So... explain to me why my moral code should include protecting other peoples' relationships they don't value?

SirNemesis · 2014-04-17T23:40:48+00:00

They're adult enough to make their own decisions, and hold full moral culpability for cheating. At the same time, you're adult enough to make your own decisions, so you hold moral culpability for participating in the cheating.

There's a reason we convict people for assisting in crimes...

iloveutacos · 2014-04-17T23:03:19+00:00

'White lies' about having a boyfriend or being otherwise unavailable is her trying to let you down without saying 'I'm not into you'. It comes from being blown up at by guys who either get mad for her not being into them or guys who can't take a hint and need a more definitive 'no' than a regular no.

Like, "sorry, I'm not interested....no, still no, no, no, no, still really not into you-I HAVE A BOYFRIEND SORRY!!"

Not saying it's always right, but it helps if a guy is not taking the hint. I recommend this to dudes who get too-strong come ons as well.

As for the rest of your post, you are absolutely right that's it's not your place to maintain someone else's relationship. IMO, the person cheating is the one at fault, but when you sleep with a cheater you are taking the risk that you're not the only one they've cheated with. STDs man, no bueno.

HalfysReddit · 2014-04-17T23:16:52+00:00

It's enabling behavior. Drawing the same principle into a more polar example, supposed you were holding a gun and someone you knew to have intent to kill a third party that was also present asks you for the gun so that they may kill this third party. You are not in any danger, yet give the gun to the malicious individual and they carry out their plan of murder.

Did you murder the other person? No. But you enabled the murderer, and your'e responsible for that moral slight.

In the context of cheating, you're not guilty of cheating yourself or anything, but you are guilty of enabling another to cheat.

myfriendscantknow · 2014-04-17T22:55:14+00:00

Aren't the women adult enough to make their own decisions? Do they need to be babysitted? Explain this to me? Why should I be protecting relationships I have no stake in?

This makes it seem like you are under the impression that gender matters. I don't think many BPers would say that women who sleep with men in relationships aren't just as bad.

The reason this is considered immoral is that it is deliberately doing harm for selfish gain. That is considered immoral in most people's books.

day_kid_older_sister · 2014-04-17T23:25:29+00:00

No one on TBP seems to agree with me, which is fine, but I personally don't think you're responsible for someone else's relationship. It's not a pragmatic move, generally, but I'm not convinced of the morality of it.

For example, the aforementioned view is a bit like saying I shouldn't steal someone else's pizza because I wouldn't want that to be done to me. I think a better argument is that I wouldn't want to steal someone else's pizza because they might like terrible toppings and I'd be unhappy with it anyway.

purplepill2 · 2014-04-17T23:30:20+00:00

Same reason "I just drove them there and back" doesn't absolve you of responsibility for being part of a bank robbery. You participated, and it's not like it's a victimless crime. YOU are making a decision too. And that decision makes you an asshole.

lewormhole · 2014-04-18T01:02:12+00:00

So... explain to me why my moral code should include protecting other peoples' relationships that they themselves apparently don't value?

What so sad about questions like this is that they lack basic decency. Adults should know what's right and what's wrong. If you are ok with sleeping with another man's woman then not only is the woman at fault but so are you. Don't try to weasel your way out of your part.

You were weak and rather than doing something honorable, because it's the right thing to do, you chose to give into temptation. Own up to it, but asking these questions or trying to get people to agree or come up with reasons why it's ok is pathetic.

ETA: I am not accusing the OP of being guilty of doing this. In case my response sounded like I was.

roe_ · 2014-04-18T04:00:41+00:00

Hm...

On a tangent:

In the same way fake rape accusations ("false" accusation could be mistaken identity, so say a "fake" accusation is when a rape never took place) would be enabling rapists by undermining the credibility of actual victims,

Is it fair to say the "fake boyfriend" shield undermines the credibility of all women and enables cheaters? (Disregarding the wide moral gulf between rape and infidelity, of course)

I welcome your enraged downvotes. Just askin'.

IIHotelYorba · 2014-04-18T13:10:58+00:00

So... explain to me why my moral code should include protecting other peoples' relationships that they themselves apparently don't value?

This is actually my exact position.

Me: No slutty Tammy, relinquish my penis! I'm going to save you ...from yourself!

Her: Do you want a blowjob or not, jackass?

