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Vent

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June 6, 2019
12 upvotes

This is mostly a vent, however of course I would welcome a word of advice from mature TRP (that's why I'm posting here). It was very hard to write this.

I have failed as a leader, again. I keep getting emotional over small shit and loosing my temper like a little bitch. I have failed first of all my mission. It started as "I'll take some time off to figure out if I want to start a business or become a freelancer" and now it's hoping somebody will hire me just to get out of this hole. I have plenty of business ideas, have high level scientific education and am competent with computers and programming - should be a no-brainer. But I'm not passionate about any of these things, and thus I have restrained from jumping into making a startup. Not sure I would gladly make the small hours for it, which is what many mentors say is needed. I'm 32 and I should've figured out by now what I'm passionate about, sadly I don't know. I have many talents but get bored easily and lack persistence. The only thing I know is I dont' wanna become a fat worthless mangina.

Then of course there's her, my LTR, asian woman with strong character and moral values, who can be a lion towards others but is a submissive kitty for me. Of all the men I know, there is only one other guy that I think could keep up with her (has stronger frame than me). For a while I had the perfect equilibrium between alpha and beta traits with her. Then my last job ended, I moved to the city where she's studying (into my own flat) to be closer to her and because last city was a shit hole. Now I'm here, without friends and without a job; some days the only thing I have planned for the day is to go lift - it sucks to wake up and feel like you could just as well lay in bed for a few more hours. My idea was to go full out on workouts and BJJ for a while but third training in I break a rib - I couldn't wait for it to be completely healed and the other day I rolled, now it hurts again. I should probably not train for a month, which makes me depressed.

I feel like she is slowly but steadily loosing respect for me. Actually, now that I'm rereading what I wrote, I'm surprised this isn't happening faster. I'm failing more and more shit tests - basically I get pissed and loose my temper too easily, it's partly also me, I'm higher than average on the neuroticism personality trait. I know what is the likely outcome and I hate it. I don't wanna go there.

I guess my dread game must be very weak, because she knows I don't have the exciting life I had when we met, and that she has more social value than me now (as in: friends that want to hang out with her). The rational way out would be to break up with her, suffer like a beaten dog and get my life together. But I'm not willing to do that, I invested too much in her emotionally and I still think she's worth it, if led properly. I know this is sunken cost mentality. The thing is, she's without a doubt the best partner I've had, and I don't like spinning plates and slutting around. Of course I could potentially find somebody like or better than her, but it would require a lot of gaming time, and I'd like to get on with more important things in my life.


Post Information
Title Vent
Author magnimeelcul
Upvotes 12
Comments 24
Date 06 June 2019 12:02 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/240958
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bxfx9z/vent/
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Comments

[–]into_being19 points20 points  (4 children) | Copy

DREAD?!? What value do you provide that she would Dread loosing?

Of course she’s loosing respect for you. That’s a reflection of you loosing respect for yourself.

First. Surrender the bullshit “finding my passion” trope. It’s an excuse.

Second. Get out of the house and get a damn job. Any job. You’re stuck in low inertia state. Nothing good will come of your staying home to “research” and looking for the perfect opportunity. GTFO and get a job that pays money. Then find a better one (like what another commenter said), then better and so on.

Third. If you do these two things now, opportunities will begin to open up and you can leverage your experience and contacts to other more fulfilling things.

Also, get her off the pedestal... assume she’s already left you. Start from there. This is where you’re headed anyway unless you start making changes now.

WORK on you. The rest will follow

EDIT: added words

[–]magnimeelcul[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks for the feedback, it's what I needed and probably wouldn't get such an unfiltered message from my friends.

Also, get her off the pedestal... assume she’s already left you. Start from there. This is where you’re headed anyway unless you start making changes now.

easier said than done

[–]HerukaArisen6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also, get her off the pedestal... assume she’s already left you. Start from there. This is where you’re headed anyway unless you start making changes now.

easier said than done

Look, the world is half full of women. She may be a quality woman, but there are plenty of those. Your life is a total mess: no job, no money, no friends. Start getting your life together, FOR YOU.

I have failed as a leader, again.

Dude, nobody wants you to be their leader if you cannot lead yourself.

[–]FoxShitNasty833 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretend she is dead... Own everything in your life and your home, take responsibility regardless for all the shit that needs doing. Act like you don't need her because the reality is... you dont.

P.s. don't forget to drop any anger.

[–]into_being2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

“easier said than done”

That’s right.

