Shit test..?

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April 18, 2016

What does it mean when she says she wishes I would cheat, so it would take the pressure off of her? Background: I unplugged a year ago. Since then, I have done a huge turnaroud. Lost 20+ lbs, lifting and looking good. Confidence is way up, I feel great physically and my emotional equilibrium and peace of mind are back, new duds, new haircut, lots of IOI from good looking chicks.

Wife: I have been laying on the mostly passive dread for months. Wife has noticed these changes, has mentioned obliquely and half jokingly about them, but she has not responded beyond that. No possessiveness, no mate guarding, not much of anything. The other night, I had to intervene when her anger at my daughter was on the verge of getting out of control. She had already screamed at her, calling her "a bitch! "for no good reason really. I kept it from escalating by quietly telling wife to cool it, and reminding her that she is the adult. Well, she has been in a foul mood since. Has been sending me shit tests in volleys. How dare I rebuke her/ correct her?? I have passed them, if not aced them. She rocked my frame a couple of times, but I never lost my cool, and did not let the "discussions" last longer than 15 minutes. Responded with detachment, A & A, and AM. Well, at the end of one of the last shit tests, she lays that line on me. Says that while my body looks great, my personality sucks, and she wishes I would cheat to take the pressure off. Thats a long way from her accusing me of beiig a cheat, as I have seen so often elsewhere. After one year of steadily increasing dread, with me in the best shape of my life, and her 50 - 70 lbs overweight, unkempt etc. This is not what I was expecting. Yes, I am as morally certain as I can be that she is not cheating. ( And, she tells me "well, I am not going to church with the rest of you anymore, because I can't stand YOUR defintion of what it means for a man to be a head of the house"etc etc. Talk about cutting off your nose...I guess I was supposed to act horrified and beg her to come. I just shrugged and said "Do whatever you want." We all got up and went to church without her the next day.)

Post Information
Title Shit test..?
Author Flathatter45
Upvotes 9
Comments 45
Date 18 April 2016 06:59 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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Red Pill terms found in post:
mate guardingdread gameframecheatingindication of interestshit testlift

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret9 points10 points  (9 children) | Copy

my personality sucks, and she wishes I would cheat to take the pressure off.

Ouch! Feels before reals. This is how she really feels. She would rather be married to a cheater than to fuck her husband, much less submit to him. So the question is why are you making your wife feel like your personality sucks? Sure I have questions for HER, but you are the one I am talking too.

After one year of steadily increasing dread, with me in the best shape of my life, and her 50 - 70 lbs overweight, unkempt etc. This is not what I was expecting.

This is somewhat rare but not unknown. I have seen it happen especially in religious families. Dread doesn't get through to a withdrawing "Christian" wife because her Jesus BFF has His zombie fist on her husbands balls so she isn't worried about him leaving- being trapped by his religion and such. Her religious solopsism completely prevents her from even considering that this loser Beta could defy God (and her almighty magic hoo ho) and actually cheat on her.

not going to church with the rest of you anymore, because I can't stand YOUR defintion of what it means for a man to be a head of the house

Great, the only thing worse than a rebellious wife is a rebellious Christian wife steeped in churchianity.

Here is what you do. Remember "The Greatest Command?" Start out every day with that. Be the sunshine, happy, directed, leading dude and invite her to follow you every day with a smile and good cheer. Give her plenty of opportunity to reject Mr. Feelgood for that day (bitches hold grudges, men don't). If she falls into line reward her. If she rebels begin with kindness, consideration, and love but it is probably a shit test so be prepared to A n A and turn on the sarcasm. If she continues to be unpleasant or rebel then work your way through The Husband's Dilema and begin to withdraw your time, attention, affection, and presence.

Also, has your personality always sucked or is this a new thing, according to her? Weird she would marry a man whose personality sucks.

[–]SDSAM212 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Never thought I'd read, Jesus, Zombie, balls and fist in one sentence. The concept is sooooo f'ing true though.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be the sunshine, happy, directed, leading dude and invite her to follow you every day with a smile and good cheer. Give her plenty of opportunity to reject Mr. Feelgood for that day.

well fuck.

[–]Flathatter450 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She has hurled a lot of shit at me over the years, but "Your personality sucks" is completely new. Weird, because now more than ever I feel more confident, relaxed, cheerful, and in control of myself than I ever remember being. Thanks for the tips.

[–]genjuro_zero2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Your personality sucks" probably means that she's unable to sit comfortably being lazy. It doesn't actually suck, but creates discomfort for her. Crabs in the bucket.

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Say you had a boss who always gave you shit. You'd be really annoyed, right? Fuck, it's one thing after another with this guy, I can never make it happy.

Then one day your boss stops doing that. Gradually withdraws his actions to the bare minimum. You do your tasks, you finish early. You ask your boss if you need anything else done. Your boss just says cryptically, "if you can't think of anything else you should be doing, then no."

