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Wife wants divorce

by Lion-Slicer | October 12, 2018 | askMRP

29 upvotes

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I found out my wife of 10 years has been going online to look for lawyers and has actually sought one out. I found out because she was using my computer ( which she never does)to look up lawyers and I looked through the history. Almost like she wanted me to find out rather than serve me.

I confronted and she said yes that I don’t listen to her, don’t validate her decisions, that I have no respect for her and wants a divorce. I immediately said ok, bring me the papers and I’ll sign them. She immediately acted surprised and said “ I don’t want to do this and I still love you” and she keeps sending me pics of us and family ( three kids). She even sent a pic of herself crying.

Now to me this screams shit test but goddamn is she being stubborn. Like I said she has contacted a lawyer and spoken to our financial advisor. The thing is she wants to work out custody/asset details first. I said, no I need to be served papers before we discuss to which she never replied.

She told me today that she loves me very much but is still adamant on divorce. I have been holding frame pretty good except a few slip ups where I said you should think about the kids and she is being selfish.

She wants to send the kids off tomorrow to grandmas so we can work out details of custody/assets to which I finally said “fine, let’s get it done”. What the hell is going here? Is this a massive shit test or not? What is the move here? I don’t want a divorce and am scared to get divorce raped.

I should note she is an admitted 6 and I am a 7 or a 7 1/2. Fairly attractive College wrestler who kept up body. I’m 43 she’s 36. I have been beta most of our marriage up until I swallowed rp in June. I suspect she is fearing the balance change but is really convince me divorce is imminent.

Also is it a wise move to try and work out custody and assets before a lawyer in case I do get served? Some people say it saves on lawyer costs, but some say not to. Thanks!

Edit: I got home from work, she is half tearing up and gives me a hug and says everything’s gonna be alright. Then talks about how holidays will suck this year. Welcome to my world. Btw, shes on the rag.


Post Information
Title Wife wants divorce
Author Lion-Slicer
Upvotes 29
Comments 65
Date 12 October 2018 06:29 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203901
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9nmsl1/wife_wants_divorce/
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Comments

[–]2ndalRed Beret42 points43 points  (6 children) | Copy

Sounds like she's pulling out the big guns to draw you into submission. You sorta called her on her bluff but then okay'd to sit down and work out details. I can almost guarantee this will not be a conversation to "work out details of custody" but instead to draw you into her frame and submit to some conditional, unfavorable (to you) situation to keep the marriage intact. It's up to you whether you want to stay in the marriage or not. If you do want to stay, I recommend telling her you have no intention of getting divorced and deflecting all conversations about custody/assets and continue to tell her to serve you papers. Keep the divorce ball in her court, and don't let her manipulate you into anything with threats. In the mean time, visit your own lawyer to be prepared if she actually goes through with it.

[–]redwall9212 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly this. Your choice to stay married (same as her choice). Do you want to stay married to a woman like her? Your call.

However, put the ball in her court. Any divorce talk happens through a lawyer. She wants to talk separation/divorce/custody/alimony/support/etc... She talks to your lawyer. Any talk with her is a waste of time.

Go see your own lawyer or three to find out what you're looking at if she does file and pursue a divorce. See the best three lawyers in town to conflict them out.

Stay plan = go plan. You go out and enjoy living your life. She is not required.

[–]FixYourselfFirst9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

visit your own lawyer

This!

The sidebar has stuff on divorce. It might not come to that, but you need to have your stuff in order.

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Called lawyer

[–]JudgeDoom697 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go for an initial consultation. It'll cost you around $250.

You'll walk out knowing exactly where you'll stand regarding custody, child support, and division of assets.

Even though this is not what you want, you will be much less afraid of it after the consultation. Knowledge is power.

[–]suprathepeg2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why the fuck do you want to be married to someone who doesn’t actively want to be married to you?

Self respect dude.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

As others here have said, a woman will do back flips to avoid being direct, about anything. OP, I suspect she is trying to get you to kill the puppy, but just cannot say it direct like a man, because she isn't one, duh. She is probably wondering why you are hanging on in spite of her attempts to get you to throw in the towel, for her.

