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Anger phase, does it ever leave?

Reddit View
May 18, 2018
7 upvotes

1st time poster here. I know you guys are brutal, so let me have it. (33m, 5'10 220, 16% bf BP 225, SQ 275, DL 315, OHP 115,) I know that people ask this question quite frequently, but I am really having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that my wife sees me as BB. I am in charge of the family in just about every way, sans housekeeping (She usually has it done before I even get home from work). In charge of finances, I lead in every aspect of our relationship.  I lift 6 days a week and I'm in VASTLY better shape than her. My SMV is higher than hers. 

Sex is whenever I want. Bj's are basically on command. But she will not swallow, will not do anal, and will not allow herself to give me control sexually. It's like there is this mental block that she has, or she feels compelled to control SOME dynamic of our relationship. Either that, or she truly does not desire me the way that I feel is worthy of my commitment. 

We have been married for 13 years and it's always been this way, even early in our relationship. The anger is making me just want to leave, and find someone who truly desires me. I have a daughter with her and I only have a few years to go before she's 18, so I have been working on my MAP, and telling myself the stay plan is the same as the go plan, but I'd rather just have my wife desire me the way I want. 

Question for you guys is how do you get over the anger? I've been dealing with it for a long time and short of cheating on her, I don't see a solution. I feel like confronting her will only make her do it because she's scared of me leaving, not because she actually wants to. Is this sort of thing salvageable? 


Post Information
Title Anger phase, does it ever leave?
Author tsqared34
Upvotes 7
Comments 70
Date 18 May 2018 07:38 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/204474
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8kfw2o/anger_phase_does_it_ever_leave/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPcheatingsexual market valuelift
Comments

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

I feel like confronting her

No, no, a thousand times, no! You tell her this shit and it's going to get worse.

Look, the secret no one talks about we always talk about with anger is that if you're still angry, you're still giving too many fucks.

You've read my MRP wiki post on Anger Phase, right? And the one below that, with constructive ideas on how to get over it? We tell you to do these things for the same reason that Mr. Miyagi has Daniel wax his car. Because once you're good at going through the motions you'll come to a new realization that none of this shit you're worried about matters, and you'll stop giving so many fucks.

Once you stop pushing that rope things will fall into place for you.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

P.S. - You're trapped in one of Scott Adams' "prisons of the mind." You should see to that.

[–]tsqared34-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you. I will definitely keep working on it. I know I care waay too much about this shit and it's hanging me up. Wish there was a way to just flip the switch on it and just not care.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lift when angry use it to your advantage.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

I am pissed.

Every night when I go to bed.

Every day I wake up.

I am pissed that any moment of any day I could drop and be dead. Dead motherfucker. Dead.

And it motivates me to make every mother fucking day count as if it is my last.

Which means I live my life my fucking way. Not how they or she or anyone says I should.

Or are you pissed because of some faggot reason, like how women are women?

And you are fat with those lifts and 220#. Just sayin.

[–]tsqared342 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am fat, actually have lost about 40lbs in the past year since I started going back to the gym. My goal is 195, and I plan to be there by November/December.

Good point about the anger. I know it's my fault for not knowing this shit in my 20s. If I had, I never would've gotten married. I appreciate the wake up call though.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I am fat, ...

The anger is making me just want to leave, and find someone who truly desires me.

Who is hotter in your opinion? This girl or this girl. Who would you truly desire? Both women have similar net worth and both are relatively famous. Are you worth being desired?

[–]tsqared341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I get what you're saying. Just STFU, lift and be desirable. I understand. Thanks man

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

I know you guys are brutal, so let me have it.

Wish granted.

(33m, 5'10 220, 16% bf BP 225, SQ 275, DL 315, OHP 115,)

Hahahahehehohhohohohohooooo <takes breath> hahahehh hoh ohoho ohohoh oheh e heheh e eheheheheheheh.

Ok, no. No, you are not 16% BF at 5'10" and 220lbs. Especially not at those lifts. I have roughly equivalent lifts (your DL is better than mine) and I'm probably 20% at 5'10" and 180lbs.

Look at yourself in the mirror, and cover one eye. It's important to compare 2D to 2D. Then compare to the pictures.

https://www.builtlean.com/2012/09/24/body-fat-percentage-men-women/

You are fat.

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ok yep. You're absolutely right. Probably closer to 25%

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Unless you have a tremendous frame and huge natural (yet strangely non-functional) muscle, you are probably closer to 35-40%.

Keep losing weight. Use the anger to keep yourself on track.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What’s your waist measurement at the belly button? I’m 39” at 5-10 and 248#. The navy calculator puts me at 20% but I’d guess I’m between that and 25%. I played mid level rugby until about 5 yrs ago and I’ve let go since then. I’m also restarting to lift again and MY GOD have I lost strength in 5 years.