You continue working like this. You're done by lunch time every day and then just fuck around on the Internet. What else are you supposed to do?

Yet your boss observes this and seems to disapprove. He doesn't really say anything, he just sort of sneers and gives you even less work to do the next day.

You start getting a little worried. Is he going to fire you? He'd barely giving you anything to do but then seems pissed that you're not doing more. What else are you supposed to do!? You complete your tasks, you stay in the office until 6pm, you go home. Seems fucked up to fire someone for low work output when they're not given much work input, but what can you do?

Maybe your boss expects you to figure out your own work to do during those spare hours. But what could you do? He seems to be working on some complex spreadsheets. You'd love to help, but you know nothing about spreadsheets. And he seems so pissed at you, you'd hate to ask him to teach you. Is that even the problem, you're not working on spreadsheets? Or is he just going to hold you an even more contempt for thinking that?

More days pass, you almost wish he'd just fire you. This job limbo sucks, but you don't feel great about hitting the job market with your sparse resume. You're not even sure if your boss actually wants to fire you. You might be quitting a perfectly good job!

One day the intern comes walking down the hall and spills her coffee right outside your cubicle. Coffee flies everywhere - it's a mess. You lose your cool, call the intern a bitch. She gets upset, runs down the hall in hysterics.

Oh, that got the boss's attention. He tells you that you were wrong to be so harsh, the intern is just a kid, didn't mean to do that, doesn't know any better. Oh, for fuck's sake. Of all the times to start talking to you, it's about This? No guidance on what he actually wants you to do at your job, but a whole detailed lecture about Don't Yell At The Intern?

You've reached a new frustration point. "I wish you'd just fire me already. You barely talk to me and pretty much just sneer at anything I do or say. If you're not going to fire me, well, but I don't want to go to that staff meeting this afternoon. You think you're my manager but you're not a manager at all, so I'm not gonna pretend I'm one of your 'staff.'"

Your boss just shrugs. "Do what you want."

In the staff meeting, unbeknownst to you, your boss is actually bewildered. He tells the higher level execs that you just act more and more unmotivated and now you're saying you just wish you were fired.

One exec says, "So, your management style. You just work on these complex spreadsheets in your own office, and get annoyed when she doesn't intrinsically do the same? And that's it? No guidance, no leadership?"

Your boss nods.

Another exec bangs his fist down with a grin. "Great work, Lumbergh! You're doing everything perfectly."

Your boss leaves and the execs snicker among themselves.

"Wow. Lumbergh really used a mat to jump to that conclusion, didn't he?"

[–]Flathatter450 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think I understand your analogy. it has some merit.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

Did you do it in front of the child, or quietly in private? We've had a post in here recently on this. Unified front, praise in public, critique in private... whatever you wanna call it.

As for your cheat... she's feeling the pressure to be more than a layabout. Nothing to see here, she's going to break, you'll have a main event, and then you'll be able to layout the new rules in the house. A year from now, everyone will be happy and sex filled... you can laugh about it together during a dinner out.

[–]Flathatter453 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks. That helps me put it into perspective. Child had left the room. i went up to wife and said it sotto voce. Of course, there are no secrets in a family. She said she felt humilated. But I felt that, had my daughter at that point said something back to wife, it could have gotten out of control real fast. So I intervened.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Oh, I agree, shit like that is why single moms raise shitty kids. It's also why fathers are important. It's a point made about this subject, so it seemed apt to mention it.

FTR, I have no kids, nor desire. I do see this as a leadup to a main event. From what I and others post about it, you can expect

  1. really big comfort test
  2. a time when you will probably resent her, and realize you could do better
  3. eventually a realization that it's not her, it's the reflection of your past failures that make you resent her
  4. After she gets that main comfort event out of the way, she's gonna fall in line and get with the program

It's all pretty normal

[–]Flathatter452 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't mind telling you, your confidence is very re assuring. Any which way, I'm never going back to the way I was before. Never.

[–]tim_rp1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

eventually a realization that it's not her, it's the reflection of your past failures that make you resent her

Boom. Grasping this is my biggest problem at the moment.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't even think of it as a problem, time takes care of it.

It's a good thing to have distaste for the former, blue self. You should. I think of it like catching the flu. You feel like shit, then you get better, no further action required

[–]opening_eyes3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Sounds like a comfort test, a borderline nuclear comfort test, if there is such a thing. A similar one is "why don't you just divorce me already?"

[–]redpillliger3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't know. This sounds like the lead-up to the main event. He hasn't had that yet and "your personality sucks" sounds a lot like "you're an asshole now"

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

has OP been assuming all comfort tests are shit tests?

[–]Flathatter450 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, when she said "your personality sucks", I guess that made me think "shit" instead of "comfort". I don't mean that sarcastically. If I'm wrong, tell me how. But thats how I saw it.

