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Anyone have tips for creating time and space for sex when there are always children in the house?

by Sepean | June 28, 2019 | askMRP

20 upvotes

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We used to have time for sex after the kids went to bed, but the oldest now stays up almost as late as my wife, and it is really cutting into the frequency of the quality sessions. Keeping my wife up later isn't really an option, she's an early riser and her next day is pretty much ruined if she stays up past 10.

So with 3 kids (ages 1, 8 and 10), there's never a free moment.

The only solution I can see is that we just have to tell our 10 year old that we're going to bed early or something and locking the door (there's even a dressing room before the bedroom so no listening directly at the door). He's probably smart enough to realize what is going on, but he's at the age were sex (even kissing) really grosses him out. Does anyone have experience how to handle a preteen with this?

Any other tips for creating time and space for sex?


Post Information
Title Anyone have tips for creating time and space for sex when there are always children in the house?
Author Sepean
Upvotes 20
Comments 87
Date 28 June 2019 09:06 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/243739
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/c6hy69/anyone_have_tips_for_creating_time_and_space_for/
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Comments

[–]freekshow8818 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had the same problem with bedtime so now I just fuck her in the morning.

I have 3 as well. 10, 8, and 5 year olds. I have the kids in bed by 8 and they’re “sleeping” by 8:30. Unfortunately so is Mrs Freekshow.

So instead of racing the clock if I want sex, I’ll wake up early and initiate before the alarm goes off. More times than not she’s already awake and just laying there.

I save night sex for those weekends where we drink a little too much and the she’s a bit more freaky than normal.

[–]amalgamator14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy

Come on - just put the 1 year old down for a nap and the other two on a movie. Day sex is better than night sex. You are overthinking it. And here is a shocker. You don’t need to go into details, but just tell them you need alone time. The kids won’t care, in fact if they see a mom and dad that kiss and love each other - it will give them security and you build a model for teaching them how a couple should be. Openness about our bodies and sex will foster healthy information for them.

Also - get them to bed by 8.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

This. I tell my 12 year old, "I'm going to bed early with your mom. Don't bother us."

He's a smart kid. It's his problem to deal with not mine.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, we’re going with this, bed early or a nap during the day.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

You are overthinking it.

Just seeking some advice before trying something new.

And here is a shocker. You don’t need to go into details, but just tell them you need alone time. The kids won’t care, in fact if they see a mom and dad that kiss and love each other - it will give them security and you build a model for teaching them how a couple should be.

They see us kiss and touch a lot. My 10 year old son is in the “it’s gross” phase, and I’m sure he’ll ask about what this alone time is - and that he’ll figure out what is happening. I figure I’d just keep it vague anyway.

Openness about our bodies and ex will foster healthy information for them.

We’re fairly open about it, and I tell my son about such stuff more than he’d like to hear. It’s a touchy subject for him.

Also - get them to bed by 8.

For the 10 year old, no way. That would be nearly 11 hours of sleep.

[–]amalgamator5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I know it’s summer and they tend to want to stay up later because it’s still bright out. I bought blackout curtains for the kids rooms so it’s as dark as a hote room. Yes. They will wake up earlier if you get them to bed earlier. Teach them to pour some cereal and turn on cartoons. I bought my daughter an iPad and Apple Pencil so she can draw and create and not just veg out on TV.

Some of the most cherished times my wife and I have are waking up together and cuddling and just holding each other in the weekend or on my days off and her looking into my eyes and holding my face and smiling. Sex and sexuality isn’t just penis in vagina. It’s a reinforcement of our emotional bonds. It’s loving, sexual touch. We now “have sex” most days, and sometimes we have intercouse too. You MUST set aside time for this and make it happen. I mean it depends where you are at - but make the time, use every brain cell you have and be creative.

I was in a pretty rough patch years back and MRP and my growth and her growth have made all the difference.

