664,807 posts

First post- discovered MRP more than a year after wife had affair. Would like feedback

by splittinherkitten | January 31, 2019 | askMRP

24 upvotes

Reddit View

35 years old. Married 7 years. Two kids. Wife had affair in 2017. Things had been stressful for a while. I was wrapped up in a new promotion at work, wife had been struggling as her mom had cancer. Anyhow, she ended up fucking around with some guy who started out as a shoulder to cry on as I was not as ‘emotionally available’ as she needed. By the time I’d obtained enough proof to be sure what was happening it had been going on a few months. I know the advice here is to not confront until you’re under control. I discovered email evidence on computer minutes before wife came home so I was unprepared and just blurted out accusation. She admitted and told everything, even stuff I’d rather not have heard. Crushed. Spent more than a year trying to ‘work it out’. Relationship is actually good and peaceful today. Sex not as often as I want, but better than some I’ve seen. Avg about 2x per week. She has went to great lengths to convince me to let it go. I feel maybe like I am close to the point where I could do that. I spent 2018 learning how to meet her emotional needs. She’s happy. Lately, I been focusing on reducing my need for external validation. Lifting also, but it’s never been an issue for me to be in shape. Anyhow wife’s words and actions(the ones I can see) now suggest she’s in this marriage. I am just wondering if there are examples out there where a man can go through this with the wife, recognize his failings, improve, and then still have a good marriage with the same woman. I’d love to hear from someone who came back from this and managed to have satisfying marriage. Or, if you tried that path and it didn’t work let’s hear about that too. Just looking to benefit from the experiences of others. Thanks.


Post Information
Title First post- discovered MRP more than a year after wife had affair. Would like feedback
Author splittinherkitten
Upvotes 24
Comments 70
Date 31 January 2019 08:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/210786
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/altxih/first_post_discovered_mrp_more_than_a_year_after/
Similar Posts

TRP terms found in post
Click to open them on Dictionary

Comments

[–]2ndalRed Beret37 points38 points  (6 children) | Copy

think about your situation

  • wife has an affair
  • an affair is not a boundary for you, you are okay with it
  • even after affair your wife doesn't fuck you (she does not respect you nor is she attracted to you, and she knows you won't leave when she explores other dicks)
  • now you have a wife who fucked around with some other dude and is not meeting your needs but is still getting value from you ($)

what exactly are you getting out of this situation? and don't give me some BS about the kids, about the relationship being not too bad!

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

He’s still plugged in.

[–]redismyfuture9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not sure who's hamster is running more: his right now, or hers when she was seeking "emotional support" from Chad's fire poker.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Sex not as often as I want, but better than some I’ve seen. Avg about 2x per week

Not saying I disagree with you, but she's fucking him. Read the whole post (assuming he's being factual).

[–]mrp_awakening11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fucking or appeasing with minimal required effort? Do you think there's desire there?

[–]hack3geRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You still have some unplugging to do - you still can't see the code.

Check out his wife's age when he got married, 28 years old - he was her beta bux as she approached the wall after riding the cock carousel. She never thought of him as chad or thought about gobbling down his cock like the good little slut that she yearns to be. She got tired of playing Susie Homemaker and decided she wanted that alpha cock and she didn't give two flying fucks about what it did to him or his family. It had nothing to do with emotional support - it had to do with her getting his giant cock rammed in everyone of her holes over and over again. He was merely a means to an end for her and now shes is back to stringing his beta ass along as her meal ticket. She will do the bare minimum required to keep him on her leash. She will likely fuck someone again in the future because I don't even think she was looking to branch swing she just wanted the alpha cock.

[–]2ndalRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

she is dripping duty sex to him to keep him placated - that is not "fucking him"

[–]CaliEd25626 points27 points  (3 children) | Copy

I spent 2018 learning how to meet her emotional needs.

Did the marriage counselor tell you to do this? Faggot blue pill motherfuckers, all of them.

