Red flags. Red flags are so important with women. Ive never properly learned this.. I notice them, in real time.. but so quickly disregard them because I lack abundance. I'm 29, horrible with women. Always have been. I'm not bad looking, I have a good personality, good job.. but downfalls.. antisocial tendencies, lack of confidence, no game, too honest, too soft. My inexperience has always lead to failure because I let my guard down and catch feelings way too quickly.
Old oneitis from 10yrs ago hits me up on FB.. We havn't spoken in the last 10 years.. She's moving back to the state after her bf of 4yrs gives her the boot. Severe baggage, anxiety issues, alcohol abuse issues. Like a fucking puppy dog, I set up a date. We meet and fuck for the first time. I'm happier than a pig in shit, I haven't had sex in 4 years. This is the 3rd girl i've ever had sex with for context..
I thought I knew what I was getting into. I fully expected to be a rebound, but I said fuck it and was determined to take advantage of the situation no matter what. Like a fool, I became invested.. We continued to fuck just about every other day for just over a month. She moves really fast, wanting me to take her on dates, tells me how hard shes fallen for me, how great I am, wants to spend the night and not leave after sex, wants to meet my family... I let my guard down and the second I did that, she became cold as fuck. Immediately distant, dishonest, making excuses to not hang out while going out with other friends. Instead of nexting her right then and there, I attempt to talk to her and prolong it a few days.. Why? Because I LACK ABUNDANCE. She bullshits me even more by saying nothing is wrong. So disrespectful and thankfully I can at least recognize that I don't deserve that.
So its over.. And like the fucking retard I am, I feel like shit.. On the plus side, I got my dick wet for the first time in a long time.. which is what I wanted. Got some confidence back in the bedroom.. Bad side is, deep down I desperately want a relationship and it causes me to be such a bitch boy and feel like shit. Shes not even relationship material, Im just so desperate.. I should be thankful this didn't go any further, but Im not. I know where I lack, I understand my beta issues, I need to take action or this will never get better. I cant go another 4 years of jerking off...
But I think the answer for now is clear, shes deleted out of my life. Ill be hitting the gym to look better and get my confidence up. Probably going monk mode until spring. Work on myself a little bit, and try to get out there and slay what I can.