[–]haraishi3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

My son (6) will pour cereal for himself and little brother (3) and they will play "quietly" (as quietly as two young boys can anyway) until we wake up. Didnt have to teach them, they kind of just started doing it on weekends and such. Had a few spills that I taught him to clean up himself and now where all golden. Little dudes a rockstar. They go to bed at 730 - 800 and wake up pretty much on 7 in the morning

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m sure he’ll ask about what this alone time is - and that he’ll figure out what is happening. I figure I’d just keep it vague anyway.

A couple months ago my 10 year old woke up earlier than expected. I hadn't locked our door and it was ajar slightly. It was hilarious for me and embarrassing for my wife when she was standing there staring at us next to the bed. Luckily we were fully covered, but she asked why "daddy was exercising on top of mom". She's not dumb. Lesson learned - lock the damn door.

[–]Reach180Red Beret12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't worry about the 10 year old knowing, or being grossed out. 8 year old too. They'll only walk in on you once. Afterward, they'll tred very carefully.

Seriously...kids should associate a healthy sex life with a good marriage. You obviously don't announce what's going on, but don't hide it from them.

If your kids are safe - ie, capable of not harming themselves if left alone (thinking of the 1 year old here), then go fuck whenever. Secure some privacy and do it, just like you would if you needed some alone time to work at home.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I fixed the lock for the bed room, so no risk of walking in on us, and this will be when the baby is sleeping.

We’re going with “we’re taking a nap”.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

During 1 year old nap time... it's time for you guys to "take a nap" together. Works beautifully. There's also wake up sex.

The 10 year old shouldn't be up past 9 (in the bed asleep @ 9). We put our 10 year old to bed at 8:30 and lights out at 9:00. She's free to read or stare at the wall for all I care for those 30 minutes.

Edit: I read your response on the bed time for the ten year old. I usually put the kids to bed and if I’m feeling like fucking go downstairs, pick her up and carry her to the downstairs guest bedroom immediately. I find if it gets closer to 10 we are both legitimately tired and it’s not good sex.

The other thing that you can do is middle of the night sex. This works for me sometimes- if she gets up to go to the bathroom or get water or whatever, fuck her when she gets back. Of course I’m a light sleeper so easily wake up if she does this.

[–]CaliEd2563 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, 10-11 year olds are weird. Sometimes they need 11 hours of sleep, sometimes they need 8. My 10 year old sleeps from 10 pm - 7 am, wakes up no alarm clock, totally rested, zero fatigue issues. To clarify, she’s in bed around 9, but doesn’t fall asleep till 10 pm.

I think it just depends if they’re growing or not. It’s like their bodies are trying to figure out if they’re adults or little kids still, which probably isn’t that far off.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Morning sex. Lunch sex.

Kids suck, but not as bad as right before bed sex.

Plus morning sex allows you to drip out of her all day.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

apparently he doesn't want quickies

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just a tip...

First -TELL the 10 year to go to bed at 9:30. Not a discussion, not a negotiation. If wife gives push back, the problem isn't the child.

Second - You are at your physical peak in the morning, go for it.

Third - If twice a day isn't enough, meet for for lunch.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife is on board with both bedtimes and making time for it during the day. She’s more surprised that noone ever mentioned the issue of finding time for sex when the kids are up the same time as you.

We used to have sex while the kids were at school, but summer vacation has started.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ironic to me. You were one of the first to offer me advice on my first post. Belated, but thanks.

[–]redwall923 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Five kids here. 15 down to 7. Oldest kids are up until 9:30 or 10 regularly - as late as I am. Wife is a late, late person.

If we want sex, we lock the door. Plain and simple.

Couple days ago I laughed in the middle of a session and said something about how I was surprised we hadn't been interrupted yet. I know ... need to brush up on Immersion a bit, maybe. However, a few minutes later the 15yo knocked on the door and let us know he was going to the gym.

Does he know what we were doing? Probably.