Anyhow wife’s words and actions(the ones I can see) now suggest she’s in this marriage.

I'm confident you're about to get the shit kicked out of you by the guys on here, but I will say this. Only YOU can decide if you to stay in the marriage or not. There's a saying from Rollo Tomassi,

Be Your Own Mental Point of Origin

So absolutely ask for advice, take the good with the bad, learn from it, but no one else can make this decision for you. And to be honest? It sounds like you already have.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Faggot blue pill motherfuckers,

There are times I like you, and times I want to throat punch you.

The latter part is definitely getting less frequent though, so good job on that.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s called being in love.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s called being in love.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet68 points69 points  (10 children) | Copy

Stop giving a fuck about your wife and her emotional needs. She isn't on your team, she doesn't have your best interests at heart and she never will. You are the only one in your marraige who truly cares about you. She is only with you as long as it benefits her. That emotional needs bullshit is just her rationalizing why she wanted that guys dick and not her husband's. Don't believe her words, only her actions.

I'm not going to call you a pussy for taking her back, but I guarantee she has thought that at least once. Women respect men who don't take any bullshit and put themselves first. You didn't do that when you took her back, and she sure as shit noticed and respects you less now because of it. She would have found you more attractive if you had told her to fuck off.

Now you can certainly build yourself into a strong desirable man who she respects and wants to be with, but you're starting from negative numbers instead of just zero. Step one is to get the fuck over her. By taking her back, you've demonstrated that you don't have options and don't respect yourself enough to choose a woman who doesn't cheat on you. You don't have to divorce her, but from now on she should be like, number 7 or 8 on your top ten list of priorities. You should be number 1, even if it pisses her off. Stop thinking about her, or her feelings, and start thinking about how you can make yourself into the best version of you that you can possibly achieve. Good luck homie.

[–]Wwh43514 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best advice you’ll get anywhere. Went thru the same thing, this is what works, stay or go.

[–]yes_kid8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This.

[–]The-Fast-Yeti7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rock solid shit right here.

Source- similar experience

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Now you can certainly build yourself into a strong desirable man who she respects and wants to be with, but you're starting from negative numbers instead of just zero. Step one is to get the fuck over her. By taking her back, you've demonstrated that you don't have options and don't respect yourself enough to choose a woman who doesn't cheat on you. You don't have to divorce her,

You hit is all, but this part made me vomit in my mouth.

He will never be a strong desirable man who she respects.

NEVER.

Disney-fucking-land thinking bro.

Besides, am I the only motherfucker on here with an ounce of pride?

Cheating is a hard fucking next. Period. 0 kids or 10.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Eh, he will always have that mark against him, but women live in the moment. I bet if she looks at his phone and sees a dozen instagram models thirsty for his dick she won't be thinking about how pussy he was when he took her back. Can he get there though? That's the real question. He'll have to work harder now to overcome it but it's possible.

I'm with you, he should dump her ass and start fresh, but life isn't always black and white. Shit happened over a year ago and now he is where he is. I'm not here to make his decision for him, just make sure he knows the whole truth of the situation.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

No. Women do not just live in the moment.

They live in the moment but that moment is built emotionally off the past they have built in their mind.

If the sum of their past is good, the moment is good. If the sum of that past is bad, the moment is bad.

Its when I finally understood this fact I became free.

I finally realized that it wasn’t me living in the past, it was her.

You have to work years and years to change the sum of a bad past to good, and I have never read one successful story so I think its a Disneyland dream that it ever happens.

I tried for a year to change her perception of the false past she built in her mind. I wrote a daily log for a fucking year because I literally thought I was fucking crazy. Turns out that log was one of the most important pieces of evidence in my divorce.

I read that log and realize I wasted a year and a half of my life.

Once respect is lost, it never comes back. Once trust is lost it never fucking comes back.

OP can fuck a pussy full of Chads come all day long if he wants to. I dont give a fuck and I know you do not either.

There are plenty of cucks out there with no pride and no balls. Shellys husband is a perfect example. I have been fucking his wife for FOUR fucking years.

