When women complain that "there are no good men left" or ask "where have all the good men gone," what exactly do they mean by "good men?"

Unicornrows · 2014-08-31T00:06:25+00:00

They probably mean "good" the same way someone says "that was a good movie" or "good beer" or whatever... Nothing to do with morality; it just means they like & enjoy it.

MsLilith · 2014-08-31T00:18:51+00:00

I think it probably means something different for everyone. It's just basically a way of saying they aren't finding the type of men they want.

Personally, my important traits are: Be faithful (I'm a monogamous person), be capable and willing to stand on your own 2 feet, be honorable (I need to know that deep down he has a sense of right and wrong), and no addictions (this one is just for personal reasons).

RobotPartsCorp · 2014-08-31T00:01:22+00:00

I've said this after a string of terrible dates but it's simply not true. There are plenty of "good" guys and plenty of great women out there. Sometimes, just timing sucks.

What are "good men"? A person who has similar values to what you are looking for, is attractive and mature. I think that is what a good man generally is. Generally.

myfriendscantknow · 2014-08-30T23:54:57+00:00

I think it's mostly an empty, cliche complaint folks have after a few bad dates. Kinda like "women are crazy!"

GridReXX · 2014-08-31T00:18:15+00:00

Probably means "Where have all the men I want to fuck and actually trust as decent people (won't steal my credit score, doesn't have any kids, has a decent job like me...) gone????"

roe_ · 2014-08-31T16:40:50+00:00

I imagine it unpacks into: high conscientiousness, high agreeableness, low neuroticism, low time orientation, high strength-of-character, & somewhat exciting. For the sake of charity, I'll leave out "high income" even though it's probably true in many cases.

The problem with delaying marriage, is people with those qualities tend to be in LTRs by their mid-twenties, which turn into marriages. So the total number of quality, eligible mates degrades over time.

Magic-Lion · 2014-09-01T02:43:22+00:00

I was never really interested in dating for the majority of my life, because I used to perceive near all men to be what you'd call in TRP terms "alpha" and I really dislike men like that. Most of the men who approach and speak to me are "alphas", and the primary reason they approach me seems to be because I am "exotic" or "beautiful" apparently. Being approached for shallow sexual conquest upset me greatly, and as a result I tended to avoid men.

I am a relatively aloof and share many similar mannerisms to my particularly eccentric father, which apparently means that I come across as strange, stoic or drunk depending on my mood. "Alpha" men jump on that, typically in a ridiculing or crude manner, which only furthered my discomfort around men.

"Alpha" traits to me are an excessive interest in fitness, extroversion, shamelessness, inconsiderate, hyper masculine, over sexual, and either dull witted or psuedo-intellectual. People with that combination of traits do not get along well with me.

A "good man" to me would be someone who is calm, gentle, considerate, amicable, understanding, and not promiscuous. While these traits are actually pretty common, it's quite easy for them to be overshadowed by the bad, and when I was younger I did have a few issues seeing the good in people.

[deleted] · 2014-09-02T18:30:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

polyhooly · 2014-08-31T05:42:32+00:00

You know those girls who say "I don't do drama?" You bet your ass they do drama, and they're usually the ones causing it. It's those same girls. Where many women can smell a douchebag a mile away, these girls are drawn to him because they love drama. Then wonder why they get burned.

CrypticFawn · 2014-08-30T23:49:42+00:00

I thought that was mostly a "Nice Guy" thing actually. Never heard anyone with this complaint before, but maybe I am wrong.

[deleted] · 2014-08-31T15:19:01+00:00

"Good Men"=men who fit my 613 point bullet list of requirements and are still magically hot for me when I'm 32

Smilingbluekitties · 2014-08-31T19:53:40+00:00

I think Red Pillers and PUAs hear that phrase more than the average person. A woman will know on some level if she is being used for sex, or if a man has that intention. It's a passive aggressive technique for the woman to either slightly insult the man for being a cad, or to get him to prove otherwise. As far as criteria for a good man, it varies from person to person. After sifting through a lot of puas, my fiancé caught my attention from the beginning with the following: 1. He made direct eye contact, instead of distractedly and critically appraising my body to determine what my SMV was 2. Conversation was natural, flowing and I didn't have the sense that I was missing out on a joke only he knew (no smirking, no secret agenda. 3. He asked questions, and seemed genuinely interested in my response. We've lived together 2 years and I can say for sure that he is a good man.

Smilingbluekitties · 2014-08-31T20:09:26+00:00

To clarify, the most important traits I consider that a good man or a good woman would have for a LTR are unselfishness, patience, reciprocity, and dedication. My guy and I are 47 and 39, respectively. I thank my lucky stars to have grown up before the digital age, people relate to each other differently now.

Melodyheart · 2014-09-01T17:32:36+00:00

Usually a woman will say that after she has had a poor experience with a man (such as cheating, stealing, lying, etc) or in her search for a man, has only found ones with the aforementioned habits. This isn't much of a serious comment as much as a women expressing her frustration with her failing search. If you look too deeply into this one, it will only end in an answer void of the original meaning.

workerbeebuzz · 2014-08-31T13:43:01+00:00

I'll tell you where all the good men are...

They are living as bachelors because they're scared shitless of divorce.

southwer · 2014-08-31T07:56:16+00:00

I've never said it in earnest. It's hyperbole, and anyone should recognize it as such the minute it comes out of their mouths.

Archwinger · 2014-08-31T12:53:09+00:00

In this context, "good" means a man they are sexually attracted to (they'll classify this as "chemistry," a "spark," or "being compatible," but that's code for "hawt confident asshole that makes me horny") but who is also sweet, does what they tell him, and is eager to please and constantly going out of his way to demonstrate his love.

They always find one but never the other, and naturally, assume that's a problem with all men in the universe and that there are absolutely zero good ones left. It never dawns on them that they might not be sexually attracted to what they think they are supposed to want in a partner.

MagicGainbow · 2014-08-31T07:50:53+00:00

Translation ''where are the providers, feminism promised me would be there at the end of my twenties.''

TogiBear · 2014-08-31T10:45:35+00:00

When women complain about the lack of good men, that's just them not accepting the fact that they need to change their standards.

The wall hits hard.

[deleted] · 2014-09-01T20:33:07+00:00

Presumably its the female version of the rp unicorn thing.

Reginleifer · 2014-08-31T04:35:53+00:00

My opinion: Beta Bux. But there's also something to be said for a woman's excessively high standards....

Here's an article I found interesting. (tl;dnr 3 "date able" black men for every 100 Black women)

http://newsone.com/1536815/where-are-all-the-good-single-black-men/

workerbeebuzz · 2014-08-31T08:30:12+00:00

It's the same as "where is the bus". You're looking for something and it's not there. Good things come to those who wait.

Comments