[–]opening_eyes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was referring to the "i wish you would cheat /pressure" thing as being a comfort test. The "you're an asshole" could be a shit test. Or just an opinion.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet4 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy

You might be getting ahead of yourself. You talk a lot about you're acing this, and killing it in the gym, getting looks from girls, and just being badass as hell. My guess is that you're not as great as you think you are. Don't get me wrong, that confidence and swag is awesome, but understand that it will take more time and effort to get your wife to view you as alpha than it would for a strange girl, simply because your wife still has the memories and feelings associated with your past beta behavior.

Also, how is your outcome independence and game? Not to harp on you for being religious or anything, but I feel like some of the religious guys that come here are too nice and honest and straight forward. They think that they can look good and be polite and on the up and up and their wives will want to fuck them. News flash, your good Christian wife still wants to fuck the tatted up biker guy behind the bar. Try throwing a little bad boy into the mix and see what happens. You don't have to commit any mortal sins but show her you have a little edge.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I say go for it. There's far too little 'irrational confidence' in here lately.

[–]Flathatter451 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

Oi is good I think. I don't let her moods affect me. When she denied sex, I just shrug and roll over and go to sleep. Game.. I'll admit thats been tough because in the past year she has gained weight and is a couch potato.. so, my desire for her has gone way down. I have been more aggressive and selfish in the bedroom. I have not asked for sex in over a year. I have been telling her matter of fact what I want, and she usually complies, and sometimes enjoys. At night she seems to enjoy it. In the day during shit tests, she rails against it. Religion: you have a point here. this has been a tough one because she knows I am a serious Catholic, and has made a calculation that I will not divorce her no matter how crappy she is to me. This is not true, but she believes it. I think this is cancelling out the dread. I don't think I'm "great", but the difference between crappy and better is real enough. I'm still pushing forwrd, not resting or slacking on my personal goals. This just threw me for a loop, although I did not let that on to her. As far as bad boy, edgy stuff: please educate me. I'm open to suggestions.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ex-Catholic here so I am not completely up-to-date; but didn't the pope just ease up on the whole divorce is not an option thing. You might want to subtly bring this up to wife in a way that lets her know your are not bounded by dogma.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Church teaching doesn't change, so no Pope Francis's encyclical means nothing.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

There are other options than divorce.

[–]Flathatter450 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

True, and the Catholic Church does not forbid divorce per se, just divorce and re marriage. But thats neither here nor there.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Catholic here too. It does not forbid civil divorce because that has no bearing on church law, but yes the sacrament is indissoluble, so there is no such thing as divorce in Church law. There is the annulment process, but that is meant to deem that the marriage was never validly sacramentally contracted in the first place.

I would never divorce my wife either, although I think sometimes it could be beneficial to leave for awhile. I don't believe in divorce, I think it is a cowards way out, a lot of MRP'ers don't get it.

[–]Flathatter450 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Flos, I used to think that too. Now I am not so sure. Swallowing the red pill a year ago, and putting into practice the things I have learned here and other similar sites has changed my life. I am still a devout Catholic, and still a spiritual man. (I was never a perfectly pious Catholic, and I suspect I never will be.) , but I have gone from being an emotional, victim puking wreck, wracked with insomnia, fatigue, irregularity, aches & pains, rages, finding myself sobbing while commuting, pushing 215 lbs. and repulsed at myself for turning to porn.. to a place where ALL of that is G O N E..

And now, I grin at every woman I see, I hold my head high, I have a spring in my step, I laugh, I sing in the shower.. the Dad bod is a memory.. I no longer struggle with lust. When I see a hot chick, I like what I see, but my head is not crowded with filthy images anymore. I feel like I am waking up from a long illness. Sure, my home life is still not all I want it to be, but at least if my marriage busts up, my conscience is clear. I did everything i humanly could, and I know I can get along and raise my family without her if I have to. Is it the pumping iron at 5:30 am? Who knows. All I know is my religion teaches the truth about right and wrong, how to get Heaven, how to endure suffering, and who Jesus really is. But how to improve your life today, in practical terms?? Well, I guess I missed that in Religious Ed class. Maybe redpill thinking is embedded in the Bible and Church history, and I somehow missed it. But nothing I am doing in redpill is opposed to my religion. The rest, I'll figure it out as I go.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well said. I am a former seminarian, now married. We go to the traditional latin mass every Sunday. I literally just implemented TRP behaviors, the NEXT DAY my wife was in a better mood, wore sexy lipstick when I got home from work for the first time in 2 years, cuddled with me, didn't disrespect me and banged me the next morning.

