Q4 anyone over 40 or better over 50: What was hitting the wall like for you?

Willow-girl · 2018-09-03T20:20:12+00:00

Nonexistent? I didn't marry a rich dude 'til I was 40, lol. I left him a few years later and got with my current partner at 45. He is the love of my life and we have been delirious happy together.

I think perceived "Wall" is a natural consequence of there being fewer single people as you get older so the dating pool is smaller. Virtually everyone is single at 18, but probably half or better are paired up by 35. Also, everyone tries to hit on 18-year-old women, but at 35, you'll probably appeal mostly to men your own age or older. Even so, a woman who remains reasonably attractive and has her shit together shouldn't have trouble finding a partner at any age. I have seen women close to me enter into relationships in their 40s, 50s, 60s and even 70s.

Uncommon_Sense_12345 · 2018-09-03T20:06:25+00:00

I'm 48F. When you hear about women hitting the wall and their struggle with it as RP says, this is really only a matter for attractive women who were used to getting preferential treatment in their youth due to their beauty. That was not me.

I did date but flirting and playing the game was not my cup of tea so to speak. I had some very beautiful friends and some average ones as well so I was used to not being the center of attention but lost in the crowd.

I spent my teenage years working in fastfood to buy my school clothes and have some spending money.

I married my second real BF when I was 18.

The only thing I would change is getting married sooner while in HS and getting a bachelor's or master's degree in education to be a teacher instead of wasting my life as a legal secretary for low wages, no retirement, no health insurance.

subVocality · 2018-09-04T03:09:17+00:00

I don't think I believe in a "wall" as such. It sounds way too sharply defined to me.

I am 44. In some ways I feel like Dad/Granddad in terms of younger and younger people being adults, and it not feeling right to gaze at or lust after women in their 20s really. 35+-ish seems reasonable as a bottom line, and I often find women 10 or 20+ years older than me very attractive.

I strangely feel like I get noticed or get more attention from women (of a wide range of ages) than I ever did in my 20s or 30s. It may be the development of more of a personal sense of confidence, and being more at ease with being my genuine self. I'm not fully sure. I do exercise and stuff, but I am by no means chiseled or anything. I have been told I look more like 30-35, but when I look in the mirror I just see more encroaching oldness. :) Which I think I am mostly okay with.

All that said, internally and mentally I feel pretty energetic and alive... And then I look around at my young coworkers (in my corporate tech job)... and I feel old again. :)

nonnimoose · 2018-09-03T22:15:36+00:00

I am a woman between 55-60 and have been with my husband since mid to late 20s. He's a few years older than me.

Hitting the wall at ~30: I was blissfully unaware. My level of attractiveness went up and down (inversely) with my weight. Losing weight and keeping my roots dyed (started greying early) were my main preoccupations with regard to looks. I did not give a second thought to eye wrinkles and nasolabial folds.

Unlike the experiences of what I read from many young women today, I was not endlessly hit on in my 20s. I dated and had boyfriends but I rarely suffered from unwanted male attention. It happened but it wasn't a huge problem for me and I don't recall it being a big deal for more attractive friends.

Aging like milk vs. wine: At around age 40 or so I realized that a good night's sleep was no longer enough for my eyes to look fresh. I invested in fancy eye creams and concealer. (The creams don't really do all those miraculous things they promise, but they make a good base for the concealer.) In my mid 40s I finally figured out how to maintain ideal weight. This resulted in my body looking better at 45 than at 35. At around age 50 I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and realized that, in a relaxed state, the corners of my mouth now downturned into a faint scowl. I started making it a point to walk around with a closed mouth slight smile (think Katie Holmes) just so I would look more pleasant. Just recently, I went through menopause. I am amazed at how quickly my skin has lost elasticity. Just a few years ago, people would be genuinely surprised to find out my age as I looked several years younger. Now they may think I "look good for my age" but are not shocked to find out what that age is.

My husband is aging very well. He continues to look younger than he is. Is this aging like wine? Well wine improves with age. Neither one of us is improving, we are both declining. I would say my rate of decline (in looks) is higher than his.

What it is like: Getting older sucks. Not because your looks aren't what they used to be but because you are hit with the realization that your time is finite. What a great summer this was, how many do I have left? How will it end? Which one of us will go first? What would I do without him?

Regrets: (Looks) I wish I had figured out the weight thing much sooner. I think I'm looser now for having been overweight/inactive at different times when I was younger. I wish I had taken better care of my skin. At least I never got into tanning salons.

(Sexual relationships) I wish I didn't have that one boyfriend all through college. Not so much because I feel like I missed out on being with different guys but because I didn't do things I should have done (like a semester abroad, distant internships) because I was always prioritizing our relationship.

