More On Taming The Alpha

philomexa · 2018-11-19T18:22:12+00:00

Everyone wants to be the star of their own story, how that plays out is usually along some gendered narrative that may or may not be culturally inherited.

These questions seem suspiciously disingenuous.

BleuBird18 · 2018-11-19T17:56:36+00:00

What's with this self disempowering narrative? Most men want to settle down and start families. This story thst some men tell that dudes are powerless over their own fate and just blindly go along with whatever the Mrs. says is total nonsense. Men have agency. They make their own choices. Those choices aren't always the best or most wise. I can tell you that as a woman I've had to deny a lot of men this desire to "nail me down" with a family and a ring. That's what most men are seeking while dating.

Men should not be robbed of their personal responsibility in their own life choices. I refuse to buy your argument that men are so easily brainwashed. That has not been my experience at all.

PuleaSpataru69 · 2018-11-19T18:12:31+00:00

I think everyone wants to be special. They want to be the exception to the rule.

PennnyLame · 2018-11-19T18:42:15+00:00

Why is taming such a ladyboner fantasy?

We are inundated with narratives about taming men. We are told that if we are good enough, gentle enough, pretty enough, sing out of enough tower windows, he’ll love us and it’ll be even more special because he’s never loved before.

Isn't the man's feral, playboy nature what attracted the woman in the first place (aside from his ravishing good looks and billions of dollars)?

No, it’s ability to have a feral nature. Also, you’re talking about narratives right? You have to have a conflict to have a story.

flamingoinghome · 2018-11-19T17:56:48+00:00

All of this begs a few questions:

Why is taming such a ladyboner fantasy?

It's a power thing. It's a fantasy of domination, fundamentally. Why do some men have a fantasy about seducing a virgin and making her passionate? Same thing.

Isn't the man's feral, playboy nature what attracted the woman in the first place (aside from his ravishing good looks and billions of dollars)?

Not per se. The playboy thing isn't actually relevant--there's a whole romance sub-genre centered around cowboys who don't bother with women at all--until they meet the heroine. I've spoken here before about a popular romance novel involving a Catholic priest. The point is, "no woman could do this thing, but I can."

If the end goal is domestication and locking the guy down, why go through all the trouble to tame him in the first place? Why not just find the boring billionaire and lock HIS ass down and save yourself the trouble? Or is it something else...

Because the trouble is the point. It's the challenge, not the man nor the result in and of themselves. The fantasy is about winning.

AND... How is this ultimate female fantasy not confirming AF/BB at its core?

Because it isn't about "settling" or about not being attracted to a domesticated man. It certainly isn't about having flings and then finding a suitable man to nest with/leech off--it's the same bloody man! Unless you think anything that involves a period of romantic tempestuousness followed by domesticity is AF/BB.

But really, you might as well ask why Richard the Lionheart, who had to fight for his kingdom, is more compelling than Edward VII, who inherited a kingdom at the height of its prosperity.

aretourner · 2018-11-19T18:07:34+00:00

Why is taming such a ladyboner fantasy?

Because it plays into female narcissism (note: I do not use this term in a clinical sense). My magical vagina will capture this man amongst men in a way that none of those other whores non-magical vaginas could. It's about being The One to him. The Only one. The only one who was worth him making an effort for.

There's a whole nother PPD post out there about this 'taming' narrative between men and women because honestly, while I definitely know people of both genders who aren't into it, I also know a LOT of men who definitely are or were into it. This isn't just, imo, smothering womanhood wanting to beat down everything that is manly and spiky in men - men in my experience tend to enjoy these attempts to 'civilize' them, abd even crave/welcome them.

Isn't the man's feral, playboy nature what attracted the woman in the first place (aside from his ravishing good looks and billions of dollars)?

Maybe superficially but honestly I think things like that, traits of a character in a book etc. are often more symbolic than anything else.

If the end goal is domestication and locking the guy down, why go through all the trouble to tame him in the first place?

Again: only MY magical vag could tame this wild beast! Those other basic bitches failed and got used. Only I am worthy. It's partially a fantasy of superiority to other women.

Why not just find the boring billionaire and lock HIS ass down and save yourself the trouble?

Cuz no woman's first choice is a boring guy, billionaire or not.

How is this ultimate female fantasy not confirming AF/BB at its core?

What? It's the opposite. Christian Gray is the same guy. The heroes of romance novels are the same guy as the feral alpha and then as the domesticated alpha (note: domesticated alpha, not beta bitch).

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2018-11-19T18:20:45+00:00

A woman taming the badboy is increased status among her female peers. She did what the other girls failed to do.

Yes his badboy ways gave her tingles but marriage gives her status among other females and tingles for a few years.

Why go through the trouble? Adventure. Arousal. Status by marriage. Rich guys are hard to find and rich doesn't necessarily mean rich and crazy Chad badboy.

The end goal isn't domestication but winning.

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petrichordium · 2018-11-19T18:24:44+00:00

Well, first off as many noted, Christian is hardly a pure alpha and actually quite volatile and very beta in his attachment style. If I’m deigning to use such terms.

