that there is no help available. At most, they'll lock you in a room for a few days and likely make your life worse.

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-11-29T18:53:25+00:00

Most people’s self image has to do with wha they THINK other people think about them. There’s a whole lot of confirmation bias loaded in there.

At the same time, attraction (especially men’s attractiveness) is a mix of objective and subjective. There are some men that will get more attention than others based on a number of factors, but personal connection is also a major player. Still, some men manage to foster stronger “personal connections” than others.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-11-29T21:06:54+00:00

Yeah they can if they have low self esteem this is possible for sure. A man that is confident in himself wont let anyone bring him down and create an idea of how he should look at himself. This can easily happy to kids that have low self esteem, moreso then as adults, because they are still figuring out who they are.

PeriboiaSyndrome · 2025-11-29T22:10:24+00:00

I talk to a lot of guys with mental issues on discord. So often these people confuse the shit out of me, because they’re suicidal over being a virgin at 18 or 19. Many of them have gone on dates, or have even had partners before. I was a khhv at 24 until my boyfriend said yes to me and I literally never gave a shit. It’s incel stolen valor, sold to them by men on the internet telling them they’re losers and then saying the only way to fix it is to be like them. Young adult men are basically the teenage girls of the 2000’s, hurting themselves over an imagined problem after being sold a crisis of identity. Shits bleak

Winter-Item4335 · 2025-11-29T22:16:27+00:00

It’s a start

Winter-Item4335 · 2025-11-29T22:17:52+00:00

I never cared if people liked me

Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-11-29T23:25:48+00:00

For example, my identity remains the same even if someone says bad things about me.

What about actions? Do you think you will keep the same sense of self and identity if every single person start acting as if you're subhuman?

WebNew9978 · 2025-11-30T05:01:34+00:00

I mean, I didn’t always think/know that I was universally ugly. But after facing a decade of nothing but rejection, I know I’m universally ugly. We all want romantic and sexual validation. While rejection is apart of dating, constant rejection isn’t really healthy for anyone. We all need a yes with our dating lives. Doesn’t mean anybody has to give us that yes but we do need it. I guess my point that it can.

According-Tea-3014 · 2025-11-30T05:06:49+00:00

If it's one rejection here or there, I don't necessarily see an issue. If they've had consistent rejection without any type of success, then i could see that affecting their self-esteem.

TheOneWhoThinketh · 2025-11-30T06:26:05+00:00

I would argue that humans are social creatures, so pretty much every social interaction you have with another person requires you to care about how they view you.

One man said to me "You should care so that you can match their preferences."

I don't think you can match their preferences, but it absolutely is important that you align how you are perceived with who you feel you are. As the dark knight said, "it's not who you are underneath, but what you do, that defines you." Or in this case, what you say, that defines you.

For example, people have perceived me to be arrogant and stubborn. People have also perceived me to be confident and resilient. I was the same person with the same qualities in both scenarios, but depending on the other person's perception of me, I become a different person.

Having experienced opposite ends of what people perceived my identity to be, simply because of the situational context, I gained an understanding that people's judgment of me is superficial and fickle, and so I was able to keep my self-image separate from how I was perceived.

However, when people are rejected or attacked, they take it as an indication that their behavior is inappropriate. If they are unable to modulate their behavior to be acceptable, or if they are repeatedly rejected in different scenarios where they are unable to find a common link in their behavior, or isolate the behavior that is unacceptable, they have to assume that it is something to do with who they are generally and not any particular action or quality.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2025-11-29T18:50:46+00:00

A lot of the studies suggesting brain development ceases or becomes static after a certain point were subsequently disproved. Your sense of self can alter a lot at any age depending on environmental changes.

leefjk · 2025-11-29T19:57:48+00:00

How often do you get rejected?

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Inevitable-Cod2469 · 2025-12-03T05:34:12+00:00

I only have been rejected. It added fuel to my body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. The shame I feel makes my face twitch when I talk to women now.

GemXi · 2025-11-29T17:04:09+00:00

Because what other people think of you and how they react to you has exceptional implications for your genes hence we have emotional reactions that correspondingly adjust our behavior. You also can't be serious that you think attractiveness is subjective. If it's just subjective it's quite the coincidence that men are attracted to women and women are attracted to men.

Shirtless_Jesus · 2025-11-29T18:56:39+00:00

I fully agree with you. If you think you have to match one’s preferences, then you are operating from lack and insecurity. If you’re actually happy in yourself without needing external validation, then you will inevitably attract better partners as well as enjoy your own company

Title	Do some people create a negative self-image in their minds based on other people's view of them?
Author	hotpotato128
Upvotes	15
Comments	31
Date	November 29, 2025 3:54 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1p9sa81/do_some_people_create_a_negative_selfimage_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-some-people-create-a-negative-self-image-in.1567706 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567706

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