TL/DR: Woman gradually got older and accepts it.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-09-03T20:26:56+00:00

Loo you think women are going to talk about this in front of each other, especially enemy camps. Men are so funny

wub1234 · 2018-09-04T07:59:46+00:00

I could write a long post on this subject. Maybe I will do a thread on it at some point.

But I will just briefly say this. Your body does change as you get older. Having said that, I look basically the same as I did 10 years ago, and I'm dating a much younger woman, so I don't think I've tangibly hit any wall as of yet.

The main thing that changed for me is that I realise that I'm going to die. You are confronted with this spectre more regularly. This has made me resolve to try to enjoy every day. You realise that you could get very ill in the future, or you could end up with an incurable illness. And even if you don't then you're definitely going to decline physically, and you're definitely going to die. And you are reminded of this frequently, in a variety of different ways.

While this isn't entirely a massive positive(!), it has pretty much cured me of any negative feelings. I'm not saying I go around every day being blissfully happy, but I never get depressed any more. Maybe that will change when I do get really ill, but for the moment I just give thanks for my health, and try to take something positive out of every day.

You never know how many more days like this you have left.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2018-09-04T10:56:54+00:00

[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8y7kbl/q4rp_what_basic_fact_cannot_be_stated_in_our/e28ws5l/?context=3)

Aging hasn’t affected me from the perspective of life becoming less enjoyable , as others have stated, it’s mortality that’s the bitch. Loss of smv is something I got over 20 years ago. I’m married, I’m happy, husband still flirts with me, it’s all good. One or two aches and pains. If they stopped Aging tomorrow and I could have decades more of being 60, I would be thrilled.

Like I’ve said, I lost something that the vast majority of men and a few women never had.

darla10 · 2018-09-04T02:03:10+00:00

Getting older sucks. Dating after divorce at 36 was scary. Some plastic surgery and a love coach certainly improved my prospects. It is what it is. Onward and upward.

Bekiala · 2018-09-04T15:05:22+00:00

I am 50. I haven't hit the wall yet.

officerkondo · 2018-09-04T16:57:01+00:00

I've been over 40 for a few years now.

I do everything I can to stay young for as long as possible, and things have never been better. I'm 6'1", 175 lbs (as of this morning - still cutting a bit). I am methodical with my nutrition and weightlifting, and am on testosterone and growth hormone. I also have a skin care regimen. I have never looked or felt better. I get far more attention from women in their early 20s when I did when I was their age. Last weekend my wife actually commented to me that she was lucky to have a husband in such good shape. (This happened after I was brought up on stage at a "Magic Mike" revue we went to)

Sylvester Stallone is 72 and looks amazing for someone in his 30s. He is my inspiration of what I can achieve if I bust my ass and use all tools at my disposal.

reluctantly_red · 2018-09-04T01:38:22+00:00

I'm a 54 year old guy. Physical performance wise I've declined a bit over the years. I have more aches and pains and my joints and back are stiffer in the morning or after I've been sitting a long time -- but, I can still do 50 push-ups, 7 or 8 pull-ups, bench press my body weight (200 lbs) for 3 or 4 reps, and run a couple miles at more than a snails pace.

I'm obviously not as physically attractive as I was in my twenties or early thirties. However, in my age cohort I've never been more competitive. When I was young, other than being tall, I was physically unremarkable. I was athletic enough to make the second string on a very bad high school basketball team but nothing more. I was good enough looking to usually have a cute but not hot GF. After a breakup it usually took me several months at least to find a new GF. Now, at 54, I'm much more competitive within my cohort. Once I got back into dating shape after my divorce I became quite popular with 40 something school teachers, social workers, accountants, and nurses. I have a GF who I'm quite fond of -- but if I were to find myself single again I have no doubt I'd have no problem getting dates from age appropriate women (i.e. 5-15 years younger).

Sexually my ability to perform has fallen somewhat. An interesting found experiment on this issue just presented itself. Eleven years ago I spent the Labor Day long weekend in a hotel room with my ex-wife (we had just started dating). I spent this Labor Day long weekend at my cabin in the woods with my current GF (dropped her off at the Amtrak shuttle a couple of hours ago). Eleven years ago I was able to have sex 27 times. This year under similar circumstances only 17 times. Got to say I'm not happy about the decline.

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Whisper · 2018-09-14T22:29:48+00:00

The wall is the point where a woman's attractiveness stops reflecting her youth and starts reflecting her level of effort.

Title	Q4 anyone over 40 or better over 50: What was hitting the wall like for you?
Author	Bekiala
Upvotes	10
Comments	114
Date	September 3, 2018 7:51 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9com2q/q4_anyone_over_40_or_better_over_50_what_was/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4-anyone-over-40-or-better-over-50-what-was.260944 https://theredarchive.com/post/260944

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