new here, might have fucked up last night.

dandar4600 · 2015-03-19T17:11:24+00:00

Don't worry. I fucked up two days ago. I fucked up spectacularly with such a beta behavior that when I posted here it was linked to bluepill for them to have a laugh at a stupid redpiller.

What I was told and did is to own my shit, apologize but not be subservient and to take steps to correct my behavior which was passive aggressive, covert contracts etc. I did and it resulted in the best make up sex session I have ever had.

As far as what you did. I never ask for sex anymore. I told my wife that I expect it at least twice a week and I stopped fapping or watching porn. I completely cut them all out. I don't ask for sex, I don't fap and don't watch porn.

What I do is I shower and shave every night before bed (so does my wife except for the shaving part) whether I expect sex or not. I then initiate if I want and if I do not I don't but sometimes it doesn't work because my wife initiates and I dare not refuse sex, that's beta as fuck. Anyways if I initiate and she responds that's great. If she doesn't then I'll just spoon with her for a bit then watch tv or read a book. Currently reading The Mindful Attraction Plan.

Basically if I ask for sex it's something that gives her power over you. Sometimes she would just say no as a shit test even if she wants it. Removing the question and just going for it is easier. You already have isolation done. All you need is to initiate and escalate. As long as she knows that if she refuses it's no big deal for you, she can relax and sometimes that's all that's needed for her to respond.

My wife knows that sex is a big deal to me, but I know that it's also a big deal to her. Women want it just as much as men do. If she refuses, then for the most part it's not a shot against you unless you are unattractive to which you already know what steps to take. No one wants to fuck a fat slob. She may be tired, stressed etc. Don't take it personally. Set your expectations, then lift, lift, lift. Good things will come.

Edit: You have to have kino (touching and playful teasing) throughout the day. That's something I've struggled with before and still struggle with though it gets better. If you don't touch her throughout and then just want to have sex it's disrespectful to your wife. It means you don't really want her, you just want to fuck her and then treat her like a roommate. Remember to touch and express love with that throughout your interactions.

blarggggggggggg · 2015-03-19T15:46:57+00:00

You will probably get better advice from others, but my instinct is that you clearly messed this up badly - so - just put up with the talk she wants to have about it tonight. Don't get angry with her, don't try to explain or justify yourself or your needs to her at all, just listen to what she has to say and apologize to her for losing your temper. End the talk as soon as logistically possible. Words mean nothing, only action.

Then, once you're through all of that, you need to keep working to build your value and make small increases to dread until the point that she's the one bothering you for sex, not the other way around.

Be patient, these changes will take time. In the future, you need to be more detatched from the situation where your wife does not want sex. Do your own thing and do not get butthurt about it.

Sepean · 2015-03-19T15:45:05+00:00

I had a ton of incidents exactly like that in the past, and we're good now. There's no special need to fix the incident, just keep doing what you're doing and work on holding frame and passing shit tests better.

As for tonight's talk, what I've said to my wife is that I expect us to have sex as a natural, frequent thing. It doesn't always have to be something you really, really want: sometimes it is like going to the gym when you felt more like just chilling in front of the TV; you always end up being happy you actually did the workout. I expect from a good wife that she understands that and is able to do it. If she argues that, shrug.

If you're the joking type, Athol Kay had a great one for this actually: "Want to go have below-average sex? You know you almost want to..."

cegh · 2015-03-19T16:50:13+00:00

Never sleep on the couch again.

Fix it by doing nothing. Don't have a talk, you're a man not a woman. Her rejecting you isn't meant to affect your frame. You can reply to the email and say "nothing to talk about, see you later".

I would go in and act as normal and attempt to have sex again. Don't ask her, just make a move on her, kiss her lips and work from there. If she resists again, you go cold on her, she gets no more kisses, hugs, cuddles and all that. Don't do anything she asks you for.

Don't argue with her because then you are entering her frame.

By not caring you are letting her hamster spin because someone who is emotionally invested shows emotions. If you don't show any emotions to her rejection, she will wonder what is going on.

You have a long road, so be prepared for shit tests tonight. ie "you only want me for sex"

If you get sex tonight, congrats, but the point I was making is, you have to keep trying, and everytime she doesn't comply, she gets less and less affection until she wonders if a divorce is looming. This normally solves the problem if you are applying dread ie lifting weights etc. passing shit tests, teasing her, touching her.

I expect what will happen is you will attempt to have sex, she will bring up what happened yesterday. You have to maintain frame that you want sex and nothing will stop you until you receive a firm no.

You can have the whole talk after you get sex, but the talk should be her pouring out her emotions and you just listening and only offer advice if she asks what can be done, otherwise just ackknowldge her feelings. Goodluck.

[deleted] · 2015-03-19T17:55:33+00:00

i playfully ask her if there's something physically wrong with her preventing her from having sex

Not really how to break through wife-lmr(last minute resistance) bait/switch.