Their relationship has very little value or meaning without their investment. At best it's an effective ruse, I guess?

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T14:17:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

permajetlag · 2014-04-17T23:28:15+00:00

The question is: are you morally responsible for enabling someone's poor behavior?

Is it okay to sell alcohol to an alcoholic single mom when she's already drunk?

Is it okay to sell a gun to a guy who's talking about a mass shooting while you're getting the paperwork ready?

Is it okay to sell arsenic to a food distributor that likes the way it looks in their food?

lewormhole · 2014-04-18T00:54:21+00:00

Hey, I'm a woman, and I slept with a guy last week who I knew had a girlfriend. I felt shit about it for a few days.

Their relationship isn't my responsibility, I made no promise of fidelity to them, he is more in the wrong than me, way, way more, but I let myself down. I did something that I knew wasn't particularly good. I don't think I'm responsible for anything in their relationship, but it was a case of me doing something I knew wasn't quite right and letting myself down.

I don't feel shit about it anymore, I don't think anyone should have to feel shit about something like that (unless they actively pursued someone in a relationship aggressively, which is a bit more iffy), but since I didn't know his girlfriend? Their relationship is not really my problem.

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T06:06:44+00:00

They think they're being clever with their snarky sarcasm.

In reality, a woman who is married or engaged that commits adultery is a lowly whore. No exceptions. The man has no responsibility and took no vows. It was the woman's responsibility to keep her legs closed. End of discussion.

EDIT: Most of the time the man isn't even aware the woman is married until AFTER it's too late. So what is he supposed to do, ask every woman if she's married before he fucks them? TBP will go to any lengths to absolve women of responsibility or agency and put the blame on the man.

[deleted] · 2014-04-18T03:38:36+00:00

If we lived in a society where relationships had a point to them (producing and raising kids, division of labor, etc) I would have a problem with this. But the fact is we live in a society that has stripped any intrinsic purpose of pair bonding outside of "if it makes you happy." I say bang away my friend, and thank the feminists while you're at it.

masterrod · 2014-04-18T04:22:02+00:00

Yes, if a woman cheats with you and you know they are cheating it is entirely the woman's fault and you are completely blameless. Everything is the fault of women.

This is a terrible view and not true.

The thing is this if you cheat with a woman and you know she's in a relationship that's on you. It depends, if it's a committed loving, marriage type relationship and you're not ready to take over as father you shouldn't be fucking her. If' it's a bullshit relationship it's more ok. Bottom line, if you're going to cheat with a woman, and you're not taking blame for ruining her relationship that's just bullshit.

rulenumber303 · 2014-04-18T08:12:47+00:00

If it is just adults involved? Sure, fuck away.

If you're messing with a marriage that is currently caring for minor children then I'm going to judge. You're supposed to sympathise but send the straying parent back home to their family untouched.

GooseNewberg · 2014-04-20T04:43:58+00:00

If my wife cheats on me, I'm mad at her. He doesn't owe me anything but getting the fuck away from me and staying there. If my wife cheats on me with a friend, that friendship is as done as my marriage.

[deleted] · 2014-04-21T17:35:53+00:00

Infidelity is entirely the cheater's fault and not at all the fault of the cheatee. One made an commitment, one didn't.

FortunateBum · 2014-04-21T19:19:31+00:00

The truth about monogamy is that it has to be enforced by the entire community to work well.

Imagine a small village with a slut coming on to every woman's husband. What do you think will happen? That slut is undermining social cohesion. Maybe if she was discreet it wouldn't be a problem. But once the cat's out of the bag, it's a problem. Especially if she plays guys against one another.

What I'm saying is monogamy is a social construct that's unnatural so needs to be enforced somehow. A slutty woman can do a lot of damage all by herself.

I'm not talking about morality or ethics here, BTW.

So... explain to me why my moral code should include protecting other peoples' relationships that they themselves apparently don't value?

Well, if you believe in monogamy, you should work to enforce it. If you don't believe in monogamy, fucking around with people in relationships undermine it. Guess it comes down to what you give a fuck about.

Title	So... explain to me why my moral code should include protecting other peoples' relationships they don't value?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	143
Date	April 17, 2014 10:34 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/23b4cg/so_explain_to_me_why_my_moral_code_should_include/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/so-explain-to-me-why-my-moral-code-should-include.285875 https://theredarchive.com/post/285875

Comments