I know there is /r/asktrp but they don't seem to get the MRP ideas that MRP it is TRP on hard mode. So this is posting here, and need your help and support. Mods-Feel free to move if needed.

Edit to fix TL:DR Edit: she just stormed out of the house to her job. Not a word. Not a glance. I smiled and asked "what car are you taking? Okay, the kids are coming up to watch the game tonight and have nacho bar. " no response. We are supposed to do family pictures next Sunday when she gets back from her road trip. Interesting.

Edit Here is an update. First off, I do not recommend this option and what happened here to anyone, do what you can to stick to your MAP and take time passing through the levels of improving yourself. Do not go to this extreme unless absolutely necessary! Remember you are the prize!! It took years to get to your awful beta state, it will take significant time to recover. You must allow her time to change as well it will not happen over night, and be gracious and loving if she does make an effort. I got lucky in this instance and it resulted in a textbook (right off the sidebar) result, the hamster was spinning and the dread level was significant enough that there was a complete apology on her part, she has made an appointment to see her lady Dr. about potential health issues, and has committed to me and relationship. We have a lot of work to do still and the relationship will take time, but seems to be heading in the right direction. She knew I was serious, she knew this was different than the past. I pressed the issue about potential counseling, and on Sunday when I went in to see our ecclesiastical leader about it she pretty much hamstered herself in to a frenzy, wouldn't stop asking me what I said to him, what we talked about etc. This time no word vomit, I was able to STFU and she did all the mental work about what her life would be without me, the family shame, the kids, her parents, it was a serious jolt to her system. 2 hours later she set up her own appointment for about 40 minutes and later together we set up another appointment for Monday night. After her individual appointment she came home, went to our room for about an hour, and then came to me all doe-eyed and apologetic, sorry if I felt her actions with the bank account etc. sent a message that she was pulling away from me and the relationship. Apologized repeatedly, said that she was not pulling away, that she loved me, and would make changes, said I am her one and only, that she cannot live with out me, and cannot even imagine her life without us together. I said that sounds good, but will have to see what the actions are, and gently reminded her of the past 20 years that have been unacceptable. We talked about commitment and our covenants to each other. This brought tears, She apologized again, saying that our situation was very stressful, that it was her not me that is the problem, and she would be making every effort fix this, and was very sad and sorry that I was not happy with her. I did what I could to show compassion, but still so she understands that I am not happy and haven't been for a very long time. She became very submissive and sexual, did the laundry, made me food, and knelt next to me sitting in the recliner while I ate, and talked about the family pictures coming up (This was not expected at all, stay strong friends, be an oak be alpha, cannot say this enough). I made sure I was more stoic and leading the rest of the night which lead to major intimacy. Monday was awesome, the flirty txt messages, everything as described in the side bar, just wow. We went Monday to meet with the ecclesiastical leader, and while we are not going to counseling (I knew that going in, I think, and the leader confirmed BTW, that marriage counseling is a waste of time and money). As I said great progress was made on our own Sunday and all day Monday, so she was happy and giddy going in to the appointment, holding hands etc. lots of touching. I remained stoic in the appointment and while I said things were headed in the right direction we would have to see the actions not just hear the words. She re-affirmed in the appointment that she was going to see the DR. that she was committed to making changes, I said that is great if that is what you want. I cant change you, I can only change me so I will continue to work on me and work on being a better leader in our home etc. And then this- I made sure we had appointments to check in with him once a month for the next 2 months. Now, because she knows we will be checking in, the hamster is spinning, the dread is playing in my favor, and as expected, and highly unusual for her, she decided to stay home Monday night rather than sleep at her sisters house (so they could leave at like 5:00 a.m. on the road trip), and rocked my world, that's -two nights in a row (understandably I appreciated it, but really makes me angry that this was in there all the time, but that I was too stupid/beta to draw it out. My fault, I am mad at me for the last 20 years, hard to let go of that! Something I will need to work on). She woke up early and headed out on the trip. She and I are reading through a book to help couples discover better sex together. She asked me to put it on her kindle so she could read it in the car discretely rather than taking the huge book. Se has been sending suggestive txt messages all day Tuesday. It was like there was a switch that was flipped honestly.

Lessons learned: I have so very much to learn, it's one thing to read, it's another to put it in practice, it takes time! Learn from mistakes. Don't go full retard - take time to work on you and go through levels of dread slowly! Get a MAP and do it, be brutally honest with yourself and SMV. Get better State your case and STFU - no word vomit, use broken record and be assertive. Dread and Hamster are real and will work for you or against you, put them to work for you! I am the prize Actions not words, get results, hold your frame Be gracious when she makes an effort to change or do better regardless of the motivation, don't rub her nose in it. Give her room and time to change Find a way to let go of the anger, I am still struggling with this after 20 years

Thanks for comments and support.

I can't believe I am posting this to the internet. But need help.

TL;DR accidentally threw down the gauntlet over the sexless marriage to my wife when trying to covertly lay some dread. May have just gone nuclear. Oh man. Didn’t see that coming and need help. Next steps?

Been in for 13 months, 6 months lifting reading. on SL 5X5 for last 2 months, never miss. Reading or read everything on side bar, things were going great. Owning my shit. New Job, saving for new house etc. Great then Bad summer, we had a wedding (Daughter) and 2 funerals(Sister, Father) in 30 days. Super high stress as we are living in Dads house and need to settle the estate now (reverse mortgage, may need to move immediately). This is still in process and we are still living here with most of our stuff in storage units. There will be inheritance, probably a good portion of a down payment on a new house.