That's when you say OK. Then sidle up next to her and start the foreplay. The key here is to get her amped up . If the "tired" is a test or can be overcome with a little foreplay then there you go. If it's a hard no as she's unresponsive to the build up and snoring or physically removes your roaming hands...that's the real answer of no.

Never get into a discussion about sex at this point. And in general talk about sex is nothing but detrimental to you over action.

And then of course if she does this again you start going OK and leave for a run, to go to a bar, etc.

UEMcGill · 2015-03-19T17:17:13+00:00

You had a full on victim puke and pouted like a little boy. So what? They key here is recognizing what you did wrong and not condemning her actions.

You encountered LMR and that's when the victim puke started. Next time recognize it for what it is. She's tired and needs to be sold on the fact that you want her. Until you get to a hard no, keep pursuing. Quit worrying about her feelings. Once you've pushed through it a couple of times she'll start to realize its good for her too.

Todays conversation should be short and simple. "I'm sorry. I express love through sex, and I felt rejected." Full stop. Don't DEER. Don't explain. Just go in for the 10 second kiss and move on.

In the future, push for a hard no. Word your advances like "I'm going to fuck you tonight" and "10 pm, in the room, naked." get it in her head she has to turn it down, not say yes. If it does happen, reward her with your time and praise. If you do get a hard no, walk away and have an awesome attitude; "Sweet, ok I've got some cool shit to go do anyway"

Let her hamster do the work for you.

LaV-Man · 2015-03-24T15:00:48+00:00

If Happy Fun Dude begins to smoke, seek shelter and cover head.

Ryanami · 2015-03-19T23:30:13+00:00

she says "fine!" and starts angrily offering me sex in various positions, saying something like "go ahead and fuck me and then i'll just cry myself to sleep."

I would have busted up laughing at that point, how did you not?

[deleted] · 2015-03-19T16:23:23+00:00

Main sub has the post you want

"Too tired for sex"

AZTRP · 2015-03-19T22:11:27+00:00

Geezus. I think you lucked out.

Initially you fucked up with "really? is that your final answer?"

but you recovered well and she's bringing it back.

I had half of this exact scenario the other night, leading up to bed time, she said virtually the same thing "am I not allowed to say no?"

my reply?

"Not if this turns you on" and then I did some stuff that turns her on, she proceeded to enjoy herself, we both had fun.

My advice, it's fixed.

mabden_reborn · 2015-03-20T13:33:18+00:00

. i playfully ask her if there's something physically wrong with her preventing her from having sex and somehow that pisses her off

This is where you fucked up. You "talked" about it instead of keep your mouth shut and just saying, "Ok." then finding something else to do. Anything other than "Ok." she will have an excuse to get pissed at you.

Learn and practice outcome independence.

doctoroctober · 2015-03-20T14:18:12+00:00

i say we're going to need to talk about this tomorrow and i walk out and go sleep on the couch.

You lost. Plain and simple.

I really don't think you've done the required reading. Go back, re-read, and DIGEST that valuable information. I'm think if you actually read the materials you wouldn't of had that situation happen.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-03-20T15:44:06+00:00

"really? is that your final answer?"

This was pushing it but still OK. As AK (MPBUH) writes: "You can try to playfully push yourself past a denial by upping your offer."

if sex is not a requirement in our relationship then there really aren't any requirements and i'd stop doing the things she expects of me

This is a Dread level 9 and the next step is to issue a final ultimatum- Option A or Option B. Fuck me, satisfy me like I deserve or I am filing for divorce is the bottom line. Is that REALLY where you are at in your marriage? I didn't think so. Talk less. Do more and avoid ultimatums.

wish i could even tell you what was said but i barely remember i was so pissed off.

Take some time to consider who has the power in this relationship given this description. (Hint: SHE knows).

if sex is not a requirement in our relationship then there really aren't any requirements and i'd stop doing the things she expects of me

This is Dread Level 9: The final command: Are you at that level? Are you getting your ducks in line to start spinning plates, aka cheat? Are you really done with the relationship and you don't care how it turns out- cuz if it doesn't you are going to be getting younger/hotter anyway?

i say no i'm disgusted by your offer.

Good job.

i'm trying to figure out how to "fix it"

That is EASY! Are you ready? Just DO NOT GIVE A SHIT. That's it. Ideally you will want to initiate like nothing happened whatsoever.

Then if I were you, I would throw down my wife, rip off her panties, and throw her around while fucking her in the various positions she so rudely offered last night. Then when you cum on her, pat her on the ass and tell her she is a good girl, leave her naked and panting on the bed and leave to go do something interesting. Of course I am an aggressive gambler.

doctoroctober · 2015-03-20T18:09:54+00:00

wow the support here is amazing. THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to respond.

