Q4Women: How do you let a guy down that is in love with you without friendzoning him?

sublimemongrel · 2019-03-17T14:30:24+00:00

Try and distance yourself and make it clear you’re not into him. It’s not always easy to do subtly and some guys won’t get it even if it’s really blatant. I once thought telling a guy friend nonchalantly about crush I had on someone else would help him get the hint. It didn’t work sometimes you have to just put it out there and hope they don’t freak out.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-17T14:18:56+00:00

Men friendzone themselves. If they directly make a move you reject them kindly, but its up to them to stop "being friends" with you.

azngirl7689 · 2019-03-17T14:41:58+00:00

Slow fade them. Hard to ignore that hint.

However, I only do this if direct “I’m not interested. Let’s be friends” hasn’t worked.

GridReXX · 2019-03-17T15:42:12+00:00

I don’t think I believe in being trapped in zones.

A chick on Twitter asked her fellow ladies have they ever been friendzoned.

Most of the women replied that they are sure at some point a man they were crushing on, didn’t crush on her the same way.

The difference is none of the women felt it as “friend zoned.”

A lot of the women joked they deleted the text thread right after. Pretended he didn’t exist or that she never got rejected And moved on.

But none dwell on it. Perhaps because women have more options. But mostly because women intuitively know, that if the other person isn’t matching your level of crush, the relationship is a dub. We don’t really believe in trying to convince someone to like us. It literally never works. 99% of the time they will never like you as much as you like them and women don’t like willingly entering into that dynamic. Not only that, but men IME are far less likely to pursue or enter into something where they barely like the chick. So it tends to not work out anyway.

As far as the question you asked, it’s hard. I’m actually dealing with that right now. None of my compassionate let downs are sticking. So I’m probably going to have to ghost him or go nuclear “stop reaching out we will never be what you want.”

GradualDecomp · 2019-03-17T15:06:51+00:00

I'm not a mind reader. If the dude is acting like my friend, I will probably think we are friends. I do nice things for my friends all the time. If this ends up upsetting him because he feels lead on, it's up to him to Express himself and/or remove himself from the situation.

I'm pretty sure everyone here, men and women, have mistaken kindness and friendly gestures for flirting or romantic interest. I have.

poppy_blu · 2019-03-17T14:29:56+00:00

Most people have at some point known someone whose company they enjoy who they aren’t attracted to or have feelings for but they know the other person does. You really want to be friends with that person because you enjoy the friendship. I think most cases fall into this scenario. I don’t believe the manosphere belief that women are just taking advantage of men who want more by stringing them along. Sure it happens but I don’t think it’s the majority of friednzone situations.

I think you have to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. I’ve lost friendships that way and it sucked but probably saved me a lot of headache down the road.

Now if I’m honest with you and you still choose to hang around hoping you can change my mind, that’s on you, not me.

KikiYuyu · 2019-03-17T19:23:05+00:00

Without friendzoning? Never talk to him again I guess. Let's see if the friendzone is literally the worst thing ever now.

goatismycopilot · 2019-03-17T15:11:39+00:00

Depends on the scenario do I have to interact with them regularly for some reason I have no control over then be civil otherwise cut it off.

ilptrandom · 2019-03-17T16:05:21+00:00

Any time friendship is offered (anytime... anytime to anyone) the person to whom the offer is made should then consider carefully how much friendship is healthy/happy/right for them and how much is too much. This applies even if the very thought of the person offering friendship makes your genitals engorge.

During friendships (any friendships... between anyone) it is wise to continuously be aware of how reciprocal the situation is and distance yourself if it all appears too intense or too one sided.

Friendship is a very flexible spectrum of relationships and behaviors. It goes from people you greet cheerfully every time you see them by chance and would donate a few dollars if your apartment burned down (and of course vice versa, if their dog needs surgery and they've got a gofundme you're up for a fiver) to people who you could ask to help you dispose of a body.

It is sensible to offer friendship to people who appeared to want a LTR with you but you do not wish to become life partners with. If they liked you enough to consider what could end up as a lifetime commitment, and you think they are OK but just not everything you need for a life partner, then maybe you guys would be good to idk, exchange xmas cards, be facebook friends, and get invited when the other person throws a huge party for some reason. You've both got good potential to be one of the folks who will kick up a stink if the other gets murdered, or imprisoned overseas or any other such misfortune. You are, hopefully, each other's sort of person even if you aren't so much each other's sort of person that you should marry.

