Question for BP: If women and men want and enjoy sex roughly equally, why is there such a big social disparity?

funkless_eck · 2014-07-10T18:51:32+00:00

IMO, men have the stronger sex drives but women enjoy sex as much or more.

As to what I mean by that, I remember reading this story from a woman who had presented as a man for a while to try and see what male friendship groups are like from inside, specifically, she noted going to a stripclub how little the men there seemed to be enjoying themselves. She was surprised by how often men seem to treat sex it as a base need that had to be fulfilled, rather than something particularly enjoyable for its own sake.

tryin2figureitout · 2014-07-10T20:26:18+00:00

Another thing to consider is that performance differences are HUGE between men and not as much for women. Most guys will tell you any sex is good sex, not so with women. I've heard a lot of girls that really like sex say that they'd rather go without than get worked up and not get satisfied. I read a study once that claimed to show that women, on average, are just as likely to engage in casual sex as men given that they

Believe they won't be harmed
Believe the sex will be good. (This in particular is something a lot of women struggle with)

Edit: Also important to note that sex drives increase for women as they age and general decrease for men so there may be more horny young men than women. But that number probably lines out with age.

[deleted] · 2014-07-10T20:21:16+00:00

As a bisexual I think that men are way hornier than women. I've known a few chicks with really high libidos but nearly every gay/bi dude I know has been really into sex. Maybe it's just confirmation bias (I mostly look for gay dudes to have sex with in the first place) but I think that men are more commonly trying to get laid, which leads to the gender disparities you mentioned.

Like other commenters have mentioned though, just because women aren't looking for sex as often doesn't mean that they don't enjoy sex as much.

Bakerofpie · 2014-07-10T21:46:07+00:00

It depends SO MUCH on the dude. Baseline I have a high libido, but I have been in relationships where I just dreaded sex because I was constantly turned off by my boyfriend. I am insatiable with my husband and care way more about sex than he does. The only time I don't want it is if there is some sort of physical issue like I'm struggling to stay awake or am worried I'm going to puke on him or have a major injury or something. It doesn't matter if I'm annoyed with him or had a bad day or someone just fucking died; I am still down. It's not like that for him at all. I really don't think I've experienced the whole stereotype of men wanting sex more than me unless it was a relationship I had no business being in because I felt no attraction or even repulsed. I have no idea what it feels like for a guy when he doesn't get sex for a long time, but it has a definite noticeable effect on my life when I am unable to get it on for some reason for a few days.

GridReXX · 2014-07-10T19:38:22+00:00

Women enjoy good sex. When sex is good. Women REALLY enjoy it. However sex can also be bad for women. I'm sure you've seen the trope sex scenes of the man pounding away and the woman utterly bored and dissatisfied.

I can't speak for men, but I imagine if he's super horny, just placing his penis in a warm wet hole will do the trick. So in that aspect it seems sex is always at least a plus for men.

It's easier to bust a nut as a guy. Not so easy for most women.

So for many women it becomes a matter of "is the sex I'm about to have worth it?"

[deleted] · 2014-07-11T13:16:28+00:00

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myfriendscantknow · 2014-07-10T23:04:38+00:00

Women are harder to please sexually whereas men just wanna keep sticking it in until they cum, speaking generally of course.

Porn is mostly aimed at men, true enough, but erotica is mostly aimed at and read by women.

It is no longer true men approach women for sex most of the time, I addressed this fully in a recent thread dedicated to that subject.

The way the media portrays things is rarely accurate. The media often depicts BDSM using a dominatrix dominating a man when in reality the opposite is more common. But that's not politically correct for telly.

danhakimi · 2014-07-12T02:25:24+00:00

Don't forget that, for at least centuries, all of society was sexually repressed, and women particularly so, as they had zero access to birth control, and a one night stand would turn them un-dateable, un-marryable, and necessarily homeless. Society might still be lagging behind whatever makes sense. Insisting on keeping in line with our old ways might be holding us back from the right way to be.

funkless_eck · 2014-07-11T05:59:07+00:00

Most of the questions you ask can be easily put down to social issues: virginity has been literally worshipped and enshrined (Christianity) for over a thousand years, and a lot of our history (marriage) is tied up with being obsessed with a woman's virginity.

EDIT: unless you're asking if women do enjoy sex in which case, got one word for you dude, CLITORIS.*

*other erogenous zones are available.

bashar_speaks · 2014-07-10T22:04:53+00:00

Who enjoys food the most, the person who'll go through garbage cans and eat whatever is there, or a person who will only eat quality homemade food made from fresh ingredients?

fiat_lux_ · 2014-07-10T18:38:22+00:00

Because the type of sex (casual as opposed to relationships) that men and women want varies. In addition, a lot of this is because of the way gender roles are tied in with society. Men have historically been expected to be doers so to speak, and that extends to sex, whereas women were always viewed as more helpless (in some respects, like initiating relationships). Honestly, if you want to complete this, it is tied into traditional gender roles and the idea that most people really don't fit those roles, and when it is imposed upon them (as opposed to chosen), well, the effects can be pretty drastic.

Edit: If I had to make a guess, I would say that men and women do desire sex in equal amounts, but the context does differ a lot.