He is fat (so am I) but I’m not sure he’s gotta be 40%...

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Last I checked, it was 36" but I had a few more pounds then. I could believe a rugby player has those stats, but even starting lifting again, you probably lift a lot more than myself and OP.

If I had OP lifts and his weight, I'd easily be pushing 40%.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahahehehohhohohohohooooo <takes breath> hahahehh hoh ohoho ohohoh oheh e heheh e eheheheheheheh.

I thought my jokes were bad.

Wish that guy hadn't died. Loved watching that character take him over.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What was your weight 13 years ago?

What was the difference in your relative SMV then?

Was the sex any better than it is now?

She doesn’t swallow? No anal?

You picked some pretty small fuckin’ hills to die on.

You diet to lose weight, exercise to look great, and sidebar to fix everything else.

“Anger phase, does it ever leave?”

Yes, mostly, when you GROW the fuck out of it.

ANGER: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

So your feefees are out of whack. You can search the anger phase right in this sub, but you need a lot more sidebar.

How do you get over the anger? By reprogramming your mind through the sidebar. Educate yourself.

Stop acting like a fucking woman. Women, and Beta pussies, operate from their emotions, and she seems to be controlling you with hers. While you are searching Anger Phase, also look into concepts about Frame, Amused Mastery, and Outcome Independence.

As you get fitter you will become more attractive to her physically, but if your mind is fucked up, you’re just the oldest teenage son in the house.

She doesn’t want to fuck her oldest son.

She wants to fuck a man.

So man the fuck up, grow a pair with hair, and become the entire package.

What dread level are you at?

If you want more from her, then become someone worth giving it to.

Fix ALL of your shit.

You might be surprised at what happens next.

[–]mountainbiker1782 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Why do you think you're BB? Because she won't swallow? Just looking for extra info. Also there's no way you're 16%bf. What method are you using to check that?

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Well TBH it was one of those useless body fat percentage calculators online. I honestly don't believe it either, I just thought I'd check. It really doesn't matter to me at this point either since I'm not happy with where I am currently. My goal is 195.

As to the 1st question, it's not necessarily that, I just think she found someone early on in our relationship who would take care of her, and she took advantage of it. She had a really hard childhood so I know she has daddy issues, I filled that provider role easily unfortunately. To answer someone else's question, I do like my wife. She's a fun, agreeable person to be with and I am not looking to divorce.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Wait, she cheated on you?

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

No, if that were to ever happen, I'd be done

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Oh, you mean she found you, not some other guy, right?

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah that's what I meant, she's never cheated that I know of

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Your weight goal should be more like 165. Go get a DEXA scan chubby

[–]tsqared34-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't think that's ever going to happen. I was a power lifter in my late teens, I carry a substantial amount of muscle on my frame, even though it's covered in fat currently. I don't usually do 1rm, I started off doing push pull split routines, but switched to one body part per day hypertrophy over the past couple of months. I honestly don't give a shit what my body fat percentage is as long as I look good without my shirt on and I'm healthy.

[–]mountainbiker1781 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I honestly don't give a shit what my body fat percentage is as long as I look good without my shirt on and I'm healthy.

Sorry to break it to you, but that means you do care about your BF%, which you absolutely should. I think you keep saying you don't care for the plausible deniability. Sure, you need to own your goals. If you want to be a hawt fucker without your shirt on, own it!

Research the fuck out of diet/cutting plans and lift heavy (again). There are lots of posts here about exactly that (hint: CICO + protein + lifting = success).

Part of the reason you're having trouble after 13 years is that you're not as attractive or confident as you once were. It's time to focus on being that muscular, confident and cocky asshole you over were.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.02 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's like there is this mental block that she has, or she feels compelled to control SOME dynamic of our relationship. Either that, or she truly does not desire me the way that I feel is worthy of my commitment. 

The mental block is you doing this for all the wrong reasons. I can smell the covert contract through my monitor. You don't deserve anything. If you want her to fuck you like that then read SMG and DEVI her. If its always been this way since you first met then why the fuck would you think it would be any different now?

Mother fuckers and the grass is always greener bullshit. Fuck your wife, read SMG and implement some shit slowly. The more attractve you get the more responsive she will be. She may not like anal, if thats a deal breaker for you then go fuck a hooker in the ass.

Do you actually like your wife?

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It goes away when you realize that the person you're most angry at is yourself... for believing in the Disney fantasy, for being a fat lazy slob, for settling instead of leading, and for taking so long to figure it all out.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a second hand shrink level of knoweldge.

anger is our way of processing an injustice, or other way of reconsiling how the world works, v how we think it works.

the anger has nothing to do with the world, or how bad it fucks you, only how poorly you process it.

so to answer your question, so long as youre process life like a retard, you'll constantly be angry

[–]broneilbro5 points6 points  (9 children) | Copy

I'm going to go out on the limb here...why do you want to do all that? Seems like you need to dominate her physically and that might have to do with something deeper with you. She could also be reluctant to that point because she might had bad shit.

