Me: Mid 40's 6'5 220, lifting like it's the last thing on earth. Diet dialed in (macros, calories etc etc) Lean mass gaining, and BF dropping every month (working on recomping) SMV improving every month.
Finished sidebar reading, starting over on it again. Swallowed the pill in July.
Seeing some success. Especially with A/A and STFU. (Although I could have done more of that in this instance) I'm a wordy bastard, and in sales, so old habits die hard.
You can read my first thread, basically stating that I didn't get any BJ's until my pussified Beta self managed to bring it up to her 4+ years ago. Then it started slowly, and has gone downhill from there. She has gone down on me maybe 10 times. And even then you could tell it was a chore. Pissed me off. (still pisses me off)
Last night after some lame sex, I flat out told her, I'm not interested in starfish. (didn't even mention anything else) I guess I broke frame on that one, but I didn't come across angry, just told her straight up. I'm not interested in pity sex, or her just laying there. And for those of you that say "go caveman" on her. Tried it.
At any rate, out of the blue she blurts out "I know you want oral, but honestly.. it's just disgusting. I have to go to a different place (in her head) to do that to you. I love you and so I did it to try and make you happy, but I hate it" (side note, I've tried to go down on her many, many times. She refuses.)
I just STFU and let her hamster start running. She goes off on how in our group of friends, we are the ones that have the most sex, etc, etc. And comments like "you think it's better out there, but it's not" I just let her go. When she was finished, I said " I don't care about anyone else's sex life, my happiness or satisfaction isn't predicated on how we are doing compared to other couples. Either it works for us or it doesn't. Told her I'm glad she got that off her chest, kissed her on the head and went to the gym.
I was pissed, I'm still pissed. Furious. I find myself realizing that my head is spinning with a bunch of NMMNG stuff. (Covert contract) "after all I've done for you in the last 20+ years, you can't do this ONE thing for me??" Had a helluva good workout.
When I got back, her hamster had been working overtime, poor little bastard probably is going to have a heart attack. Fur was all matted, breathing heavy..
Her: "I shouldn't have said anything, I knew it as soon as I said it"
Her: "I could tell that you were disappointed"
Me: "Nope. I'm fine"
Her:"I know what you are thinking, so don't tell me that"
Me: "Ok, I might as well go do something in the living room then, and you can have the argument by yourself if you know what I'm thinking"
Her: "I mean, it doesn't mean I'll NEVER do it again, I just don't understand why it's so important to you?"
Me: "Just because you say you don't want to do something, doesn't mean I'm going to stop wanting it"
Her: "yeah, but now I'm going to pay for that comment with you being cold, distant etc"
Kiss on the head, and rolled over.
I KNOW the right answer is not to be butt hurt, I know it. It works. But how do you get that resolved in your head and get past it? I'm so pissed last night and today I can't think straight. I know it's that giant covert contract in my head.
Right now, I want nothing to do with her. But any break in the normal routine, or me "pulling away" is going to come across like Butt Hurt and giving her the cold shoulder. But in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "If I act just fine, then she'll think I'm fine with her not going down on me, or spicing up our sex life" like it's giving her comfort that it's ok.
How do you walk that tightrope gents? I have been in the best mood since posting this, and just going about my day. She has been sulking around, I know that hamster is running hard.
Tonight she tells me "I Love you and I want you to be happy. I just need to get over this I guess"
STFU works. Damn.