When I kiss my wife and play with her physically, the 7yo says ewww and similar. The 12yo says ewww sometimes. The 14yo daughter says "Dad!! Too much PDA!" And I know she's not angry that her parents are into some PDA here and there. My 15yo pretty much keeps everything to himself. All the kids deal with things differently. I or my wife have talked to them all about sex to some degree over the years, and that will continue.

In my world, it's normal for a husband and wife to enjoy sex. Sure ... by themselves and in private. But we are in a home where there are other people. No way around that.

Wife wants sex? Her method of initiating is something along the lines of "Do you want to have sex?" when we happen to be in a room alone. I'm still working on getting her to express desire in some other fashion. My method of initiation is more physical and also more vague than hers. I can initiate in the kitchen, and the next time we're in the bedroom the door gets locked and the hard initiate happens.

You want advice? I'd say start locking the door and going to town. Turn a bathroom fan on if noise is an issue. Get your kids used to the boundary of the locked door. Don't be frustrated at interruptions; they happen. The interruptions have to be a part of your frame. But how you handle them is also a part of your frame. Butthurt at mid-sex interruptions is bad, pissy frame. The older your kids get the more honor they will give to a closed, locked door - simply because they want to have that same expectation for their own door. Littles (say 11 and under) don't care about a closed door or privacy much. They'll barge right in if the door is closed but not locked. Get them used to the locked door. Enjoy your wife. Make it normal in your home that these things happen.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What is the official explanation you give, exactly? We’re going with a nap, but some guys are saying they’re making out or “alone time”.

[–]redwall923 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't feel a need to provide an "official explanation." Sometimes I'll give the kids a "hey, Mom and I are going to lay down for a while" line. But more often there's no explanation. And a knock at our bedroom door goes like this..

knock, knock. Me or wife: who is it? Kid: it's kid #1-5 us depending on our progress: What do you want? Or we'll be out in a few minutes.

"We'll be out in a few minutes" may mean 5 minutes; may mean 30 minutes. Depends on how we're doing and what we're enjoying at the time. Now ... kids do learn that squeaky wheels get the grease. But kids also learn that closed, locked doors mean closed and locked. If they are interrupting to tattle or something stupid, then the consequences I bring to bear are bad enough that my kids have learned not to interrupt in a pushy way when the door is closed and locked.

It's a priority thing.

Sex is a priority. I don't allow kids to sleep in the bed with us. Sure, cuddle time is great, but I'll move the kid when I'm getting in bed. Kid can come cuddle up in the morning-time sometimes, too. It's not black and white. But a kid in the bed is a tad prohibitive to good sex.

Sex is a priority thing. When the door is closed and locked, I have established the priority that what's happening in this private room is important. It better be an emergency if you're interrupting. If it's not an emergency, then you'll learn that interrupting is not going to get you what you want. Interruptions happen; life happens. But priorities also happen.

This is similar to my take on the priority of gym time. Sure, "I'm going to the gym" isn't some privacy thing. But the closed, locked door indicates priority. It's going to happen at my house. Don't stand in the way of this priority. If you let interruptions take priority over this "thing" you call a priority (sex or gym or whatever), then it's not the real priority.

Safety for my kids is a priority (over sex). If there's an emergency, then sex will take a back seat.

Sex with my wife is a priority over my kids' toys or electronics time or the internet router not working or a lot of other things. I don't expect my kids to see it as such. It's my job to treat it as such.

Your question seems to touch on the appropriateness of what your kids may or may not know/understand about what's going on as well. My take on that? Kids will ask questions appropriate to their level of understanding. If you're talking about babies and sex and men and women, then their level of understanding will move along just like they body moves along just like their level of understanding of other things moves along. I believe sex should be normative in a healthy husband/wife relationship. So there's nothing to hide at that level when we talk with our kids. Yeah ... the "eeewwww" stage will come and go. Then your kids will start masturbating on their own. Honestly ... I want my kids to ask me the questions more than they do. I figure most parents are that way. So I'm really on the side of the information that is pushing towards them. I'm not the one hiding the information from the kid. I want the kid to ask me (before they ask the internets). No ... we don't do demonstrations for the kids. But we do talk.