My Wife has a job selling, and is making some money; we are saving for a new house. Recently she has opened her own checking account to "save money for the new house" I have teased her a little about it, and about her breaking out on her own. I have joked with her in the past about messing with the pool boy or affairs and she responds, yeah right when would I find the time? I honestly don’t think she would? But I have no idea.

I have broken free of the beta as best I can; I have not missed a workout in 3 months straight, and am facing up to owning my shit. I have a really good job in Tech over $100k and an outgoing personality, took up my golf hobby again, reading again for fun, and learning, and getting with friends. I am outgoing, friendly and fun. People like me and I like to talk to people. Confidence is high.

Sorry for the long post I Just don't want to get lit up about “lift and read”, I know, I am doing that.

She has been low or no sex for past 20 years has low blood pressure and low iron, even had her thyroid checked. She is not a happy person, kind of negative really, not real supportive in most instances. (Flag?). She has really long periods, like 10+days, and is never in the mood maybe once a month (ovulation). She has seen specialists and seems to just have low libido, and may need additional hormonal help. (I can hear your responses now, she likes sex, just not with you… And you may be right). I don't really believe that. She has stated in the past the she could probably live without it, and if something ever did happen to me she would never re-marry or if she did, it would be a rich gay guy that travels a lot so she could shop together and wouldn't have to have sex. For sure no butt stuff, exit only - don’t even talk about it. (Flag?)

We have had this talk many times before (though I didn’t know about TRP, and was a whiny baby) and got what I thought was good sex for about a month after, and then back to nothing. This has been a cycle, and I have even been so beta to write her a letter about it, and the cycle continued. No excuses, but this lead to my use of porn and some masturbation- what a weak beta I was.

Enough of that. At this time my honest SMV is above hers (may have always been, just lacked confidence) and I have flirtations from younger women, even at 50yrs old. We are in a Christian committed relationship (took serious vows) so I would never consider cheating, however I feel completely cheated out of my sex life for the past 20 years (Anger and Resentment at myself!). I understand this is mostly my fault per the reading, and I am working on myself doing everything I can to improve and be a desirable, High value male, Learning to deal with shit tests, comfort tests, STFU and OI. Doing my own stuff and being interesting. We do have a good relationship (she is kind of a not real happy person, now that I think about it? (Flag). I feel we are more like roommates/housemates putting up a front for the kids and family and church. Oddly enough, just like her parent’s no-sex relationship (they just nit pick at each other all the time, sleep in separate bedrooms because of snoring they say, but come on…).

There is more background story, but this is already too long.

What happened...

Tonight, after I initiated hard and was rejected, I had planned to leave if this happened (Lay down some dread). I had previously got up and left about a month ago after a rejection and went upstairs and watched TV. Hamster spinning a little but not much. This time I got up and got dressed to leave, she said, where are you going? Me: Out. (She got mad) Her: look, I am still bleeding, (and even pulled down her PJ's to show me her pad, It was light spotting maybe, now on day 10).
Me: it is not really about that (And turned to leave). Her: wait where are you going? Me: out.
Her: Where? Me Out. (Walking out the bedroom) Her: talk to me? Me: about? Her: what is this about? Me: (why cant I just STFU?) You know what it is about. It is about 20 years of a near sexless marriage. (Straight face no anger or butt hurt). Her: gasping…

And then it all just spilled out of me, it was like word vomit. I couldn't stop it...I could hear it coming out, couldn’t STFU! It just came out!

I said: We have had basically a sexless marriage for 20 years. Did you know sex once a month is considered clinically a sexless marriage? We have sex once a month, maybe twice? Out of obligation? If when we signed our marriage license you had told me we would be having sex 1 time maybe 2 times a month, I would have said no way am I doing this, yet here we are for the last 20 years, that is where we are, and I am not going to put up with it anymore. I have been spoon fed a trickle of sex for the last 20 years, sure there have been some good spots but mostly just once a month. I am 50, the kids are all grown, and you need to decide what it is you want. If you have no desire for sex, or no desire for me, you need to figure that out. Hey, I am okay with that. Either way, I understand. But you need to figure out what you want. You need to figure out if you have desire for me or not.
You have a trip with your sisters coming up this week (Tuesday through Saturday). (1 married sister, 1 gay sister and her partner, road trip; which will be a big smash and bash (me) the husband, I am sure of it now). You need to really think hard about what it is you want.

And then I left. And left my phone. And left the house.

Shit.

I left and got a soda at the 7-11 and then sat in the driveway for 2 hours. I cam back in, and she was sound asleep (not sure how I feel about that). I grabbed my phone and turned off the bedroom light, went upstairs. And now I am typing this.

I didn't intend for this to go like this, I was just trying to covertly lay down some dread, I lost frame for a second and then word vomit. (STFU man!) I was not angry; I was very cool and collected in my comments. As I sit here, I am at this point OI. If she wants out, I can live with that, if she wants to work on it, I will work on it, but I wont be lead around by my penis any longer. It must have Real Desire (I will continue to work on me and SMV) or it’s not going to work. Feeling no regrets her after the fact. Glad it is out in the open.

I came up stairs and decided to get the debit/credit card from the shared account out of her purse (she still has her new account cards) she will be unhappy and concerned when she finds out , but I don't care and am not going to allow the account to be raided while she figures this all out this week. So my weekend is now shot. Rejection is better than regret. And she leaves Monday night or early Tuesday morning on the trip. She has work in the morning so she will be up and out of here by 9:00a.m. She is really good at the silent treatment and stays mad a very long time. I don’t think she will say 2 words to me. I will not apologize, I have promised myself this. I am still awake typing this at 5:30 a.m. Cant sleep.

Did I blow it big time or was this destined to happen sooner or later? I need to just STFU and let it play out. Now what?