Why I come here everyday

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223552
June 19, 2018
8 upvotes
askMRP

I have been here for 18 months. Struggled a lot with butthurt/anger for the first 12 months, gradually got better and better. Last time I got butthurt was a few months back. End of last week started feeling a bit anxious ( I realise now, I have had anxiety for most of my life...) Its a familiar feeling now, I know what it is, so it helps to deal with it. By now I know there is usually a trigger, I try my best to work out what the cause is? (usually sexual rejection) Nothing really happened to set it off. May be a bit of winter blues? (its middle of winter in australia), I did not initiate for a few days, as its shark week. Gradually through the weekend, it got worse and worse. By Monday, I am boiling inside. I resent my wife, I am angry, I blame her for all my problems. I can only think of her faults, and how I dont like a lot of her traits, and how incompatible we are. I am angry, and butthurt. On the weekend, I went for a long drive, and listened to some podcasts, which usually helps. I went to the gym and lifted, and lifted... but nothing is helping. I have been through these cycles before, and I am surprised how intense, and "flooded" I am, and yet I cant stop. All through Monday, in my head I am fuming, running "talks" that I will have with my wife that night. They all end in me telling her its over. On one hand I fully realize how butthurt/angry I am, and yet the hamster is at full speed, and I CANT stop it. I am here every day reading posts/answers. Then I read this [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8rvnux/first_post/e0upr2u) yesterday, and it snapped me out of my butthurt/anger in 5 min. I am back to level headed, feeling a bit tired (hamster ran a marathon on the weekend), but clear headed. This morning, Reset, kinoed wife, and had a quickie before work. Everyone is in a better mood.

This place is full of gold.


Post Information
Title Why I come here everyday
Author 223552
Upvotes 8
Comments 56
Date 19 June 2018 09:19 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204319
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8s7h5t/why_i_come_here_everyday/
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Comments

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret23 points24 points  (8 children) | Copy

The size of your hamster is amazing.

You'll be right back into your butt hurt status in a few hours. How do I know? because you looked elsewhere to help get you into a positive mindset. Like a heroin addict looking for a hit. Just as you do with everthing else. A lot of guys here like to think there is a difference between TRP and MRP. There really isn't except maybe the shackles in which a man puts on.

A plate is nothing more than a short term relationship. It has the same issues and obstacles as a long term and as marriage. Why? Because a man and woman are in it. Nothing changes. The rules are all the same.

Now often on TRP you get some angsty 18 year old coming in there asking how to get laid. Immediately the cat calls start and the answer is just hire an escort. A good answer is to learn game. The best answer is don't. Improve yourself. Women will follow. Because it's shit like OP put here that always bubbles up.

every last one of you start looking for sex or respect or something else. You are told to lift. You are told to do a lot of things. All too often some of you get distracted by all the pretty flowers and you are still chasing her affection and sex. OP's mind is a mess. He has yet to realize, as /u/matrixtospartanatLV points out....

It's you. Has nothing to do with her.

there is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists.

Nothing exists outside the circle.

The hardest part of this path is truly realizing that you are the obstacle in your way. OP is tying his happiness to doing a whole bunch of things. If I lift then I will be happy. If I am OI then it will work. if this then that.

If this then that statements are the worse kind. they are completely logical. After all they are an hypotheses or conditional statement followed by a conclusion. The conditional statement is false if hypothesis is true and the conclusion is false. yet that is pretty limiting. There is no room for growth nor learning. Either you get fucked or you failed. We know this isn't the case. If she hard nos you she failed. She is the one that is going to miss out on Mr. Awesome.

You need to have a growth mindset. With that comes certain risks, and risks is where we grow. It's amazing but our bodies are made for stress. Literally the more damage and stress we put it under the tougher and stronger it gets. Your bones literally create micro fractures under stress and remodel. Getting stronger and stronger. Your CNS is the same way. Life is struggle. More importantly a man's life is struggle.

In science, you’ll often read some variation of the concept that a negative result isn’t a bad result. What they are saying is that an experiment that doesn’t prove its hypothesis still has value as a learning experience. Significantly better then just an "if this then that". Your red pill development is about making mistakes and finding out what works. Not just doing a bunch of things and getting your daily affirmation. Not every day will be a success, but you want to create an environment where you keep going. You wipe the slate clean and move forward. She is the one sitting there wondering what's going on.

