Do you know any women who are protective of their husbands, not possessive, or who take the lead in the relationship?

xweert123 · 2026-01-26T20:39:56+00:00

I mean... I'm in one of them. Been in a committed relationship with a woman for 10 years and she's the main provider, financially, for a lot of it. Not really sure what makes that so strange or scary for you. Never really got any problems from it. Nobody ever really shat on us for it. The only time we ever got any problems from it is from the occasional insecure guy who says I'm "not a real man", but it's never women saying that, it's always loser men who aren't in relationships anyway.

farmchic5038 · 2026-01-26T21:11:01+00:00

My husband and I are pretty egalitarian. We both make about the same amount of money, we both cook and clean, we both can work on a car, we both love hanging with our kids. I’m more educated than him as far as years of school, but he’s a brilliant dude. Most of my friends are in similar situations. What say you to that?

xvszero · 2026-01-26T21:21:47+00:00

I don't fully understand your question but my wife and I share the lead, take care of each other and aren't possessive at all.

Exact_Wrongdoer_147 · 2026-01-26T20:20:23+00:00

Most women I know are the leaders in their relationships tbh. They just allow their husband to take the title of leader when they’re in public because it makes him feel good about himself. In most cultures, especially traditional ones, this dynamic is the norm. Have you ever heard the saying “the man is the head but the woman is the neck”? It just basically means that the man is the head of the household, but behind closed doors the woman is the one directing him and NO it does not mean their relationship is abusive or toxic. Most people I know are happy with this dynamic and of the 2 or 3 I’m aware of that are not happy, the men were raised by extremely controlling mothers and ended up finding a wife much like their mom which they regretted.

But overall, plenty of women take the lead in relationships and are happy doing so and they do a wonderful job. Just make sure she’s appreciated and not left to do everything on her own

HelenHavok · 2026-01-26T21:37:45+00:00

I’ve made more than my husband for most of our 15-year relationship. He’s a confident and self-assured guy who wouldn’t allow anyone to shame him about anything, but only his parents have ever shit on him about it and he cut them out of his live a few years back after decades of bad treatment. As long as you’re contributing to the relationship and household in some way, why would it matter, fundamentally, that a woman makes more than you? Maybe you love what you do, but it doesn’t pay super great (this is my husband) or you’re working to improve your salary or job prospects through education or experience, but aren’t there yet. Why should this matter to your sense of self? Why would a confident man need to minimize the work and worth of women around him to feel valued? If you are unhappy with your job and salary, then work to change that. Don’t take it out on others.

I can tell you categorically that if I’d gotten even a sniff that my husband wasn’t okay with me making more than him, I’d have been out of the relationship before he could blink. I’m not holding myself back financially or career-wise to appease an insecure ego. That’s absurd.

LazyDaisyCake · 2026-01-26T21:58:07+00:00

OP, I want to direct you to a comment I made in here on another post a while back.

Also, when I was originally making that comment, I totally forgot to add another woman I know into the mix. She is a C suite executive and the primary breadwinner for her family. Her husband became terminally ill and she continued to care for him up until his death (and care for their child). Her husband sadly died, but she still wears her wedding rings over a year later after his death.

Women absolutely do have the propensity to be very loving, loyal, protective, and good leaders to men. I hope you feel better and manage to detox ok off the red pill. I’ve been there and it sucks a lot.

MaverisStranger · 2026-01-26T21:20:23+00:00

Yeah, me.

Maleficent-Pen4654 · 2026-01-26T22:33:36+00:00

Protective of my husband? Yes. He is the sweetest most kind hearted person and I would go to bat for him in an instant and do anything to defend and uplift him. He’s very well liked and low-conflict so it’s not like he needs that from me but he knows I’ve got his back and he can tell me if he’s feeling low and down on himself or if someone makes him feel hurt.

VictrolaBK · 2026-01-26T23:23:07+00:00

My husband is too nice to return an overcooked steak at a restaurant. I can, and do. I make a lot more money than him. I handle most household decisions. He does all our laundry and cooks most of our meals. He spends more time with my sick, elderly mother. He is obsessed with our tiny dogs. He plays a lot of video games. We both have close friendships with people of the opposite sex. He enjoys clothes shopping and decorating. He spends a lot of money on his hair. We’ve been together 13 years. He is emotionally stable, kind, confident in his own masculinity, and likes the person he is. His self assurance is very attractive.

These outdated, stiflingly strict gender roles are harming you.

guava_jam · 2026-01-26T20:49:10+00:00

When I first started dating my husband, his self confidence was in hell, he wasn’t physically the healthiest, he was a people pleasing pushover, and he didn’t really keep in touch with his friends. I saw him for the angel he was and helped him on his journey of figuring out how to love himself and his life. I stood up for him against his family and even against himself. I encouraged him to pursue his hobbies and hang out with his friends more (with or without me). I spend much of my time thinking about how to make him happy and how to make his life better because I love him but also because of how happy he makes me. I’m naturally the kind of woman who does what she wants and definitely lead the relationship for a few years until I was able to trust him to start taking the reins. Trusting him and taking a step back was something I definitely had to work on myself.

