Woman in a boys club

RPSigmaStigma · 2016-10-03T16:31:30+00:00

I've seen this play out many times, and there are two major factors: 1) how attractive is she? and 2) what are her intentions in joining the group? From here we can break these women down into 4 main groups:

Group A are attractive women who genuinely like the group's core interest or activity.
Group B are less attractive women who genuinely like the group's core interest or activity.
Group C are attractive women who join the group with ulterior motives... they want attention, validation, or a boyfriend.
Group D are unattractive women who join the group with ulterior motives.

In my experience, Group A tends to have the hardest time. They want to do whatever it is that the group does like any other member but they have to work extra hard to bring attention to their abilities and escape the hot girl special treatment. I find they either develop an incredibly thick skin and cool demeanor or they don't last long. They tend to dress in hoodies and other baggy, unflattering clothes to hide their appearance.

Group B tends to have a much easier time of things. They easily blend in and are treated as one of the guys. If they're not single nobody is especially bothered by it and if they are their interest in the group's activity makes them more attractive than they would be otherwise. These women, in my experience, tend to become competent in the group activity quickly since they don't get much in the way of special treatment and the guys don't go easy on them. Some of the best Magic The Gathering players I've ever known were fat girls.

Group C are the chicks that end friendships. They're almost always parasitic, toxic personalities. They love the attention they get from being the cool girl who hangs out with the guys ("other girls are so dramatic, all my friends are guys!") and will subtley play one guy against another. I find that women have a much better intuition for spotting them than guys do, who tend to mix them up with the ladies of Group A. By the time they figure out the game, she'll have already sucked them into a rivalry with their best friends. This is why we women tend to steer clear of other women with no girlfriends to speak of... if they fit this archetype they're a whirlwind of drama.

Group D usually don't last very long. They start out by feigning interest in whatever the group does and usually either pair off with one of the guys (often becoming a sort of den mother after that) or wander off in short order. They might try an act like Group C but generally don't have the sexual capital to pull it off. More likely they join the group because they think being the only girl in a group of dudes will yield better results than they'd get just going to a bar. Usually, they're right.

Equilibriun · 2016-10-03T16:18:44+00:00

Women can't join a group of men "just because" you have to bond through activities, while not being annoying. If you're single, at least one will start to bother you. The others will get weird because there is this implicit agreement where that guy "gets you". Unless the guy has no chance, in which case its like a comedy to everybody. The trick then becomes managing the rejection of one of these guys while keeping relationships with the group afloat. This can be hard to do. It's much easier to join a male group when you have a boyfriend.

Littleknownfacts · 2016-10-03T15:59:07+00:00

I used to play MTG in college, which was pretty much a boys club. If another girl happened to join us, I'd always he paired with her in the first round, which was like a free pass to second round so I didn't mind. I wasn't very good, but no one ever felt bad about beating me. And no one ever went after me just because I was the token girl. We just, you know, played the game and enjoyed eachother's company.

DrunkGirl69 · 2016-10-03T16:56:43+00:00

Do men need a reason to not tolerate women in their groups?

Women don't tolerate men in their groups. Look at askmen vs askwomen.

alreadyredschool · 2016-10-03T15:55:43+00:00

Obvious answer: Benevolent sexism

DrunkGirl69 · 2016-10-03T17:05:56+00:00

I have found myself being the girl in a boys club several times throughout my life, be it through my sports, work, living situation, social interests, etc. I always pretty much end up being the "buddy" like a little sister that most of the guys feel protective of. (This doesn't mean I'm not very often treated like any other member of the group.) This makes me think it possibly has more to do with the girl than the group itself.

Christian_Kong · 2016-10-03T16:15:50+00:00

Take a look at UFC (and combat sports in general) to answer this question.

When I go train these days there are always women in the gym. They grapple and box with the men. We all share coaches. We all lift weights together.

If a woman has an upcoming fight the whole gym (men and women) come together to support her and cheer her on. Win or lose we all respect her because she's a fighter.

This experience over the last several years has demonstrated to me that women can and will serve in combat duties alongside men in our armed forces soon and it will NOT be an issue.

wombatinaburrow · 2016-10-04T02:58:23+00:00

I work in a male dominated area. I wear my wedding ring, mention my husband and kids, and keep things strictly professional at all times. When I was younger and rallying, I used to say I had a girlfriend and not talk about anything that wasn't car related.

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MisgenderedCactus · 2016-10-03T17:23:58+00:00

What kind of "boy's clubs"?

andrewisgood · 2016-10-04T03:28:14+00:00

Well, as the stickers say that you see on hard hats, "A woman's place is in her union". So like, define boys club because in different places of work, that could mean a lot of things, like where it's just simply male dominated, women come in, but they seem to be made to be outcasts. Years ago, unions were likely all "boys clubs" and then women were becoming a larger part of the work force.

In regards to going out of their way to help her, from what I've been told, women hate that and it's the bane of their existence for some guy to ask to take something or help simply because she's a woman instead of letting her do her job (unless it's like, she's pulling something by herself and no one should be doing that anyway).

I remember earlier in the year, we were moving down 28 foot steel trusses and I had guys placed in different spots and she felt she was the odd one out and she seemed annoyed by it. I told her that I actually needed her on the scaffold with me because she was going to help me in maneuvering it down. Granted, I could have been over thinking things myself and looking way too much into it, but she had experienced bad sexism in regards to people thinking less of her ability in the past, which she had a ton of.

literallyhere · 2016-10-04T07:53:56+00:00

I've been the "girl in a boys' club" several times and I feel like every time I was a regular member of the group? I was never very close with most of these groups, but that's just me, I take a while in getting used to people and this is true in female-dominated groups as well. Comic book club was the only one where I felt like the guys were trying not to scare me off (to be fair, I think I was their fifth member and they didn't want to scare anyone off but I was "new territory"). The setting I felt most like an ordinary member were the DnD groups, and that may be partially because I'm more extroverted when on a campaign and have a lot of fun with it.

maya_elena · 2016-10-04T14:42:37+00:00

I think how a girl blends into a male group depends a lot on some intrinsic charisma - maybe it's unaffectedness, or confidence, or openness, or who knows what, but it's hard to put a finger on. Nonetheless, I've seen this type of girl: every guy inner group respects her judgment, behaves himself in her presence, has only positive things to say about her, and will defend her to detractors. I other words, she is welcomed with open arms.

Another type of girl can try but will never manage it. Maybe she's not quite easygoing enough, has a xjip on her shoulder, tries too hard, is too familiar or not enough, again - I don't know. But that kind will always feel like an outsider in a boys' group, even if they're nice about it.

And after that she will complain on the Internet about "toxic male culture".

U/future_space_boobs probably had it right.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2016-10-03T22:35:20+00:00

The only male exclusive club I have ever been a part of was Boy Scouts. While I was there no 'female' joined it, (I am not sure if they even allow female boy scouts) so I have no context for this discussion.

Then again, I was there in Boy Scouts, me being a closeted transwoman at the time. It certainly led to an interesting dynamic as I got older.

Boys like to organize themselves into aggressive hierarchies, with the oldest boys at the top who would mercilessly pick on the younger boys. I stayed in the whole time until I was 18 (got my Eagle) and since, well, I am not a guy, I gave literal no shits about this entire pyramid when I was at the top. Paradoxically I would sort of treat them in a maternal fashion where I would help them cook, clean up, and talk about issues, ect.

I've been told that once I left, the missed me because of how well I treated them, and that once I left the pyramid re-asserted itself.

So... um... yeah my teenage years were interesting to say the least.

oodsigma · 2016-10-03T21:06:25+00:00

It's almost like people are complicated and generally treat other people like people.

Title	Woman in a boys club
Author	FairlyNaive
Upvotes	5
Comments	147
Date	October 3, 2016 3:46 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/55o9n3/woman_in_a_boys_club/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/woman-in-a-boys-club.272613 https://theredarchive.com/post/272613

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