[–]jakethesnake500014 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy

The shit test was her using your computer and looking up divorce lawyers. You shouldn’t have said anything to her about it. She was testing you there and you fell for her trap. Now you are in a real nuclear comfort test. Your next move is important and I don’t have the knowledge to help you. Others in mrp would be better suited to help you from here.

Basically, this is a perfect example of “killing the puppy”, where the wife pushes the man to kill the marriage. It happened to me and eventually I got to the point where I said enough is enough and filed the papers.

Most important thing to do now is to stay calm, stoic, and be an oak. Cut the bullshit with the “let’s get the divorce” if you don’t want it and she is talking custody of your children. Idgaf is not the right strategy going forward

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Pushes me to file on her and look like the bad guy

[–]jakethesnake50008 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re the man living in a hyper feminized world, you’re going to be the bad guy no matter what. Don’t you see that????

You have to do what’s best for you. When my wife was trying to kill the puppy, I thought that she wanted me to get the papers so she would make me look like the bad guy and she could play the victim card. I also thought she wanted me to do it to stop any potential guilt she may have from her actually filing the papers.

Fuck that. This bitch treated me like shit for 4 months. On my Map (you better have one) my top goal says “I want to live my life with self respect and dignity”. I realized I wasn’t doing that with her, as she treated me. I realized I did everything I could to save the marriage and the it was her that was failing as a wife. The gas lighting, mood swings, lack of sex, etc wasn’t what I wanted in a marriage. She didn’t hold up her share of the marriage so I let her go.

Am I a victim? No. Am I the bad guy? I don’t think so but I don’t give a shit what her friends or family think about me. Am I better off not being in that marriage? Yes. Do I have guilt? No I tried my hardest. I would say she failed as a wife but that would be incorrect because she didn’t fucking try.

Eventually you’ll figure it out. I didn’t think I would but I did. Maybe it’s divorce for you, who knows and if you want to stay with her then do it. Hold that frame

[–]Bedtimeshine2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Say hello to the bad guy then

[–]jakethesnake50001 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Love that movie, take an upvote for the clever use of a great quote

[–]Bedtimeshine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was quoting Razor Ramon. Scarface is a garbage movie

[–]jakethesnake50001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I disagree but RR was great to watch as a kid

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Call that lawyer and let her go man. This isn't all bad, your about to be single again. Let her find another simp for her happiness script.

You don't negotiate with terrorists!

Let the lawyer do that.

Focus on being an example for thoes 3 kids. Their life is about to be shaken up a bit and they will need to lean on you.

[–]NightFire451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He needs to start using that phrase when fogging on all these discussions.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Oh, the microdosing beer guy. I remember you. I was hoping you'd become a regular here as a break from the usual STEM jockeys.

Sounds like you handled it perfectly. Hold frame, prepare for the worst, and remember that, as a pillbrother, you only do relationships on your terms. "better to die on your feet (get divorce raped) than live on your knees "(supplicating beta existence).

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Can you elaborate I want back story on Micro dosing beer guy means.

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I microdose magic mushrooms to alleviate anxiety and a whole host of other thing from athletic performance to cognitive function. A lot of people in Silicon Valley do this to increase production.

Since RP is mostly anti drug/alcohol. Some dude tried to rip me apart when he really was just ignorant on the benefits of psychedelics in tiny doses and large doses for that matter. Somehow that lumped into being a hipster craft beer drinker. Anyone reading this do a google search of fmri and psilocybin if you want to check out how it requires your brain for the better.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting.

What are your lifts?

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Microdosing beer guy lol

[–]simbarlionRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Almost like she wanted me to find out rather than serve me.

Translation:

Something something kill puppy.