I cant roll like that.

I am at the top of my priority list.

Took me to fucking long to get there to.

I am glad OP wife is happy.

But he isn’t and that is his own fucking fault.

[–]2lbsaltednutroll3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Didn't want to face it but fuck, everything you said is true. Thanks, finally found a r/ with balls

[–]SeamusAwl5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheating is a hard fucking next. Period. 0 kids or 10.

I cannot understand why anyone would take back a cheating whore. Majority of men cheat for seeking the validation they do not get at home. Women on the other hand cheat for one of two reasons.

1) Their husband is Mr Beta Bucks and they NEED an alpha fuck every now and then (they have zero intention of leaving their beta bucks husbands)

2) They are looking to branch swing to a better male.

Both cases should make the guy realize that she has zero respect and or love for them.

[–]Dialerstring1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Went through same shit and your advice is spot on, Cat.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am just wondering if there are examples out there where a man can go through this with the wife, recognize his failings, improve, and then still have a good marriage with the same woman.

Most of the time it doesn't work. I personally believe a wife affair is almost always fatal to a marriage. It's easier to come back from husband fucking around than it is a wife fucking around. This is because husbands and wives cheat for different reasons. When a husband cheats, most of the time he's not looking to offload the marriage. When a wife cheats, she's usually looking to replace the husband.

Anyhow, she ended up fucking around with some guy who started out as a shoulder to cry on as I was not as ‘emotionally available’ as she needed.

Bullshit. She cheated because she wanted to have sex with another man. It is not your fault she cheated. It IS your fault for not being the man you should have been. It IS your fault for not being the man in your marriage. But it is NOT your fault that she cheated. She made that decision, not you.

Something you need to realize is that a woman will not respect a man whose boundaries can be trampled on. When you took her back, here's what you said to her, in effect:

You promised to fuck only me when we got married. You broke that promise and worked to hide it. Even though I know you broke that promise and you admitted it, I am OK with it. I will not impose any consequences for it. In fact, I will take the blame for it by "learning how to meet your emotional needs". So you go right ahead and break that promise again, because there won't be any consequences for it.

As for the rest of it, what u/cholomite said. Right now, you need to stop worrying about her, and her "emotional needs". She didn't give a shit about your "needs" when she was fucking some other guys. Your wife does not respect you. She is staying with you for your bucks, for financial support. And all you've done is teach her how to cover her tracks more effectively, how to lie better, and conduct her affairs without using email.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

How many women other than your wife could you call to hang out this weekend? If you can't immediately come up with at least two that would enthusiastically agree, then you're not in a place yet to determine whether staying with your wife is the right call or not.

What dread level are you on? What value does your wife add for you specifically? Check out the Cut the Shit post stickied to the top of this sub and go through the whole exercise. It'll help you take the wife goggles off and do a real self evaluation.

Also, this video addresses your situation specifically: https://youtu.be/ALMvW4_A99U

[–]IRunYourRiver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome link. Thanks for sharing.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

What fucking planet do you guys come from that your frame is so shitty, your wife cheats ?

I cannot fathom my wife cheating on me, and me accepting it at all.

I could give ten fucks if she did, because she knew from the moment she met me, it’s a hard boundary. She knows for a fact it would be “next”. That is abundance. Do you understand ?

Do you not have a set of rules to which you prescribe ? Do you understand the very idea of self respect ?

Wholly fuck. Lift, read. OYS.

You can come out on top. But for god’s sakes, do not fred into the cunty manipulation of her getting you to work on her “emotional needs.” It’s just more manipulation

You have to accept it to keep her is manipulation. Can you not see this ??

You are not wrong to be hurt, but you are wrong to focus in on her needs. Yours must come first. The sidebar prescribed books in that order, open your eyes to this.