But furthermore, what you’re really saying is AF/BB are two ends of a continuum that individual men can encompass to some degree, rather than an insidious dual mating strategy that will always leave women hungrily hypergamous for either passion or security. A fairly simplified continuum at that, but importantly NOT a binary (at least if, for some reason, we are using trashy romance literature as our gold standard for human attraction. I await the PPD discussion of “Sorority Anal Nymphos #9” as the the key to male sexuality next.)

passepar2t · 2018-11-19T18:27:23+00:00

We don't really know why this happens, we just know that it does.

reluctantly_red · 2018-11-19T20:47:28+00:00

Why not just find the boring billionaire and lock HIS ass down and save yourself the trouble?

My ex-wife followed this strategy. She didn't have the looks to lock down a billionaire but she did marry a really boring millionaire two days ago. Seems that this is a fairly common strategy that TRP doesn't often address -- branch swinging from one Beta to another. I call it the locust strategy -- descend on an unsuspecting Beta, devour all available resources, and move on.

BleuBird18 · 2018-11-19T20:50:18+00:00

I think there's a big problem if someone dates another person that they dream of changing. It's more *likely* that when two people click and start to see long term potential, they both naturally start to make each other a priority. Part of that process includes taking steps to create the type of life they both want.

It's concerning that you seem to think it's impossible for men to want a family or marriage....or that you think EVERY WOMAN wants marriage and a family.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2018-11-20T05:46:34+00:00

Why is taming such a ladyboner fantasy?

Its about enlisting his agency in her service. Its essentially about a kind of power, and the more powerful he is the better the payoff.

Isn't the man's feral, playboy nature what attracted the woman in the first place (aside from his ravishing good looks and billions of dollars)?

Only because that displays his value/worthiness/agency. The fantasy requires him to be this. He must be desirable, must be powerful and agential.

If the end goal is domestication and locking the guy down, why go through all the trouble to tame him in the first place? Why not just find the boring billionaire and lock HIS ass down and save yourself the trouble? Or is it something else...

You misunderstand. The woman doesn't want the man to become unattractive or to become less powerful/agential or to become less sexy. The woman just wants him to basically have an iron-clad reason to stick around. She will keep wanting him to display his agency/powerfulness/etc... this is what sustains attraction over time in a marriage. He can't completely lose it without destroying the attraction.

But that doesn't mean she wants him to sleep around either.

The fantasy is not a complete beta-ization of his personality. Merely securing and monopolizing the commitment/security/resources/comfort provided by an exceptionally sexy and powerful man. They want both alpha and beta in the same package. THAT is the ideal.

How is this ultimate female fantasy not confirming AF/BB at its core?

It depends on the variant of AF/BB we're talking about.

Some argue that women are biologically attracted to the former when young, but become biologically attracted to the latter when less young/less fertile and "ready to settle down." 50 Shades and romance novels generally serve as evidence against this.

If "AF/BB" is interpreted differently, however, and is framed more as a strategic response to being unable to find the "whole package" and thus using two men to cover both needs, romance novels don't really discuss this because having to resort to AF/BB is not the optimal fantasy for women. The optimum is having "alpha bucks" (i.e. the whole package in the same man), and AF/BB becomes a "second best" alternative which is only really viable in today's world, and not really a romantic fantasy.

verticordia · 2018-11-22T04:45:56+00:00

Because we crave emotional depth and intimate connection. An alpha playboy who will break down in front of us and only us is enticing. The alpha male that wants us above every other woman because it's Not Just Sex, there's just Something about us that makes Him Want To Commit. Listen to some songs by The Weeknd. He knows what girls want. Make a whole career off of singing about partying, selling drugs, and being a man whore. Make a few soft love songs.

Women want a hard guy with a soft side just for them. We want to feel like exclusive members of a secret club. We want to feel important and valuable, like you trust us with your mental health. Women that get to tame the alpha man get all of the benefits of actual sexual attraction while also getting the tenderness and commitment.

A guy that's been through shit will understand where we're coming from. Some of the best conversations I've ever had were with alpha men that tried to play me or tried to pump and dump me, and I even had the opportunity to try to "tame" them, but I couldn't be bothered. They're just more interesting than Billy Beta. Billy beta will never chase, will never seek greatness, will never be real with you. Women want to feel desired, they want to feel like powerful men desire them, and they want a man with boundaries and limits.

DXBrigade · 2018-11-22T07:27:22+00:00

I hated these movies/books but anyways: 1) "Taming the alpha" : because women want to marry with the guy they like in here it happens to be a alpha playboy. So she has to change him. It also makes her feel special.

2)"AF/BB": it doesn't confirm anything quite the contrary. Alpha remain an alpha even when he is married with kids. Ana married an alpha not a BB.

Title	More On Taming The Alpha
Author	BirdManBrrrr
Upvotes	3
Comments	132
Date	November 19, 2018 5:41 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9yiz0c/more_on_taming_the_alpha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/more-on-taming-the-alpha.258967 https://theredarchive.com/post/258967

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