Hope that helps.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, that helps, good info.

The door we'll lock is practically never closed otherwise, so that'll work as an excellent signal they'll learn to recognize as "only knock if important", which would put us at not even having to say anything. I don't see much point in saying anything except avoiding an insisting kid at the door that doesn't understand why mom and dad isn't available, but of course that's something they can learn.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Benadryl milkshakes!

[–]resolutions3162 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What about time for them in their rooms at night that’s not bed time, but wind down time?

Morning sex is the obvious one, since she’s an early riser, but personally I’m not as into it in the morning (and my kids wake up ass early).

Shower sex?

I also arrange to swing home if my wife is ever alone, which is rare now - but I work nearby and set my own schedule.

It may be more a matter of setting up chunks of time - a weekend away, for example, to a hotel room - because kids are terrible for logistics.

The people giving pat, lazy answers in this thread are fucking morons.

[–]uncoolchick6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

dude, you have to make your kid go to bed earlier. You are the dad. Just tell your kid to go to bed at like 9 or whatever time. just be strict... its what parents supposed to do. its not like the kid is 15 or 16. and your kid could always just read a book or watch youtube in bed if he or she is bored... like all kids secretly do.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He's in bed at 8.30 and reads until 9.15. That gives him 9.5 hours of sleep, the recommended upper end for his age. Often he has a hard time falling asleep - we're more likely to soon get him later in bed, earlier really isn't an option.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, yeah man, just wait till you kids only need 7-8 hours of sleep. Fuckers are ALWAYS awake.

[–]CaliEd2562 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have three kids, 13 10 8. I totally understand about the older kids going to sleep same time as adults, you don’t realize how much easier it is when the kids are younger.

Bedtime doesn’t have to be RIGHT when the kids go to sleep. We put our oldest two in their bedrooms approx an hour before lights out. They used to ask why the change, and I always said some variant “I want to make out with your hot mom.”

Obviously they’re old enough to know what sex is, so they would just go upstairs in disgust. We get an hour or so of alone time, which usually translates to a good hard fuck.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, sounds right. My oldest is already in bed by 8.30 and reading a book - and if he got the idea we were having sex we wouldn’t even have to lock the door :)

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lock the bathroom door and fuck on the side of the tub or pick her up and put on edge of counter.

If you’re waiting until bedtime you already lost.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Quickies are one thing, but having time to indulge in it, in a soft bed, she’s dolled up for it, that’s what really gets me going.

[–]mabden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kids are natural born cock blockers.

A week after bringing home son number one, my wife is trying to give me a blow job (I guess for being there) and the kid is in the bassinet next to the bed asleep. As soon as she starts, kid starts crying, stop, gets kid back to sleep, restarts where she left off, kid starts crying. Wash, rinse, repeat. I'm thinking does this kid have telepathic connection with my wife that directs him to prevent her from focusing on anyone else but him?

It never stops, one Saturday night I had the wife primed for a good time in the hot tub. All we had to do is get the kids in bed. 9yo daughter and 7yo brother are in the bathroom brushing their teeth, washing up for bed time, wife and I are in the other room exploring some feelz. Everything is right on schedule when... we hear a wope, a thud, and a scream.

Dear daughter whacked younger sibling for being stupid with an elbow sending him backwards into the tub. Next thing I know the wife is hopping into the ambulance with dear son to get his head sown up and checked for concussion. 4 hrs later when wife crawls into bed, to her credit, she wakes me up for a quick ride. However, it was not the wild ride an earlier romp in the hot tube would have provided.

Your the man, you figure this shit out. Your 10yo may have opinions on what's gross or not, but by the end of 6 grade, his views on chicks will be 180 from what they may be now. We always display PDAs as normal, accepted behavior between two people who love and are committed to each other. If they are exposed to this every day, as they age out and progress as individuals you will have less worries and explaining to do as to what goes on behind closed doors.