God speed. Iron temple. Rule #7. Sidebar.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’d tolerate literally 0 cheating. I don’t get this either.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

+1.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

+2

[–]wkndatbernardus10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

I tried forgiving and reconciling with my ex after she humped Brazilian Chad but, the marriage finally crashed and burned when she kept seeing him secretly and then finally got prego by him 8 months after discovery. So, I find it hard to believe that your wife isn't in some form of contact (oral) with her FB. That being said, I think it takes a lot of humility and mental toughness to do what you're doing (if it's actually what you want) so, big ups to you.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

when she kept seeing him secretly

This is what happens 10 times out of 10

Cheating is an automatic next for me

[–]CaliEd2563 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Brazillian Chad, nice term. Feeling a little semi down below actually.

[–]wkndatbernardus7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I called him Chadson Silva.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

“She has went to great lengths to convince me to let it go”

Of course she has faggot... pay no attention to the asshole behind the curtain.. nothing to see there.. she doesn’t want to lose her meal ticket (your $) or be outted as a cheating whore to her family and friends.

Stop being a pussy.

Cut the crap with all of this “emotional needs” bullshit. It’s called Feelz... and you ain’t providing it. All you providing is being an available emotional tampon... and she’s laughing behind your back while fantasizing about Chad.

She doesn’t care about you. She only likes your provider traits and your resources ($).

She’s giving you some duty starfish sex to keep you pacified.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

^ He's right... During my years of beta my wife would always bring up "you dont provide me with emotions to make me want sex" RIGHT before she gave me duty sex... I always struggled to figure out WTF she was talking about.

I haven't heard that line in over 10+ months from her and guess what; I care less about her emotions now then I did then BUT I do give her the feelz now (Kino/Flirting/Gaming)

[–]CrazyLegs787 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I busted my wife in an apartment complex while she was supposed to be at work exactly one year ago. I have no solid proof she cheated, and she swears up and down she didn't. That's when I swallowed the pill. I spent 9 months after that dealing with an angry hamster, but I did as advised and STFU and lifted. My hamster was out of control and worrying about the situation consumed too much of my time. Then I got the most solid advice about this situation on this forum. Everyday, you must live your best life. Be happy, and be proud of what you have accomplished and are actively working toward. She may naturally fall in and contribute positively to your life, or she may not. At some point, you will know that you are a man of value. Then, when you have control of yourself and know exactly what you want and expect out of life, you decide whether she contributes enough and values you. If she does not, you will be in a strong enough physical and emotional state to simply leave. All of this has happened to me without any conversation on the subject. My wife of 14 years, the mother of my two children, knows that I will walk away if I feel like she is no longer useful in my life. I now find myself married to the same woman, but a totally different person of much more value.

Reset every day, and evaluate yourself. Does she mirror your value? If so, keep her around. No need to worry about the past - neither of you can change it. She was willing to end it all, and you must be as well.

[–]Frosteecat3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. The point of this sub and the framework behind it is you are striving to be a man who honors himself and would have no problem happily walking away from ANY situation and burning it down as a free man. Without malice.

https://imgur.com/gallery/mXuLg

(not my gallery but...works)

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Did you overtly have to communicate this to her? Or was it purely moving up the dread levels and if so how high did you have to go?

[–]ManguZa6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Okay you did a lot of work on yourself. If you continue there's still one big question :

Did she work on herself? Is she really invest in your couple? Most women ask a lot from their man and don't make shit herself. And it's impossible to have a good marriage if she don't work her ass for it.

[–]bob13bob6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

so you're mistake was getting a promotion at work to support your family... so you couldn't be available to your wife?

does your wife work? sex 2x a week? maybe a cheaper to keep her a situation with your kids... but never accept the blame for that situation. did she convince you how sorry she was? or it was your problem to let it go..

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Fuck. No.

Just Fuck NO.

What the hell did I just read?

Got to be a troll. Nobody is this much of a simpering castrated "man".

Brand new account, no responses to comments...I think there's a bridge involved.

[–]jerrymcguiver11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

He chainsaw massacred the whole house after reading a few comments and hasn't had a chance to reply yet.

