Q4ALL: Do you guys find that as you get to know someone's personality, the way you perceive their physical attractiveness actually transforms somehow? What is the significance of this phenomenon? What explains this phenomenon?

cxj · 2017-06-16T21:22:13+00:00

For me at least, it doesn't really transform how I see them physically, but it can create or destroy attraction (note before some start whining: yes, this is assuming the "looks threshold" has been cleared).

I'm not suddenly going to think the supermodel with a shitty personality is "ugly." I can still see. But I can find someone downright unattractive, without finding them ugly.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-06-16T21:14:49+00:00

It's always been the opposite for me, initial attraction then over time personality killing it

My ex ex was definitely one of the most beautiful men I ever met in person, blonde rockabilly guy with a motorcycle etc. He was so dumb and feckless I couldn't take him for a whole year

Love8Death · 2017-06-16T21:11:59+00:00

Absolutely. We never see reality directly. We always see it filtered through our perspective.

As you get to know someone, and fall in love with them, how your brain sees them literally changes. And, you cannot see them how you did before hand.

Hence, wife or husband goggles for example.

The same works the other way, the more you hate someone or feel that they're evil or a bad person, the uglier and more repulsive they will appear to you.

Part of it I think is how our brain, based on our overall feeling state of someone, focuses on their beauty or ugliness to further amplify and validate how we currently feel about them.

NewOrder777 · 2017-06-16T21:24:12+00:00

Yes, that's exactly what happens. A complete transformation.

Personality trumps everything. It can make attractive people downright repulsive and can make unattractive people freakin' hot.

Terpers are in such denial about this. For obvious reasons.

About your edit, why separate body and face? We're talking about the package deal. The person. Not an object that's rated from 1 to 10.

What personality traits do it for me?

Sense of humor

Empathy and kindness

Intelligence

Wit

Skinny short guy with those traits is more attractive than the mythical alpha (dull, dumb, asshole) terpers strive to be, hands down, every time.

Hairbrainer · 2017-06-16T21:24:09+00:00

Oh my goodness no question about it yes. Women who I've seen as the hottest woman in the room will easily fall out of my range if I hear she's dumb/vapid/petty/needy/etc. similarly, women who are cute enough will get hotter in my eyes if I learn that we jive well together on a deeper level, in conversation, or hobbies, or interests.

The explanation is that physical beauty is a primal reaction. We see, we like, we want. But the rest of attraction comes from the desire to spend more time with them, not just physically. We're wired to be self serving, and enjoy ourselves as much as possible. That is much easier with a 6/10 who likes the music you do than a 10/10 who yells at you whenever you speak out of turn.

Doom_and-Gloom · 2017-06-16T22:01:55+00:00

If I don't find someone physically attractive, then there's no amount of "personality" that can make them attractive to me. I can like that person as a friend, but no more. I'm sorry, but that's just the way things work. If relationships are houses, then physical attraction is the foundations upon which those houses are built; no foundations, no house.

2017-06-17T00:37:14+00:00

To what extent?

A great personality could increase someone's attractiveness by about 2 points, so if you're a 5 then that gives you a pretty good boost but if you're a 2 then it probably won't help much.

On the other hand an unattractive personality can take you from a 9 to a 1. I think we women have all met people we're sexually repulsed by despite being conventionally attractive.

alreadyredschool · 2017-06-16T21:19:58+00:00

Yes of course - to what extent? How could anyone know? Is it important to know it precisely? You know what's better - actionable advice like max your SMV.

There seems to be a complex and mysterious relationship between looks and personality.

Here's the important thing - there is no reason not to look as good as possible. No matter how much anything else matters it always helps to be more attractive. These arguments go like this variable x a vs b z. Is that even an argument for anything? You have to compare x a to x b and z a to z b. Just change 1 variable for a valid comparison. So hot good personality vs hot bad personality? Or ugly good personality vs ugly bad personality. Oh the hot good personality is best? Well then you better work on exactly that. This whole debate about looks and personality revolves around the ludicrous statements of lookism. The lookism argument is shit and the counterarguments deal with shit so they aren't thought provoking either.

There is no reason not to max out your looks just like there is no reason not go develop a great personality. Maximize your SMV ignore retards who believe such a thing doesn't exist.

Somewhere between lift and develop a cool IDGAF abundance mentality alpha personalty/life and learn game/flirting people must have shut down their brain, started the must debate the misogyny mode and came up with great arguments about nothing. How the fuck can anyone say RP doesn't care about personality and mock alpha stuff in the next sentence?

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-16T21:15:48+00:00

Yeah, of course. Life is all just perception or your brain making up crap. If your brain decides a person is now attractive, that person is now attractive.

peridotsarelongterm · 2017-06-16T21:57:16+00:00

It did for me. What attracted me to my husband initially was that he was very different from anyone I'd ever dated. Also, he was nice to talk to. A couple of months later, I thought he was the cutest thing on the planet. Still do.