I had a girl while I was fucking her for a couple months and she was good, went to put my hand around her neck, not to choke her or anything, but she went eyes wide open and froze. I saw fear in her eyes and I knew something was wrong. She started crying and told me that she had been raped by a friend and that was why she moved into the city. I just stood there and took that in.

I also don't have my wife swallow. Call it a block or something but she once asked why I wouldn't give her a facial or swallow, which I replied "Because I only do that to girls I don't respect" and went about my ways. She was shocked by that statement.

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's an interesting thought. I guess it's not that I necessarily want to do these things, I just want her to WANT to do these things. I feel like for everything I've given her over the years, everything should be on the table. I know it doesn't work that way and you cannot negotiate desire, but I guess that's what pisses me off the most.

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Again...why do you WANT her to do them? Is it because it's in the porn you fap to? There are boundaries like the ones that we are to set and you cannot expect her to read your mind...you aren't a woman.

If she started to stick her finger up your ass when blowing you what would you act like?

[–]DoctorNini1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You want her to want anal? You realise that might be an unrealistic wish? The vast majority of women don't want anal. Some might try it to please their husbands, but that is completely different from wanting it themselves. Simple fact is: anal is not as pleasurable for women as vaginal sex, and it often hurts/feels uncomfortable. Maybe just aim for enthusiastic/freaky sex with just vaginal penetration?

[–]dthlist0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Are you still fucking that girl or was it too off putting?

[–]broneilbro1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nope. That was a girl I dated about 10 years ago. It wasn't that off putting because I dealt with some dark shit and was white knighting it. She was really really good but after that their was hesitance.

I had a female friend attempt suicide because I turned her down to prom, she had a lot of shit going on and that sort of stuck me in "Capt. Save the Crazies" so there was guilt with that. Looking back if a girl wasn't crazy she bored me because I felt that I needed to be their emotional support at the time.

The girl was driven, smart, and cute but she would drop things like "I'm not going to have kids so they can't be rapists, or be raped" she also didn't want to get married and follow me around in the military because she had her goals of to be a doctor. I didn't want that at the time.

Fast forward 10 years; she is a doctor from Harvard, still has issues, but the major thing is The Wall. She looks around and sees all her friends have kids and are married. She reached out and started talking about suicidal thoughts.

I supported her as a friend but she told me she didn't want me as a friend but more. I realized she was manipulating me because I was at a weak point (Wife and I were barely talking/fucking) and I realized what was going on.

Told her no I won't leave my kid and she needs to fix things herself. She got angry but I went dark on her. It sucked because it was different than what I usually did but NMMNG worked well.

Reading the side bar and looking back it is amazing how AWALT...

[–]dthlist1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Harvard doctor eh. She went through all that hard work to be left with nothing but suicidal thoughts. Sometimes i wonder if a 'modern' woman has any path to happiness at all...

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well the rape happened before she went to Harvard. She was at Miami, then UPenn, and Harvard for her PhD. She's a psychologist who focuses on those with depression, and rape victims to help those like her. She has high functional depression where they focus on xy and z to "self medicate".

I met her in Miami because of the way she was talking and I remember going back to her place and realizing I had hit rock bottom because I could have cheated because her desire for me was there, but it was more of a desire for her to be "wanted" if that makes sense.

Pretty much the catalyst to waking my ass up, add an emotional affair my wife had, and a year long deployment and it is a fucking ride!

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That last sentence about respecting your wife is cringeworthy as fuck. No wonder you have the problems you do.

Read PFP, in particular about the Madonna/whore complex. That shit is toxic as fuck

[–]broneilbro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Copy. I know I guess that is the BPB dying. One day it will be dead and I'll be pushing my dick into her throats.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

“Sex is whenever I want. Bj's are basically on command.”

Stopped reading.

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly. And the problem is?

[–]BubbleNuts24130 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The problem is that it's void of authentic desire and reaks of obligatory duty sex.

Sex on command sounds good because just reading that, we assume her desire is packaged with the act.

Sure, there are sexless marriages - a lot of them, in fact. But there are also many more marriages where the wife "lets" her husband use her body to masturbate just to avoid conflict or guilt.

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why is your self worth so contingent on whether or not she swallows your semen after she gives you a blowjob, or whether she let's you stick your dingus in her stink-hole? Let it go, man.