[–]BlazenGains3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Seriously made me LOL.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously made me erect.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you would not prefer to be on your own after that, it's a pretty sure sign of oneitis, desperation, neediness and low self respect

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is sort of the experience I had in early 2018. I recommitted to my lifting, kept my temper under control, was best father and husband and employee and friend and boss that I could be. It took most of 2018 for stuff to get better. Now, things seems cool and everything. Could be better, but I am fairly certain cheating is thing of the past. The thing is, now that I got what I was working for I am looking back on it and can’t really let go of the anger. I think sometimes I should have just walked then. Here I am though, it’s good today but trust is not there. I don’t want to always be looking over my shoulder.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.

The straight talk is helpful.

Need to stop being such a codependent bitch and let her see through my actions that my stock is on the rise and my ship will sail with or without her.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good deal. Take care of me, got it.

Working out is going well, getting close to 3x bodyweight DL at 175 lbs. maintaining the physical not my problem. My problem has been being a needy bitch after the affair and seeking validation. I can see how I was an ass and let marriage go to shit. Too much to explain. Yeah she’s a bitch for cheating while I been working my ass off. But I can’t change her only me. I been reconnecting with old friends, going out with work friends, and I’ve generated some interest from a few other women. Been holding off on pulling the trigger because wife been talking good game and took some actions to get me feeling like it’s a different ballgame. My fitness is mostly in order not so worried about my lifting that’s been a constant.

I didn’t take her back right away, this is a circumstance that evolved out of nearly a year and a half of conflict.

Plus, I’m gonna be quite fucked in the wallet if I don’t just get through the next couple years.

I mostly got through the rough shit from 2017 and 2018 before even discovering MRP. I just don’t trust that I really got what I was after. Also wondering if it’s even what I should be after. Definitely fear the financial ramifications of separation. But otherwise I feel I can take whatever comes.

I’m rambling. Point is. I did lots of self improvement shit throughout 2018. Wife constantly declaring love for me and trying to buy forgiveness with flowery words, some financial rewards/compensation. Like, here’s a nice gift, just want you to see I spent all my $ to make you happy please forget that I fucked that dude while my mom was dying I was just real upset. Nowadays she’s a real sweetheart but I just have trouble getting comfortable and letting my guard down. I’m an idiot. I already know. Answer is, fucking leave it’s a trap.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok ok. Pretty much got what I already knew. I held onto hope too long. Was being a dumbass pussy. I know what I need to do. There’s significant financial advantage to waiting another year or two. But, I understand what you’re all saying and thank you. I guess the kick in the ass was a good help.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lol this question. What is my dignity worth, in dollars? If someone could please tell me exactly what I’d be in for financially if I walked away, I guess I could give an answer. Right now, I think the amount is more than I’m willing to pay. Circumstances will be changing over the next couple years so that I could separate myself from the situation without so much collateral damage. If I need to. Like I said, I don’t currently have a flaming cheating emergency. We went through the fighting/crying conflict in 2017 and part of 2018. Pretty quickly I turned my attention towards just being best I can be and that’s what caused things to turn around.

But- as so many others have said. The disrespect. Lying. Cheating. How to ever feel comfortable with that? Idk if I can.

[–]throwaway_for_me12 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am listening to a audiobook right now called "15 Secrets Successful People Know". Granted, this is just one man's opinion, formed by talking to a bunch of very successful people, but this one point caught my attention. He asked these successful people to rank things in order of importance. Spouses, friends, family, children, job, money, material things were all on the list but the one thing that was listed and prioritized higher than anything else by these people was.....TIME.

It is the one thing you can never get back. You can lose your wife and guess what? You have a pretty good chance of finding another one the fulfills you. Friends? How many friends do you have that are life long? People change and you/they move on, and you replace them. Wealth? There are lots of people who have been rich, lost the money, and then re-earned it. However, once a minute is lost, it is lost forever; you don't get it back.

