Low confidence - any tips to develop it?

Klutzy-Painting885 · 2026-05-04T01:19:53+00:00

The only thing I’ve been able to do is exposure therapy. Social anxiety is somewhat innate but you can overcome it to an extent.

Relevant_Occasion_33 · 2026-05-04T01:18:21+00:00

When I go out in real life, I also see quite a few ugly or average dudes with hot women. Frankly, since most women don’t put in effort to pursue someone with the ideal personality and appearance, they tend to compromise on appearance and accept charismatic and/or funny guys. You don’t even need a good personality, you just need one that’s sociable and thrilling.

That’s why so many women have stories about terrible exes, especially with dudes who weren’t even handsome. Women fuck and date based on thrill, maybe wising up later in life.

And as someone in STEM, let me tell you, figuring out how to thrill women is not rocket science. You can memorize a few good jokes, a few stories about drama in your life which they’ll eat up, and get numbers and dates way more easily. It’s actually kind of ridiculous.

vertascend · 2026-05-04T01:40:25+00:00

Reps buddy, reps improve anything

AddLightness1 · 2026-05-04T04:54:41+00:00

I'm not tall, pretty, rich, handsome, or successful. I've only recently focused on exercise. Those things never bothered me or the ladies that I've known over the years. They are only issues for folks that are chronically online and allow internet socials to do their thinking for them.

How you make a lady feel is much more impactful to her. Giver her an emotional rollercoaster. Make her blush, swoon, and quiver. Just find a lady willing to play the game of make-believe with you, and tell her how you've "never done this before" while you cup her face in your hand

ArmitageShanks69 · 2026-05-04T09:44:04+00:00

The only way to gain confidence is through positive feedback of whatever endeavours you undertake. Either negative or no feedback creates low confidence and despite what people may tell you, you can't fake it, and that includes 'positive thinking' and self-talk, you need real-life positive feedback.

Mozolicious · 2026-05-04T05:28:13+00:00

You don't lack confidence. You have a ton of it, you just have it the belief you have no confidence. What do you believe is true? Why do you believe something that doesn't serve your highest vision?

pickupmid123 · 2026-05-04T02:33:20+00:00

What’s your mission in life? What are you hoping to achieve and build, and how hard are working toward it? Confidence is earned through trial by fire. The more you push yourself out of your comfort zone regularly and achieve hard things the more you will develop it.

abcsofattraction · 2026-05-04T20:42:09+00:00

You've done everything the self-improvement playbook says and the confidence still isn't there. That's because dating confidence doesn't come from credentials or physique. It comes from reps with the specific thing you're afraid of.

You wouldn't expect someone to become a confident public speaker by going to the gym. Same logic here.

Think of it like training. You didn't walk in on day one and bench 225. You started light, got consistent, and the muscle came from showing up. Social confidence works the same way. The comparison trap shrinks on its own once you start stacking your own reference experiences, because you stop measuring yourself against strangers when you have actual evidence of your own.

The easiest place to start is the Kickstarter Cheers opener. In a bar, make eye contact, smile, raise your glass, say "Cheers." They cheer back because social etiquette basically demands it. You introduce yourself, short exchange, move on. One word, almost zero rejection possible. Do ten of these in a night and your nervous system starts learning this isn't dangerous a lot faster than any therapy session.

5'10" in NYC with a banking salary. You're not missing the prerequisites. You're missing the reps.

Here's the Cheers opener broken down into detail as a form of applied therapy to overcome anxiety:
https://www.abcsofattraction.com/blog/kickstarter-opener-use-science-backed-therapy-to-overcome-approach-anxiety-and-talk-to-women

mentally-bend · 2026-05-05T15:59:03+00:00

stop using social media completely (e.g. Insta) for few days. (less comparison, less anxiety, less feeling worthless)
join like minded group like trekking/climbing/cycling/mma/chess/car mod/Warhammer, you get the idea. (confidence comes from competence, less shyness) and you have stories to tell.
try to be relax, make fun, have fun (people love it specially girls).

Ok_Contract4592 · 2026-05-04T04:12:04+00:00

Assume

V3X390 · 2026-05-04T12:05:01+00:00

Plow some chubs. I hate to say it but if you can’t flirt with and bag the ones you don’t find attractive, you’ll always choke with the ones you do find attractive. Plus, big girls need love too. They give great feedback but are way more forgiving.

Terrible_Assist_1345 · 2026-05-05T09:18:51+00:00

Can you tell me more about where it comes from?

9/10 situations anxiety once was a coping mechanism that kept you safe. Now it's holding you back. When you understand your behalvior you can recognise when you do it. When you recognise you can zoom out and ask yourself: "Why am I doing this right now?" Also you can do the opposite of what feels comfortable in that situation and grow.

I can maybe help you with that.

Rafay_malik69 · 2026-05-04T02:02:47+00:00

Fake it till you make it.

monkeyDluffy_nika · 2026-05-04T01:07:42+00:00

Same issue brother

KoleSekor · 2026-05-04T12:49:28+00:00

Make promises to yourself and keep them

GNA-4 · 2026-05-04T16:33:37+00:00

I guess just trying

tattooedpanhead · 2026-05-04T19:40:01+00:00

Self hypnosis worked for me.

Pleasant_Dot_1713 · 2026-05-11T00:16:45+00:00

I was like you when i was younger now im 52 and i actually love myself flaws and all You must love yourself imagine it was your best friend talking to you what would you say to them. Always talk positive about yourself dont compare yourself to others remember its not about looks its about who you are as a person. They could seem to have everything and be a horrible person that's not attractive to anyone. I say affirmations to myself every day.

chaot7 · 2026-05-04T01:15:03+00:00

I’m a fat man sleeping with a beautiful girl.

Get out of your head. Flirt and have fun with no expectations.

Seen_Any_Elves · 2026-05-05T04:34:00+00:00

Go touch grass

xxxWhoHurtYouxxx · 2026-05-04T04:08:07+00:00

Create value it's that simple.

Title	Low confidence - any tips to develop it?
Author	RangersFan243
Upvotes	59
Comments	57
Date	May 4, 2026 1:05 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1t335ft/low_confidence_any_tips_to_develop_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/low-confidence-any-tips-to-develop-it.1579546 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579546

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