This goes back to putting in the effort, but it also means that she must invest as well. You want your wife/LTR to work hard and be a part of what you are creating. Not you trying to break into her panties everyday. If she doesn't hold up her end of the bargain, then she should not be rewarded. This doesn’t mean embracing failure, but it’s wise to remember that there are always detours on the path to success.

A woman will show you that she wants to be with you even if she isn't fucking you. She's bored. She's showing you interest but your head is so deep in the rabbit hole it's not funny. I have seen female cruelty and what's more I know when a woman doesn't want to be with me. It's pretty fucking obvious.

You can keep coming here for your daily. Hoping to find a flared man's post that will motive you off the shitter today, and then tomorrow. But you haven't learned to do it yourself. You've learned nothing.

Only you can do this. Stop looking for affirmation here. This is a library. A research center. Not your Daily Constitution of good thoughts.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

A plate is nothing more than a short term relationship. It has the same issues and obstacles as a long term and as marriage

I disagree. A plate is a disposable relationship. They do not have the same issues as an LTR or marriage because a plates are made to be broken and replaced.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I agree with fuckmrp. plates are the 'single serving friends' of fight club, not the marla singers

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The status of a woman is irrelevant. Your actions are the same. It’s the consequences that change.

Removing the factor of law why would a man keep a cunty wife vs say a plate that’s become burdensome

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's not the outcome it's the investment.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

its consequence vs action.

You’re able to dump a plate at will with little to no consequence. You can do the same with a wife or LTR yet the consequences are more dramatic to life altering.

[–]officepeeon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well fuck now I'm going to save your reply as my "Daily Constitution of good thoughts"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

whenever i see someone write a reply this long, i'm convinced he's writing it to himself

[–]223552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are right about the size of my hamster. My post was not about looking for advice or affirmation, there was no question in the end. I know what I am working on, and the next obstacle that I have to tackle. My post was about sharing an experience.

I am fully aware that I am my biggest obstacle, took time, but I got there. I am also fully aware that I am the only one that can change. BUT, until I internalize it, my hamster will have a run here, and there. Until then, I will use what I can to get me there.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yes it is gold. Single best thing I have from askmrp is the thought:

What are they gonna say if I posted this issue/thought/drama on here?

Sorts me out time after time.

Tldr: get over your micro bullshit

[–]robertwservice19741 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

100% agree with your sentiment. But how is your thought any different from:

What is mommy gonna say about how I handled this issue/thought/drama?

How about this thought:

What am I gonna think about how I addressed this issue/thought/drama?

Tldr: Be your own judge/mental point of origin.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

how is your thought any different from: What is mommy gonna say about how I handled this issue

A fair point except we aint your momma. Men have a different way of doing things and it is a useful model. New guys often whine about how we are "mean" but this is what men do. Iron sharpens iron. I don't think it is out of line to draw an archetype and imagine how 'he' would react. Men used to have fathers, uncles, and brothers to emulate but not so these days.

Besides, I wanted to make it a meme:

WWMRPD

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I agree with coach, but either way the important part is sorting it out yourself, not who you are guided by.

The difference is that the mommy thing is validation driven.

[–]robertwservice19740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed, except that there’s potential for this mrp thing to be validation driven, too.

[–]broneilbro2 points3 points  (32 children) | Copy

Read my posts and you will see what is going on in my life. Listen you aren't the only one going through shit but you are the only one who can fix that shit. Stop with the victimhood and you will be free of it their influence.

I realized that when you kill the victimhood idea you will be within your frame.

My wife recently told me she is buying a house and wants to do a trial separation and have us date again. Is she genuine about it? Not sure but the RP has taught me to know where this is coming from. I am not angry, more disappointed, but I understand and I am moving forward with my plan.

TLDR: STFU and kill that victimhood.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret3 points4 points  (30 children) | Copy

Dude.

No.

Say it isn’t so.

Please, DO NOT date her again.

Please...

