If an unattractive man is unsuccessful in dating, the best solution is to lower his physical standards and appreciate unconventional beauty

ScarletNumbers · 2016-12-11T10:47:35+00:00

How come you use the word "unattractive" for a man but the phrase "unconventional beauty" for a woman?

Carkudo · 2016-12-11T10:11:30+00:00

Can you describe how this option is better than opting out of dating completely and trying to find happiness alone?

[deleted] · 2016-12-11T08:01:28+00:00

The thing is, what most of them mean is BEAUTIFUL women don't want them.

If by beautiful you mean just slightly not obese then yeah I agree.

woes could be solved by lowering their physical standards and just accepting that beautiful women can do better than them.

Eh, I already feel like I'm getting robbed with how much I've lowered my standards so far, so I think I'll pass.

Another reason this happens is that a lot of men think they're more attractive than they are.

Well I could be mistaken but I don't think I'm obese, or without a highschool diploma/car/job still living at my moms.

hitting on women who are 8's

And I seriously doubt only 20% of women aren't overweight.

BookwormJane · 2016-12-11T13:06:16+00:00

OP, some ugly men can't even have sex with ugly women, because usually ugly women think they're much more attractive than they really are, and think they deserve a super attractive guy. Many women have NO acknowledgement of how ugly or fat they are. I've seen morbidly obese women saying they were only "curvy" and comparing their bodies to Jennifer Lopez's.

I honestly think that if a man is ugly, so ugly that he cannot get women to have sex with him, he should work on self improvement. Lose weight, dress better, act better, talk better.

rulenumber303 · 2016-12-11T15:05:59+00:00

Back before modern medicine it wasn't uncommon for plague, famine, war, untreated conditions, infections lingering for years due to lack of antibiotics, acne totally unchecked by the medicines of the day, uncorrected deformities, missing teeth etc to make a lot of the population look less than healthy. And yet... people got it together and bred even while covered in fresh smallpox scarring that was still red and raised despite no longer being contagious or unhealed. I think we have to ask ourselves why modern men don't deal with female obesity in a similar way. The real difference, I think, is how many different depictions of truly beautiful women a modern man sees in one day. Roughly a thousand years ago, a man would see the ethereal statue of the virgin mary in church, a few stained glass windows, possibly a statue or two, maybe some portraits if he had business at a very rich person's house, faces on coins if there had been a female monarch, possibly a miniature that someone had painted of their loved one, a book or two if he was very lucky... and that's about it. Now men see multiple depictions in one day of women who are in the top 10%, and many of them are in the top 1%. Not only that, they are often made up, lit, and photoshopped to perfection.

Of course men start to instinctively feel that women who are averagely fucked up for the times we live in (kinda fat) are below average, and their male pride gets in the way of them adjusting their standards to get boners for those women.

Anyway, if a man wants to drop his standards he should try to avoid looking at carefully crafted depictions of pretty women and try to maximise the amount of average women in real life he sees. If he wants to lose all attraction to average women he should do the opposite. His choice which he goes for. The mistake is, I think, in a man not recognising that he can retrain himself to a different standard. It is one thing to decide "nah, I'd rather tug it to porn, I'm outta here" and another to act as though if he made the choice to change he wouldn't be able to.

trail22 · 2016-12-11T09:10:54+00:00

There was a thread here about online dating which inspired me to make this one. Unattractive men or even average men tend to complain about how women don't want them and yada yada. The thing is, what most of them mean is BEAUTIFUL women don't want them.

hahaha, yeah, if a guy can't get a beautiful girl then he's not in her league. He should look around to see the girls he can date instead of trying to get to women who are out of his reach.

They don't realize that they're dating and sex woes could be solved by lowering their physical standards and just accepting that beautiful women can do better than them. There are droves of men who are 4-6 hitting on women who are 8's and higher, especially online where men can hit on a woman in an instant. Another reason this happens is that a lot of men think they're more attractive than they are.

Yeah, a lot of guys don't want to accept they are not chads and hit on girls they can't have.

_primeZ · 2016-12-11T14:29:45+00:00

Yea no. That's settling. Sometimes it's better to not have any than to have some that constantly reminds oneself of that fact.

lbspredh · 2016-12-11T06:40:32+00:00

I've seen 4-6 guys go home with 8s, hell iv even been that 4-6. most of the time an 8 will just be like nope but I can only really date or have sex with one at a time anyway

Entropy-7 · 2016-12-11T07:29:24+00:00

I describe myself as a 6 who presents as a 7, chases after 8s, and scores the occasional 9.

You can troll the ditches or swing for the bleachers. I prefer the latter, which means I do not let laid a lot. . .BUT WHEN I DO!

Master_of_Ritual · 2016-12-11T08:52:05+00:00

I'm curious as to what you mean when you say a 4-6 man, since some evidence (often discussed here) shows that women rating men more harshly than the reverse.

Dissentient · 2016-12-11T11:48:05+00:00

The best solution is just not to date.

2016-12-11T12:51:14+00:00

[deleted]

80_20 · 2016-12-11T11:31:19+00:00

The fundamental problem is your assumption that there is a large amount of of unattractive women that will date an unattractive man.