I am not saying that your strategy of waiting isn't the right one for you. I just know people who thought about divorce 10 years ago, who are still in the same relationship 10 years later, and I wonder how much happier they could have been had they made the correct decision a decade ago. Just something to think about.

[–]Cam_Winston211 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're not replying to comments correctly, you're replying to your post.

I think the amount is more than I’m willing to pay. Circumstances will be changing over the next couple years so that I could separate myself from the situation without so much collateral damage.

If you want to know if she's actually invested in the marriage instead of what you provide, tell her that if she wants you to stay she must sign a post nup that is greatly in your favor with the carrot for her that if she shows herself to be a good girl down the road you may decide to tear it up.

When she refuses, and she will, you'll have your definitive answer.

She cares so little about your marriage she tore it apart by cheating. She actually became its enemy. She wants the benefits of marriage.

Need to stop being such a codependent bitch and let her see through my actions that my stock is on the rise

You're so deep in her frame that you're literally gauging your 'success' through her eyes.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok. I am new to Reddit, sorry for being such a dunce. Thanks for the perspective. This is all good.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

An excellent perspective. I have considered this, too. I definitely know I could find another wife. In my years of marriage I’ve met women that I could have dated if I’d been so inclined, I expect that will continue if I get divorced. One thing that’s held me back was the realization that this is so common. I thought, ok so if this happens in most marriages then possibly she learned that cheating isn’t for her and we’ll be all good. Another thing held me back was, oh fuck I will be paying so much money to her. Right now I’m just going to keep working my plan, get stronger mentally and physically, and detach myself emotionally from the situation.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was not as ‘emotionally available’ as she needed.

Oh, I am sure she was sexually available for you when you needed. Stop this DEER and Hamster crap. You are justifying and defending what your wife did and blaming yourself. Knock it off.

Spent more than a year trying to ‘work it out’. Relationship is actually good and peaceful today. Sex not as often as I want, but better than some I’ve seen.

Oh FFS! She dropped a branch swing and now she has slightly increased the sex and you are hooked like a helpless babe. Let me guess that "discovering MRP" does not mean actually reading or doing anything. AMIRIGHT?

She has went to great lengths to convince me to let it go.

Right, and what is she "letting go" to insure that there is no repeat of this....thing....that...'just happened.' What concrete assurances do you have from this cheating liar you call a wife?

I spent 2018 learning how to meet her emotional needs. She’s happy.

Great! After she submits to you, provides open media, and tracking access to he cheating whereabouts, and meets all of YOUR emotional needs maybe you are able to start meeting HER emotional needs. You did that first, right? (/s)

if there are examples out there where a man can go through this with the wife, recognize his failings, improve, and then still have a good marriage

Check out the Family Alpha. Most MRP guys will tell you it is not worth it to reward a cheater. Those who have been successful tend to be hard core Alpha types who crush the cheating liar into dust.

If you think rewarding a cheating liar by improving yourself will make her less of a cheater and a liar then you are sadly mistaken.

Sometimes you can use the existential crisis of cheating and lying to crush the old relationship and build a new on on your terms but it does not sound like you have done that. She will do it again. Why wouldn't she? You have taught her that cheating and lying gets her what she wants and she doesn't have to do a damn thing.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah I appreciate you calling me on the bullshit. It is hard to hear and I feel compelled to defend myself but I know the comments is the whole point of doing this. Feedback. Thank you.

I did have some conditions for remaining in the marriage, such as no more stay at home mom. She’s honored that and has a good job right now. Not as good as mine but she’s working. The access to everything online and whatnot, we did that for a bit but honestly it was exhausting checking into everything, not worth it. Plus the thought occurred to me she could simply make an email I don’t know about. I still verify many things she says without her knowing that I’m doing it.

She inherited some money. Without my asking her to, she spent it on things that strengthened our position. Reducing debts(in my name), paying bills, bought furniture, some home renovations. It was enough she could have used it to set herself up elsewhere and divorce me, but instead she basically spent it on me.