You don't "friendzone" someone by offering friendship. They friendzone themselves by refusing to be sensible about and take normal responsibility for managing the distance and reciprocity they need in the friendship. If it is not working for them they need to stop and think and then retreat to a sensible workable distance just like in any other friendship.

[deleted] · 2019-03-17T15:31:15+00:00

The rough thing is, if I really care about someone, I'd probably be down to have sex with them if they really wanted to and I wasn't in a relationship at the time. I've been the 'first gay experience' for questioning female friends who I wasn't very attracted to but loved platonically, that sort of thing. But I don't spend a lot of time with men, and those I do I don't consider very close friends.

Guys who have been into me that I've not reciprocated interest in have been 100% 'vague acquaintance zoned', which is to say politely turned down and then never spoken to again.

Sex is 100% about a physical expression of affection for me, and I truly and deeply love my friends. My happiest and most rewarding relationships have been with people I was platonically friends with prior to dating. The guys who complain about getting friendzoned typically aren't friends in the first place, at least in the 'emotional intimacy' sense.

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German-pussyfucker · 2019-03-17T18:48:29+00:00

Inb4 "Muh Incels reee"; here's how most do it: Stay friendly, smile at them, pretend you're friends, only answer in short text very rarely, then finally ghost.

Because face it: no matter what hangs between your legs, most people wanna avoid taking up the courage and reaponsibility of being sincere with their "friends". It's just more convenient for girls to excuse themselves "out of fear", even though said friend was the most peaceful buddha monk the months before.

pngmafia97 · 2019-03-17T22:55:24+00:00

The moment I realize he's developing feelings that are unreciprocated, I try to be more cognizant of my signaling.

I won't hang out in his bed, or in super intimate situations 1:1 late at night.
I try to make sure we hang out more in groups of friends rather than alone.
I don't give him "the eyes."
I chum with him like a bro.
I maintain independence, i.e. don't let him pay for anything for me.

If the conversation about feelings ever comes up, I'll tell him as gently as seems necessary my honest lack of deeper feelings. I think half the outcome is how delicate/robust a guy's ego is.

Once I told a guy that he was a really great person and really objectively attractive, but that I didn't personally feel sexually attracted to him and wasn't interested in exploring something. We're still great friends now.
There was another guy to whom I told the same thing. He was really personally offended, and as crazy as this sounds I'm a little scared he would rape me, so I stopped hanging out with him altogether.

Iamthegreenjoker · 2019-03-18T00:43:08+00:00

Why are you in contact with him if you weren't interested?

Sounds to me like you are selfishly using him and now that he's is getting more attached then you want him to be you are wanting to tell him to piss off within telling him to piss off, again for your own selfishness.

You tell him you don't want him in your life anymore, then block his number and social media. While you are at it do the same with all the other guy "friends" you have. Go get yourself some girl friends and leave the guys you're not interested in alone.

wtffellification · 2019-03-17T14:27:22+00:00

you try to be compassionate, yet direct as possible - it's a tough one to balance out I can imagine

Xemnas81 · 2019-03-18T11:03:39+00:00

Um your only choices are friendzone or ghost. I don't even understand this.

LifterofThings · 2019-03-18T12:49:08+00:00

Do you cut them off? Do you go cold?

This. I'd prefer not to have to be "mean" but if my subtle hint-dropping hasn't worked, I feel like it's more or less necessary.

hoere_des_heeren · 2019-03-18T13:06:11+00:00

Ehh, isn't rejecting whislt wanting to remain friends what friendzoning is?

The only way to reject without firendzoning is to not want to see them again...

MissDywel · 2019-03-18T17:18:24+00:00

How about don't cause a guy who you aren't interested in to fall in love with you in the first place?

I see women who spend lots of time with a guy, constant communication and texting etc and then OOPS! turn around and no idea what happened?!?!

Have some dignity ladies. Maybe you're bored, lonely and want attention. Call your girlfriend. Get a dog. Don't lead men on. *eyeroll

Title	Q4Women: How do you let a guy down that is in love with you without friendzoning him?
Author	douchebag_throwaway3
Upvotes	5
Comments	85
Date	March 17, 2019 2:09 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b25iav/q4women_how_do_you_let_a_guy_down_that_is_in_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-how-do-you-let-a-guy-down-that-is-in-love.256722 https://theredarchive.com/post/256722

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