Lock on the bedroom door is a must however.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

First of all, kids act grossed out, but it is actually healthy and reassuring for them to know their parents still have it. My kids get kind of clingy at times and even when we just want some space, I will tease them and say we are going to our room to make out, so keep away unless you want to walk in on some heavy kissing or more.

That said, my wife has a hard time shifting from mom to wife. She has that whole "I've had kids on me all day and don't feel sexy" thing going on most days. New anxiety meds also making her crash early too, so I am seeing a slump too. So, what to do? Getting a sitter and do something fun that has nothing to do with kids or parenting to reminder her of what it FEELZ like to be a wife. Couple drinks helps if she's down for that. My wife needs about 2 dates per month or she gets too "marmy".

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I got the lock fixed for the bedroom, so no fear of them walking in on it.

She has no issues going from mom to sex kitten. That’s more me tbh, getting blown while the baby was looking at me or while breastfeeding felt weird.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

getting blown while the baby was looking at me or while breastfeeding felt weird.

I've thought about this a couple times over the weekend. Your wife actually gave you head WHILE BREAST FEEDING!? Not gonna lie, that's bad ass man! I doubt you can even find porn that sick you lucky bastard! I hope she swallowed for the baby sake.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It didn't really do anything for me tbh, on the contrary. Not her either as far as I know, she's just a real trooper.

[–]Goobergus_Gubbins1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pixar movies.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sepean, baby. After reading all the comments sounds like you are just at the limits of time. Nearly every idea here you counter with a negative response. The only thing left then is to consider removing things from your schedule, family’s and individual.

I am guilty of this. I fill my time with things and never look back until have hit a crunch. Volunteer work, martial arts (BJJ and karate), PhD studies, full time job, gym life, and competitions. Then I have to make room for my social agenda.

Something is going to drop. We often tell men be busy. Find things to do. She will give you sex to keep you around BUT what we don’t say is that when you are firing on all cylindars it’s ok to scale back (Unless that is the dread level you have to operate at). She’s giving it to you so stick around the house more.

Now I don’t know if this is your problem or not, but when no other suggestion is going to fit your narrow window of opportunity, time to make opportunities. You could be one of those guys that loves his home and spends time on it and in it. What I am saying is perhaps your social and extra activities are also cramping your style. Even the kids schedule.

Then again....there may be nothing that can be done in the near term. Just as we have to accept certain limitations of ourselves and of women we need to accept that in that moment there is nothing more we can do then what have time for.

Only you can judge that. Yet I contend there may be a way to remove detritus from your life to make the time you are looking for.

Success to you, brother.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nearly every idea here you counter with a negative response.

There was good feedback, like on what people told their kids when they went to the bedroom. But a lot of suggestions went for either quickies (not what I'm looking for) or presumed that there was regularly time in the house where my wife was there and awake and kids were out or sleeping.

After reading all the comments sounds like you are just at the limits of time.

The time is there, I'm not particularly busy since I dropped beta game. I'm not really concerned with owning my shit and fixing stuff anymore, there's a lot of reason for new guys to do it, but once your frame is on point it's not needed and I've never been that interested in it.

We just need to plan for having sex. There are only 3 windows: the baby's 2 naps, and from the baby goes to bed at night until my wife does. Me and my wife need to both have a clear schedule during one of those windows and tell the older kids that we're going upstairs.

[–]Bushpilot8171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lock the bedroom door and go to town. There’s so many options, just be bold and do it, it’s fun and it excites a woman. Bedroom, bathroom, laundry room, kitchen in the middle of the night or early morning, garage, outside.

Go for a drive in the car, truck, suv, whatever. Have her come meet you during your lunch break. Parking garage, back roads, the options are literally limited only by your aversion to risk and your imagination.

[–]Tbonesupreme0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I don't understand the dilemma.