UPDATE: well, i waited about 4 hours before responding to her sweet message, saying simply "i'll be in a good place to talk tonight." usually i'm home from work or gym by around 5:30pm at the latest (my work starts at 6:30am), but this time i did my own thing after work and texted her at 6pm saying i wouldn't make it home in time for dinner (we usually eat around 6:30pm). got home a little after 7pm and ate the nicely prepared plates she set aside for me while she and the visiting in-laws got the girls ready for bed.

i was perfectly nice and she was perfectly sweet, though there wasn't much exchange between us since we were all busy with a busy household and getting the kids to bed.

since i hadn't seen my kids all day other than a quick morning good-bye, i joined her for the bedtime stories before returning to the living room with a glass of wine. after about ten minutes of chit chat with the in-laws and the wifey, i announced that wifey and i were going out to get a drink at a newish bar a few blocks away since the in-laws could babysit. everyone was taken back a bit, surprised that i'd say we were going out while we have family visiting, but no objections were raised. wifey clearly gathered that i was getting her away to talk privately.

nice bar. we sat close together in a quiet corner, she draped her leg over mine, chatted for a few minutes, and then we had the talk. i opened with a succinct apology (bash me for my beta if you must) for losing my temper. she accepted and seemed touched that i apologized first. then she apologized for coldly shooting me down. i accepted. we talked about why she shot me down a bit, and we agreed that in the future if she didn't feel like it she'd offer a raincheck or an alternative - something like "sorry love i'm super tired now but how about i make it up to you first thing in the morning?" or "i'm feeling so unsexy right now, but if you want i can play with your balls while you jerk off." she seemed very pleased with the idea. "the talk" only lasted about ten minutes tops, during which there was plenty of kino and rubbing through jeans, and we had some more drinks while talking about other stuff for a bit.

unfortunately there was no deal to be closed when we got home, because the in-laws were up and wanted to hang out. i bowed out and went to bed and left her to entertain her folks. i value my sleep.

this morning she hopped in the shower with me (never does this on a weekday, usually isn't even awake) but i was rushing to get out and get to work so no pokey time. today is a new day and all seems right with the world. i'm reading more rp stuff (book of pook right now) and my journey continues.

a_scourge · 2015-03-19T16:27:05+00:00

she plays along. then the time comes and she decides she's too tired.

about 20 minutes later she announces she's going to bed, and she does. i wait about ten minutes then follow her in and say something like "really? is that your final answer?" we argue

I'm still a newbie myself but I've learned that you shouldn't be having serious negotiating conversation ... in the lounge or wherever.

Hey don't sweat it. We're all at various stages, moving forward. If you love her, and you try your best nothing will go wrong. Your fear that it will is a BP thing. I have the same fear. You must destroy that fear before it destroys you. The fear is a bigger problem than the fact you tried negotiating sex before you were in bed.

exbp · 2015-03-19T17:46:55+00:00

She decided to test you with the "I'm tired" excuse, you failed it. Don't negotiate or engage the hamster here. You need to communicate that you don't need her to be happy. She's not in the mood now? Time to go fix that thing in the garage, watch a show or plan that other project. You really don't want to be hurt or spiteful or angry.

It's hard to fix this situation by itself, instead it gets fixed over time. For instance let's say you give your attention and affection only in reward for good behavior. Slowly but surely she figures out that if she wants to have a great talk about her day in the morning, then she needs to have taken care of you the night before. If she finds herself too tired for you, you'll be happy off doing something else. The message she gets is you're not hooked on what she's offering. She needs to step it up and prioritize you.

spexer · 2015-03-19T19:40:35+00:00

MY 2 CENTS:

Send her a text later today saying you are going out with buds. Go out, come home late smelling of alcohol and go to bed. If she wants to talk about last night, simply say "I have nothing to talk about" and move forward with life.

Dont be pissy - dont act hurt. You are doing great like nothing happened. In a day or 2 start hitting on her again, even harder. Until then, keep all attention and time withdrawn.

If she says no in a couple days, say "no worries" then get up and leave the house. Repeat again the following: 1) your a happy fun dude 2) she gets minimal time and attention from happy fun dude. 3) Happy Fun dude hits on her and wants sex.

Regarding the previous night: You messed up. Dont talk to your wife about sex. Either she has it with you, or you give her refusal a glance of disappointment in her and then go do something else fun.

You cannot 'talk her into it' - and that is not the sex you want.

TheYoungPatriarch · 2015-03-20T18:08:11+00:00

She offered you multiple positions and even offered to cry herself to sleep?

I would've taken her up on that.

"Doesn't matter, had sex!"

Title	new here, might have fucked up last night.
Author	doctoroctober
Upvotes	1
Comments	51
Date	March 19, 2015 3:09 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2zlasb/new_here_might_have_fucked_up_last_night/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/new-here-might-have-fucked-up-last-night.202321 https://theredarchive.com/post/202321

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