BaadKitteh · 2014-07-10T22:07:59+00:00

Because that's how truly strong and pervasive social influence actually is, which is why it's completely stupid when people act like it doesn't matter. "Who cares what everyone seems to be saying; you're just weak if you can't ignore it and do (whatever) anyway!"

masterrod · 2014-07-11T04:59:22+00:00

Pussy has more value than dick. That's the easiest answer.

Most women don't' use sex as a weapon, but they understand it's value and try to find the appropriate mates. Sometimes the value is that a mistake can be very costly to the woman.

[deleted] · 2014-07-10T19:41:31+00:00

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Exner2 · 2014-07-12T20:31:44+00:00

As with everything, I think there is a social and biological component. I do believe that men are, on average, more driven to have sex with lots o' women and tend to be pretty insatiable in the early stages of a sexual relationship with someone. But I think women are, on average, more inclined to want to have sex with one partner and are better at sustaining attraction and sex drive over time with the same person. In other words, I think women may be generally less likely to get bored if they're in a relationship with someone they're attracted to, and their sex drive may be less likely to remain steady or even increase over time.

In other words, I think looking at single dudes vs single girls, one might say the guys are obviously more driven to have sex. But within the context of a monogamous relationship, I believe women are equally if not more "up for it" over the long haul.

[deleted] · 2014-07-27T00:40:38+00:00

I believe the reason is society has two different implicit ways of assessing men and women. Men have POTENTIAL to acquire status/power, women have INTRINSIC value, tied to their bodies/looks. The good news for women is that women need not be penalised or discriminated against for achieving things in traditional male zones, this is just hangover from the 'old boys club'. The bad news for men, is that when women do achieve everything that men do in status/power, the women STILL hold on to corporal value, which lowers all mens value as a result.

As for where corporal value comes from..I would hazard the sexuality works something like a cocktail of these influences:

Mens arousal and orgasm are more visually obvious and easier to achieve, therefore not challenging

Women traditionally are in a better place to know true paternity than their male lovers

Women reproduce society which has massive importance for society, obviously

Sperm is cheap relative to eggs

It may be a combination of these factors or even elements I have not thought about.But there is little doubt in my mind that men do not have intrinsic corporal value. You can see this because there is little to none anonymous male sexual objectified images produced for female consumption. Any sexualised males have SOME cultural alibi hiding their anonymous physicality, for example a suit, clothing, a car, some status symbol. The barest alibi even , for example, tatoos on his body. Whereas generic anonymous 'hot female bodies' are ubiquitous.

This value 'differential' points to a lot of the problems between our understanding of sex. People think gay people are more sophisticated and grown up in flirting and courting, but gay people, being of the same sex, have no value differential.

[deleted] · 2014-07-11T07:39:03+00:00

Because women have standards.(vague, ambiguous and highly changeable)

How, then do you explain the porn industry being dominated by content created by and for straight men? Why are 90% of prostitutes female?

because of the low supply of pussy, men invest in alternatives(times are changing however)

Why are men still expected to approach women and initiate relationships the great majority of the time?

because womens ego and self worth is more valueble to society than a man, Also you are a man so you always have to do the hard stuff, because penis.

Why all the media depictions of men being horndogs, always 'up for it', while women are shown to use sex mostly as a weapon, or as a system of reward and punishment?

because that is the reductionist nature of media; think about the ditsy infantilised female of pre 1950s cinema. You need(if you are not a particulary good writter) retarded characters to move the plot along or offer comic relief, now having a mentally retarded female character would make you a most wanted for women(the majority of witch are fine with sexual objectification as long as the female carecter has a strong ego), so the only fair game are male caracters.

while women are shown to use sex mostly as a weapon, or as a system of reward and punishment?

because that is what they do since the beginning of time. Having standards means males have less of it(women do to but you know the difference between being denied and denying yourself) and consequently men started doing crazy shit for regular access to pussy like marriage.(big mistake there)

niczar · 2014-07-11T10:27:39+00:00

Men	Gay men	Women
Porn	Porn & Romance novels	Romance novels

la_sabotage · 2014-07-11T15:25:02+00:00

Because for thousands of years, the dominant forces in society told girls and women that women don't enjoy sex, and if they did, they would not allowed be to do so.

Despite depictions in advertisement and mainstream media, however (both of which are generally very conservative in their depictions of social norms) there is a growing trend for women to feel more at ease with wanting and enjoying sex.

In other words, yes, they are "memes" (using your term - personally I hate meme theory) that used to be self-fulfilling, but they are also changing and slowly eroding in society.

Which is one of the many features of modern society hypocritically embraced and decried by TRP at the same time, because that's how they roll.

VarsitySlutTeamCpt · 2014-07-10T18:56:24+00:00

I have another question too to bluepers, if women states that they love sex then how come they get mad at men who learn PUA?

Title	Question for BP: If women and men want and enjoy sex roughly equally, why is there such a big social disparity?
Author	Johnny_B_
Upvotes	14
Comments	110
Date	July 10, 2014 6:18 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2acpd1/question_for_bp_if_women_and_men_want_and_enjoy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-bp-if-women-and-men-want-and-enjoy.285345 https://theredarchive.com/post/285345

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