2017-06-16T22:00:17+00:00

Absolutely. To more you get to know someone the harder it gets to actually see their looks, without being strongly influenced by how you think of them as people. I'm not saying it'll transform a person from nottie to a hottie but it definitely has a large impact. There have been women who I've lost all attraction to because of the way they acted and there have been women who've become a lot hotter because of their personality.

When friends or family have a hard time being critical of your appearance this is what's causing that difficulty for them. Often it's less about not wanting to hurt feelings and more about literally not being able to see someone's flaws because you like them that much as a person.

bdsmbbq · 2017-06-17T00:26:09+00:00

Yes, I do! There have been people who have become more attractive/unattractive after getting to know them. A persons looks are only part of what makes them attractive. Intelligence, sense of humour, manners, common interests along with general demeanour are major factors in how we determine our level of interest in others.

I'd rather spend time with a less attractive person who is smart funny and interesting, than I would, a hot person who was a negative, humourless, puppy kicker.

Love8Death · 2017-06-17T00:49:05+00:00

Yes to both.

I would explain the phenomenon as having to do with chemistry. If you have really good chemistry with someone attraction grows, even if they are not model status or traditionally hot.

So many times I have found myself getting to know a woman who at first glance is super average, but we connect really well and over time I find myself getting totally turned on by her.

Conversely, I have gotten to know a lot of really beautiful women and have become totally bored with them out turned off when we didn't connect in a really way. Sure, she's hot and nice, but there's just no spark.

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ClarityofDisaster · 2017-06-16T21:39:38+00:00

Can a supermodel become uglier in your eyes somehow as you get to know her if her personality is bad?

Absolutely.

Can a not-so-great-looking person become better-looking in your eyes somehow as you get to know them if their personality is great, or they're hilarious, or they're super-cool or something?

Yup, definitely.

Can a good personality transform the way you perceive a person's looks in a positive direction? How powerful is this phenomenon?

I'll put it this way: I was just barely attracted to my bf when I first met him (I'd probably have ranked him as a 6), but over the 2 years we became good friends and I grew to know more about him, I saw him as much, much sexier.

It's the amazing power of bonding chemicals, and how they can totally color your perceptions.

wtknight · 2017-06-16T22:30:43+00:00

Sure, I feel like I can't even objectively judge a woman's attractiveness because I am so attuned to and attracted to personality compared to the average guy. I even try to judge personality sometimes based upon a woman's photographs alone, although this method isn't always completely reliable.

If someone is unattractive physically to me, then knowing their personality can also make them more attractive to me, as well, although my ideal would be a combination of good looks and a good personality. I would say that looks are still probably slightly more important to me when it comes to attraction, though.

IIHotelYorba · 2017-06-16T23:18:59+00:00

Oh yeah. Any girl you can actually fuck suddenly gets two points hotter hahahaha. It's your selective focus which may be controlled by the reticular activating system in your brain.

This is the whole point of game: a girl chases your validation, and when she can't just get you, her brain makes things about you seem better, like the way being surprised with a cold soda and a hamburger make them seem delicious after a long day at the beach.

Love8Death · 2017-06-17T00:09:40+00:00

I mean you're talking about "wife goggles" essentially aren't you? That's a thing.

It has limits though for sure. My last ex put on a lot of weight towards the end of our relationship and I definitely noticed...

yayeey15 · 2017-06-17T01:23:56+00:00

ITT: a bunch of bullshit

This is called the halo effect. When you start liking someone or if someone has a very positive trait it will start overshadowing their negatives.

Can a not-so-great-looking person become better-looking in your eyes somehow as you get to know them if their personality is great, or they're hilarious, or they're super-cool or something?

Yes, this is factual. How else do you think people manage to rationalize that their SO is a 10/10?

Can a supermodel become uglier in your eyes somehow as you get to know her if her personality is bad?

The science doesn't say anything about this as far as I know, apart from the fact a supermodel would have perceived better personality than what it actually is.

yayeey15 · 2017-06-17T01:24:17+00:00

ITT: a bunch of bullshit

This is called the halo effect. When you start liking someone or if someone has a very positive trait it will start overshadowing their negatives.

Can a not-so-great-looking person become better-looking in your eyes somehow as you get to know them if their personality is great, or they're hilarious, or they're super-cool or something?

Yes, this is factual. How else do you think people manage to rationalize that their SO is a 10/10?

Can a supermodel become uglier in your eyes somehow as you get to know her if her personality is bad?

The science doesn't say anything about this as far as I know, apart from the fact a supermodel would have perceived better personality than what it actually is.

yayeey15 · 2017-06-17T01:24:29+00:00

ITT: a bunch of bullshit

This is called the halo effect. When you start liking someone or if someone has a very positive trait it will start overshadowing their negatives.