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy

Just called lawyer. $200 per hour. Consultation not free

[–]Reject4444 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Worth every penny for the knowledge you’ll gain. Flying blind here as to your options and the consequences of each is a really, really bad idea. Pay for the consult and get a really clear picture of each of the ways this could play out, so that you can make an informed decision as to how YOU want this to go from here, whatever your wife decides to do. It may also allow you to call her bluff if she starts saying crazy shit about what would happen in a divorce because you will know what the actual possibilities are and will know if she’s full of shit.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

I want to kick you in the balls so hard right now you faggot.

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Get you shit together you fat fuck. Start intermittent fasting.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Fuck off. I am eating oreo double stuffs while I chastise you.

Bitch.

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

While you masturbate into another tissue cuz you ain’t getting any pussy

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Nah, I am good tonight. I was at ACL all weekend man. My dick is kinda raw from all the fucking and stuff. And the kids are home with me. Ill see my GF tomorrow thou and fuck her brains out then.

But I am glad I am here and we can keep each other company....

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good enough. Seriously tho. Intermittent fasting is the way to go.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously thou.

I dont wanna loose weight man. My post was a shit post. I am a big fucking powerlifter man, not a bodybuilder.

I could cut down easy if I wanted to. But I have goals to lift cars and shit off the ground.

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wanna help you. I do.

But you are just to much work man.

All the tools are here. /u/red-curious is a fucking god when it comes to this stuff.

I am an IRL example of going thru it.

Do some work you micro-dosing (which is gay btw) craft beer fag.

[–]Brickles093 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

When women get very surprised with our nonchalant reaction to their divorce threats, it’s because they see us as the ultimate betas. You’ve discovered TRP too late. Sorry, man. Stay play = go plan is the only possible advice.

[–]DavidCBlack4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gone Rambo?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

IRON RULE:

If a woman ever desires a divorce, give it to her ASAP.

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

That cut and dry huh?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is for me.

Staying with a woman that doesn't want you, really? Stalkers and squatters do that, too.

As long as you endure her abuse, why would she want you? Wouldn't she want you less?

Why would she value you more than you value yourself?

Women (and men) are not attracted to mates that do not value themselves.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes.

You submit to a play of strong emotion like this, the hole you put yourself in will be so deep you will never climb out.

It's done.

And enough with the "stay together for the kids" shit. Was she thinking of the well-being of the kids when she decided to nuke the marriage from orbit?

Regardless of their age, the kids are watching all of this. What role model are you going to be?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm thinking he has chosen...... to be a bear, not a bull.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got home from work, she is half tearing up and gives me a hug and says everything’s gonna be alright. Then talks about how holidays will suck this year.

She has already moved out mentally. You need to catch up.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can not up-vote this enough.

[–]jakethesnake50004 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I recently learned this week after serving her papers that she had a lawyer on retainer. Basically she was sticking around trying to get me to fuck up so she would have ammo to divorce rape me. I didn’t fall for it and got out before anything happened. Read my post where she tried to stab me. She wanted me to hit her bro and the training HERE at mrp made me look at her with amused mastery instead of going Rambo. This place may have saved my life, literally.

Go talk to a lawyer.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As others have said, lawyer up. You should have done this yesterday. Next, pretend as if everything is fine. Escalate when she cries or gets emotional. Tears make for great lube. Finally, get back on the mats. Join a jiu jitsu gym and choke some dudes.

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be careful what you say around her from this point on. STFU is always a good strategy. Certainly no raised voice, threats, etc. If she wants to move forward with the divorce, so be it. Be prepared by working out your strategy with a lawyer and then wait and see. You can't force her to be married to you so, why try? My money is on her not having the sack to file since this is all a giant shit test to reclaim hand in the relationship.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Give her what she wants.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds to me like you already failed her shit test, but were on the right track.

You confront. You say, "Ok let's do this". She goes into panic hamster mode, sending pics and crying. It could have been a comfort test. I wouldn't have said a damn word after the "ok let's do this".... then watch her actions. STFU. Give her that large deep masculine hug and move on quickly.

That would have stopped all this shitstorm you've caused now. You literally stopped her in her tracks, but fucked up talking more.