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy

I second this. I judge people on actions, not words, because actions are more true to where their thought processes lie. Buying a house on her own, well... you get the idea.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy

I agree with you. Per my update she had mentioned days prior that she was thinking about getting a place for her and our daughter.

Next conversation was she had put an offer in and it got accepted. I was pretty much taken back but the RP had taught me to see it coming.

I told her it wasn't ideal but I heard her out (STFU) and I AA'd because I agreed with her. She hit on the fear of BP me coming back and ruining her fun. Can't fault that or she is hiding guilt from possible CC.

Didn't get angry, attack her or anything like that. She was taken back by that.

Last talk we had I ensured a reset and she seemed unsure why I was supporting it. She told me her dad sided with me and I remained calm in that sense because that is a big fucking deal with her.

She wants to date which I'm open to. I know this could be seen as digging in the trash but my view is this is an opportunity to show action where I couldn't. I'm not going to fight for us just to fight and do the "right thing"

Do I want to stay with her? Yes, but would I be willing to leave when the writing is on the wall now that I can see? Yes.

Her actions will be the true story.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Why do you want to date her? Read up more on branch swinging. To me it sounds like she is swinging right now. The “we can still date” is code for if my next branch breaks during my swing you will be there to catch me and take me back right?

At this point, as hard as it may be, I would just cut off the branch completely. If she wants a relationship she will need to be the one to jump through hoops to get back to you. Not the other way around.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

You may be right as CC could be around (assume it is) and that is an idea I'm running. I think she could be using the "let's date" even though she has the outcome decided regardless of what I do. This would allow her to push the blame to me for "failure". I do entertain that.

I'm thinking of how to go about cutting it off without seeming to be vengeful as the kid is involved. Hard to explain things to a 4 year old.

I find it funny when I realize I'm with a blank canvas right now and with the advice that this place offers is golden.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

you really haven't read much then. The medium is the message. She wants a place on her own. Give it to her. She's on her own now.

End story.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are absolutely right. Can't agree more. She will get a place of her own.

I'm going to move forward with looking at nice apartments near campus and the hospitals. Got to love how you start seeing it.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sick... The puppy wants you to look at it when you kill it. Just do it already

[–]broneilbro2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, she doesn't want to be the bad person because her father sided with me. Fucked up right?

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yup true, also she dosent have to tell the kids that she left daddy.

It's just how it is mate, I suspect I will have to do the same... Each man is different. I may get bitten once, twice, twenty times. But one day, enough is enough. It ends you decide how much punishment you can take.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are correct. She wants to protect her image in front of our daughter and given the fact that she has had her alone for almost a year doesn't level the playing field.

I'll be the best damn dad, and coparent but I will not go back on her terms.

Btw did you guys know about something called Tinder? /sarcasm

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think she could be

who cares. Stop living in your own head

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo, she thinks she's dealing with old me. The more I put shit down here the better the knowledge.

[–]johneyapocalypse0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Buddy, you must find a new path. You cannot continue down this path.

Your new path = secure the best possible divorce, finances, and parenting results you can get, using the "good vibes" between you, she, and your FIL to coast your way towards it.

Your old path = pine away for her, date her again, and hope to get back together.

Do not make excuses (e.g. "I'm thinking of how to go about cutting it off without seeming to be vengeful), because those excuses are just you trying to stay on the old path.

Understand something, bro, there is something larger at play here: Your dignity. Your self-respect.

If you continue down the old path those two are in jeopardy and life fucking sucks if you can't wake up in the morning, look yourself in the mirror, and respect who's looking back.

She killed the puppy. Period. If you're both playing nicey-nicey, even better. That's how good divorces get even better, for you, the dude. Use this to your advantage.

Now is not the time to be a fucking pussy. There's too much at stake.

Her actions will be the true story.

Bullshit. Stop waiting for her to act. She already did. Time for you to act and be smart about it.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I did sleep on this as I am 7 hours ahead of the EC.

The more I reflect on it and the more advice and knowledge that is brought my way you guys are correct. I am looking at lawyers to do this where it's winning solution for me.

The chosen path is on me. This is definitely the time for OI not pussy footing around. She did kill the puppy and she is in the process of branch swinging. She wants to be the "better" person and she can feel all she wants but not my concern.

