714,030 posts

Field Report: I ended it

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December 19, 2016
28 upvotes

About a week ago I ended things with my LTR. Over a decade together, and we're young. N=1 for both of us. No kids. I've been very active on MRP but I have to clear my history periodically to keep a clean trail.

I sat her down and said it wasn't working for me. This was counter to a lot of advice I got here in MRP, though to my defense I also received some overwhelming advice to end it. That evening she had bouts of being really broken up, but was mostly conversational in trying to argue her way into making me change my mind. After a couple hours of discussion I packed a suitcase and told her to take care and left the house. This was about a week ago. I haven't spoken to her or seen her since. She hasn't made any efforts to contact me either. From this I gather she didn't really feel too strongly about wanting to keep this either after the initial shock wore off.

A brief background: About 8 months ago I felt neglected. We barely saw each other and she seemed extremely disinterested in me. She was openly hostile and bitchy towards me for apparently no reason. I got on the MRP train and made a ton of progress. Near the end things were improving ever so slightly but I realized during my red pilling that this wasn't what I wanted. Life is too short for someone who has to be conditioned into wanting to simply spend time with me. I know, AWALT, I'm still working on red pill and the next woman will be the same if I don't change. There is a lot more that went into the decision, but I'm not going to waste time trying to convince people here who want to try to find every single fault.

I am doing ok. I don't really feel any more lonely than I did before the breakup. If anything I feel less lonely without the oppressive feeling of having to live with someone who doesn't seem to want me around. I am not planning on dating or hookups any time soon, but signed up for Tinder out of curiosity. Getting a shitload of matches from young and cute girls, more than I could possibly ever do anything with. My goal at this point is simply to push my comfort zone. I'm meeting a lady from tinder tonight for coffee just to chat and talk about traveling. Pretty nervous about that, but I glad I am, so I can get over the anxiety of these normal interactions that everyone else has been having their entire lives (but I haven't).

Not really looking for feedback, more just throwing this out there to show that ending it isn't the end of the world. It was definitely the hardest thing I've done in my entire life. I did the cliche thing of standing in front of my house's door with keys in hand, summoning the courage for a couple minutes to unlock the door and walk in. I sat in my car for about 30 minutes before then doing the same thing.

More than anything I feel a sense of relief. All of the expectations of me in that relationship are gone. No pressure to have kids before I want to, pressure to be a provider for a stay at home mom, pressure to live in a city I don't really want to be in doing a job I don't really want to do. It's really obvious to me now that this was the right decision.

Edit: thanks for the comments everyone. Really surprising how positive literally every one is so far. Meeting tinder lady went well. It wasn't romantic at all and I'm not really sure she had any expectations of it being romantic. But she was cute and the conversation was nice and she seemed open to meeting again at the end. I'll need to get over the really weird feeling of being affectionate towards near strangers.


Post Information
Title Field Report: I ended it
Author blimblamp
Upvotes 28
Comments 37
Date 19 December 2016 11:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206750
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5j9xsp/field_report_i_ended_it/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALTproviderlong term relationshipthe red pillfield report
Comments

[–][deleted] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy

user reports:

1: Non-married dude broke up. BFD. Irrelevant.

MRP is not entertainment, it's men fixing men. If you're not here for that reason, then don't expect anyone to take your dopamene rush seriously

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice job having the balls to actually end it, a lot of guys don't. Congrats and have fun with the single life.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Tinder is not a place to meet girls for coffee and future LTR's. Escalate HARD or she will "match" a guy who has the balls to escalate hard. That is why girls get on Tinder.

If you want coffee try "Itsjustlunch" or a church group.

Also, for God's sake read up on Plate theory and head on over to The Red Pill. Rational Male is your Bible now. If you are already getting Tinder matches you can be knee deep almost every night in the slimy entrails of 3-4 fresh sweaty boxes within a few months.

THAT is the field report I want to see.

[–]blimblamp[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah I need to go use OKCupid or something. Tinder is just the lowest effort and the UX is more fun. I knew it wasn't going to lead to anything because I wasn't escalating at all. I was fine with that. I'm just trying to get out there and push my comfort zone. I wasn't trying to get laid, and even if she offered, I would have turned it down. I've read more TRP-centric stuff in the past and the gist I've read is that you need to immediately have that physical affection and you need to be constantly putting the lady on the boundaries of her comfort zone and doing some of the push-pull dynamic.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

OkCupid is my favorite dating site (besides Facebook, haha). Also join singles groups on Meet up in your city. I met the last guy I dated before my boyfriend in a 20s and 30s singles group at a happy hour (and I don't even drink).

[–]2gunsgetsome0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also join singles groups on Meet up in your city. I met the last guy I dated before my boyfriend in a 20s and 30s singles group at a happy hour

OP, do this. Also, go to bars that you like and look for the women the party girls dragged out with them. Talk to people.