You don't want to tell your kid that you're going to bed? You are afraid they might encounter a locked door, or God forbid, have to knock first?

The 1 year old should be the only one having an affect on your sex life. If that kid has a solid sleep schedule, everything else is easy.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There’s no dilemma, just looking for tips from some people who dealt with this, like what is a good way to tell the 10 year old on why the bedroom is now off limits, or maybe some clever solution I hadn’t thought of.

[–]Tbonesupreme0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You can be honest and say that it's private time for you and your wife, and that private time is important for your marriage. Don't hide the fact that you want alone time with your wife. Don't you want your 10 year old to think that alone time with a spouse is NORMAL?

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't you want your 10 year old to think that alone time with a spouse is NORMAL?

I don’t think it matters.

[–]Ketonian_Empire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do what my parents did to me. Bought me a Nintendo and put on some sound. They did their thing, locked the door. I killed mushrooms. My kids I got an Xbox gave our oldest headphones while she raided some lego fortress. Me and the wife had sex. Heck if they get curious say your reading the scriptures together and praying.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Bummer. My kids (6, 7, 10) go to bed by 9 (7:30, 8:30 and 9:00)and we fuck around 11. She gets up at 6 for the gym and I wake up at 7 and hold down the fort. She is a SAHM so she gets naps here and there.

I take modafinil so I can survive on way less sleep but do best with 7+. Wife is just a beast I guess. She is up right now and still working, just got home from the grocery store.

Even if she is exhausted she still wants to cum even if it's 15 minutes or less. It's just something we have always done. Cum > sleep

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife needs a lot of sleep. She’s considerably more fun before 10 and she’s sleep deprived the next is she stays up late.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is morning sex not an obvious option?

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That still cuts into sleep. The best option is to make time and space for it while the older kids are awake.

[–]electric_dragon10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We almost never bang when the kids sleep out of preference. We tell them we need quality time, we lock our bedroom and they play video games. Everyone loves quality time in my house.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy

If your smv is high enough, she would make time and make it happen

Smash in the car

Smash in the shower

Smash outside

Smash on the couch

Stay up late and sleep in on weekends

Get up early

Meet during the day while kids at school and 1 year old asleep

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy

[suggestions for quickies]

Not a problem, I’m looking for time for quality sessions

Stay up late and sleep in on weekend. Get up early

That leaves my wife with too little sleep.

Meet during the day while kids at school and 1 year old asleep

This has been the main source, but summer vacation begins now so the older kids are home a lot more, and my wife is starting work again in a few months, so that is mostly going away too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

Fuck mate you could give an aspirin a head ache.

How about this, tell your spawn to go to bed at a reasonable time, ENFORCE IT, and stop being a fucking bitch about being a father.

Then you don't have to come here and ask sperg level questions about why you're FRAME IS WEAK AS FUCK.

Other people have given you answers too, but you don't want to hear it either.

See you at the gym, oh wait, no I wont, they don't have a glory hole in the toilet for you to make money in.

Edit: just had another idea. Work on your skill level, your career and increase your income. Then, buy a huge fucking house and put the kids at the other end of it.

[–]CaliEd2564 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

That’s because all the answers he’s gotten so far are stupid, and from people that obviously have no kids, or have super little kids that sleep 12 hours a day.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

yeah, or they are the type of guy who is 1 step off sleeping in the marital bed with kids.

Super little kids sleep sporadically, that's what makes it hard. Infact, having that 1 year old is probably why she's not into sex right now - because if the routine is as bad as the ten year old; it's likely she's not having enough sleep to get her head together.

If that kid is teething on and off, or gets sick, or whatever, it makes it worse.

I'm mostly blown away that the 10 year old dictates the sleeping and sex arrangement for the adults. Yet, the answers are "stupid". The 10 year old has frame, and is the boss of the household.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Super little kids sleep sporadically, that's what makes it hard. Infact, having that 1 year old is probably why she's not into sex right now - because if the routine is as bad as the ten year old; it's likely she's not having enough sleep to get her head together.

