I used to remember all throughout my childhood, my mother would tell me ‘you better find a rich man if you want that lifestyle’ because I’ve always been a soft girl who wanted a comfortable lifestyle and nice things we couldn’t afford. But, because of the rise of feminism, growing up my goals were to become a career woman, making it on my own and living a 50/50 lifestyle with my soulmate.

I’ve been long term relationships since I was 16 (now 22) and all of them with average and poor men, always splitting the bill and assuring them that I wasn’t in it for the money. I never once used the amount a man makes as a decider in whether I would date him or not. Until now.

After my last boyfriend, I stayed single for the longest time I’ve ever been (1yr) because I needed to find myself. I was working in the corporate world in an office full of deeply unhappy unmarried ladies in their 30s and 40s who were working in positions I dreamed of having as a child. I realized there is no joy in this future, and that was exactly where I was headed if I kept up my feminist mindset. This terrified me to my core.

It dawned upon me that one of my biggest strengths and source of joy in life was the ability to keep a man happy, and serve him, and take care of him just as a traditional woman does. I realized that I could have a much bigger and better impact on the world by making a powerful mans life easier, so he could spend more time focusing on improving the world, than I would if I were alone working in corporate middle management following my so called “childhood dreams.”

Everyone talks about kings, and powerful men and their amazing accomplishments, but I now wonder, how much of their success could be attributed to their amazing wives and their unwavering support. Why rich? Because that is what the world runs on, more money equals more influence, and more chance to influence a man to do good and be better. Now, finally at 22, I feel I’ve found a main goal in life, to support the vision of a powerful rich man, make sacrifices and give him my love, time, energy and femininity.

But now that I’ve found a goal to pursue, how can I go about finding a man like this? Are there any other women who have the mentality that I do, and have found success? Is there a way to convey my goals without being shamed by men and women alike?

All the women I know think that it’s so superficial and in my experience, one of the most upsetting things a man can hear is that a woman exclusively wants a rich man. But I don’t feel like my decision for one is out of greediness for myself or to take his money. I believe that there is a distinct difference between being a gold digger, and wanting to be a partner to a rich and powerful man to support an honourable vision and raise our children to live a life better than my own.