In terms of practicality, most priests have no idea about the married life, they can only advise in terms of spiritual matters. Catholicism does teach a strong patriarchy ideal, it always has, but all these liberals and feminists who have infiltrated the Church are trying to effeminize it, which is why I go to the Latin Mass only. Lots of strong alpha males there with very large families, much larger than your typical Catholic Church, it's because these men get it, they live their faith by not letting their wives control them. Some of them read red-pill, some have no idea what it is but are traditionally strong because they see how things were in the past and wish to emulate it, it's like they got TRP from sheer spiritual osmosis. I heard about TRP from two different traditional Catholic guys.

I still stick to my guns in terms of divorcing not being an option, but I tend to agree with you that 95% of TRP is totally compatible with Catholicism, so I have had no trouble implementing it and still going to confession and receiving communion. In fact, most traditional priests I know, the good ones, will tell men, if you're not lifting, you're doing something wrong... make babies they say.

Catechism class is just that, catechism. They don't teach you how to become successful in a career or how to motivate yourself to lift or how to say no to your wife. The Church's mission is to teach you how to save your soul, and if you gain practical knowledge on how to deal with women in the process, good on you. Not everyone makes that intellectual deduction, primarily because they go to feminized churches and don't take after the example of manly saints.

The greatest alpha-male I ever met was a Catholic monk. That guy would destroy us all in his ability to suffer and improve our lives. Women flocked to him, but his self-control, his frame, was impeccable. It is both a spiritual and practical thing.

TRP is suffering and dying to your old self, that is entirely compatible with our faith.

Fight the good fight man!

[–]Flathatter450 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Interesting. I am a Latin mass Catholic too, for 20+ years. Yes, the respect for patriarchy and fatherhood is stronger in a Latin mass parish than in your typical novus ordo parish, (most of which are really run by women behind the scenes because few priests can withstand a crying, accusing woman). And our priests are FSSP and outstanding.

Even so, there is a fair amount of pedastalizing, idealizing, and chivalry from a lot of the men. Even at my K of C group, the men speak in terms of what their wives will "let" them do, in that nervous half joking tone that tells you they are kidding on the square. On the good side, sermons about porn are few and far between, and he does not approach it in a man-shame type way, rather as an individual failing, a sin that leads to no good. And, he has pissed off more than a few bossy-uppity women by letting them know that HE is the man in charge of the parish. And.. ONE DAY OF MRP and you get results?? That has many here green with envy. Holy shite on the mountain! I've been at it for a year, and she has barely moved. But, MRP is teaching me to have the frame of an oak and the patience of an oyster.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

all I can say is, it won't be me who files, unless maybe she goes completely batshit crazy off the deep end...but there is no law that says I have to tell her that.

I 100% agree with you there.

I go to the FSSP as well, sometimes the SSPX. I was in the FSSP seminary for a little while. Novus Ordo parishes are full of hardcore feminists and push-over wuss men, I avoid them at all costs, and because the liturgy is a joke.

Come check out our sub sometime /r/traditionalcatholics

[–]IASGame2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I remember this being covered:

Don't know if it will apply to your wife though.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. Great article! Explains it perfectly. And the comments at the end of the article... it's like the hamster is on crystal meth.

[–]the_Zambony2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

She does not want to honor her wedding vows, marriage , so if you break them, she is off the hook.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is my main argument in chapter 12: what if I am a christian? Except inverted. She broke the marriage vows so the contract is already null. Thus cheating is permitted.

My answer for the Catholic sacrament is equally protestant, Solomon had 1200 fuck buddies and wives. Surely the Lord won't strike me dead if I just have a couple.

To me the bible is very clear that God abandoned his bride when she turned against him. His bride is the children Israel and as recounted in the book of Ezekiel Jeremiah, lamentations and many others he throws her to the dogs when she rebels. The Lord will not be mocked and neither should you be mocked as a husband.

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You failed to give your age. If she is past 40 good luck getting her ass in gear after all this time. Can you tell us if the relationship started with you as BB? If so you may not change her outlook. She only knows you as Beta Bob no matter how you improve. In fact she may really resent you after improving thinking "This guy had this in him the whole time and he brings it out now, when I am fat, drunk and lazy in this relationship. I cannot go chasing for a Chad at this stage of my life"

Since you haven't had a main event yet, I am sure she hasn't cracked yet, she will..... Be ready with a plan to leave or lead........

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So long as you keep your shit together thats all that matters. She is likely shitting the bed realizing where she stands in the relationship.

Perhaps it was a comfort test but still, 70lbs overweight? Thats fucking bullshit and unacceptable especially since kids get their definition of fitness FROM THE PARENTS. She is probably scared shitless that YOU ARE CHEATING.

I would keep doing what you are doing and try to incorporate her. Perhaps you are treating all tests as shit tests and missing comfort tests.

Regardless, if all else fails, keep giving her rope to hang herself and if need be, cut the fat....

[–]spexer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A&A "Sounds like a plan - have any friends of yours in mind? And would you be joining in?" wink

I do not see a problem here...

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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