Can a not-so-great-looking person become better-looking in your eyes somehow as you get to know them if their personality is great, or they're hilarious, or they're super-cool or something?

Yes, this is factual. How else do you think people manage to rationalize that their SO is a 10/10?

Can a supermodel become uglier in your eyes somehow as you get to know her if her personality is bad?

The science doesn't say anything about this as far as I know, apart from the fact a supermodel would have perceived better personality than what it actually is.

yayeey15 · 2017-06-17T01:25:05+00:00

ITT: a bunch of bullshit

This is called the halo effect. When you start liking someone or if someone has a very positive trait it will start overshadowing their negatives.

Can a not-so-great-looking person become better-looking in your eyes somehow as you get to know them if their personality is great, or they're hilarious, or they're super-cool or something?

Yes, this is factual. How else do you think people manage to rationalize that their SO is a 10/10?

Can a supermodel become uglier in your eyes somehow as you get to know her if her personality is bad?

The science doesn't say anything about this as far as I know, apart from the fact a supermodel would have perceived better personality than what it actually is.

yayeey15 · 2017-06-17T01:28:38+00:00

ITT: a bunch of bullshit

This is called the halo effect. When you start liking someone or if someone has a very positive trait it will start overshadowing their negatives.

Can a not-so-great-looking person become better-looking in your eyes somehow as you get to know them if their personality is great, or they're hilarious, or they're super-cool or something?

Yes, this is factual. How else do you think people manage to rationalize that their SO is a 10/10?

Can a supermodel become uglier in your eyes somehow as you get to know her if her personality is bad?

The science doesn't say anything about this as far as I know, apart from the fact a supermodel would have perceived better personality than what it actually is.

-clickhere- · 2017-06-17T02:41:16+00:00

Its called 'the halo effect' in science. A sub-part is called "Whats Beautiful is Good" heuristic. Both are worth reading about. Its interesting.

breakfasttopiates · 2017-06-17T02:49:55+00:00

Yeah I'm not big on loose girls. Make good platonic friends though

despisedlove2 · 2017-06-17T03:12:37+00:00

Yes. There is an obvious effect on perceptions. I was so besotted with my ex wife's smarts when I met her that I didn't pay any attention to the fact that she was just a 5 while I was falling for her.

Columbo_88 · 2017-06-17T05:40:22+00:00

It can and it has done for me before.

Willow-girl · 2017-06-17T17:03:28+00:00

Beyond basic stuff such as good personal hygiene, looks don't matter to me at all; it's all about personality and character.

Panasas · 2017-06-17T19:36:32+00:00

No. Basic physical/instinctive attractiveness is independent. Overall attractiveness however is dependent on the whole package.

RedPillDetox · 2017-06-17T19:56:40+00:00

Yes. The more you know someone, the more likely you are to find them more (or less) physically attractive based on their personality. Social Psychologist Paul Eastwick has found out in this study that the more a man and a woman are mismatched in their physical attractiveness the more likely they were to have know each other for a longer time before starting dating, doesn't matter if man or woman. Additionally, Paul Eastwick and Lucy Hunt also found out that at the beggining of the semester most students agree who's attractive but as times passes by there's wayyyyyy less consensus, meaning that as time passes by people come to find other people more attractive based on personality, values, etc (Eastwick & Hunt, 2013). If you find those studies hard to read, you can read the article at NY times. instead.

Hope it helped.

Centurion53 · 2017-06-18T06:51:23+00:00

Uhm no

2017-06-18T14:08:16+00:00

You should look at attraction as two sided and draw a line between beautiful and sexy.

You might be sexually attracted to someone but have no interest in intimacy.

You can't become better looking but intimacy can certainly enhance sexual desire.

2017-06-18T16:43:10+00:00

There is supposed to be some phenomena that the more you see someone, the more attractive you find them.

Then again, if someone becomes a lot more attractive to you after you've known them a long time, it's quite possible they have literally gotten more physically attractive

Entropy-7 · 2017-06-17T10:18:46+00:00

The typical pattern I have experienced is that there is an initial attraction; then if you continue to date them you will start noticing all the flaws in their looks and personality that were not apparent at first; but if the personality and your general chemistry hold, you don't really care about the flaws.

If a physically attractive person turns out to have some very unattractive personality features then they are still physcially attractive but as the relationship progresses I become more demanding and less tolerant of their nonsense.

For a not-so-great looking person, it is the opposite. If they have a great personality then I am much more willing to put up with whatever, fewer flaws they have, but that doesn't make them any better looking.

Personality has an effect on SMV, but on an HB10 rating system it has no effect, except perhaps to transform a 9 into a 10.

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