Everything is. That’s why people talk and say a bunch of shit and never get off their ass to do anything redeeming. It’s easy. They’re lazy.

Weakness makes excuses for itself.

Strength does the hard thing without having to brag to mommy for approval, but for the sake of victory, challenge and growth.

That’s why the answer isn’t “talking it out”, it’s not writing a business plan. It’s not posting a “hoorah, watch me go” or “life sucks, sympathy plz” things to internet strangers. Your words, her words, my words, FUCKING USELESS.

DO something.

Only actions really matter.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

But I'm not passionate about any of these things

I'm 32 and I should've figured out by now what I'm passionate about, sadly I don't know.

I think this whole 'passion' thing is overblown. I think you're just looking for excuses for being an unemployed loser who does nothing all day except make plans that you never have any intention to follow through on.

Of all the men I know, there is only one other guy that I think could keep up with her (has stronger frame than me)

So you know one other guy? Because you have no frame.

it sucks to wake up and feel like you could just as well lay in bed for a few more hours. My idea was to go full out on workouts and BJJ for a while but third training in I break a rib - I couldn't wait for it to be completely healed and the other day I rolled, now it hurts again. I should probably not train for a month, which makes me depressed.

Get the fuck out of bed. Get the fuck out and start looking for a job. Treat that as your job until you have one. Any fucking job. You're not too good for anything because you're a lazy, unmotivated fuck.

The thing is, she's without a doubt the best partner I've had, and I don't like spinning plates and slutting around. Of course I could potentially find somebody like or better than her, but it would require a lot of gaming time, and I'd like to get on with more important things in my life.

No, no you couldn't. You're terrible at life. What qualities do you even have that are attractive outside that you lift?

  • You have zero financially
  • You have no frame
  • You are boring
  • You have no dread
  • You have no motivation
  • You have no friends
  • You make excuses for inaction
  • Your SMV is in the shitter
  • Your LTR probably stays because she feels sorry for your ass

I guess the only positive thing I read here is that you're not married. I wonder how long it will be before she leaves your sorry ass. She probably is fucking a Chad at work already.

I'm going to modify the usual advice:

GET A FUCKING JOB, Lift, STFU, and Sidebar

[–]magnimeelcul[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're right, I have no frame and I'm terrible at life. It wasn't like this two months ago.

Get the fuck out of bed. Get the fuck out and start looking for a job. Treat that as your job until you have one. Any fucking job. You're not too good for anything because you're a lazy, unmotivated fuck.

on it

[–]resolutions31610 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

“I want to start a business but I’m too lazy. Also I want to train but hurt myself. ALSO, I’m super alpha and social but I’m in a new city and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH”

Stop venting and start fixing your fucking life.

No excuses.

Your LTR is not a marriage and is the least of your fucking problems.

[–]MRPthrowaway1235 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm in no way far into this stuff but I can tell you one thing. Get a job for now. Even if it's just temporary and not exactly what you want to do.

  1. It makes it a lot easier to get another job. As 99% of employers prefer someone working a shit job over someone being lazy and doing fuck all sitting at home.

  2. It will give you something to do and fill your days up. Sitting around all day doing fuck all will make anyone feel like shit in my experience.

[–]redwall924 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like my 15 year old.

He knows a bunch of things he doesn't want to do.

On his good days he's struggling to figure out what he wants to do. Once he figure's that out, there's nothing I need to do in order for him to move forward on the path he wants to walk.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is mostly a vent, however of course I would welcome a word of advice from mature TRP (that's why I'm posting here). It was very hard to write this.

Life gets harder than this.

I have failed as a leader, again. I keep getting emotional over small shit and loosing my temper like a little bitch. I have failed first of all my mission. It started as "I'll take some time off to figure out if I want to start a business or become a freelancer" and now it's hoping somebody will hire me just to get out of this hole.

The best time to get re-hired is while you are employed. It gives you leverage and it stops you from appearing desperate.

I have plenty of business ideas, have high level scientific education and am competent with computers and programming - should be a no-brainer. But I'm not passionate about any of these things, and thus I have restrained from jumping into making a startup.

EVERYONE has business ideas, but nobody is willing to work. Just check out a dropshipping or amazon arbitrage group. Everyone is looking for the easy money. Not being passionate about it would make you question why you bothered with the education at all. edit: was this your idea? /guitarpedals/comments/aktelu/pedal_renting_business_would_you_use_it/ sigh

Not sure I would gladly make the small hours for it, which is what many mentors say is needed. I'm 32 and I should've figured out by now what I'm passionate about, sadly I don't know. I have many talents but get bored easily and lack persistence. The only thing I know is I dont' wanna become a fat worthless mangina.

What did you do when you were 12 years old?

Then of course there's her, my LTR, asian woman with strong character and moral values, who can be a lion towards others but is a submissive kitty for me.

I call bullshit

Of all the men I know, there is only one other guy that I think could keep up with her (has stronger frame than me). For a while I had the perfect equilibrium between alpha and beta traits with her. Then my last job ended, I moved to the city where she's studying (into my own flat) to be closer to her and because last city was a shit hole.

I told you it was bullshit

Now I'm here, without friends and without a job; some days the only thing I have planned for the day is to go lift - it sucks to wake up and feel like you could just as well lay in bed for a few more hours. My idea was to go full out on workouts and BJJ for a while but third training in I break a rib - I couldn't wait for it to be completely healed and the other day I rolled, now it hurts again. I should probably not train for a month, which makes me depressed.

Sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy

I feel like she is slowly but steadily loosing respect for me.

She already did.

Actually, now that I'm rereading what I wrote, I'm surprised this isn't happening faster.

It did already, you just didn't notice

I'm failing more and more shit tests - basically I get pissed and loose my temper too easily, it's partly also me, I'm higher than average on the neuroticism personality trait. I know what is the likely outcome and I hate it. I don't wanna go there.

The "BIG 5" has been debunked I believe, but even then, who cares. You are in control of your life, you want to fix it you can. You've been spending too much time reading Jordan Peterson. He's a beta male and he puts women first. I don't even need to go all tin foil and tell you about the UN Depopulation and Agenda 21 articles he has re-written to have 'nicer language', or show you the pictures of him with elites that fund him. End of the day, as far as TRP is concerned; he's a beta. Just like you.

I guess my dread game must be very weak, because she knows I don't have the exciting life I had when we met, and that she has more social value than me now (as in: friends that want to hang out with her).

You guess? You don't have a job. You are a depressed bitch. You are constantly showing weakness. What do you think?

The rational way out would be to break up with her, suffer like a beaten dog and get my life together.

Always the victim.

But I'm not willing to do that, I invested too much in her emotionally and I still think she's worth it, if led properly.

You got that oneitis.

I know this is sunken cost mentality. The thing is, she's without a doubt the best partner I've had, and I don't like spinning plates and slutting around.

Yup, oneitis.

Of course I could potentially find somebody like or better than her, but it would require a lot of gaming time, and I'd like to get on with more important things in my life.

Someone better than her won't give you 20 seconds in your current state.

This is all your fault. You're a pathetic bitch. She already knows it. While you're at work fingerpopping other mens assholes in the showers she's looking at, or already is, fucking Tyrone and Chad. Every single part of your post is you not owning your shit, you bitching, you being weak, you living in her frame. You talk about just leading her out of this, you aren't leading anyone anywhere. You can't even lead yourself.

Get ready for her to branch swing. You haven't consumed any of the side bar material.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

First things first... relax.

Your life isn't coming to an end over this, and anything else you may lose as a result is replaceable.

Once you've got a clear head, you'll see that your predicament isn't all that tough. First thing to do is get a job. Any job. It really doesn't matter what it is, just so long as it gets you out of the house and back into the workforce.

Once you have that job, continue looking for something better. Now that you're employed again, other hiring managers will see you as employable. This is where you can be a little selective if you like, or you can jump at the first thing that's a marked improvement over the "take anything" job you took to start working again.

Now you have a little bit of money coming in and you've met some coworkers. Invite a few of them out for drinks. You don't have to form lifelong friendships, but a couple drinking buddies will get you out in the evenings so you aren't sitting around at home. Maybe they have friends in the same industry, or better yet, the industry you really want to be in. Now you're networking.

Physically, you're going to need to take it easy until you fully heal. You're still young but you aren't 20 anymore. You can't just power through injuries once you're in your 30s (I had to learn this one that hard way as well). Good thing is that with your new job and growing social life you'll have enough distractions to keep you occupied.

The LTR is the easy part. Either she's on board or she isn't. Not your responsibility to maintain the relationship. Just work on building your own value.

[–]magnimeelcul[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First things first... relax.

Your life isn't coming to an end over this, and anything else you may lose as a result is replaceable.

You couldn't be more right. Your calm and assured demeanor is an inspiration, thank you

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try some introspection to figure out what you are good at as a PERSON. Forget your schooling and what you learnt. You can learn anything you want... but what are YOU, as a person, naturally good at?

Looking back, i didnt realize it until I was older but;

  • People always invited me to parties and wanted to talk to me - I realized a job in relationship management would be naturally easy for me
  • I naturally became a leader in almost any project I was part of. I never wrestled it from someone but anytime there was a gap in leadership i would immediately (and naturally) take control and lead the group to success. - I went into a leadership role
  • I am highly analytical and a great problem solver - I went into a field where these skills are used.

Figure out what you are good at... the CORE you... and that might help you find something you actually enjoy doing.

Find a damn job while you figure this out. Put yourself out there to meet people... meetup.com or just volunteer to your local shelter/homeless/charity. Just go out and start interacting with people.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pain and suffering is what gives birth to passion. Looks like your "mission" is to avoid risk, avoid pain, avoid investment, avoid effort, and avoid suffering. Paradoxially, you are taking the worst calculated risk possible, wasting your value that could be invested and will end up with nothing but pain and suffering. Your reward in the end is that the calamity that is about to become your life will maybe give you the pain and suffering you need to finally get the passion you desire. There is a better path though, called sacrifice. Sacrifice your pride, time, energy, ego, laziness, video games, porn, self pity, and codependency to become the kind of man that you would admire if you met him. All that sacrifice will PRODUCE the passion you want all while benefiting your future self.

Recommended reading: 12 Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson, Top Performer by Zig Ziglar, How To Stop Worrying & Start Living by Dale Carnegie.

[–]BarracudaRP1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

there is only one other guy that... has stronger frame than me

Fuck you

submissive kitty for me

Fuck off

I'd like to get on with more important things in my life

Your post makes me want to punch a wall, I hope you're paying attention because there's some excellent advice in these comments.

[–]magnimeelcul[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

ahahah. Yes there is

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes we feel like a loser or a piece of shit because we are being a fucking loser piece of shit. Heard of Meetup.com? Get on there, connect with people both to build yourself socially and also to get a fucking job. If you are actually smart, then it won't be hard. Also I would spend a lot of time away from your LTR. Tell her your studying,writing resumes,trying not to be such a faggot. Oh and then actually do those things.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, if you’re this clueless, you are too deep in the fog. she’s already lost her respect for you. It takes far longer to earn it than it does to lose it.

Start by figuring out what things would you do if you were alone, with no obligations, how would you spend your time if you can’t think of anything, that’s just an indicator of how far you’ll need to travel to unfuck yourself.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

she is losing respect for me

No! You are losing respect for you and your girl feeds on it like the vampire empath she is.

get on with more important things in my life.

What does this platitude mean?

[–]magnimeelcul[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What does this platitude mean?

that I find casual sex/spinning plates a hedonistic endeavor and I'd rather invest my short time here otherwise

[–]UnbreakableFrame0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How come you didn't mention all the hours you spend playing video games in your post?

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Having a passion for a particular subject can become a trap quickly. It's better to have a passion for a capacity- like leadership or discipline or self-improvement. I wouldn't sit around waiting for that one magical lightning bolt to part the skies. Every job will have its shitty days and shitty times and you just need to power through these. I think listening to Jovko Willink or Jordan Peterson would help you.

[–]useful_stranger-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

That was hard to read. What you need is a good ass whipping. Maybe a ball gag too at the same time, so you can really feel the effect of being fucked and completely submissive to the world.

What everyone on the sub just read in this post is the effect of misapplied, inherent masculine energy. As they say, idle hands are devil’s playground. That’s you right now, OP: your mind, your energy, your life. Being wasted away, and more importantly going in a downward spiral because of and through the stories you tell yourself.

They come out so strongly, like the fact you think that you should have figured shit out by now at age 32. Or that somehow you are unworthy for this special woman, that you clearly have oneitis for.

Be very careful, you get what you wish for, whether consciously or unconsciously. See yourself as a loser, and you will be one before too long.

Because you already are.

But that’s OK ultimately. We need people like you. By definition the world has a lot more beta males in it than true leaders of the pack. Your problem is that you’re too darn smart, as you said scientifically trained, and you realize what’s going on with you. And it hurts as hell. The question is what are you going to do about it?

Until you make anything happen, the world will smile politely at you and get the lube ready. Sounds like you’re the type who is going to enjoy the ride. Bend over, boy.

;-)



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