The problem is, guys are so thirsty, unattractive women can get "normal" guys. So that leaves unattractive men with no one.

Why would unattractive women settle with unattractive men? They don't have to. A "normal" guy will put up with them.

At the bottom of the rungs, there is no women for men to settle for. So you can't lower your standards past not having any standards.

There are guys like me, who has literally never said no to a date no matter what. I don't get a choice in the matter. Either I pick those who pick me, or I don't get anyone. It is that far and few between.

For me personally, I might get one good shot a year with someone. That is literally after hundreds of hours of trying. Yes, hundreds. I did the math once, I put in about a 150 real world hours into one perspective date. Yes, one hundred and fifty hours, for a single date.

One real date. And that is with zero standards. None. Literally, just saying yes to anyone that would go out with me. I don't get a single preference in the matter at all. Because that would limit my options from 1 year, to maybe 1 every 5 years. Most women have lists of preferences, something I've never had the ability to do. I don't get any say in who I date and never have and likely never will.

I'll go one further. I've never really dated anyone I've been attracted to. At all. I just did what I had to do because that was all I could get. Even the woman I married and had a child with. I figured, well she likes me. And that was that.

So what evidence do I have other than personal anecdotes?

a few quotes from the published study

Nearly all women (98%) received at least one message from a man, and about 18% of men received no messages from women.

This difference is greatest for the least desirable senders, whereby fewer than 10% send messages to men at similar desirability levels and more than half sent messages to alters in the medium-high and highest level quintiles. [the lowest attractiveness women send half their messages to the top 40 percent, so it is women who are reaching up further than the ugliest of men]

Seventy-nine percent of men's sent messages, and 58% of women's sent messages, went unreciprocated. As the number of reciprocated responses increased, the percentage of messages in each category declined, so that only 3% of men's, and 7% of women's, sent messages resulted in more than five exchanges. The last category captured the mean number of exchanges (six) required until the relationship resulted in an offline date by Hitsch et al. (2010a). Obviously, the likelihood of any given message resulting in a reciprocated exchange and eventual date is extremely small.

So why do men reach so high on dating sites? Optimism. That's what you tell us to do. You tell us to find someone we are compatible with. So we do. We find the perfect girl. But so does everyone else. That's why there is a spike in men messaging the most attractive. We are doing exactly what we are told to do. You know all these posts about how "women don't just like good looking guys!" "we need to have things in common!" etc. We are optimistic. We listen. But that is a lie. We can't get those women and we don't. But what is one more message in the thousands I've sent out at "the perfect girl!". You know, the magical girl of my dreams who will love me for me which is about the same odds as hitting the lottery.

questioningwoman · 2016-12-11T06:38:43+00:00

What would you say to the person who'd say "No he should just get a mail order bride so he can punch above his league?"

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louplop · 2016-12-11T12:09:10+00:00

The thing is, what most of them mean is BEAUTIFUL women don't want them.

I have pretty low standard sometimes, which is perfectly fine since I do like women. Do you think I never got rejected by 4-5 women ?

I never dated model, I slept with women conventionally attractive. I complain that I get rejected because it's hard not because VS model look over me....

ifelsedowhile · 2016-12-11T13:01:57+00:00

do you think dutch runner Dafne Schippers is unconventionally beautiful? she's manjawed and muscular but I wouldn't mind date her but I guess she wouldn't reciprocate because I'm likely too nerdy for her standards.

alreadyredschool · 2016-12-11T13:13:24+00:00

Moving somewhere else and plastic surgery are other good options.

Absolute last resort is dropping out.

rulenumber303 · 2016-12-11T14:20:40+00:00

[deleted]

trail22 · 2016-12-11T15:26:21+00:00

I did a thread in askmen asking about men who lower their standards. All they said is basically it's better then being alone and sometimes you just want to get laid.

despisedlove2 · 2016-12-11T16:03:19+00:00

Get fit (within your control) and get rich (somewhat in your control).

Stop whining.

JackGetsIt · 2016-12-11T16:03:31+00:00

My experience in the western world is that both men and women routinely 'feel' less attractive then they really are but women are encouraged by everyone they're not and men are encouraged by everyone they are.

FatTaker · 2016-12-11T16:05:50+00:00

Has this worked for anyone here? Maybe it helps somewhat, but I'd say it's more like a solution for unsuccessful women, not men. Men still need to put more effort into it. Get better looking, become interesting, commit violent crime, and practice social skills. Your advice would help those who are already at least somewhat desirable to the opposite sex, just not as desirable as they hoped.

uglykabron · 2016-12-11T16:26:17+00:00

Related: Anon describes the unfortunate position society puts Men in.

lbspredh · 2016-12-11T06:20:48+00:00

I've said it on here countless times.

Everybody settles

Title	If an unattractive man is unsuccessful in dating, the best solution is to lower his physical standards and appreciate unconventional beauty
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	94
Date	December 11, 2016 6:16 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5hosix/if_an_unattractive_man_is_unsuccessful_in_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-an-unattractive-man-is-unsuccessful-in-dating.271334 https://theredarchive.com/post/271334

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