Actually we implement a solid sleep routine early, he’s sleeping per his schedule almost all days.

My wife is very much into sex. Blowjobs at any time, during the day if the two older kids aren’t there she texts me for sex when the baby takes a nap, we have a document that she signed as Kitten.

But go on, tell me more about my life.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think a 10 year old is harder to make sexy time than a 1 year old. Those fuckers are curious, becoming more rebellious and don’t sleep as much anymore. My ten year old is certainly harder to work sex around than the five year old. Five year old I can put one of these inane stupid ass brain rotting shows on and she’ll be content for twenty minutes.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

None of that is accurate. But good job making shit up to try and prove your point faggot.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

He's seriously triggered, he's going through my post history and making snide replies to everything now

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

nope, like sbiii I read peoples histories. It reveals alot.

You're a red beret (fuck knows why) but in my estimation a fucking fraud.

You're a 40 year old gamer retard on TRT which suggests LowT at an early age.

Arguably you don't even play good games that a socially active man would play, if they were to chose them, you instead play 4chan/b level full fledged autistic high school shooter angry loner shit.

You have 0 frame control of your household.

A fucking 10 year old cock blocks you.

YOU CANT FIND A WAY TO DEAL WITH THAT.

You ABYSMALLY failed at vetting your (by your own admission) mentally unstable wife, whom you procreated with and therefore passed these shit teir genes to another generation to.

You comment like an authority but then ask retard level questions like this.

People give real responses, like advising to tke advantage of the time you can find but you don't want to hear it, deering nearly every response. Except for a real red beret.... of course.

As I said, I have zero respect for you and it's not for no reason, old boy.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wow, you really got me figured out.

Why do you think I'm on TRT?

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He doesn’t know. And video game playing suggests low T? What’s his source for that?

He sounds like an angry spurned one night stand. That hate posts all over your Facebook account.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

thanks lets hang out sometime, fuck head

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Haha you’re a funny dude, giving off a strong keyboard warrior vibe.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

it's because my personality is raw and it comes across regardless of the medium.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It came more across as dunning kruger plus serious bitterness tbh

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

nah I just don't respect you

[–]go-RED-go-1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

Are you the only one wanting to create time and space for sex or is your wife also with you on this? Maybe she's totally ok with your children cockblocking you as she doesn't want to have sex you.

I think you should have your kids in bed earlier, but that's something you should have taught your kids by now, that when you and your wife say it's bedtime for them, they should listen without exception.

My kid is 1.5 year old and he always goes to bed (cot) at roughly at the same time of the day in his own room. This is something me and my wife discussed and something we hold practice. We plan on continuing to do it as he gets older so that he has structure and order in his sleeping schedule, as we feel this is extremely important for health and building healthy habits.

I have friends that have their 3y olds or 5y olds sleeping with them in their bed with their wife. They complain to me how they have no sex, while pretending to their wifes they are ok sleeping that way. But their wives seem to like it.

It all boils down to if your wife really has desire for you, then you will easily find the time and place to fuck.

For instance, when my wife didn't want to fuck me, she would make up all kinds of ridiculous and excuses. 

In contrast, not long ago there was a situation when wife and I were in the kitchen behind the counter and our kid was watching a cartoon 15 feet away in the other part of the living room/dining room. 

I was playful and cocky funny the whole day and wife was giving me some shit tests at wich I manage to respond with some AA and AM and without really thinking about it. What happened next is it triggered her tingles and she instanly wanted me to fuck her from behind , behind the kitchen counter, right here, right now. She knew that the kid was there, distracted by TV, but she suddenly didn't care about that at all. She just wanted me to fuck her real quick. So I did, while being puzzled to what the fuck just happened.  

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If my wife didn’t want to fuck I’d be reading the sidebar.

I’m looking for what I asked for: tips on how to create time and space for quality sessions.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

at roughly at the same time of the day in his own room. This is something me and my wife discussed and something we hold practice

yup, you must use consistently and military precision with kids.