I’ve improved my physicality a lot by cleaning up diet, and wife has spent some of her money on clothes and watches and shoes to improve my wardrobe. I’ve always been lifting but I’d just sort of gotten that soft middle, which is now gone.

Really the worst of my problems were in 2017 and first half of 2018. It’s like, I don’t know if I even have a right to complain anymore. Nothing here is real bad except that I am reluctant to let go of past and trust that it is really the past.

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do NOT let her become a stay at home Mom.If you need to divorce her, her having a good job will cut your alimony payments substantially.

[–]splittinherkitten[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. Yes her getting a job was one of the conditions of continuing the marriage. Currently she’s completing some higher education which will give her credentials to advance in her field and increase earnings very quickly. Within 3 years she should be making about 75% of what I do, and in another 3 she may match my earnings.

Thank you to everyone who shared input. Reading my post again I can see I really made myself sound like such a pussy. There’s more that happened between then and now and I took a lot more steps to get things under control than I spoke about.

[–]DJ_DangerNoodle 1 points [recovered]  (14 children) | Copy

This subreddit talks a lot about self-reliance and not needing external validation, yet promotes a worldview where your self-worth is measured almost exclusively by attractiveness to women. I personally don’t get it

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This subreddit (edit) promotes a worldview where your self-worth is measured almost exclusively by attractiveness to women

No, it doesn't. In fact it is the total opposite.

I personally don’t get it.

No, you don't. Go read the sidebar. Come back again when you've "got it".

Lazy cunt.

[–]NoCoast825 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think your looking for men going their own way... it's not about validation, but being attractive means you put your dick inside of multiple places besides your hand.

Go enjoy your nofap/monk mode

[–]RedForEducation 1 points [recovered]  (8 children) | Copy

means to an end. You're utilizing the halo effect for your own benefit.

You want attraction, but don't base your self worth on it. Similar to being good at a job, but not 'being' your job

[–]DJ_DangerNoodle 1 points [recovered]  (7 children) | Copy

It seems like people do base their self worth on it. It seems like all the other self-improvement is a means to an end, and being attractive to women is the end. But fundamentally you can’t control how others feel. You’ll never be happy basing your sense of self on how women see you.

[–]CrazyLegs781 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Getting what you want out of life is the end. Becoming the man that achieves this is the process.

What do I want out of life? A good BJ to the end from a beautiful woman, a glass of great scotch, and a secure future for my children and the designated BJ provider.

In securing these things, I must be fit enough for each. My self worth is not based on how attracted to me the BJ provider is, just as it is not based on how attracted to me the scotch is. My self worth is based on the quality of each of these items that I am able to achieve.

[–]RedForEducation 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy

The fact you see this as 'dancing monkey game' says more about how you process the world than how an RP man does.

I will suggest for rule 0 sake, focus on what you do, and let other people fuck up their own mental models, without analyzing them stepping on their own dicks and analyzing the footprint

[–]DJ_DangerNoodle 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

No u

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most guys want to have an enjoyable and active sex life. In order to do that you have to play the game a little and make sure you're attractive by the standards of male/female nature. I don't get what your point is, are you saying that any guy who has to put in any effort in order to attract women is a loser and doing it for validation? Do you really believe a guy should be able to fuck off all day and play video games and have women magically want to suck his dick? Or are you saying that all guys should work out 5 days a week "just because" and not give a shit at all about how their efforts influence women's perception of them? There's nothing wrong with a guy getting in great shape and enjoying the benefits that come with it.

[–]agree-with-you 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

No you both

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret[M] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Two bans for the price of one!

[–]marks19951 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I unsubscribed from TRP and only rarely check in here for this very reason.

Literally, every single post over there is about external validation in this form. They are glorified PUA's.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

even stuff I’d rather not have heard.

She particularly enjoyed telling you that, seeing your soul being crushed. Sure, you saw her tears, but, inside, she was laughing and contemptuous.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter