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The "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme

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October 7, 2017

It seems to me that the vast majority of new participants in the weekly Own Your Shit thread or /r/askMRP are Type 2 or Type 3 Dysfunctional Captains or career betas, and of these, the vast majority begin with what I describe here as the "Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Programme."

The purpose of this post is to alert newcomers to the dangers of this approach, as it rarely succeeds alone and wastes several months of true progress in the process.

The "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme

Most career betas and/or Type 2 or Type 3 Dysfunctional Captains have neither frame nor an independent concept of self, and are deathly afraid of asserting themselves or challenging their wives. Discovering MRP when desperate, they find new hope and search frantically for things they can do right now to save their marriages and get laid by their wives.

Lift, STFU, and Read the Sidebar are clearly called essential, so most get the message and try these. Beyond these basics, though, comes a large and bewildering array of sometimes contradictory recommendations within

  • Become attractive

  • Own Your Shit (OYS)

  • Dread your wife

  • Develop frame, mission, and leadership

Having no clue as to what "frame" is, no goals or missions in life beyond pleasing their boss, society, etc. to receive their validations and making their wives happy to fulfill their covert contract for sex in return, these guys latch onto "Become Attractive" and make a new covert contract:

"All I have to do is become attractive, and my wife will want to fuck me again!"

So they make a MAP that includes

  • Lose the fat and get abs

  • Lift weights and become ripped

  • Dress better

  • Kino and flirt with my wife

  • Initiate sex more frequently, and be OI and avoid butthurt when rejected

  • Act more dominant sexually

  • Become more fun

  • Be more social and flirty with other women when my wife isn't around

  • OYS

  • STFU about my emotions and when shit-tested

Some of our diligent Type 2 Captains and Career Betas who already overown their wife's shit as well as their own add a big extra helping of

  • Choreplay

and call it "Really Owning (even more of) My Shit".

Our newbies gaslight themselves by hamstering that successfully STFUing a shit test = frame (when it's merely Phase 1: Stop operating in her frame) and that leadership is doing their own laundry and telling (rather than begging) her to join him in the shower. (Checked those boxes, yeah!) And then they work ... diligently, or haphazardly ... happily, or in anger or fear ... quietly, or sharing every little tribulation or triumph at /r/askMRP or in the weekly OYS thread ... for several months, or a year, or even several years, and then ...

What usually happens

After working their Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Programme for several months or even years (deleted), our busy little betas show up back here with a painful cri de coeur:

"It isn't woooorking ... my wife still won't fuck me!"


"My wife is still not attracted at all to me!" ^^Sorry ^^to ^^keep ^^bringing ^^up ^^your ^^obsolete ^^past, ^^man; ^^you're ^^making ^^great ^^progress, ^^but ^^your ^^beautifully ^^written ^^post ^^history ^^is ^^a ^^very ^^valuable ^^resource ^^for ^^study ^^by ^^newbies!

Usually they also complain

"My wife still disrespects me!"

in spite of IOI's and other signs of attraction and respect from other women.

And they ask plaintively

  • Why isn't MRP working?

or angrily declare

  • MRP is bullshit and doesn't work!

with a flounce and a bounce as they delete their account (prarrott, the immortal alpha_as_wolf, ImSteveMcQueen, etc.)

What went wrong?

A hawt, ripped boy-toy with some game can attract women for a STR or ONS, but the attraction quickly fades if you're still just a pedestalizing, people-pleasing pussy who can't or won't stand up for himself, and actively assert himself and lead rather than just withdraw by leaving or STFU when challenged. You're just a clown or dancing monkey trying to entertain the princess hoping she'll throw you a few fucks for your performance. Attraction is necessary, but so is respect ... and respect comes from frame, leadership, mission, OYS, and a willingness to challenge and stand up to your wife and anyone else in their pursuit.



Don't waste your time just "sprinkling alpha" with a solely attraction-oriented Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Programme that avoids the challenging parts of MRP. It. Will. Fail. Create and work a complete MAP.

Useful Homework

  • Read through this week's OYS post and note the OYS's that are merely Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Programmes.

  • Is yours one of them?

Welcome to Hard Mode, faggot.

Edit: Formatting; more formatting; a few fewer words.

Post Information
Title The "Dancing Monkey" Attraction Improvement Programme
Author man_in_the_world
Upvotes 40
Comments 34
Date 07 October 2017 11:48 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit MarriedRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/198440
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/74yepr/the_dancing_monkey_attraction_improvement/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

My previous post on the red pill being training wheels for betas touches on this. Lifting, STFU, gaming your wife are all examples of betas learning to act like an alpha. The gulf between being more alpha on the spectrum and mimicking alpha behaviour is huge. Let’s think back to the days of The Game, Mystery wore high heels and make up and Strauss used canned lines to pick up HB6s in nightclubs. MRP noobs have a lifetime of bad beta behaviour to change. It won’t happen quickly and for some it will never happen. Does anybody think that Vladimir Putin or Mike Tyson needs to stop and think through their actions to see if they are being alpha or not? Shifting to more alpha is really long and arduos road, especially if you are someone who comes crying to strangers on the internet that their wife will not fuck them.

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The link to your previous post, for easier follow-up.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem3-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Still not a valid reason to NOT swallow the pill. If you swallow it, you walk through the desert my friend. Or bury your head in hamster feces.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMRP MODERATOR3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Solid post. I think one of the key mistakes people can make here is to think, "Gosh, all I have to do is work out, read a few books, and shut my mouth, and after a while of this, my wife will want to have sex with me! This sounds great!"

When in reality it doesn't work that way. Unless you change who you are, you will continue to get the same results. I'm talking deep core change. I've found TWOTSM to be excellent in his discussions of a man's purpose. Each of us have to find that out for ourselves.

MRP is for life. Hard mode indeed.

[–]thunderbeyond4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely. And that "get hot and she will fuck me" is a covert contract right there.

The gents starting out need to be aware that they are going to fix themselves by the application of the principles. If you're wife starts fucking you again, great. But you are here to improve yourself. The rest follows (or gets left behind).

The best thing I've got from this place is that I am a better person now than when I first unplugged. And I don't need any validation to know that.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The difficult part is unwinding a lifetime of faulty mental models. Becoming your own mental point of origin is a tough goal when most cogs are starting so far behind the eight ball. Your average cubicle jockey has to battle some serious cognitive dissonance just to bring home a paycheck. Now you want him to be a shining example of masculinity? The entirety of Western culture says being a man is being a gigantic piece of shit. The fact any men here graduate to a better version of themselves is a minor miracle. Some trauma is healthy and useful.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMRP MODERATOR1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can think of several examples in my own life of people who are so plugged in, so to speak, that they could never grasp these concepts.

You're right, it IS a minor miracle.

[–]redsprinklersystem1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mentioned a while back that we need to take pride in out little daily 'wins'. To use the usual captain analogy; we won't all build ocean liners or superyachts, but knocking together a basic raft with a trashbag sail and having an idea of general direction raises us way above the oceans of fucking flotsam thats just bobbing around with the hope of washing up somewhere.

There is no end to building up our vessel and evaluating & plotting our course, but the simple fact that we are conscious of our vessel and course is the key to the primary mental shift that redpill brings.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Great post.

My interpretation is peeling back the layers.

Most just get the first layer off, realize their "goals", and stop there, becoming complacent.

Huge amount of TRP smurfy posts about this right now, some incel gets his hand into the fridge, grabs the onion, but tearing it apart makes him start to cry too much, so he stops and leaves most of it untouched, because it's too tough to really dig down.

To protect the ego hamster, they rationalize the fault must be with the fundamental nature of the onion, because otherwise it's their response to this fundamental nature of things that is erroneous.

The most ironyicalal part of this is the very people who need to internalize this post the most will never be able to peel back to this layer.

Dance monkey dance.

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm a believer some guys are just either natural born betas or environmentally created betas, so deep that they will never become alpha, no matter how hard they try... And , as OP suggested, they don't usually try very hard or persistently.

TRP can't help those guys.

Matter of fat, TRP or MRP can't help anybody, but it can provide a map to the guys that might be able to make the transition... But even a lot of the guys with potential end up quitting and disappearing into BP purgatory.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Matter of fat...

Love it.

Sigmund would snort.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem31 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn dude...I think you're right. TRP for the unique " few" that have the capibility of actually Applying the knowledge.

That goes back to reason some people are destined for betadom. They either actually come to value the blue pill bc it works for what they want. A single steady sex partner and children. There are women that will stay with a man such didication to be a provider he enjoys it and the women is greatly apprecitive.

Or they lack basic characteristics to develop frame.
Yet they don't know that, they are unaware.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's easy to stay in the lower 80%.

That's why the ratio exists.

More spoils for me!

[–]matrixtospartanatLVMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"...peeling back the layers."

Just like in lifting...

Noob gains. Then the rapid gains stop, reality hits, and the grind begins.

But they don't want to grind, because that's too much like work. The work they wouldn't do which made them the beta cucks they are now.

They remind me of Stewie from Family Guy. They come in here, challenge the program and DEER the comments that their posts until they shit their diaper, and then it's....

Waaaa, someone change my dipeeee!!

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great read. One of the things that helped me was preparing for divorce, as part of my MAP. Then it really became all about me. Your wife is not your barometer.

[–]RealityTastesGreat2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Men just awakening to RP tend to project and believe that women are like them, basing everything on physical attractiveness. But women are really attracted to men they respect, while respect is not important for men to feel attraction.

[–]AechzenMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

solid insight.

[–]DanceMonkeeDanceMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It should go without saying that I heartily endorse this post. Your point is a great extension to many of the recent exhortations to the noobs to STFU, lift and sidebar, and to think twice before posting low quality content.

It is the next chapter because of its focus on frame. I've been thinking a lot lately about this topic. The reason I've read the sidebar and have been working to internalize it is so I can live in my own frame, not someone else's.

They gaslight themselves by hamstering that successfully STFUing a shit test = frame

This is exactly what is so seductive about the noob gains. I fell for it myself.

Hard mode, indeed.

Great write-up.

[–]Rollo_Mayhem31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Silence in the face of a true shit test is a fail. As far as she is concerned you haven't acted, you just stalled, frozen.

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It should go without saying that I heartily endorse this post.

It does indeed! Thanks!

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid post OP. The best take of your post IMO is how guys think stfu is passing shit tests and proving their frame.

Frame is an internal job, and once attained, it can never be taken away... Only given away.

Relapse back into beta behavior is often part of the journey, and a lot of guys give up after a relapse or 2. Persistence, preserverance, and constant adjustments are key to getting and maintaining frame.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I already knew that link would be me and I still laughed out loud when I clicked it

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You've come a long way in a short while!

The beginning-to-end, well-written post histories of men like /u/strategos_autokrator, /u/sh0ckley/, and now you, from their Type 2 beginnings with the twists and turns and bumps along the road to success all laid out in sequence, are absolute gold mines. If newbies would just take the time to read, reread, and reflect on these, they wouldn't even need to post here; the roadmaps to success (and failure) are all there, along with the needed insight and advice for every step of the way.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah - getting a sense of chronology from older users is actually pretty hard, especially if you're new and aren't familiar with the particulars/personalities. Strategos was the first person I recognized and really related with that wasn't really concurrent with my own posting.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm wondering if the key question to ask is:

"If my wife were gone, how much of my MAP still makes sense?"

Or perhaps even:

"If I were forced to be celibate, how much of my MAP would still make sense?"

Since so many of us come here to fix one specific problem (sex), MAPs tend to be pretty narrow in scope, even when they seem to be addressing multiple areas of your life.

I think the good news is that the cosmetic changes actually contribute to and make lasting frame development possible; I at least see that in a nascent sense in my own life.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'll be honest - I figured you'd quit. Must be all those life coaches and shit.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hahaha - well. Coaches certainly helped. And despite my validation seeking I am extremely goal oriented and stubborn when it comes to certain things. My micro level behaviors are all bullshit, but somehow my macro behaviors have always steered me right.

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I added you to my watch list, wasn't sure why at the time...

This kind of articulated it.

This shit isn't hard, unfucking your ego is...

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Somebody needs to compile all these 'warning to new guys not to make getting sex from the wife the goal of your MAP' into one post so we can link them on the sidebar.

The post from /u/88will88 is a good start.

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That would require reading before writing.

[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Or a really great post on not making sex with your wife the goal. Too much circle jerking on here about it.

[–]Rian_StoneHard Core Navy Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I learned they won't listen, have to fail first.

After all, the big intro to my speech on how no one can give you your goal/mission.

Other than rollo, every question was asking "what should my MAP be?

Its like they didn't hear the parts I shouted the loudest....

[–]Aktiv8r1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I've read this about 4 different times. Good read. But the STFU thing gets me. I just STFU. Always have, always will. It's what I want to do. Somehow doing what I want to do is not alpha? Can someone help me with this? I couldn't care less if a STFU passes a shit test or not. She says it whenever she gets going "And here you go not talking" or something like that, I don't even hear what she is saying, tbh. Basically she tells me I don't care, about her, us, blah blah blah. And I think, well duh, why the fuck would I care about you in that state of mind?

[–]man_in_the_worldMRP APPROVED[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


  • every time someone challenges you, you retreat to your room and lock the door;

  • every time someone complains about or argues against your plan, you retreat to your room and lock the door;

  • every time some other man tries to cut in on your wife, you retreat to your room and lock the door;

  • every time you try to lead and others resist, you retreat to your room and lock the door;

you will not be very respected, nor will you be a leader of your family or anything else.

STFU is the verbal equivalent; often, it just isn't enough.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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