These days his self confidence is high, he’s genuinely happy, he’s a pro with setting healthy boundaries, he’s closer to his friends and spends more time with them, and as far as leading goes we’re head to head though maybe it’s a little more me because I love planning things and he hates planning.

Inareskai · 2026-01-26T21:55:17+00:00

What do you mean by these things?

Cefalu87 · 2026-01-26T23:52:05+00:00

I’m incredibly protective of my partner’s happiness and wellbeing, and I’d trust him with my life. Sometimes he’ll take the lead in stuff like booking trips, organising fun stuff etc, and sometimes i will. It all evens out.

Some people are possessive, some people are untrustworthy, some people are passive and lazy in relationships. Avoid those ones.

creamerfam5 · 2026-01-27T00:38:34+00:00

Yeah, me. AMA.

shesarevolution · 2026-01-28T10:59:26+00:00

I’m one. Not married but in my last two relationships I took the lead and the ones before that it was 50/50.

All women are not a monolith.

Cyberwitchx · 2026-01-28T01:48:22+00:00

I am in that kind of relationship with my husband. It was also the same with an ex, but he had anger issues that fizzled the love out. I can’t imagine being in anything different to that.

Honest-Teas · 2026-01-30T07:00:09+00:00

We are protective of each other. Neither of us is what I would call possessive. We do not have a “leader.”

yuhanimerom · 2026-01-27T08:49:00+00:00

Yes me. But what does this question have to do with red pill

meleyys · 2026-01-27T21:28:47+00:00

I'm a woman dating a man, and I'm definitely the dominant one in the relationship (which is exactly what I want). I'm usually the one who chooses what we're doing at any given moment, I have a job while he's looking for work, and he's more traditionally feminine in a lot of ways than I am. I haven't had many opportunities to protect him, but the one time one of his friends mentioned someone disliking him, I immediately wanted to throw hands.

I could not possibly have less interest in the kind of "dominant alpha male" that TRP insists is the only thing women desire. I like my partners gentle, vulnerable, and submissive. Those qualities are part of why I love my boyfriend.

seventeenflowers · 2026-01-27T22:43:08+00:00

We’re not married yet, but in a long term (5y) relationship.

I’m protective, but not possessive or controlling. We were recently at a housewarming party with my boyfriend and his friends, who are ⅔ really pretty women. But I consider it a green flag that he has friends of both genders, and I’m happy about it.

In terms of protectiveness, I really hate how his family calls him gay and I’ve been pushing back on that a lot recently. I really like getting to love someone who’s secure in his sexuality and has no problem wearing a little eyeliner. (I really like guys in eyeliner). Insecure guys or weird macho guys freak me out, and I want to protect him from people who expect him to be like that. I like that I have a boyfriend who smiles when I tell him he looks pretty, or beautiful, or gorgeous, or edible.

Also in terms of protectiveness, I am pretty strict about self-care. I’m the one who makes him go to the doctor if he’s hurt, wash out a cut, and take a seat if his feet hurt. I’m really proud of him for quitting smoking.

The one thing about this I find really challenging is fitness. He’s overweight, and I can see its impacts on his knees and his sleep. I want him to live a long and healthy life, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings or negatively affect his body image, so I’m struggling to be direct about how he really needs to lose weight.

In terms of leadership, we take turns. I’m better with money, so I have veto power there and I guide him to make good choices, which has helped him get out of five figure debt. He’s better with time-based responsibility and remembering commitments, and he has veto power if I overpromise.

We plan dates for one another, I just finished planning a pottery making date for tomorrow. We take turns, alternating weeks.

But most importantly we are honest with each other. I would never be able to tolerate being in a relationship full of guilting and resentment and lies and deceit. I never want to keep track of transgressions, and I don’t ever want to be in a relationship where I need to play politics to get what I want. We just talk about it like people and it works.

Edit: I make more money than him, so for years I’ve been paying for dates + subsidizing necessary expenses like going to the eye doctor and getting glasses, or tools for school. I don’t like cooking very much, so he does most of that. However we don’t live together yet.

The plan for the future is for me to make most of the money while he works on a creative business + part time work. My parents were also that way, and my dad was a SAHD until I was four, so I’m familiar and comfortable with that dynamic. I’m not really charting a new course, it doesn’t feel scary to me. And he says it doesn’t feel uncharted to him either.

Title	Do you know any women who are protective of their husbands, not possessive, or who take the lead in the relationship?
Author	Flourescendrama
Upvotes	6
Comments	81
Date	January 26, 2026 8:09 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1qnrc6z/do_you_know_any_women_who_are_protective_of_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/do-you-know-any-women-who-are-protective-of-their.1572013 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572013

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