I have friends that have their 3y olds or 5y olds sleeping with them in their bed with their wife. They complain to me how they have no sex, while pretending to their wifes they are ok sleeping that way. But their wives seem to like it.

Very common from what I find, talking to people. Amazing.

For instance, when my wife didn't want to fuck me, she would make up all kinds of ridiculous and excuses.

Yup, I'm not even so sure about the whole "after birth" excuse now either, after a certain time. I've read enough stories on reddit of bitches talking about how they would flick their clit while the baby sucked on their tits to know this is probably bs.

[–]CaliEd2560 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

This was like 6 paragraphs of you bragging about your life with zero useful information. He can’t fuck his wife on the kitchen counter when his 10 year old is watching TV. Downvote.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I fucked my wife in the mud room once when the kids were watching TV. It’s certainly possible if she’s turned on enough and you’re willing to take a bit of risk.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

you and OP seem like best friends, perhaps since you cheat on your wife so much per your other comments, you could take him under your wing?

[–]CaliEd2563 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t have a wife. Are you special?

[–]weakandsensitive-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

when i was a teenager, i used to play this game called just the tip.

[–]red88lobster-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

You don't need to do anything special to make time. You don't need to shelter kids from the fact that you need alone time with your wife.

"Daddy is taking me for a special massage, be right back"

She will make time for something she wants.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don’t want my wife talking to the kids like that, we’re going with something more child friendly.

[–]red88lobster0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds fun

[–]useful_stranger-4 points-3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Classic . Typical blue pill. You’ve replaced your wife with your kid(s) as the ones giving you approval for being yourself.

Mindset is the answer. And Boundaries.

Don’t be a dick banging your wife like a hurricane door and have her scream through the door (she probably won’t anyway), but don’t be a pussy either to withhold your needs just because the kid is up.

Teach them that after 9 PM or whatever it’s quiet / intimacy time in the house and you and your mom need to be alone together. The sooner you do this the easier it will be. Train them like you train them to eat sleep drink talk tie shoes write read etc. Kid should be in his / her room reading a book or something. Go further if you want and ban internet/ screen time.

Stop pussyfooting. Start living.

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Classic . Typical blue pill. You’ve replaced your wife with your kid(s) as the ones giving you approval for being yourself.

Work on your reading comprehension and observation skills. See the flair?

Teach them that after 9 PM or whatever it’s quiet / intimacy time in the house and you and your mom need to be alone together.

Which is exactly what I said. Do you have anything useful to contribute with?

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Work on your reading comprehension and observation skills. See the flair?

what a shit response.

[–]useful_stranger4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ha. I’ll take it. I’ve been on this sub for 4y plus under different usernames so hat tip to u/Sepean, have seen his contribution here and had I noticed who OP was in first place perhaps I would have shown more deference . :-) looks like he needs / craves it ;-)

That said, it’s not reading comprehension, it’s attention to detail that I need !!!

[–]SepeanRed Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

looks like he needs / craves it ;-)

Well played :)

[–]useful_stranger1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OK. Slowly does it. First just read a book with your wife in bed. Keep door partially closed. Lights a bit dimmed. Get night lamps if you don’t have them.

Build routine, expectation in kids’ eyes that this is daddy and mommy quiet time. If interrupted, politely send them on their way. Only come in if monster / intruder in house.

Perhaps give mommy a massage, clothes on, so the kids see you guys are affectionate in non-sexual way. Connect with her that way, where you clearly put your relationship as a couple on first place. Call it transition from parent role to lovers role.

Then a few days / weeks later, close & lock the door. By then they won’t even care anymore. They’ll do their thing while you do yours.

I guess every family is different but in my book there should an understanding that parenting comes after and from a loving relationship from man and woman. Husband and wife. So get them used to it being normal that the two of you are lovers. And lovers need time together to feed that love nurture it etc.



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