[–]postscript11149 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP, I commend you for making this choice now. I don't know your age, but you seem young. I'm 36 and just recently becoming single. I've never been single. I was 16 when I met my stbx. I understand the nervous part. After 20 years, it is an entirely new world.

The world is your oyster. Treat it as such. If I can drop the nerves, anyone can. Believe me, it feels weird having the nerves of a teenage boy when you are almost 40.

[–]blimblamp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've never been single as an adult either. Nerves were gone pretty quick, it's always the build up to an actual event that's worrying for me. And I think even that will get better with exposure. I didn't really make any attempts to be affectionate and maybe she was expecting at least a little bit but I don't really know. It seems like first meetings with Tinder are really more meet and greet than date. Of course the people who are DTF probably the exception. It just feels so weird to flirt let alone try to do anything more than a friendly hug.

[–]redxanaxe7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Since this sub is the married (and LTR) side of rp, I'm not surprised "just end it" wasn't thrown around too much.

I commend you for doing what you have to do to be happy.

I don't have much to add other than to address your nerves re: tinder. Don't be nervous, you are the prize.

Good luck in your path.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

MRP was never pro marriage, it is anti divorce-rape. That and the focus is on fixing men. first page of Athols stuff says the same.

[–]redxanaxe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Correct. I should have clarified, didn't mean to imply mrps focus was on fixing marriages.

I meant to say you won't see many "just end it"s thrown around here because the focus is, as you said, on fixing the man first and foremost. In most cases it seems that the choice to leave or stay is viewed as tangential at best.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you man. Been following your journey for a while.

At the end, you get to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze. I divorced a year ago after redpilling for 6 months and NO change.

I'm still loving life.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey man, I just want to say congrats. It takes some balls to do that for yourself, and you did it. Good luck with the date.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now spin plates.... profit.

Don't be a commitment whore.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

All of the expectations of me in that relationship are gone. No pressure to have kids before I want to, pressure to be a provider for a stay at home mom, pressure to live in a city I don't really want to be in doing a job I don't really want to do

This is the lure for most guys. Freedom. What's the cliche that floats around the main sub... Women want access, men want freedom.

Good job doing the hard thing. It looks like it was also the right thing.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

On several levels, you have taken your life back here.

It is interesting that she has not contacted you. Maybe she was hoping you would end it, and her behavior was her message. Most girls have trouble being the bad guy in a break up.

Yes it is hard with an ending, but you are already feeling the freedom of a new beginning. I have been through this ending and new beginning too, and it just gets better from there. Best

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am not planning on dating or hookups any time soon

More than anything I feel a sense of relief

Expectations are gone

No pressure

 

I would be careful not to slide into a world that is too comfortable. Life, and red pill, are not easy. Red pill especially calls for you to constantly be improving. That release of pressure and expectation you are feeling is like a hit of crack after a loooong time. It's going to want to draw you in. It'll be so easy to get stuck in it for too long unless you keep reminding yourself: "I've still got work to do".

[–]blimblamp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's fair. My plan is to push my comfort zone in new, positive ways. Previously I was pushing my comfort zone towards things I didn't want and having to come to terms with a lot of negative things.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now the trick is to make sure you never do that again.

welcome back

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm happy to see that you just up and ended it without too much fan fare with us or her.

Ultimately it's you that has to make the decision. Apparently you chose the right time, and you were ready.

Yes. Keep working on you. It is possible to be happy and live a fulfilled life. How was the tinder date ?

Man, I'm happy for you You were ready.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Starting over might seem like it will suck but, turns out it really doesn't. Well, not intolerably anyway. There's something intoxicating about being a free agent. Then you just add back whatever you want and demur whatever you don't want. Good luck brother.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well done.

If you ever get back on the relationship ride, have fun with it for you. If it's not working for you again, end it.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I remember your last post. I know exactly what you mean about being more lonely with somebody than when alone. In my case, my wife seems to be coming around, but maybe your relationship just ran its course. If so, congrats - pre MRP I would never get the balls to end an LTR.

Maybe have fun with some plates or just enjoy your freedom. Carry those tools along: STFU, AA, and AM. Get to the point where you can turn any shit test into a sexual comment and actually have her laugh.

Good luck

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know, AWALT, I'm still working on red pill and the next woman will be the same if I don't change.

This.

Keep working. Best of luck.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Looks like everyone else covered all the basis. Would disagree on the tinder date. Hoe's arent using tinder to be social, they use it to get fucked.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

claps Been waiting for you to pull the trigger. Congrats!

[–]blimblamp[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I couldn't help but think about your comments in the past as I was going through it. I wouldn't say they changed my motivation at all, but it was just sort of a funny thing in the back of my head the whole time.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck with the new start!

I moved from an area of the U.S. I hated to the city I'm in now, and my whole life changed for the better. It's great for you to get out of a relationship, job and city that isn't making you happy.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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