6'4, 205lbs, 12.5%BF. 8 year married, 1.5 year old and 5 year old. I dont know my 1RM but using the following for 5x5's 95 press, 145 bench, 245 deadlift, 135 squat (struggling with form/knee issues)
There has been some changes in my life which include;
- Wife poking my chest and arms randomly wondering if the muscles are real. During sex she will grab my pecs or triceps and can clearly see her being turned on. A "omg" was heard under her breath. Went from sad handjobs (to keep my drip requirements met) to BJ/swallowing again. I cringe at the old day me; Once i asked her "can you put it in your mouth" and she said "I could" but continued to just jerk me off to completion. After all the changes, and me telling her what I want its happening without question. She is constantly referring to my muscles throughout the week
- Noticing that after only 3-4 months of dedicated lifting I am the fittest person in any room at about a 95% average. Just came back from a water park and I must have been the fittest dad in the place. Also noticed my wife's friends checking me out during this weekend.
- Covert contracts are gone. I no longer clean the house/kitchen in hopes of getting a blowjob when my wife discovers a shiny room. I now clean it because I want a clean house... and if later in the day i want some sex i will initiate without relation to prior 'brownie points'
- Wife's nagging has decreased and it almost feels like MY nagging has increased. Now that i stopped caring about her feelings or walking around on egg shells i started to assert how I want my life to be. I used to put up with cleanliness and organization problems because it never bothered her... but now I realize that it really bothers me and I am trying to get her to prioritize things better. I'm trying to find the balance between being 'fun and manly' but still telling her to 'clean up your shit'
- Starting the days, or encounters, with the 'reset' button has been great. Typically I would let the previous days attitudes or bitchiness leech into the next day. Now I just act like nothing has happened and my wife reacts as if nothing has happened. Its a head scratcher but works.
- Just listening without trying to problem solve has resulted in her thinking I am more compassionate and caring then before. Oddly I care less now
- The gym has become my mental and physical temple. Its the one hour I get to think, push myself, and get better. I dont spend my time at the gym, like 90% of the people there, finger fucking my phone more than lifting weights. It feels damn good
- I stopped the beta foreplay games (massages, rubbing her foot) – now when I want sex I just escalate to it. A few times recently she got into bed facing away from me and I just pulled down her pants and she was very into it. Beta Steve from 2 years ago would have never thought that was a possibility. One night I was exhausted but she was on her phone looking at Instagram and I just said “well, if you’re going to keep me up with that phone in my face…” and proceeded to pull her pants off. She liked it
Things I still struggle with:
- Haven't figured out my mission or purpose. For now I am focused on my children, lifting, and improving myself and by extension, my marriage. We have a new house so dealing with moving, selling and when we get the new place I plan on managing all the bills/financing. Job is good but looking for something new within the company. Already at Senior Management level with good pay but need to be challenged more
- Not getting butthurt has always been a problem. I've gotten a lot better with sexual rejection and just let it bounce off me but its the comments/attitude from my wife that seems to linger longer. I STFU where I can or respond with amused mastery but sometimes I just want to tell her to "cut the fucking shit."
- Sometimes I just want to fucking relax. I used to loose alot of time with video games but have completely changed it around to completing tasks and fixing things in the house/life. But every once in a while I just want to sit on a sofa and relax
- I find it hard not to argue or tell her things are wrong. I know arguing is pointless but also need to create or re-enforce boundaries. What’s fine line between here between trying to correct things you don’t want in your life vs. being nag/argumentative
- My wife is addicted to being busy. It’s almost like she creates her own crazy agenda and gets lost in priorities. I've called her out on things a few times like forgetting something important because she was busy with something stupid (or not time sensitive) - This is an example of me not knowing if i should STFU or tell her to get her shit together. I've tried getting her to write lists and prioritize but she creates a 3 page list by the end of the week.... stops looking at it, and has another 3 pager for the next week. It makes it difficult to even Kino/Game/Initiate with her when shes always head-deep into some task she feels is past due. I stopped initiating sex before bed (which is kind of the only time she actually wants me to) but during the day she gives me "I have too much to do"
- Generally dealing with a 1.5 year old and 5 year old is hard. I’m their primary source of fun and both enjoy different games so it’s challenging. Trying to get anything done on my list is hard when my wife is always "busy" with her shit and I’m dealing with the children
- My wife is so nice (can’t say no… except to me apparently) that its actually detrimental to my time and family. A lot of times we spend just waiting for responses from someone she wants to talk to (before leaving a venue for example) or her trying to organize plans with a friend for 20+ minutes only to find out that they haven’t figured anything out (another time I struggle not to be butt hurt and tell her WTF have you done with the last 20+ minutes)
- I go through cycles of anger at being sucked into my wife’s world as her provider. I’m very good at not dwelling on the past and ‘what could have been’ but still get angry wondering if I could have scored better/higher or if she played me
- I struggle to wake up early. Even when I do wake up I still feel more tired then when I went to bed
- Im a hairy dude and constantly shave my shoulders/back but thinking of laser surgery… anyone have opinions?