Advice? STFU. You're just being a dick at this point, which is what she's said about you. You're being an Alpha turd. Still smells like shit, might be the greatest shit ever, but it sure tastes like shit. No one likes to eat shit.

have been holding frame pretty good except a few slip ups where I said you should think about the kids and she is being selfish.

Pussy.

What is the move here? I don’t want a divorce and am scared to get divorce raped.

Pussy.

You're not holding frame dude. If you were you wouldn't be having these thoughts at all. You would have just said "OK" and went OYS.

You're destroying this, not her.

EDIT: of course she wanted you to find that she was looking at them. It was a shit test which you could have confronted or not - it doesn't matter because you did - and now you've blown it up exactly the way she wanted. You're living in her frame.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

LOL! She is trying to get concessions to see if it's worthwhile for her to pursue divorce even further. Does she have a branch-swing to go to?

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not that I know of. Possible though

[–]creating_my_life1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What makes you fun to be married to? You have to answer this question either for this relationship or the next.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

except a few slip ups where I said you should think about the kids and she is being selfish.

This negates all of your frame holding

She’s sending very mixed messages. But the fact that she got an attorney and spoke with your financial person says this could be real. If she wants it, chances are she already has a branch ready. Know the divorce laws an precedents in your state. For example, in many states, assets are split 50/50 almost without exception.

You only swallowed the pill a few months ago, so I would lay back and let her show her hand. She will show her true intent in this meeting you have if you let her talk enough. However, the thing you need to be careful of is her acting like she wants to stay together in order to get what she wants in the divorce.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she wanted divorce she would have filed in court and you would have been served papers.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit test.

Fag fails.

Just give her everything and go live in a fucking cave

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Couple of things:

What state? Fault or no fault and community property rules are really important

Who has the assets, and who makes the income?

Anything besides the house that is a significant asset?

[–]Lion-Slicer[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

No fault state

We both make $48-50k

200k private investment willed to her from her dad. No prenup

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No one loses in a 50/50 split here unless someone did something really dumb or kidnaps the kids. Get a consultation with a lawyer (it's free) and have the retainer letter negotiated with a rate ($250-400 an hr is about right depending on COL in your state).

Don't go anywhere that does "divorces for men", but if you think she'll serve you papers that fairly split assets the "$2000 and we'll handle everything" are actually a good option

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

unless someone did something really dumb or kidnaps the kids

Lol, ex-wife did this... it didn't go well for her.

Alimony will be a wash. Push for 50/50 custody and child support will be too. In some states, if any of the 200k was used towards the marriage, then it's all up for grabs.

OP, is definitely not in divorce rape territory.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Your wife wants a divorce. Que ceracera.

Lots of dudes here pointing out how you can posture like a champ.

Having been through a divorce already, I can tell you that your wife seems to be exhibiting the signs of a woman who wants a divorce, not the signs of a woman who wants to pretend she wants a divorce.

Get your gear in order, divorce is coming your way whether you want it or not.

[–]wilkins_micawber0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, you're getting a divorce.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What is this another “what about the children”?

You kids will be better off in a split home with a dad they respect.

Divorce is tough. What do you want? If you want to stay with her go ahead. Treat this as emotional and irrational. Ignore, deflect diffuse.

Then in parallel get sharp man. Lawyer. Don’t skimp. Read sidebar on diverse. Be ready to be thrown to the wolves, and prepare to come out alpha and on top. Don’t be soft on this front mother fucker.

[–]IndependentKirk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck that man, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that pulls that kind of crap. I've divorced once before and since I was a beta pussy I left with not a single scrap of self-respect. Don't let it happen to you. Leave on your terms.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When she says "I dont want a divorce", yet still wants to negotiate settlements, it means she's trying to get you to let your guard down, and give her more money than you would in a court settlement. Once you agree, the courts will say "theyre happy, the court is happy."

Dont work out terms with her, without your lawyer's advice. Do what your lawyer tells you.

[–]Bedtimeshine-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Serve her. Take control



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