I will reach out to draft up an agreement. I have more to read moving forward...

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I would be mission focused once back in town and secure your living space, school/career, divorce plan and service of papers, then visit your child.

This dating nonsense is an opportunity to say "See World, I tried. We just fell out of love and it's just not meant to be. The heart wants what the heart wants, and military wives serve too. Right?"

Fuck that noise. It's a pussy pacifier to use as a rationalization for a loss of attraction and lack of fidelity.

Dating a person who pays money to physically remove herself from you is fucking retarded.

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is the mission. I am sorting everything out since I have a lot on my plate but I'm going to be focused moving forward. It is weird as I am liking the idea of being single again.

The more I think about the "dating" I know it is for that "Well I tried but he didn't <fill in excuse>"I think what she wants me to do is go get strange and be like "Look at him see what he did...blah blah blah" Laughable.

It is funny and sad because I know of other men that could have benefited from the RP if they had known about it going through marriage.

Your last line is totally true. She chose her actions, and I am choosing mine. My daughter and myself...that is how it will be.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

He can date her, sure. But she should be no higher than 3rd or even 4th plate. Maybe that will be a slap in the face of reality of what dating will be like for a divorced post wall women. She asked for it so go ahead and oblige.

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

That is what I'm thinking. She didn't say what the "plan" was with the kid but I'm getting my plan together.

The buying a house is very permanent, and while we are renting a house now, I'm looking as should I buy or rent a luxe apartment. The renting looks like me thinking it's temporary but whatever.

I'll date but I'm not going to be a serial monogamist, and at the same time focus on myself and my daughter.

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Do Not Buy A House!

Reactionary decisions to high stress situations are always very difficult to get right.

Right now you need to be stacking cash quietly and taking in your new situation in as best you can. Keep cash separate from your accounts keep it off the grid till the divorce is finalized. If you have savings, liquidate. If anyone asks tell them you’re blowing off some much needed steam.

Keep it secret, keep it safe.

Buy a house once the divorce is done, till then maintain the bare minimum to take care of your kids.

Also I hope you aren’t paying for this house she is buying!?!

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

I'm not paying for her house. She got her dream career and so she decided to buy a house. Her choices are extremely emotionally driven. AWALT am I right?

You are right about the house. I'm going to rent a nice place and purchase some items I want.

I have a prenup that actually covers my entire network he because I hit some debt recently and so it's actually "less" then when I got married if that makes sense.

It is a conundrum sometimes with RP...

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

She got her dream career

fuck bro, your the king of burying the lead. branch swing confirmed; and you son have outlived your usefulness.

it's staggering that you would want any relationship at all with a woman that rolls like this. you fucked up. admit and move on.

this dating business is a trap on several levels. don't fall for it.

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You are right. I did fall for that support shit but I mean this is a year in the making and hindsight being 20/20 I find it slightly amusing.

I'll be frank that if I hadn't swallowed the pill last year, I would be a fucking mess, but now its a chuckle.

I wanted the best for us but I can assume being a Beta Bitch for years wore on her. You can't move forward if you don't own it.

I did talk to her father tonight, and suprisingly out of the blue he stated "I love my daughter but she is her mother" which I chuckled and AWALT. He stated he hopes we can work it out but at the same time he realized I would have no issue rebounding and living a good life. He is slightly RP and it took a horrible divorce to realize it.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

He is slightly RP and it took a horrible divorce to realize it.

maybe, more likely love for a daughter runs deep. don't be like him.

cut the chord cleanly and ruthlessly (i.e. don't give your shit away).

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I meant he told me RP ideas before I knew what RP was.

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Seek stability, stack cash, don’t rent a luxe apartment just get whatever you need to get through the next few months.

If she is making more than you sue for alimony.

Divorce is always a mad dash for resources, it may seem amicable now but when she starts to find the wall in front of her you’ll see a whole new story unfold. The best defence is a good offence, make yourself a hard target, she is going to go after whatever fruit hangs lowest first.

She has a massive biological drive to ensure her children are provided for on her own terms as best she can. That drive is at least as strong as hypergamy if not stronger. That drive gives zero fucks about you, ZERO!

