Q4B: Would you accept the "betabucks" role in a relationship?

[deleted] · 2015-09-18T16:07:59+00:00

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[deleted] · 2015-09-18T13:27:42+00:00

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Drenzard · 2015-09-18T13:37:07+00:00

Simply no.

I do not insult women who make bad choices or shame them, but there is no way I would accept any of that crap.

abacuz4 · 2015-09-18T07:08:13+00:00

Waiting 6 months for sex is pretty unreasonable no matter either party's sexual history. That's not normal.

[deleted] · 2015-09-18T13:32:07+00:00

If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?

I've seen scenarios like this before, but I guess the important thing to know is what may be different in this person's life between the "wild phase" and now. At one time, she ostensibly just viewed sex as some casual thing that could be done with anybody at any time for any reason. Now, she's apparently changed this viewpoint into believing that sex is something more valuable and special than it was before.

What was the reason for the transition? Was it some religious awakening where she now regrets the "sins" of her past and would now just as readily condemn anyone who engages in casual sex or fornication (analogous to a self-righteous ex-smoker)? Did she just get bored with sex, just like a kid will eventually get bored of the rides at Disneyland?

I would also need to know how much she would mind waiting. After all, wouldn't it be an enormous temptation for her to be in such close proximity with a man she's attracted to? Wouldn't she feel any sexual desire at all, and if not, why continue a relationship with someone you don't desire or feel attracted to?

If the reason was because he/she "really cares about you" or because he/she wants to "get the relationship started RIGHT this time." Would those be acceptable reasons?

I suppose there would have to be some sort of demonstration or action which would prove that she really loves and cares for this man. It doesn't have to be sexual, but I don't think he should just take her at her word. She would have to do something truly meaningful to prove that she cares and is willing to make a long-term emotional investment in this man. It doesn't have to be sex, but maybe there's something more meaningful or valuable to her than sex.

How long would a reasonable wait time be?

Difficult to say. If they're genuinely attracted to each other and really want to do it, then they're both adults and should feel free to do what they want. There's no pressing reason to establish an arbitrary set of rules or a mandatory six-month waiting period. That's just something this woman concocted out of thin air. I would say if she's not warming up to him and demonstrating any attraction to him before Halloween (Thanksgiving at the latest), then he'd probably be better off moving on. If he's handsome and wealthy, then he must have plenty of other prospects out there; he doesn't need to be with someone who's not attracted to him and is just settling.

Now to be more specific: if you were the specific dude in this scenario, would you have any problem with this chick making you wait for sex, the duration, and/or her rationale for doing so?

I think she would need to demonstrate some level of clearheadedness and a consistent form of logic to support her rationale. I wouldn't necessarily judge her for her sexual past, but my main concern would be how her experiences and influences have molded into who she is today. Is she really something special and worth waiting for? Are there other women who would be interested in this handsome and wealthy man she wants to try to land?

TheChemist158 · 2015-09-18T16:21:58+00:00

It seems like this question should be directed at men, but whatever. You can always just ignore my post.

If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?

The fact that he was a man-slut would turn me off, regardless of how long he wanted to wait with me. It's kinda like saying that I found my boyfriend smoking meth out of a red pipe. The red pipe bit it utterly insignificant compared to the other part.

If the reason was because he/she "really cares about you" or because he/she wants to "get the relationship started RIGHT this time." Would those be acceptable reasons?

It'd just make things worse. The only way to salvage the relationship with me would be to say that he regretted his past actions and attitudes about sex.

How long would a reasonable wait time be?

Until we feel emotionally close enough to one another, which is more of a function of time spent together and the quality of that time.

Now to be more specific: if you were the specific dude in this scenario, would you have any problem with this chick making you wait for sex, the duration, and/or her rationale for doing so?

The wait isn't the issue, the rationale (and history) is.

fundude1 · 2015-09-18T12:01:31+00:00

This would be about half of the women in their 30s these days.

This ISN'T RARE

[deleted] · 2015-09-18T20:47:35+00:00

"It's ok that she wants him to wait a reasonable amount of time. It's because she cares about him enough to want to make the relationship work! Besides, she shouldn't have to always have sex right away just because she's done it in the past."

You can tell I care about you a whole lot, because I treat you worse than I treat total strangers.

[deleted] · 2015-09-18T11:03:14+00:00

If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?

I'm going to try to see it from a man's POV. Since I don't know the woman's reasoning behind it then I'll start asking questions. If she tries to dodge them then I'll dump her. I would feel like a chump.

If the reason was because he/she "really cares about you" or because he/she wants to "get the relationship started RIGHT this time." Would those be acceptable reasons?

Yes. Men know that women who are easy have less scarcity value. At this point either establish the relationship or leave. By this time I should know my feelings toward this woman.

How long would a reasonable wait time be?

2 to 3 months.

if you were the specific dude in this scenario, would you have any problem with this chick making you wait for sex, the duration, and/or her rationale for doing so?

No as long as she is honest about her intentions.

MissPearl · 2015-09-18T20:36:46+00:00

If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?

Yes, although as soon as I'm interested in a guy I'm ready for the sex to start. Inversely if I knew a guy had leapt through more hoops for past girlfriends, I am demonstrably okay with him being less hoop jumpy with me.

If the reason was because he/she "really cares about you" or because he/she wants to "get the relationship started RIGHT this time." Would those be acceptable reasons?

The reason "I don't feel like it" is a better reason. Eventually I'm gonna want the D, but if all signs point to him being sexually into me but he wants to take things slower (instead of him having no sexual interest but forcing the point because I seem perfect on paper), fine.

How long would a reasonable wait time be?

I am not marrying or committing to a guy who can't bone me first to see if I like it. However if we just wanna hang out and do non-penetrative sexy things I'm okay with that indefinitely.

Now to be more specific: if you were the specific dude in this scenario, would you have any problem with this chick making you wait for sex, the duration, and/or her rationale for doing so?

Man or woman, and I sleep with both, any reason is fine, but I might get bored and wander off. It's both her prerogative and my prerogative to say no, and to be honest she's going to have to be incredibly stimulating to keep me waiting for too long, even if she's a virgin with the cure for cancer stuck to her cervix.

[deleted] · 2015-09-18T17:01:38+00:00

"If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?"

I'm female and this would annoy me. I hate having to wait for sex. I think it's a basic part of an adult romantic relationship. If there is no sex after several dates then I begin to wonder if the guy really likes me.

[deleted] · 2015-09-18T17:14:00+00:00

If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?

It's difficult to answer this because I've never come across a man who would want to wait six months before sex, especially with a high count. That said, I suppose it's possible he could be sincere and whether or not I waited for 6 months would be based entirely on my own interest level in him.

If the reason was because he/she "really cares about you" or because he/she wants to "get the relationship started RIGHT this time." Would those be acceptable reasons?

If I believed him and understood his reasons then...possibly.

How long would a reasonable wait time be?

6 months is a long time, slightly bordering on a pisstake. I'd say 3 months would be more reasonable.

Now to be more specific: if you were the specific dude in this scenario, would you have any problem with this chick making you wait for sex, the duration, and/or her rationale for doing so?

Again, it would depend entirely on how valuable I perceived her to be.

The comments in this thread re: I would next her if I didn't get sex right away are, incidentally, kind of the reason some women will wait (not talking about the woman in the OP here). I am less likely to sleep with a man I am very attracted to (in the general sexual + everything else way and not just in the sexual way) early on, assuming we don't know each other well and are newly acquainted. They have every right to walk away, if they don't want to wait on sex that's definitely OK. But they're also the specific type that I'm trying to weed out, too. Plus, I dunno, waiting for sex with someone you're very into is hot. The build up is great.

bromance946 · 2015-09-18T19:23:45+00:00

What if they have sex and it isn't good? Then they've just wasted six months. Why is that not a problem?

[deleted] · 2015-09-18T21:41:31+00:00

Has stated to my wife that she'd only be interested in an LTR with a guy making 100k+ per year.

Good luck with that.

Has an N-count of 50+, due to her 'wild phase' which had to do with self esteem issues stemming from childhood.

Good for her. Although the excuses make me gag.

Started to be interested in monogamy and LTRs around 30. Has been (or claims to have been) monogamous with the same BF for past 2.5 years.

shrug

Recently ditched that BF because she started developing feelings for another guy (who is more handsome, wealthy and older). Branch-swung by initiating a relationship with new guy shortly before breaking off with old.

Good for her

Is making new guy wait for sex for a lengthy period (~6 months) because "I really like this guy" and "I want our relationship to be about more than just sex."

I mean, if new guy is buying that crap, good for her. I know I wouldn't. Especially if I was handsome, wealthy, and older...
Is it possible he's just stringing her along while fucking plates on the side?

Is feminist, overbearing/masculine in personality, and often tone polices conversations. Tends to take on the "boss"/dominant role in relationships and has a thing for more feminine, nerdy males.

Different strokes for different folks.

Now, I am an ex member of TRP, but this chick checks off so many redpill cliches, I nearly relapsed. As the wife and I were discussing this chick and her new paramour, I said something like:

"If I was that dude and knew how many guys she'd fucked within hours of meeting, and she was making me wait 6 months? I'd find that insulting."

Well yeah.

She defended her friend's choice though, saying "It's ok that she wants him to wait a reasonable amount of time. It's because she cares about him enough to want to make the relationship work! Besides, she shouldn't have to always have sex right away just because she's done it in the past."

She's right. She doesn't have to do shit. However if he had any self respect he'd next her immediately. Regardless of past history or not, I wouldn't accept waiting. That's bullshit.

If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?

No.

If the reason was because he/she "really cares about you" or because he/she wants to "get the relationship started RIGHT this time." Would those be acceptable reasons?

No. The reasons are justifications. The real reason is "I don't find you animalistically attractive enough to fuck without strings attached"

How long would a reasonable wait time be?

None. 0 Time. I'm ok with a reasonable wait time in terms of getting to know someone/getting comfortable, but if a girl makes me wait even 30 minutes because she wants to shit test me I'm bailing.

Now to be more specific: if you were the specific dude in this scenario, would you have any problem with this chick making you wait for sex, the duration, and/or her rationale for doing so?

Would I have a problem with it? No, she can do what she wants. When you buy a car of course a dealer is going to attempt to upsell you on more features. It's a part of the negotiation process. Of course, if a dealer gives you too much of a hassle you go find another dealer. Same diff.

octopus_sushi · 2015-09-18T22:53:03+00:00

she sounds like someone I would not be interested in, and I don't really see myself getting involved in someone like this at all. I'm not interested in someone so much more dominant and experienced than myself. (prefer a more equal approach).

As how I would respond, well, short of ending the possibility of the relationship right there, I don't think there's a good way to spin the "really care about me" reason. I think caring about someone involves taking their feelings into account, rather than just you forcing your expression of your feelings on them, whether it is extravagant gifts or delaying sex. I don't believe in forcing someone to have sex (obviously) but at the same time, I don't buy the "I'm doing this for us" garbage. If you want to delay sex because of your reasons, be upfront and don't try to put it on both of us. I will either accommodate or end the relationship (because it doesn't suit me). I think it's fair game for her to say when she is willing to sleep with any of her partners, past or present, though. Just as it's fair game for me to opt out.

littleyellowpills · 2015-09-19T02:42:00+00:00

Assuming your description of her is accurate, this lady sounds like a complete head-case. Let's count the red flags!

Excessive concern with mens' income.
Begins seeing a new guy before breaking up with the old guy.
Backasswards view of sex and commitment. If you like someone more, you should have sex with them sooner and more often, not make them wait six months. If you still haven't gotten past the idea that women give sex and men take sex by age 30, you probably never will.

Now, on to your questions:

I would probably not be OK with it, but there is at least one explanation which would be acceptable: If someone is promiscuous for unhealthy reasons, they will become more sexually conservative as they heal. The OP's acquaintance is trying to use this excuse, but it's pretty clear she hasn't actually healed.
There is no reasonable wait time. You fuck somebody as soon as you are pretty sure that A) they turn you on, and B) you aren't unduly risking your health, safety, or sanity by fucking them. Establishing part B usually takes a little while, but I consider a fixed minimum wait time to be a red flag. I don't have a Madonna/whore complex and I won't pursue an LTR with a woman who does.
Get out while you still can, dude! Bitch is crazy. I console myself with the knowledge that the guy might not be any better, and maybe they deserve each other.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-09-18T08:00:58+00:00

If you know enough people, eventually you will find someone who fits your pet stereotypes

wtknight · 2015-09-18T12:54:26+00:00

If you were in a new relationship with someone, found out they had slept with almost every other one of their partners with little delay, but wanted to make you wait much longer... knowing little to nothing else about their sexual past/reasoning... would you be ok with that?

Sex doesn't happen for me until I feel an emotional bond with the woman. Hypothetically I would wait for her if I felt like she had the right type of personality that was compatible for me, but judging by the non-sexual things you've said about this particular woman I wouldn't want to date her anyway. If we're not having sex, though, then I don't feel the need to be exclusive and if I met somebody better then I would next her. I never attract women with high N-counts anyway so the whole question is a bit irrelevant to me.

If the reason was because he/she "really cares about you" or because he/she wants to "get the relationship started RIGHT this time." Would those be acceptable reasons?

I suppose, but as I said, if there's no sex then I don't feel the need to be exclusive with one woman.

How long would a reasonable wait time be?

I don't have a set amount of time that I will wait. In the relationships that I've been in in the past it has been at least 4 months before I had sex. I think her criteria are a bit manipulative, though. If you feel the emotional bond, then go for the sex, whether it takes weeks, months or years.

Now to be more specific: if you were the specific dude in this scenario, would you have any problem with this chick making you wait for sex, the duration, and/or her rationale for doing so?

I wouldn't be dating her. Her personality does not sound compatible with mine. If I met someone with a compatible personality as mine who also had a high N-count for some reason (I'm not sure this is even possible), then I would not have a problem waiting but I would also not feel tied down to her, either. Monogamy doesn't happen for me until there is sex.

LoGMunKy · 2015-09-18T12:08:16+00:00

6 months?!?

Part of a relationship and a true connection for me is about sex. idc that she had sex with other people sooner than that, id simply want her to have sex with ME... REAL SOON! :D

whitmanlands · 2015-09-18T07:41:53+00:00

why do trpers care so much tho? i thought this was supposed to be a self improvement sub but all you people do is bitch constantly about women. who's the real "betabux" here if all you do is obsess?

Title	Q4B: Would you accept the "betabucks" role in a relationship?
Author	betterdeadthanbeta
Upvotes	6
Comments	74
Date	September 18, 2015 5:54 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3lee39/q4b_would_you_accept_the_betabucks_role_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4b-would-you-accept-the-betabucks-role-in-a.279526 https://theredarchive.com/post/279526

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