You stop being angry about this stuff by realizing it is pointless to be angry about it. What does anger do for you in this situation? What value does it bring? Does it get her to swallow your gravy? Does it make her want it in the cheek-stash? No. Women get angry at pointless things they have no control over. Men understand problems and overcome challenges.

Look, it's simple. Is her not swallowing your butter cream or not getting to stick your donglette into her back-willow a deal breaker for you? If so, fine. Go find a woman who will perform these things for you. That is your prerogative. But realize that your anger does nothing for you.

Continue building yourself into the man you need to be. Maybe she'll drink your seed-mallow, maybe she won't. Work on Creating Your Slut (google it). Just stop being angry--that shit is for girls.

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks I really appreciate it. I think that is a great point

[–]alphasixfour1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know when I got here I thought everyone was brutal too. Thought I had to show my teeth when confronted or be stepped on. Do you know why that was? Beta fuck ego. Like a chihuahua acting tough to stare down the other dogs. Didn’t work for shit but hey. Then when I decided to kill my ego and actually learn everything I can here two things happened: I unlocked more of the Alpha me as I put in the work and started to develop frame -alpha me has fun shit talking in the locker room. Beta me hides in a locker. Two, I realized that almost everyone here cares about the men who find their way here and prove they are willing to learn.

First we are going to shit test you to make sure you are worth the investment. That’s human dynamics. Gotta figure out where everyone fits. We are not going to invest in the trolls or terminal betas that won’t listen.

Once you start to kill your ego you come to appreciate those shit tests as strengthening your frame, good fun, and opportunities to learn.

I didn’t read anything in your post about your dynamics outside of sex with your wife. Does she shit test you? How do you handle it? For the sex read sex god method and learn DEVI.

If your wife isn’t shit testing you it means you are her total beta and she has given up.

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I got you. Thanks for the advice. Yeah, she shit tests me over little stuff a lot. I either try my best with AA or just STFU. I try to take the advice on here of just pretending she's a child and responding accordingly, but yeah.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am Compelled to comment on the anal / swallow. Mine does both, occasionally.

It's definitely a submission thing. No doubt in my mind. Biological, I don't know. Both are total domination and more importantly a physical display / acceptance of that fact.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree. When my wife swallows the seeds I'm filled with a sense of the rightness of the universe and things being in their proper place. Would never have married a non-swallower.

Anal on the other hand doesn't do much for me. The feeling of flopping around inside a rectum is offputting.

I didn't get this from porn; which bores me.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You didn’t say when you swallowed the pill. It takes a while to get some acceptance.

In the meantime, STFU, sidebar, and lift

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, yeah it has only been a couple of months, but I dove right in and started reading and internalizing everything I could. I watch the videos on YouTube and follow the different subs here. I already started lifting and am working on that as hard as I have anything in my life. I appreciate the advice.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

You had a baby at 15?

Troll.

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

20 actually. Not a troll, looking for legitimate advice

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You’re info says you had the baby at 15

You are 33, daughter is 18

33-18=15

Bad Math skills are negatively effecting your trolling skills.

[–]tsqared340 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Sorry bro, I don't know where you read that. I am 33, almost 34. Got married at 20 and daughter was born right after I turned 21. I'm almost 34. Kid is 12. Don't know where you got 18.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockChief Autist in Charge0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

“I have a daughter with her and I only have a few years to go before she's 18”

Not original wording. It said she was 18 originally -that’s why I called it out.

Doesn’t matter, still call you a troll. Pussy and BJs on tap, somehow you find mrp and start a MAPPing...just to get her to swallow?

Sick fuck.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yep, it said 18 before he changed the wording

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Details....

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wait until the I couldn't give ten fucks stage

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

5”10 and 220 lbs? With those lifts?

In my eyes you are a fat fuck. OHP needs a lot of work.

Fix that then let’s talk. Get your head out of your ass regarding your body fat percentage.

Achieve true BF of 12% mother fucker. It’s a target we all should achieve at one point or another IMO.

[–]Bot_Metric0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

220.0 lbs = 99.8 kilograms


I'm a bot. Downvote to 0 to delete this comment. Info

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The situation you are in is entirely your fault. You wouldn't get mad at the sun for giving you a sunburn, right?

Your wife is a reflection of the kind of man you are, I just think you don't like looking at your own reflection.

[–]oneredguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ah yes she has not fully submitted to you. Very frustrating. Lose more weight and further looks max, of course. You have another 40 pounds to lose here and keep lifting.

The only way I know of to get her to submit sexually is to pass more shit tests, and expect nuclear ones, and implement a standard routine of dread game. Even to the point where you let her discover that you not only have other girls phone numbers, and not only talk to them (they're just friends bitch relax), but that they are better looking than her as well. Juice up that hamster and then pass the nuclear shit tests that will undoubtedly follow



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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