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

To clarify: Luxe apartment means a nice apartment not on the other side of the railroad tracks.

I'm stacking cash and I have a trust available that she cannot touch.

I'll be making 2x the amount of her, and our prenup states no alimony if separated by her decision and within 8 years of marriage (sitting at 6). Child support per prenup is 50/50 with cost and custody.

I am looking at locking up assets in different ways. I understand the drive that will be engaged when I throw the wall up and her hamster goes into a full sprint. It will be ugly but given her parent's divorce, it can be leveraged but I have realized why waste energy on nitpicking?

I will focus on me and my daughter and make it a solid ass relationship in preparation for any outcome.

I appreciate all the advice that this place has given.

[–]manactualizing0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

AFAIK no state allows child support issues in prenup

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can't put a number to it but you can assign equal custody pending DV or anything like that.

[–]223552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

May be you missed the point of my post. I am not bitching, and not asking for advice. I know my issues/weakness, and working on them. I wanted to share an experience. How a thought/idea/experience helped snap me out of the hamster wheel, and back on my path. I also wanted to share how the hamster can completely overpower your senses.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, well, I’m flattered my post helped you in some way but, fuck, really?

You sound like a bitch (I know, I just lost your upvote) on a GIANT emotional roller coaster.

We can talk later about about your investment in the sidebar, what’s really going on and all that happy shit.

For now, you need to run down to your local male clinic and get your T-levels checked.

Seriously.

We throw shit around here like turd-flinging monkeys in a zoo because, well, it can be fun.

But you, my friend, on these long-winded ups and downs and wild, emotional mood swings shows low T and high Estrogen levels.

So, stop your whining.

Get up, go to the clinic, and get a fucking blood test.

Take the results, get them evaluated, and figure out if you’re going to fix your shit with diet or TRT.

Really, with low T, you’re that little kid who builds his sandcastle at low tide, and thinks a big enough wall will save it at high tide. Lots and lots of energy and time expended for...nothing.

So go get your shit checked so you can stop being a whiny bitch.

And read some stoicism.

It’s worked for thousands of years.

[–]223552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All my blood tests are normal, I get bloods every couple of month. I am on some heavy duty meds (autoimmune) so need to keep checking how everything ticks. My issue is not T. My issues are very low self-esteem/self worth all my life, never had a frame, and chronic anxiety (hereditary). Ironically I am in the medical field, and only realized all this in the past 12 months. I am working on it, seeing a therapist, books, classes, and gradually overcoming one obstacle at a time.

My post was not about whining. Was more about sharing an experience. Most of the post here are during the time when hamster is full speed, the guys just don't realize it.

And thank you for your post.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

get a girlfriend

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's like a daily punch in the face as stark reminder that this process never ends.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hitting enter twice between lines created readable paragraph breaks

Glad you like gold

Also, I'm guilty of this too, but ellipsis aren't to be used so often, it's a dramatic pause, not just a replacement for a period.

[–]jacksarmy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dr Glover the guy who wrote No More Mister Nice Guy also has a course called

The Ruminating Brain: Practical Strategies for Turning Your Biggest Critic into Your Staunchest Ally

You should look into it.

What is a Ruminating Brain?

A ruminating brain is a washing machine that is constantly agitating in your head. It spins constantly, day and night. 24/7.

Check his website for more info

[–]223552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I am following Dr. Glover, the more of his staff i read/listen the more applicable it becomes. I will be enrolling in his next course.

[–]suprathepeg0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Check your state laws, I understand some don’t honour prenup agreements.

Small things are not worth worrying about for sure. The key is to protect the big ones, draw hard lines and make sure you have your shit arranged to back those lines up.

Once you have everything totally locked down then deal with her on the relationship level. Expect that she is definitely fucking somebody else right now.

Good luck!

[–]223552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She is not fucking anybody. The point of my post was, when the hamster takes off, small things turn into major drama, and reality becomes screwed. Now I am at a point that I realize whats going on, just cant control it yet...

[–]ImSteveMcQueen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anxiety is a 3 syllable word for fear.

Make a list of your fears, logical or illogical and then address them one by one.

Hamsters don't run on logic. They run on emotions. Dealing with your fears rationally starves the hamster.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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